How do you get your husband to want to change to?

JStarnes

Easy....SEX! No greater incentive than that for men. Give him some positive reinforcement when you see him making healthy choices or working out.

:laugh: :laugh: I like this answer!

alisaperry74

You can't!!!!

Wow, horrible to see some women talking about using sex, etc... to get their men to change.

My wife tried all sorts of things while we were dating and engaged to get me to wise up and get healthy. None of it worked, and only put stress on our relationship. But now I have owned it FOR ME, not FOR HER, that it is what is making this change of lifestyle permanent.

And now it is ME that desires her to change her lifestyle as well.....but I will NOT manipulate her or be passive aggressive like many of you are discussing to get her to change. She sees my example, and she will come around and OWN IT FOR HERSELF.

As you can see, I feel very strongly about this, as I have been on BOTH sides of the fence.

Sorry you think I'm horrible and/or passive-aggressive based on my comment, which was meant to be lighthearted and not manipulative. I see nothing wrong with positive reinforcement (physically, verbally with words of praise, however you wish to express it) for positive, healthy choices. Guess that makes me horrible.

mvl1014

On a slightly different note - you say future husband -- being married for a while I can offer the advice up front - he isnt going to change who he is right now after you are married....if he doesnt like to eat healthy now, it isnt going to happen in a few years....I dont mean anything bad by this but be aware of this before you get married...if you are heading in a healthy direction and he isnt this could be a problem later on.....again...just my opinion and I dont mean it offensively at all.

I meant to say this as well. I would strongly consider putting off the wedding until this issue is cleared up. It may seem drastic to some, but if he's going to continue down his path while you get healthy it could cause problems and resentment in the future.

rob1976

FabiolaEnvy♥

You could try to make him get into "need to be the dominant male" mode. Most men are competitive and will strive to be better than someone else.

You could start by doing things like, say the next time he takes off his shirt, go up to him, squeeze his belly and say "awh its so cute." Say it in a way that maybe is a cutesy voice, but is probably making him feel bad.

You could also try doing things like, after a trip to the gym, say something like "man I saw this guy today on the bench press who was doing leg lifts at the same time, it was really impressive. some guys really know how to work out"

This approach is kind of mean, but if he's not taking you seriously already maybe you need to do some of that psychological ninja magic women are so good at.

that is very true what he said in EVERY ways.

i really hope that, will help you out.
and also, try to maybe put healthy food little by little.
so he can adjust to it.
cause i wouldnt eat a lot of veggie except broccoli and a few salad..
but after a while. i got used to it and started eating more of it.

confuseacat

You really can't make anyone do anything they don't WANT to do. My kids are enjoying the food I make because it's not really different. I've always cooked healthy meals. Portion controll and snacking is the key in our house.
My husband is gone for his job most of the time so I know his eating habits are terrible. He could find a way to do better I'm sure, but he has to want to. He did eat grilled chicken and cooked spinach with us for supper the other night and didn't complain and ate a normal size portion. If you set an example with your lifestyle change he may come around.

junipuni

Um, wow. Sex, divorce, pinching his fat! I can't imagine that would be helpful in any way. My only advice is to keep doing what you're doing. If you want him to change in the sense that he is not supporting you, then approach it that way. If he wants to bring junk food in the house, ask him if he can put it somewhere you won't see it and not eat it in front of you. If he complains about your cooking, tell him it's fine if he doesn't want to eat it but he needs to make his own meal. Not in a mean way, but if he doesn't like what you're cooking, he can cook something else.

I would just lead by example. Maybe he'll want to change, maybe he won't. But, it is what it is. My whole family (DH and two little boys) have come around slowly. I didn't push it, but I do all the food buying and most of the cooking so that is what they eat. Sometimes my husband brings something home that he knows I am not eating and he puts it in a high cupboard I would never see it in. That's his way of being considerate. As far as me getting him to not want to bring that home - well, he's an adult and it's not so much that it is an issue at this point.

