The Terrible Tragedy of the Healthy Eater

PapaverSomniferum

http://www.nwedible.com/2012/08/tragedy-healthy-eater.html

I know you. We have a lot in common. You have been doing some reading and now you are pretty sure everything in the grocery store and your kitchen cupboards is going to kill you.

Before Your Healthy Eating Internet Education:

I eat pretty healthy. Check it out: whole grain crackers, veggie patties, prawns, broccoli. I am actually pretty into clean eating.

After Your Healthy Eating Internet Education:

Those crackers – gluten, baby. Gluten is toxic to your intestinal health, I read it on a forum. They should call those crackers Leaky Gut Crisps, that would be more accurate. That veggie burger in the freezer? GMO soy. Basically that’s a Monsanto patty. Did you know soybean oil is an insecticide? And those prawns are fish farmed in Vietnamese sewage pools. I didn’t know about the sewage fish farming when I bought them, though, really I didn’t!

The broccoli, though..that’s ok. I can eat that. Eating that doesn’t make me a terrible person, unless….oh, ****! That broccoli isn’t organic. That means it’s covered with endocrine disrupting pesticides that will make my son sprout breasts. As if adolescence isn’t awkward enough.

And who pre-cut this broccoli like that? I bet it was some poor Mexican person not making a living wage and being treated as a cog in an industrial broccoli cutting warehouse. So I’m basically supporting slavery if I eat this pre-cut broccoli. Oh my God, it’s in a plastic bag too. Which means I am personally responsible for the death of countless endangered seabirds right now.

I hate myself.

Well, ****.

UsedToBeHusky

Yep! That sounds about right. :laugh:

ChristiH4000

Sooo basically....if I didn't grow it myself, I'm pretty sure I should feel guilty eating it. :-)

quirkytizzy

:laugh:

iAMsmiling

Just another day at MFP.

Juliejustsaying

OMG!! I so didn't need this pressure!!!!

Windy_

This is why I will continue to eat crap.










Note to mods and anyone thinking of reporting me: This is a joke.

SoDamnHungry

This is why I will continue to eat crap.










Note to mods and anyone thinking of reporting me: This is a joke.

I should hope no one here reports you, even if it wasn't a joke... But there are a lot of stupid people.

BrettPGH

LOVE IT!!!

Everyday on these boards you see people who want to cut out this and that. No soda, no diet soda, no artificial sugar, no bread, no carbs, no meat, no processed foods.. I've seen people say if it's made by man don't touch it.

I ain't looking to be a farmer, just get in shape. Luckily you don't need to cut out anything to do that.

escloflowneCHANGED

LOVE IT!!!

Everyday on these boards you see people who want to cut out this and that. No soda, no diet soda, no artificial sugar, no bread, no carbs, no meat, no processed foods.. I've seen people say if it's made by man don't touch it.

I ain't looking to be a farmer, just get in shape. Luckily you don't need to cut out anything to do that.

Except cigarettes and subway! That stuff will stall weight loss!!!

BrettPGH

LOVE IT!!!

Everyday on these boards you see people who want to cut out this and that. No soda, no diet soda, no artificial sugar, no bread, no carbs, no meat, no processed foods.. I've seen people say if it's made by man don't touch it.

I ain't looking to be a farmer, just get in shape. Luckily you don't need to cut out anything to do that.

Except cigarettes and subway! That stuff will stall weight loss!!!

Picture of health over here, Jack. Picture of health

Alex_is_Hawks

LOVE IT!!!

Everyday on these boards you see people who want to cut out this and that. No soda, no diet soda, no artificial sugar, no bread, no carbs, no meat, no processed foods.. I've seen people say if it's made by man don't touch it.

I ain't looking to be a farmer, just get in shape. Luckily you don't need to cut out anything to do that.

Except cigarettes and subway! That stuff will stall weight loss!!!

Picture of health over here, Jack. Picture of health

Health is not what I'm thinking when I see that picture....

nope...i'm just thinking I'm gonna wreck that thing....

miracole

this is marvelous! If only the guilt over food choices was fat burning...

stealthSLOTH

BrettPGH

Except cigarettes and subway! That stuff will stall weight loss!!!

Picture of health over here, Jack. Picture of health

Health is not what I'm thinking when I see that picture....

nope...i'm just thinking I'm gonna wreck that thing....

:blushing: :blushing: :blushing: :blushing:

SanteMulberry

http://www.nwedible.com/2012/08/tragedy-healthy-eater.html

I know you. We have a lot in common. You have been doing some reading and now you are pretty sure everything in the grocery store and your kitchen cupboards is going to kill you.

Before Your Healthy Eating Internet Education:

I eat pretty healthy. Check it out: whole grain crackers, veggie patties, prawns, broccoli. I am actually pretty into clean eating.

After Your Healthy Eating Internet Education:

Those crackers – gluten, baby. Gluten is toxic to your intestinal health, I read it on a forum. They should call those crackers Leaky Gut Crisps, that would be more accurate. That veggie burger in the freezer? GMO soy. Basically that’s a Monsanto patty. Did you know soybean oil is an insecticide? And those prawns are fish farmed in Vietnamese sewage pools. I didn’t know about the sewage fish farming when I bought them, though, really I didn’t!

The broccoli, though..that’s ok. I can eat that. Eating that doesn’t make me a terrible person, unless….oh, ****! That broccoli isn’t organic. That means it’s covered with endocrine disrupting pesticides that will make my son sprout breasts. As if adolescence isn’t awkward enough.

And who pre-cut this broccoli like that? I bet it was some poor Mexican person not making a living wage and being treated as a cog in an industrial broccoli cutting warehouse. So I’m basically supporting slavery if I eat this pre-cut broccoli. Oh my God, it’s in a plastic bag too. Which means I am personally responsible for the death of countless endangered seabirds right now.

I hate myself.

Well, ****.

*laughing helplessly in chagrin* Yep, sounds about right.

escloflowneCHANGED

Except cigarettes and subway! That stuff will stall weight loss!!!

Picture of health over here, Jack. Picture of health

Health is not what I'm thinking when I see that picture....

nope...i'm just thinking I'm gonna wreck that thing....

:blushing: :blushing: :blushing: :blushing:

Not fair!!! Brett gets all the pretty ladies!!!:explode:

goldied01

Organic - hmmmm. So, what happens to the farmer who has an organic farm and right next to him is a farmer that doesn't. It rains, it pours and then the pesticides used on the nonorganic farm get soaked into the soil and run thru the organic farm plants that are sucking it up and then the organic farmer sells his crop, for more money I might add, and it has pesticides in it. WHAT???? There is no such thing as organic unless it is being grown in dirt untouched by any other.....:noway:

Alex_is_Hawks

Except cigarettes and subway! That stuff will stall weight loss!!!

Picture of health over here, Jack. Picture of health

Health is not what I'm thinking when I see that picture....

nope...i'm just thinking I'm gonna wreck that thing....

:blushing: :blushing: :blushing: :blushing:

Not fair!!! Brett gets all the pretty ladies!!!:explode:

Oh esclo, you know I would wreck you too.....

we did cover the part where I'm easy....right?

darkguardian419

Organic - hmmmm. So, what happens to the farmer who has an organic farm and right next to him is a farmer that doesn't. It rains, it pours and then the pesticides used on the nonorganic farm get soaked into the soil and run thru the organic farm plants that are sucking it up and then the organic farmer sells his crop, for more money I might add, and it has pesticides in it. WHAT???? There is no such thing as organic unless it is being grown in dirt untouched by any other.....:noway:

Target Acquired. Trolls, engage.