First time gym user. Advice?

sissiluv

My cousin bought me a gym pass for my BDay at the local recreation centre and I'm pretty excited about it, but the only gym I've used was the one at my highschool and that was over five years ago! I was wondering if you guys had any advice for a gym noob?

Thanks!

RunDoozer

Wipe down your equipment before and after you use it

ilovedeadlifts

make sure you have someone with you who can show you how to properly use equipment, or ask for help.

jgear13

First thing I would do is find a staff member to walk you around and show you the equipment. They should be willing to explain the machines and demonstarte how to use them. And just remember any workout no matter how long or short or how unperfect you feel at the gym is still a step up from staying on the couch

Richie2shoes

Check to see if they offer a free training session and take advantage of it. If they don't, pay for one. The trainer is there to help you, will show you how to properly use the machines and set you up with a good starter program.

TR0berts

Here you go - one stop shopping for all your gym newbie needs. :drinker:

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/827476-tips-for-gym-newbies

Capt_Apollo

http://www.nerdfitness.com/blog/2013/01/31/worst-fitness-advice-ever/

Dear confused fitness enthusiast,

I know there’s a LOT of conflicting information out there on fitness, and you want to know how to get healthy.

Luckily, that’s why I’m here: to make sure you do everything properly and achieve MAXIMUM EXTREME RESULTS. I’ve been around the block a time or two, and have bought every fitness product and program imaginable. So…I’m kind of an expert at this stuff.

Here’s the double secret formula to losing weight and getting healthy.


Gear



First and foremost, you need to have the right gear. If you don’t have the best stuff, then you’re never going to get results. What’s that you say? You don’t have butt-toning shoes? Don’t listen to those fools that say you can workout in anything, if your shoes don’t cost as much as an iPad mini, then you’re wasting your time.

Next, you should probably get some thigh shaping spandex, preferably leopard print - they’ll help target the fat on your legs for maximum burn, minimizing the amount of work you need to do!

Don’t worry, we won’t be breaking a sweat, so you don’t have to worry about looking really good all of the time.

Sweating is for suckers.

Equipment



Great, you’re now looking the part. It’s time to start working out. Right? WRONG!

You need to get the right equipment or you’d be better off just sitting down and giving up. I’m going to list the equipment by most important:

Some sort of ab machine - I don’t care if you pick the Ab Coaster, Ab Roller, Ab Chair, Hawaii Chair, or Ab Rocket – pretty much anything with “ab” in its title. Simply crank out a few reps while eating donuts and that stubborn belly fat just melts away!

Too much work for you? That’s fine! Get yourself an Flex belt – it’s like an electric chair for your stomach. Nothing could go wrong there. Or these weight loss wraps. That’s right, through magic, you just wrap yourself up and lose weight!

Okay that should take care of that stubborn belly fat…

Then, you should buy at least three Shake Weights - If you’re a lady, then you probably want toned arms. Shaking a weight (in pink!) for ten minutes a day should be enough to produce results to make that wench Bethany down the street jealous. Take that Bethany!

Next, get an expensive nautilus-type machine with 562 moving parts - This is fantastic: it practically does all of the work for you! The more money you spend, the better! You simply sit down and swing your arms and legs – BAM! You’ll look like Arnold.

Under NO circumstances should you pick up a free weight. They’re heavy, and REALLY difficult to pick up sometimes. Not cool.

Last but not least, get yourself this revolutionary treadmill that simulates walking…up a hill. GOOD LUCK finding a place to do THAT in reality. What do you think this is, Imaginationland?

Now, you’ll need to take out a second mortgage to buy all of this equipment, but that’s okay – I know a GREAT refinance guy.

Workout



Okay so now that you have all of this equipment, it’s time to sign up for the most expensive gym membership you can find - preferably one with lots of machines. If it has free weights, try to avoid it – you might have to deal with people lifting things up and putting them down. No thank you!

Next, I want you to sign up for EVERY class they have in that gym – jazzersize, boxersize, supersize, Sweatin’ to the oldies, Dub-steppin’ to the newies, and so on. The more classes you can sign up for, the better. Don’t worry, you’ll only be attending each class once…and never going back.

If you’re a lady, avoid the free weights like the plague. Everybody knows that lifting weights will turn you into a bulky monster. If you MUST pick up a dumbbell, grab the little pink ones, and do as many reps as possible. I’m talking 50-60 reps per exercise. If you can’t do that many, get a lighter weight.

DO NOT PICK UP A WEIGHT HEAVIER THAN 3 POUNDS, EVER!

Unfortunately, this also includes things like groceries, the laundry, a backpack, your children, a laptop, etc.

On second thought, just stay away from the free weights all together – that’s no place for a lady.

And last but not least – you should be changing your workout every four hours. This way your muscles are always confused and have no clue WTF is going on. If you stick with a workout routine for longer than four hours, seek immediate medical attention.