It's definitely a hard thing to motivate someone to do something that they don't necessarily think is important at the time being.

megamom

Its difficult for me as my husband does 95% of the cooking. Its been a slow process. But he loves me and wants to make me happy and more importantly, healthy. Since it has always been incredibly easy for him to lose weight he does have some trouble seeing why I can't eat like him. But we are working on it. After 36 years I would say we are half way there, LOL.

poustotah

I used to go through the same thing with my hubby. I changed what I was eating and he ate crap so I let him do it. He's only home on the weekends and I make a healthy meal for me and the kids and I don't cook for him anymore. I make sure there is enough so that he can have some if he wants some but mostly he goes to Burger King and orders his chicken sandwhich combo with cheese and extra mayo. He upsizes it and get a large vanilla milkshake and then gets a double cheeseburger. It's sickening. When we go out he says, "lets order and appetizer" and I say "I cannot possibly eat that much food, but if you'd like one, go ahead."

Here's the thing. Hubby is 6'2" and 350 lbs. He's on high blood pressure medicine and he's starting to have problems with his heart. At 37! That's insanity to me. So I sat him down and I told him, "Hubby, I love you but I am seriously worried about your health. I don't care if you're a million pounds as long as you're healthy and you aren't. The reality is that if you don't change something now, you aren't going to see your children graduate from high school and I know that sounds harsh, but that's the fact. You're missing out on the lives of your family and this isn't fair to any of us."

He listened to me and he's stopped going to Burger King. That may not sound like a big deal but to him, it is. And slowly he's making more and more contributions to save his own life.

JStarnes

You could start by doing things like, say the next time he takes off his shirt, go up to him, squeeze his belly and say "awh its so cute." Say it in a way that maybe is a cutesy voice, but is probably making him feel bad.

I don't think this is a good idea. :noway: If the tables were turned, DH would've earn a punch in his ''cute'' belly. JMO.

borisda

I agree with the first reply and that is SEX. I don't mean not letting him have any; I mean tell him that a poor fatty diet will decrease his blood flow through the arteries and is likely to make him impotent. Maybe the thought of losing his favourite toy will get him to listen it worked for me when I packed up smoking. You could also back it up with studies downloaded from the internet if he doesn’t believe you.

Also try healthy Mondays i.e. Mondays evening meal is an healthy home cooked meal ( find something that he loves )but the rest of the week he can eat what junk he likes in a couple of months try pushing it to 2 non-consecutive days and so on, like you would a child HEHE

junipuni

You can't!!!!

Wow, horrible to see some women talking about using sex, etc... to get their men to change.

My wife tried all sorts of things while we were dating and engaged to get me to wise up and get healthy. None of it worked, and only put stress on our relationship. But now I have owned it FOR ME, not FOR HER, that it is what is making this change of lifestyle permanent.

And now it is ME that desires her to change her lifestyle as well.....but I will NOT manipulate her or be passive aggressive like many of you are discussing to get her to change. She sees my example, and she will come around and OWN IT FOR HERSELF.

As you can see, I feel very strongly about this, as I have been on BOTH sides of the fence.

Sorry you think I'm horrible and/or passive-aggressive based on my comment, which was meant to be lighthearted and not manipulative. I see nothing wrong with positive reinforcement (physically, verbally with words of praise, however you wish to express it) for positive, healthy choices. Guess that makes me horrible.

You know, I can see what you are saying. I think it's hard though because it's a slippery slope as far as then it can turn into withholding it to punish them for "wrong" choices, ya know? I was sort of seeing that part of it and not what you specifically mentioned.

XFitMojoMom

truthfully? you CAN'T. But that doesn't mean you can't ask him to be a little more conscious of your needs as well.

I don't think it's to much to ask of him that he doesn't eat stuff that you don't want right in front of you.

but I'll say this, nothing good can come of you trying to force him to change, either subtly or obviously. He has to WANT to do it. And until he does, you will only create resentment by trying.

