What should I say to my daughter?

GTOgirl1969

She is upset and saying "I'm fat!- I need to go on a diet!" She's only 9!!!:noway: She's grown about four inches since the beginning of the school year and she needs all new school uniform pants and stuff- she was in tears earlier because her pants were too tight. She's athletically built (tall and sort of muscular, like me) and not fat by any stretch of the imagination. It breaks my heart to see her upset like this. I hugged her and told her Mommy loves her and she's perfect the way she is but I don't know what else to do.

guidosgal

I know when I went thru something like this with my daughter I look up the height to weight chart to show her that she was in the range that she needed to be and was healthy. (little hint check different charts before you do this so you are not showing her something that will discourage her her) I know that we aim for Healthy here and not a size or certain weight. I am sure you will find the right thing to say to her and remember that Moms hugs fix lots of woes :flowerforyou:

jenwillbthin

that is super hard. Both my girls have gone though this. My youngest is almost 5" 4' and maybe 120 she thinks she needs to go on a diet. Its so sad.
Maybe instead of dieting she could workout with you. Tell her that she's not fat and that working out makes you feel better (serotonin levels increase). It might help her feel better about herself.

lreed

I am going thru the exact same thing with my daughter right now and I love the suggestions. My daughter is 5'2 10 years old and 105 lbs, most of her friends are either obese or twigs, nothing in between, I am going to show her the websites like you suggest!

GTOgirl1969

that is super hard. Both my girls have gone though this. My youngest is almost 5" 4' and maybe 120 she thinks she needs to go on a diet. Its so sad.
Maybe instead of dieting she could workout with you. Tell her that she's not fat and that working out makes you feel better (serotonin levels increase). It might help her feel better about herself.

She does work out with me sometimes (she likes the kickboxing stuff that I do, but she says that Jillian Michaels is "bossy")
:laugh: . She is a very active kid- she likes to play outside and she loves to play soccer. I just think it's sad that little girls that young are worried about such things.

questionablemethods

Is she involved in any kinds of athletics? I'm not saying that she should be for weight-loss reasons, but athletics can boost her self confidence and teach her at an early age that her body is strong and powerful and there is more to life than fitting into teeny tiny jeans. I've often heard the suggestion to parents of children who ARE overweight to try to get them involved in sports and other physical activities that they are interested in. I assume that similar advice could apply to children who AREN'T overweight, but still might have a negative self-image.

questionablemethods

She is a very active kid- she likes to play outside and she loves to play soccer.

Oops. You just answered my question. I also think it is sad that kids are worried about such things but it sounds like you are being a positive influence on her and she will be learning healthy habits from watching you.

themethod

Although I don't have children of my own, I have had hundreds of "kids" throughout the years when I worked in the school system. And the one thing I learned was that a response that will soothe one child, will infuriate another. So I think the only person who can answer that question is you, because you know your daughter best. Is she the type that needs reassurance? Or is she the type that needs an explanation involving reason? Or will she forget about it soon? I'm sure she hears a lot on TV, in movies, and at school or from friends regarding weight so unfortunately the question may come up again in her life. It seems like kids also pick up on what is going on in the lives of the adults around them whom they look up to, no matter how hard we try to keep our issues hidden from them.

It's definitely a tough situation to deal with and I wish you the wisdom to know how to handle it.

muth3rluvx2

Also look for key words like "natural beauty", "healthy beauty", "healthy body image" and so on. Show them the articles on what Barbie proportions would REALLY do to a human being and go to Dove's website (natural beauty). Introduce them to the realities of what models do and go through to stay sickly skinny (literally - drugs, bulimia, anorexia, drug rehabs - death). Obviously, go with what your child can handle and what is age appropriate... but you all get the idea.

The reason I suggest all of this, although it's kind of a harsh reality, is that little girls are exposed to all these things (false idea of attractiveness) every day - inundated with it, told that this is what is true and real by everyone else around them; toy stores, tv, billboards, magazines, even the books they're reading can portray this unhealthy ideal of beauty.

