how do you deal with a bad coworker?

peopletalk

here me out:
i've been working at a new place for a couple months and it's a lot to learn. everyone is super friendly except one girl. what a B.


here's what she does:
doesn't say hi or bye to me.
ignores my existence when we're in a group discussion.
she literally tells me EVERYTHING in a snappy, *****y way.
she raises her voice and talks down to me.

okay, i'll admit she doesn't JUST do it to me. i've seen her do it to others. but how the hell did she get a salesperson job with her personality?!
we've had costumers complain about her!

today i tried to start a conversation by saying "so you're going to that restaurant tonight?"
and her reply was just "no." as she walked away. lol

anyway, HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH PEOPLE LIKE THIS!?! working alone with her for 8 hours actually fully bummed me out,
sorry, i had to rant,

whierd

I recommend reading the book Crucial Conversations.

peopletalk

I recommend reading the book Crucial Conversations.

i know this sounds selfish, but i don't see why i have to spend money to study how to get along with someone who wasn't taught proper manners.

i think it's affecting me more because i'm new and want approval. and i get along amazingly with everyone except her

triciab79

Kill her with kindness. Not creepy stalker kindness but always make a point to say Hi and Bye to her. Always ask her opinion in group discussions. Always smile when you see her. It will either make her like you or drive her insane. Either way you take control of the situation and come out the bigger person.

whierd

It isn't paying to study how to get along with people, it is a book that shows you how you approach and have conversations in certain crucial situations.

whierd

Kill her with kindness. Not creepy stalker kindness but always make a point to say Hi and Bye to her. Always ask her opinion in group discussions. Always smile when you see her. It will either make her like you or drive her insane. Either way you take control of the situation and come out the bigger person.

To me this screams of being deferential to her. I would take the approach of a calm, non-confrontational conversation detailing what I perceive is going on and ask why this is.

taso42

just break up

MADDUKE1

To me this screams of being deferential to her. I would take the approach of a calm, non-confrontational conversation detailing what I perceive is going on and ask why this is.

I agree.. Why is her acceptance, maturity, manners, important to you. Deal either her as a coworker and do your job.

I have many coworkers I don't say hi to... Its because I don't want to talk to them. They usually bother me with their failings and desires for me to hold their hand. I prefer to give them a clear understanding, that I won't be holding hands. And if I hold hands its cause you bought me a really nice meal :-)

triciab79

Kill her with kindness. Not creepy stalker kindness but always make a point to say Hi and Bye to her. Always ask her opinion in group discussions. Always smile when you see her. It will either make her like you or drive her insane. Either way you take control of the situation and come out the bigger person.

To me this screams of being deferential to her. I would take the approach of a calm, non-confrontational conversation detailing what I perceive is going on and ask why this is.

I fear the person she is dealing with is not a level headed mature individual. Conversations are rarely effective when people aren't receptive. Better to change the signals you are giving. If the other girl perceives it as deferential what difference does it make to her if she knows she is the one controlling the way the chips fall. :-)

TDGee

I recommend reading the book Crucial Conversations.

i know this sounds selfish, but i don't see why i have to spend money to study how to get along with someone who wasn't taught proper manners.

i think it's affecting me more because i'm new and want approval. and i get along amazingly with everyone except her

Okay, then go to the library. It's a great book. You asked for advice, good advice was offered. You spurned it. What is your deal? :flowerforyou:

whierd

Kill her with kindness. Not creepy stalker kindness but always make a point to say Hi and Bye to her. Always ask her opinion in group discussions. Always smile when you see her. It will either make her like you or drive her insane. Either way you take control of the situation and come out the bigger person.

To me this screams of being deferential to her. I would take the approach of a calm, non-confrontational conversation detailing what I perceive is going on and ask why this is.

I fear the person she is dealing with is not a level headed mature individual. Conversations are rarely effective when people aren't receptive. Better to change the signals you are giving. If the other girl perceives it as deferential what difference does it make to her if she knows she is the one controlling the way the chips fall. :-)

Maybe it is a guy thing, but I just cannot swallow that pill. If someone is treating me badly, I feel the need to make them back down. :laugh:

YoungDoc2B

Forget her. In life, everyone is not going to like you for one reason or another.

sohmui

Very sorry for you. It has happened to me. A colleague told me then that "It's best to try and ignore her. When you see her, you see air," I was told. I tried my best, but basically it was never cured until she left, and while it was going on it coloured my whole life, even though I tried not to let it -- and after she left, I learned it had happened before to others.

MADDUKE1

Forget her. In life, everyone is not going to like you for one reason or another.

