How do you get your husband to want to change to?

borisda

I agree with the first reply and that is SEX. I don't mean not letting him have any; I mean tell him that a poor fatty diet will decrease his blood flow through the arteries and is likely to make him impotent. Maybe the thought of losing his favourite toy will get him to listen it worked for me when I packed up smoking. You could also back it up with studies downloaded from the internet if he doesn’t believe you.

Also try healthy Mondays i.e. Mondays evening meal is an healthy home cooked meal ( find something that he loves )but the rest of the week he can eat what junk he likes in a couple of months try pushing it to 2 non-consecutive days and so on, like you would a child HEHE

junipuni

You can't!!!!

Wow, horrible to see some women talking about using sex, etc... to get their men to change.

My wife tried all sorts of things while we were dating and engaged to get me to wise up and get healthy. None of it worked, and only put stress on our relationship. But now I have owned it FOR ME, not FOR HER, that it is what is making this change of lifestyle permanent.

And now it is ME that desires her to change her lifestyle as well.....but I will NOT manipulate her or be passive aggressive like many of you are discussing to get her to change. She sees my example, and she will come around and OWN IT FOR HERSELF.

As you can see, I feel very strongly about this, as I have been on BOTH sides of the fence.

Sorry you think I'm horrible and/or passive-aggressive based on my comment, which was meant to be lighthearted and not manipulative. I see nothing wrong with positive reinforcement (physically, verbally with words of praise, however you wish to express it) for positive, healthy choices. Guess that makes me horrible.

You know, I can see what you are saying. I think it's hard though because it's a slippery slope as far as then it can turn into withholding it to punish them for "wrong" choices, ya know? I was sort of seeing that part of it and not what you specifically mentioned.

XFitMojoMom

truthfully? you CAN'T. But that doesn't mean you can't ask him to be a little more conscious of your needs as well.

I don't think it's to much to ask of him that he doesn't eat stuff that you don't want right in front of you.

but I'll say this, nothing good can come of you trying to force him to change, either subtly or obviously. He has to WANT to do it. And until he does, you will only create resentment by trying.

I can only echo this response from personal experience.

alisaperry74

You can't!!!!

Wow, horrible to see some women talking about using sex, etc... to get their men to change.

My wife tried all sorts of things while we were dating and engaged to get me to wise up and get healthy. None of it worked, and only put stress on our relationship. But now I have owned it FOR ME, not FOR HER, that it is what is making this change of lifestyle permanent.

And now it is ME that desires her to change her lifestyle as well.....but I will NOT manipulate her or be passive aggressive like many of you are discussing to get her to change. She sees my example, and she will come around and OWN IT FOR HERSELF.

As you can see, I feel very strongly about this, as I have been on BOTH sides of the fence.

I think many of us said the same thing as you. Only one person suggested sex.

Sheesh! Guess we know where MY mind is, huh? And two new friend requests....coincidence???? :laugh: Oopsies! Will try to filter next time.

lina1131

You can't!!!!

Wow, horrible to see some women talking about using sex, etc... to get their men to change.

My wife tried all sorts of things while we were dating and engaged to get me to wise up and get healthy. None of it worked, and only put stress on our relationship. But now I have owned it FOR ME, not FOR HER, that it is what is making this change of lifestyle permanent.

And now it is ME that desires her to change her lifestyle as well.....but I will NOT manipulate her or be passive aggressive like many of you are discussing to get her to change. She sees my example, and she will come around and OWN IT FOR HERSELF.

As you can see, I feel very strongly about this, as I have been on BOTH sides of the fence.

I think many of us said the same thing as you. Only one person suggested sex.

Sheesh! Guess we know where MY mind is, huh? And two new friend requests....coincidence???? :laugh: Oopsies! Will try to filter next time.

Girl please, you lit the thread. Anytime the word sex is in a thread, there is a guaranteed 278783782 responses! :laugh: I outta friend request you! :bigsmile:

LisaZaugg1976

You can not make someone change just because you want them to. You can offer better choices for him but to force someone it never works. it did not for me either when I was in my 160's 2 years ago it was me who decided to work out and lose weight no push at all for my husband to do so.