I can only echo this response from personal experience.

alisaperry74

You can't!!!!

Wow, horrible to see some women talking about using sex, etc... to get their men to change.

My wife tried all sorts of things while we were dating and engaged to get me to wise up and get healthy. None of it worked, and only put stress on our relationship. But now I have owned it FOR ME, not FOR HER, that it is what is making this change of lifestyle permanent.

And now it is ME that desires her to change her lifestyle as well.....but I will NOT manipulate her or be passive aggressive like many of you are discussing to get her to change. She sees my example, and she will come around and OWN IT FOR HERSELF.

As you can see, I feel very strongly about this, as I have been on BOTH sides of the fence.

I think many of us said the same thing as you. Only one person suggested sex.

Sheesh! Guess we know where MY mind is, huh? And two new friend requests....coincidence???? :laugh: Oopsies! Will try to filter next time.

lina1131

You can't!!!!

Wow, horrible to see some women talking about using sex, etc... to get their men to change.

My wife tried all sorts of things while we were dating and engaged to get me to wise up and get healthy. None of it worked, and only put stress on our relationship. But now I have owned it FOR ME, not FOR HER, that it is what is making this change of lifestyle permanent.

And now it is ME that desires her to change her lifestyle as well.....but I will NOT manipulate her or be passive aggressive like many of you are discussing to get her to change. She sees my example, and she will come around and OWN IT FOR HERSELF.

As you can see, I feel very strongly about this, as I have been on BOTH sides of the fence.

I think many of us said the same thing as you. Only one person suggested sex.

Sheesh! Guess we know where MY mind is, huh? And two new friend requests....coincidence???? :laugh: Oopsies! Will try to filter next time.

Girl please, you lit the thread. Anytime the word sex is in a thread, there is a guaranteed 278783782 responses! :laugh: I outta friend request you! :bigsmile:

LisaZaugg1976

You can not make someone change just because you want them to. You can offer better choices for him but to force someone it never works. it did not for me either when I was in my 160's 2 years ago it was me who decided to work out and lose weight no push at all for my husband to do so.

Dayspringwriter

All of those options are great, but there is no greater sample than a good example! Trust me, when you are looking all good and everybody (men) start to notice you, he will want to look good because his ego will start to bother him. I am not telling you what I think, I am telling you what I've experienced!

red01angel

Have you sat down and actually told him how you feel about it? If it's that important to you, I can't imagine that the man who wants to spend the rest of his life with you wouldn't understand or be supportive of your new lifestyle if he knew how you truly felt.
A mistake that many women make is assuming that their partner just magically knows how they feel and what they think.

Also, please don't make fun of him or use sex as a weapon...i don't think these posters were trying to give bad advice, but it's not good for your relationship to do either of those things.

hollyroode

I don't try to change what my husband eats. If I were eating unhealthy things I wouldn't want him to nag at me about it, so I don't nag at him about it. I cook 3 different meals every night. 1 dinner that is on the healthier side and kid friendly for our 3 year old, something healthy and adult friendly for myself (chicken, shrimp etc) and then I cook for my husband, tonight it's boneless pork loin cooked in cream of mushroom soup with rice, I always offer him a veggie, but he doesn't always accept. It is tiring sometimes.. .but I can't eat his meals without gaining weight, and he doesn't like what I eat...so this is what seems to work for us for now

nolachick

You could try to make him get into "need to be the dominant male" mode. Most men are competitive and will strive to be better than someone else.

You could start by doing things like, say the next time he takes off his shirt, go up to him, squeeze his belly and say "awh its so cute." Say it in a way that maybe is a cutesy voice, but is probably making him feel bad.

You could also try doing things like, after a trip to the gym, say something like "man I saw this guy today on the bench press who was doing leg lifts at the same time, it was really impressive. some guys really know how to work out"

This approach is kind of mean, but if he's not taking you seriously already maybe you need to do some of that psychological ninja magic women are so good at.

hahah ur more evil than us women!