Oooh, another one is Renaissance era art - when women were curvey and HEALTHY.

I am so glad I have boys.... having grown up female and remember how hard dealing with all this was... jeeze. All of you - moms and daughters - have my utmost regard.

:: hugs ::

treecy1

Girls pick up a lot from mentor modeling. Make sure you speak positively about your body and your looks. Every kid has the most beautiful mom in the world, so if she hears you speak negatively about yourself who she probably looks like and wants to be like, those negative things you are saying (or thinking) about yourself will become how she sees herself.

ranibauer

I remember feeling that way when I was younger. I was made fun of for being "fat". Really though, now looking back, I wasnt fat. At the most, I was chunky lol. I have just always had a bigger build, and unfortunatly kids view this as fat. My mom has always dieted, so I followed that example, and that lead to a lifetime of yo yo dieting and a lot of ups and downs. I wish I would have been taught about being healthy and staying active. My weight definatly wouldn't have fluctuated as much. I think that inviting her to go exercise with you is good, especially walks. Clothes that make her feel confident could help. There are a lot of preteen and teen activity classes (such as dance) that isn't "exercise" but an activity that can build her self esteem.

ractayjon

I run a Girl Scout troop of 10 year olds (I have 10 in the troop, 2 of them being my own) ...over the school year I have seen 4 of the girls start to develop. They have put on weight and are starting to mature in (breast and body hair) different ways. I also have 3 girls that always think about food...the first thing out of their mouth when I see them is "are we having a snack?", "whats our snack today?" In my group I find that only 4 of the girls are getting consistent exercise (45 minutes or more a day) most of them get maybe 2 hours a week (practice on one day a game on another) and that is it.
What my coleader and I decided to try (and wound up doing all year) was some "education" on nutrition and exercise and being a teen girl -- but we made it fun (rather then school)....we have taught them about calories (what a calorie is, that your body needs them, that calories arent bad) about carbohydrates (not the enemy, needed to function, grow, develop), protein (make your muscles strong) and fats (need them - good fats vs bad fats)...we have talked with them about body image in real life and in hollywood. We took them to Boston a few weeks back and gave them all cameras. We told them to take pictures of people randomly....at the next meeting I had all the pcictures developed and we did a real person vs hollywood ideals with the pictures of REAL people that we took....they were amazed that people looked good and werent stick thin full of makeup etc. We plan menus together, cook together and come up with alternate ideas for "bad" foods....frozen natural yogurt instead of full fat ice cream, using applesauce in cake mixes rather then oil, we talk about how nothing is off limts but some things (like refined sugars) should be treats...we have started a ban against sodas in our Girl Scout community. In the fall we held a community potluck picnic where we advertised, encouraged people to bring healthy contributions...the girls made healthy contributions too. We went to a doctors office and had her explaint o us the needs of preteen girls (without going into the whole period thing) and we also visited a nutritionist (with their parents) for a presentation of healthy preteen needs....
You ask what you should say to your daughter....there is not one thing you can say -- but you can tech, demonstrate and lead her in the right direction everyday. There isnt a short term answer but instead a long term education. Make sure she knows that you love her just as she is and teach her all the positives about bodies, food and in the long run she will be fine.....good luck!

muth3rluvx2

Ractayjon:

You're awesome woman!!! :-) Great ideas and great job with the girls!!!

BrendaLee

I think most girls believe they're fat these days whether they are or not. When my daughter says that, I always say, "Do you know how many girls and women would give their big toe to be as 'FAT' as you?!" She's 15, so she gets my point. It is hard for girls to grow out of their jeans...even if it's normal growth- let her know that just means her shape is changing from a little girl shape to more of a teenager shape, and it's a good thing, and a fun time in her life. Comment on the positive changes in her body, and let her know how awesome she looks.

I think sometimes kids can take the "mommy loves you just the way you are" comments as reinforcement that there is something wrong with them. Kids hear what they want to hear. As hard as it is for you to hear her say these things, try not to get too serious about it. I find girls prefer comments like, "Oh my goodness! You look so freaking cute in those jeans!"