Dayspringwriter

All of those options are great, but there is no greater sample than a good example! Trust me, when you are looking all good and everybody (men) start to notice you, he will want to look good because his ego will start to bother him. I am not telling you what I think, I am telling you what I've experienced!

red01angel

Have you sat down and actually told him how you feel about it? If it's that important to you, I can't imagine that the man who wants to spend the rest of his life with you wouldn't understand or be supportive of your new lifestyle if he knew how you truly felt.
A mistake that many women make is assuming that their partner just magically knows how they feel and what they think.

Also, please don't make fun of him or use sex as a weapon...i don't think these posters were trying to give bad advice, but it's not good for your relationship to do either of those things.

hollyroode

I don't try to change what my husband eats. If I were eating unhealthy things I wouldn't want him to nag at me about it, so I don't nag at him about it. I cook 3 different meals every night. 1 dinner that is on the healthier side and kid friendly for our 3 year old, something healthy and adult friendly for myself (chicken, shrimp etc) and then I cook for my husband, tonight it's boneless pork loin cooked in cream of mushroom soup with rice, I always offer him a veggie, but he doesn't always accept. It is tiring sometimes.. .but I can't eat his meals without gaining weight, and he doesn't like what I eat...so this is what seems to work for us for now

nolachick

You could try to make him get into "need to be the dominant male" mode. Most men are competitive and will strive to be better than someone else.

You could start by doing things like, say the next time he takes off his shirt, go up to him, squeeze his belly and say "awh its so cute." Say it in a way that maybe is a cutesy voice, but is probably making him feel bad.

You could also try doing things like, after a trip to the gym, say something like "man I saw this guy today on the bench press who was doing leg lifts at the same time, it was really impressive. some guys really know how to work out"

This approach is kind of mean, but if he's not taking you seriously already maybe you need to do some of that psychological ninja magic women are so good at.

hahah ur more evil than us women!

JStarnes

I don't try to change what my husband eats. If I were eating unhealthy things I wouldn't want him to nag at me about it, so I don't nag at him about it. I cook 3 different meals every night. 1 dinner that is on the healthier side and kid friendly for our 3 year old, something healthy and adult friendly for myself (chicken, shrimp etc) and then I cook for my husband, tonight it's boneless pork loin cooked in cream of mushroom soup with rice, I always offer him a veggie, but he doesn't always accept. It is tiring sometimes.. .but I can't eat his meals without gaining weight, and he doesn't like what I eat...so this is what seems to work for us for now

:noway: You have more patience than me! They'll eat what I cook or they won't eat. I'm not a short-order cook. Your DH is a lucky man!

PJilly

I wish my husband was as into health and fitness as I am too, but he isn't. I married him for better or worse, and he has so many, many wonderful qualities that I know he adds so much joy to my life just the way he is. Now if he wanted to make some positive changes for the sake of his health, I would welcome that with open arms. Something I would never ask him to do is hide what he eats in front of me. The way I eat is my choice, and I have no one to blame or credit other than myself for what I put in my mouth.

I guess my suggestion would be to take a step back, look at this man with open, honest eyes, and decide if you love him as is, warts and all. Because if you need him to change who he is in order for you to be happy, maybe marrying him isn't the right thing for either of you.

stormieweather

I just told my husband I wanted him around for a long, LONG time. And that I was choosing to eat healthy and since I do the shopping/budgeting, that our kitchen would have healthy food in it. We all cook our own meals anyway, so he makes what he likes. But without HFCS, fatty dressings & sauces, MSG, shortening, etc., it's rather difficult to make an unhealthy meal from healthy foods.

I don't nag him or guilt trip him. I walked in the other afternoon to him scarfing down fast food fried chicken. I could smell the greasy odor, but I didn't berate or harrass him. Just went about my business (ok...I was holding my nose there for a minute :devil: ). I'm sure he eats fast food other times (when I'm not around) and that's his perogative. But he has made HUGE efforts to change his eating, exercising, and sleeping habits to a healthier future. I'm very proud of his changes.