This is very true... Everyone Likes/Loves me for one reason or another... despite how much I detest all of them.

triciab79

Kill her with kindness. Not creepy stalker kindness but always make a point to say Hi and Bye to her. Always ask her opinion in group discussions. Always smile when you see her. It will either make her like you or drive her insane. Either way you take control of the situation and come out the bigger person.

To me this screams of being deferential to her. I would take the approach of a calm, non-confrontational conversation detailing what I perceive is going on and ask why this is.

I fear the person she is dealing with is not a level headed mature individual. Conversations are rarely effective when people aren't receptive. Better to change the signals you are giving. If the other girl perceives it as deferential what difference does it make to her if she knows she is the one controlling the way the chips fall. :-)

Maybe it is a guy thing, but I just cannot swallow that pill. If someone is treating me badly, I feel the need to make them back down. :laugh:

Begin with the end in mind... What is the ultimate outcome you seek. Pride often stands in the way of my success. I call it Stubborn sometimes but it is pride. It is my goal in life to make my prideful stubborness an asset instead of a detriment.

Retiredmom72

You are being paid to work not to be friends with her. If customers have complained about her, steer clear. Be professional. She is not there to be your friend. The question you asked today had nothing to do with work. Say hello and good-bye. That is all unless the question is work related. Then know that she may deliberately give you the wrong answer. Good luck. I hope you both keep your jobs.

auroranflash

Salespeople can be (not necessarily, I've definitely known both extremes), in general, a bit abrasive, pushy, overbearing. They have to make people listen when they might not necessarily want to - they have to be that *kitten* that gets their foot in the door so they can sell you the vacuum, they have to be the person selling ice to an eskimo.

It may be that she sees you as green, inexperienced, still wanting people's affection and approval and she's very much past that. Since you can't change her, all you can do is try to understand her perspective and change your approach and reaction.

I deal with people like this - they don't always say good morning, they're not always polite or cheerful. I still say good morning to everyone I see because that's just how I am - if they respond, great. If not, meh - maybe they're having a bad day, are late to something, etc. I don't take it personally anymore -- not saying I didn't in the past, I just learned it had little or nothing to do with me.

On the flipside, I have a coworker who tries WAY too hard to be cheerful and accepted, butts into conversations just to feel like she's a part of it, and is absolutely, thoroughly annoying. Best thing you can do is not try too hard, not let it bother you, and be yourself. You're there because someone thought you belonged there and you could do your job -- just do it, be yourself, be kind, but don't let yourself get run over or taken advantage of.

But most importantly, be respectful. Don't talk badly about any of your coworkers to anyone at work. That reflects on YOU. You are there to represent yourself as a positive contribution and nothing more. It can be easy to get caught up in talking smack if someone's treated you bad, but even if the person you're smack-talking with agrees with you, that person will trust you a little less because she knows you will talk behind someone else's back, so you would probably talk behind theirs if the same opportunity arose.

Doctorpurple

Kill her with kindness. Not creepy stalker kindness but always make a point to say Hi and Bye to her. Always ask her opinion in group discussions. Always smile when you see her. It will either make her like you or drive her insane. Either way you take control of the situation and come out the bigger person.

To me this screams of being deferential to her. I would take the approach of a calm, non-confrontational conversation detailing what I perceive is going on and ask why this is.

I fear the person she is dealing with is not a level headed mature individual. Conversations are rarely effective when people aren't receptive. Better to change the signals you are giving. If the other girl perceives it as deferential what difference does it make to her if she knows she is the one controlling the way the chips fall. :-)

Maybe it is a guy thing, but I just cannot swallow that pill. If someone is treating me badly, I feel the need to make them back down. :laugh:

I feel the same way. I'm not wired to kill someone with kindness. Its noble really. I just don't have the personality to pull it off. Being a competitive person it would trigger a show down in my head. But I know that unprofessional. So I would probably ignore that person. She is obviously the one that has some issue. I'll let her deal with her internal battles. I'll do my job as usual.

taunto

Your options

1: Ignore her. Easy if you guys work in different department and don't have to interact for work
2: Confront her. This can either make her back down a bit or make her even more mean
3: Do how we do it in corporate world and set her up to either get fired or make her professional life a living hell. Not really that hard but this is bad for the soul and something NOT recommended for kind people. Also requires some brains and experience to get done

Take your pick. I would recommend you stay true to yourself though and pick what suits your personality. And remember, karma is a b****

sz8soon

You are there to do a job not to make friends. that said, you don't know her, her history or what kind of things she is dealing with. Everyone has their own battles. work on you doing a good job and being the best person you can be, who cares how she behaves.

sheisbrown

Ignore it. Who knows what's going on in her life to make her show up that way- nevertheless- it is not your problem. You are at work to provide a service and earn a paycheck -not make friends or be chummy with everyone. If there is something specific that happens then address in a professional mature way. Otherwise- don't think about her and go on with your day.