Speaking of which, the more confusing, convoluted and complicated you can make your workout, the better. Like, I’m talking “need a degree in rocket science to understand” complicated.

For example, I’m currently doing a 28-day workout split.

Tomorrow is “left glute” day.

Diet



I left this for last because it’s by far the least important thing on your list.

For starters, don’t bother changing what you eat or how much (hopefully your gym is supplying you with pizza and bagels). We’re just gonna pump you full of pills and shakes instead! March on down to your nearest GNC and tear through that place like a Toys R’ Us kid on a 5-minute shopping spree.

I love to just hold my arm up and run forward, knocking everything on the shelves into the cart. Diet pills? Fantastic. Fat burner shakes? DOUBLE UP. Muscle building powder? You bet your *kitten*! Dragon blood? Unicorn tails?

Get. It. All.

The more expensive the supplement, the more effective it’ll be.

After that, we’re off to the grocery store! Quickly bypass the fruits and vegetables, and skip anything not labeled as ‘low-fat!’ Definitely head straight to the frozen food section – check out all of those low fat “healthy meals.” BOOO FAT! Disregard the 50 unpronounceable ingredients in your healthy ”17 cheese lasagna.” It says it’s healthy on the box.

Now, as you make your away around the grocery store, grab yourself some low-fat ice cream, low-fat bagels, low-fat bread, low-fat OREOS, low-fat fried dough, and everything else that is low fat. Trust me on this one, it’s low fat, so it’s healthy.

If you don’t want to go shopping, no problem! Drive on over to Taco Bell, and grab yourself a taco salad. Of course it’s healthy, it’s a salad isn’t it?. This also works for other healthy items like macaroni salad, potato salad, pasta salad, and ‘deep fried ball of lard’ salad.

And last but not least, wash it all down with a 32 oz. Gatorade. That’s hundreds of calories important nutrients and 56 grams of sugar awesome!

What would you add?



With these 47 easy steps, you should be well on your path to getting healthy!

What’s that you say?

You still have money left over?

BUT WAIT! There’s more!

I actually have a super secret SPECIAL product that will guarantee results.

You won’t have to change your diet, you won’t have to work out, and it only takes 5 minutes, three times a year! For just eighteen payments of $19.99, and one payment in wampum, I’ll sell you my patented system for effortless weightloss!

But only if you call right now – supplies are limited! Operators are standing by (to take your money).

Your concerned friend,

Steve

What sort of other GREAT (wink wink) advice would you give to our fitness enthusiast here?

traceyjj

Try everything more than once. Dont over do things in the early stages. If the gym pass includes classes, try those out too.

Good luck

edit because I cant spell classes!

jsmustang

That's so funny your post popped up today. I'm going to the gym today for the first in 25 years. I'm so nervous, but I want to get back in shape so much. I wish you luck, and hopefully I will be able to have a good experience and keep going back.

sissiluv

So I just phoned the recreation centre that I got the pass for. They don't have anyone who'd be able to show me how to use the equipment. qwq They want me to go to another gym to learn how! UHG.

beautifulbeast11

A gym that doesn't have anyone to show you how to use equipment?!?!?!

Gasp...

Well you already have the pass... go and watch for another member whom looks like he/she knows what to do and ask for help. More often than not, other members are very willing to help.

RunDoozer

My advice would be before you go figure out online what kind of exercise plan you want to do when you get to the gym. Then watch videos and even bring pictures to the gym of how to do those exercises. Its always overwhelming to put together a full program even if you do know how to use the machines/free weights.

iWaffle

A gym that doesn't have anyone to show you how to use equipment?!?!?!

Gasp...

Well you already have the pass... go and watch for another member whom looks like he/she knows what to do and ask for help.

Capt_Apollo

A gym that doesn't have anyone to show you how to use equipment?!?!?!

Gasp...

Well you already have the pass... go and watch for another member whom looks like he/she knows what to do and ask for help.

Gallowmere1984

Only two things become of these kinds of people. Either they become total badasses that make us all look like we suck at life, of they remove themselves from the gene pool...win/win, imo.

cdh5068

Be confident and don't be afraid to ask people questions. When I first started going to the gym I thought everyone could magically tell from the moment I stepped into the place that I "didn't belong," but in reality no one can tell, and they're probably too focused on their own workout to take notice. Both gyms I've belonged to were full of supportive people, even the jacked intimidating looking guys. I think most people at gyms are just happy to see other people getting healthy. Every time I've asked someone how to use a machine or what they've been doing to get such great arms they've actually seemed excited to help. Good luck and have fun!

beautifulbeast11

Only two things become of these kinds of people. Either they become total badasses that make us all look like we suck at life, of they remove themselves from the gene pool...win/win, imo.

Haha like I said, they should at least look like they know what they are doing... Those ppl are obviously idiots.