His health issues may have had something to do with the changes he's made too . Fast food, lack of exercise, avoiding fresh veggies/fruit WILL catch up to you. Obesity, diabetes, high cholesterol, destroyed metabolism (insulin/ghrelin/leptin not being released properly), high blood pressure, ED, and never ending relentless pain from nerve damage in his extremities may have influenced him somewhat also. Seriously!! Eating and living in an unhealthy manner will KILL you!

amberc1982

My husband can eat anything and everything he wants and not gain an ounce. It is very annoying. So in his head he doesn't need to eat healthy. He does work out with me but doesn't eat healthy foods. So normally at dinner I make the main meal and then make some healthy sides for myself.

lvfunandfit

My husband has bought into now. He just said, "Wow! You're looking good and losing weight and I'm gaining weight." So now, he's paying attention to calories. It has to be a choice they make on their own for themselves.
I make healthy dinners and snacks and he eats what I make or he makes something different for himself. I try to make things seem more hearty so he doesn't feel like he's eating healthy. When I make things in a crock pot he seems to think they are more filling. I think it's because it looks like more food. When I make fish he will eat 2 fillets, but fish is low in calories.

We don't eat red meat at home at all. If we eat it, it's when we our out and we'll eat it once in a while (every few months).

shanman

All of those options are great, but there is no greater sample than a good example! Trust me, when you are looking all good and everybody (men) start to notice you, he will want to look good because his ego will start to bother him. I am not telling you what I think, I am telling you what I've experienced!

Yeah....what he said!!

My wife has been hounding me forever, and I just wouldn't listen. Personally, I got really tired of watching my body grow and grow.

Now that I've been dropping pounds she has been checking ME out lately. What a boost to a 10 year marriage!!

barbarella

It has been a long, slow process over a year + with my live-in BF. He does most of the cooking & cleaning (yippeeee!), which I'm verrrry thankful for! But, left to his own devices, he'd put cheese & sauce on everything!

At first I ate most everything he made because it was good.... and I know it's one way he expresses his love for me.

BUTT.... I started gaining weight and stopped that right quick! I used to get really mad because I lost track of my healthy eating patterns when he moved in. I got it together and lost 35 lbs. which really impressed him. He eats mostly better now; but still makes big plates of food for himself and makes me wonderful salads instead! And he eats them too which is a relief to me!

I had a great success yesterday on the "Snack Front". He's been buying AWFUL cookies & crap at the dollar store because money is a big concern as well. But I found some similar, healthier versions of what he likes at the Grocery Outlet for only .99 and 1.29! Yahoooo! The baby steps are getting bigger! Little by little....... whew! You can't force anyone to change, no matter how good your intentions are! I'm learning to be more patient.......... with him & myself!!!

I've had to start eating gluten-free which has created a new challenge for us! Friday night pizza is still happening... we're trying different GF pizza crusts and he enjoys doctoring them up. Also trying different GF baking mixes & recipes.

Best of luck!!!! :flowerforyou: :drinker:

mromnek

I don't try to change what my husband eats. If I were eating unhealthy things I wouldn't want him to nag at me about it, so I don't nag at him about it. I cook 3 different meals every night. 1 dinner that is on the healthier side and kid friendly for our 3 year old, something healthy and adult friendly for myself (chicken, shrimp etc) and then I cook for my husband, tonight it's boneless pork loin cooked in cream of mushroom soup with rice, I always offer him a veggie, but he doesn't always accept. It is tiring sometimes.. .but I can't eat his meals without gaining weight, and he doesn't like what I eat...so this is what seems to work for us for now

Wow... I would never even think about asking my wife to cook me something different, and I would feel like an *kitten* if she did without me asking. I would think that at some point this arrangement will turn ugly, when either he begins to feel entitled, or you begin to feel taken for granted. I hope it never does!

cds2327

I totally sympathize with you. I just asked my hubby to not eat that kind of stuff around me, but when it comes down to it, I feel we have to be accountable for ourselves. We can not "change" anyone. frustrating, yes...but the truth.
give it a couple of weeks and you'll find you have more willpower than you are giving yourself credit for.
And, when he decided to get healthy, he will.

busymom74

I don't try to change what my husband eats. If I were eating unhealthy things I wouldn't want him to nag at me about it, so I don't nag at him about it. I cook 3 different meals every night. 1 dinner that is on the healthier side and kid friendly for our 3 year old, something healthy and adult friendly for myself (chicken, shrimp etc) and then I cook for my husband, tonight it's boneless pork loin cooked in cream of mushroom soup with rice, I always offer him a veggie, but he doesn't always accept. It is tiring sometimes.. .but I can't eat his meals without gaining weight, and he doesn't like what I eat...so this is what seems to work for us for now

:noway: You have more patience than me! They'll eat what I cook or they won't eat. I'm not a short-order cook. Your DH is a lucky man!