peopletalk

You are being paid to work not to be friends with her. If customers have complained about her, steer clear. Be professional. She is not there to be your friend. The question you asked today had nothing to do with work. Say hello and good-bye. That is all unless the question is work related. Then know that she may deliberately give you the wrong answer. Good luck. I hope you both keep your jobs.

that's the only thing i've asked her about. i've completely ignored her other wise... but everything i do, she yells about. or snaps at. like i feel like i'm walking on eggshells.
and i've had people come up to me and say "oh, thats just her" but it kinda sucks that i have to worry about every step i make just because that's "just her"

NRSPAM

There are one of these at every job, I think! Lol. I certainly have atleast one at mine! Just ignore her. Stop saying hi and goodbye, and just go about your business. Some people are just miserable and love to spread it around. It's funny, the one in particular at my job seems so b itchy at work, but I've ran into her when she was on break, and I was there on my off day and she was so pleasant and nice! Maybe they just hate their job.

Jacwhite22

Like this....but in the office.....HR nightmare.....





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Sharkington

Forget her. In life, everyone is not going to like you for one reason or another.

Agreed. Don't waste so much energy trying to figure her out. Be civil and mature when you have to interact with her, but after that...don't worry about it? If she isn't preventing you from doing your job successfully, then just accept the fact that some people just have that type of personality and even though it feels nice to be friends with everyone around us, some people just don't have that desire. Eventually the customer complaints will come back to her, but that is her and her manager's problem, not yours. You won't always be new - and at least you get along with everyone else, it seems.

Rosplosion

There will ALWAYS be people who you don't like and who couldn't give an eff less about you. This sounds like one of those people. I've worked with a few in my time.

My advice is to remember that this person is probably so wrapped up in themselves they don't even realize that the way they treat other people is hurtful. Being nice will not help. Be cordial, but do not go out of your way to try to be friends, it will not make any difference.

Then take any anger build up from work and go sweat it out!

auroranflash

There are one of these at every job, I think! Lol. I certainly have atleast one at mine! Just ignore her. Stop saying hi and goodbye, and just go about your business. Some people are just miserable and love to spread it around. It's funny, the one in particular at my job seems so b itchy at work, but I've ran into her when she was on break, and I was there on my off day and she was so pleasant and nice! Maybe they just hate their job.

I would still say 'good morning' and 'have a good evening/night' just because that's ME and I'm not responsible for how you respond to it, but there's a difference between a polite "Good morning." and a "GOOD MORNING!!!! ^___^" ... the latter might get you shot if it's before coffee o' clock. Seriously. Ultra-cheerful people in the morning, even the ones I'm closest to, make me stabby.

vtmoon

My father always use to tell me, you can't change how others act and behave but you have total control on how you react to their actions and behaviors. I used to work in a lab with a lady who was like that and I use to smile or sometimes almost laugh when she would be expostulating about the smallest insignificant things. Three month in I was promoted to run the lab she was expecting me to give her hell and I didn't, so she asked me why and I told her I find people tend to work and preform better with a kind word than a whip and the whip is a last resort. Surprisingly we got a new guy in and she toned the aggression on him down a lot.

Moral of the story kill them with kindness if you can, otherwise tie them to a bed and bring the whip.

MyChocolateDiet

well if people are already complaining about her, she's probably on the way out. don't cover for her ever. speak to her only when it's absolutely necessary (witnessed by others) and be civil saying the least possible. ask her nothing (find others to learn from or just figure things out on your own). pretty soon she'll be gone. and when a new one like her shows up you'll be well practiced because there is one of those in every group.

jennifer_417

What goes around, comes around. If she's putting that much negative energy into her job and relationships, it will come back to her. She won't last. I've seen it happen over and over.

Siekobilly

here me out:
i've been working at a new place for a couple months and it's a lot to learn. everyone is super friendly except one girl. what a B.


here's what she does:
doesn't say hi or bye to me.
ignores my existence when we're in a group discussion.
she literally tells me EVERYTHING in a snappy, *****y way.
she raises her voice and talks down to me.

okay, i'll admit she doesn't JUST do it to me. i've seen her do it to others. but how the hell did she get a salesperson job with her personality?!
we've had costumers complain about her!

today i tried to start a conversation by saying "so you're going to that restaurant tonight?"
and her reply was just "no." as she walked away. lol

anyway, HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH PEOPLE LIKE THIS!?! working alone with her for 8 hours actually fully bummed me out,
sorry, i had to rant,

I have incredibly depressing and cranky coworkers on my team. I just walk around with a **** eating grin, and a belly laugh. It also helps that I'm really quite awesome, and remind them on a regular basis of that. They warmed up pretty fast.