I agree JS, If mine doesn't like what I make that's finebut he has to make somthing else himself. lol And My daughter's too young to make anything so she just has to eat what I give her. Although I have stopped trying to make her finish her plate. Just because it's on the plate doens't mean you have to eat it.

rbc_racing

You could try to make him get into "need to be the dominant male" mode. Most men are competitive and will strive to be better than someone else.

You could start by doing things like, say the next time he takes off his shirt, go up to him, squeeze his belly and say "awh its so cute." Say it in a way that maybe is a cutesy voice, but is probably making him feel bad.

You could also try doing things like, after a trip to the gym, say something like "man I saw this guy today on the bench press who was doing leg lifts at the same time, it was really impressive. some guys really know how to work out"

This approach is kind of mean, but if he's not taking you seriously already maybe you need to do some of that psychological ninja magic women are so good at.

AWESOME! I read this original post and I thought the same thing. Most guys have a type A personality and the challenge of not being the dominate male figure will drive us crazy. If your future husband isnt type A this advise probably wont work so well though and it will cause problems.

When my wife and I were first married I was 165lbs and all it took was one time for her to say "he has a nice build" and I was in the gym. LOL

Go for the SUBTLE psychological ninja magic though, dont push to hard and show him the benefits of being healthy at the same time. If all else fails the eat it or cook for yourself will work wonders!

mromnek

Don't nag, but sit down with him and have a heart to heart talk.

Everyone deserves a mate who will support them in their endeavors. If he isn't going to support you, he isn't being a good mate.

Everyone deserves to expect a long life with their spouse. If he continues eating unhealthily, he jeapardizes his health, and is being inconsiderate to you and your children.

If you have a split in your interests already, it will only grow into an insurmountable gulf as the years go by.



Tell him what you expect, and see how far he is willing to go in support of you.


I would suggest at the very least, he eats what is served, so long as it is within reason (tofu burgers on rice cakes is not within reason). He should be willing to eat according to the food pyramid, and you should be willing to allow him that. How much he eats is up to him.

Mamakatspokane

I don't try to change what my husband eats. If I were eating unhealthy things I wouldn't want him to nag at me about it, so I don't nag at him about it. I cook 3 different meals every night. 1 dinner that is on the healthier side and kid friendly for our 3 year old, something healthy and adult friendly for myself (chicken, shrimp etc) and then I cook for my husband, tonight it's boneless pork loin cooked in cream of mushroom soup with rice, I always offer him a veggie, but he doesn't always accept. It is tiring sometimes.. .but I can't eat his meals without gaining weight, and he doesn't like what I eat...so this is what seems to work for us for now

:noway: You have more patience than me! They'll eat what I cook or they won't eat. I'm not a short-order cook. Your DH is a lucky man!

I agree JS, If mine doesn't like what I make that's finebut he has to make somthing else himself. lol And My daughter's too young to make anything so she just has to eat what I give her. Although I have stopped trying to make her finish her plate. Just because it's on the plate doens't mean you have to eat it.

Well put! My kids (3 & 5), hubby and I all eat the same thing. If the kids tried it, don't like it, I'll make them a cold sandwich AFTER I finish my meal. I am not a short order cook and they should eat healthy too.

Don't try to change him. If the tables were turned how would you feel??? If he was telling you what to eat would you like it? If he was nagging you, would you like it? He's a big boy, he's not going to change ANYTHING because you "nagged" him...he'll change when he wants to, just like you.

PJilly

Well put! My kids (3 & 5), hubby and I all eat the same thing. If the kids tried it, don't like it, I'll make them a cold sandwich AFTER I finish my meal. I am not a short order cook and they should eat healthy too.

Don't try to change him. If the tables were turned how would you feel??? If he was telling you what to eat would you like it? If he was nagging you, would you like it? He's a big boy, he's not going to change ANYTHING because you "nagged" him...he'll change when he wants to, just like you.

I can't remember the last time all four of us ate the same thing. LOL. My kids are old enough (nearly 18 and 15) to fix their own food if they don't like what I'm making, and they usually do. It's hard to impress on them the importance of not eating crap when they're both bean poles, but I set a good example and hope for the best. If you think husbands are frustrating, young adults will drive you insane!

suziblues2000

wow.

Well, I'm kinda in the same situation only not with food, but with smoking. I'm trying to quit, my husband isn't ready to quit. It makes it VERY hard for me but we both smoked when we got married (over 25 yrs. ago!) so I knew when I married him he smoked.

I know that I will have to learn how to not smoke around people who do smoke. This includes my husband!

When your husband whips out a candy bar and doesn't care if you see it, well that will trigger you to want some. You will have to learn how to manage these 'triggers' all your life.

Just like anything you try to do to better yourself, it's hard, but you learn it. You will be a better person when you do.

GOOD LUCK to you.

hollyroode

I dont know how to copy things into the blue box.. but I just wanted to add that my husband doesnt expect this from me at all.. He is at work until 5pm and I am home, So I cook, I really enjoy cooking. But on nights that I dont feel like doing it he has no problem coming home and throwing something in the oven. His father always did the cooking, never his Mom, so this isn't a role that he think I am required to do. I just like to do it, just like he comes home on his lunch hour and shovels the driveway when I am home..I don't expect him to, he just does. I dont think it is a bad thing that we are like this...it is nice to have someone who takes care of you and someone that you want to take care of.

mromnek

I dont know how to copy things into the blue box.. but I just wanted to add that my husband doesnt expect this from me at all.. He is at work until 5pm and I am home, So I cook, I really enjoy cooking. But on nights that I dont feel like doing it he has no problem coming home and throwing something in the oven. His father always did the cooking, never his Mom, so this isn't a role that he think I am required to do. I just like to do it, just like he comes home on his lunch hour and shovels the driveway when I am home..I don't expect him to, he just does. I dont think it is a bad thing that we are like this...it is nice to have someone who takes care of you and someone that you want to take care of.

Just click the "quote" button on the post you want to quote.

I think that so long as you do it because you want to, and there is no expectations on the other's part, then things will be ok. I am glad to hear there are couples out there who do nice things "just because."

sdwelk11

Hubby and I have IPhones and I downloaded the App to his phone and told him I was doing it for fun cuz we were driving and I was bored so I asked if I could do it just to see. He said yes and I entered everything he ate that day and he was so appalled by his numbers that he left the app and has been using it ever since...

My Hubby was scared at how heavy I was and (he is no skinny Minnie either) with all my family health problems that he didnt know how to approach me about losing my excess weight without sounding rude. You know "the pot calling the Kettle black" "those in glasses houses shouldnt throw stones"

Well he says that he is eternally greatful to my friend that introduced me to the IPhone app and the website because if it wasnt for her doing this simple little thing, God only knows how unhealthy I would be. (with a tear in his eye) this last weekend he told me how scared he was for me and that he just knew in his heart that he was going to be a widower before I even turned 40

tkrall

Wow!! Thank you to everyone! This is why I love this site. Everyone is very supportive and helpful. I will have to take in everybody's advise and see what works. You're right, you can not make anybody change if they don't really want to... and about the Ninja power... I LOVE IT!!

busymom74

I dont know how to copy things into the blue box.. but I just wanted to add that my husband doesnt expect this from me at all.. He is at work until 5pm and I am home, So I cook, I really enjoy cooking. But on nights that I dont feel like doing it he has no problem coming home and throwing something in the oven. His father always did the cooking, never his Mom, so this isn't a role that he think I am required to do. I just like to do it, just like he comes home on his lunch hour and shovels the driveway when I am home..I don't expect him to, he just does. I dont think it is a bad thing that we are like this...it is nice to have someone who takes care of you and someone that you want to take care of.

I hope it didn't sound like we were bashing you! I'm sorry if it did. I really think you're hubby is LUCKY! lol I don't enjoy cooking nearly as much as I enjoy eating. :bigsmile: