how to stop emotional eating... any ideas??

marfy84

Hi,

I've been on MFP since Jan this year and I've been doing pretty well and I really really don't want to give up, or let my emotions get the better of me. I have been reading a lot in the forums but haven't really replied or taken advantage of adding friends on here... however now I know why it can be so useful, so I'm asking for help and advice.

So a little bit of my story. I'm 28 yr old female. I’ve been overweight since I can remember, I’ve never been thin, even when I was a kid, I can always remember my mum hassling me about my weight. I would do weight watchers or something else and I’d lose weight for the first 2 months and then I’d just put it all and more back on. Then in 2008 my partner and my brother and I bought a business, a supermarket, and all I’ve done is eat. I eat for whatever reason, and now I was surrounded by food, so that didn’t go well for me! So after trying and failing to lose weight over and over again I had weight loss surgery (Lap Band) in October 2011, and I'm living proof that it is only a tool and will only help you if you do the work. I did pretty well without really trying after surgery (I mean for a while you can’t eat properly anyway so it drops off pretty quick) I lost about 40 pounds, then in May 2012 our economy got pretty bad, my brothers marriage fell apart (Which impacted the business as he made silly decisions) and we nearly lost it, so what did I do, I just ate to cope, I got back up to about 310 then I decided I needed to change, so about November I decided to get back on track, I lost 20 pretty easily but then started to struggle again, and someone suggested MFP and here I am, I’ve lost about 9 pounds in a month so I’m pretty happy with how its going.

However yesterday I was dealt a bit of a blow, we found out my grandma only has a few days to live, which was a little unexpected and now we are just having to watch her die. I'm a massive emotional eater, and I always have an excuse as to why I can't lose weight, because this happened and that happened etc. and I don't want this to be one of those occasions. I've been trying really hard today, I've had a bit of chocolate and chips and just substituted a few things our and have only gone a few calories over my limit however I want to eat more, not because I'm hungry but its just habit.

So long story short... any ideas on how I can stop the emotional eating?

Sorry if this hasn't made sense, my heads a bit all over the place.

Thanks in advance

dancerom

HI Marfy

sorry to read the news about your Grandma and I wish you and your family all the best for the next few days.

This said: find out what you really crave and get it. Emotional eating is mostly because there is a need for something (often love or being seen or acknowledged) and someone didn't find another way to satisfy the felt need than eating.

This sounds easy, but is a not so easy process. I went through it myself and I can only suggest some professional help.

Take care and enjoy your travel!

Edit: Oh.. and about your head that is all over the place, I advice my clients to do a simple exercise in those moments: look around and see what is there. Just right now, there where you are. And tell to yourself whatever you see like a radio reporter for a soccer game ;-)
And then feel your feet or your bum or all the parts of your body that connect to the floor or the seat. And notice what changes...
If you still feel all over the place - repeat, until you fell you're back to breathing and back to life!

vtmoon

You sound like you using it to cope like many people. You need a substitute coping mechanism. I use to eat out of boredom a lot, nowadays I either read or workout or go for a walk whenever I get bored.

It's going to be a challenge at first for you to stop depending on food just like any other addiction but if you tamper the transition you will get there. Also, try to avoid excuses cause they will weigh and drag you down when you are trying to make positive change in your life.

I wish you the best and remember if you stick with it even with bad days here and there, you will eventually see that change and loss you want just don't give up :-D

yvonneseage

Sounds like great advice there. Trying to "stop" something is hard. It'd easier to try and replace something instead, especially where emotions are involved. So replace snacks with healthy snacks. Try using an exercise routine (a good DVD one) for distraction (think endorphins as a natural pick me up. For comfort these days, instead of eating I curl up on the sofa with a hazelnut coffee (doer effects is nice) and a sloppy film our funny book.

The key is, don't focus on giving up your coping tool, focus on finding new tools instead

ajourney2beme

So sorry about your grandmother first of all!

Secondly, like vtmoon said it's going to be a challenge. I have always been an emotional eater, a bored eater, a stressed eater. I had to become more aware of my emotions so that I could realize when I was hitting a danger zone. Make a plan next. Make a list of alternative things you could do instead of eating. Things you enjoy doing that keep your mind occupied. For me it was reading, crafts, or video games. I also had a list of things that I could do outside of the house in case it was REALLY bad. These things had to be something I didn't have to get into my car for because once I had to drive somewhere it was easy to hit fast food. Some things I did were walks, biking, training my dog, or attempting my hand at gardening (i found I was not very good lol).

It's going to take awhile to get into the habit of doing something else and what works for YOU. Those things worked for me, it may not work for you. The main thing is to keep trying regardless. While I was trying to figure out what was helping me I tried many things and sometimes I still ate so don't get discouraged, just keep trying until you figure out what works for you!

Good luck!

Mael0420

Marfy,

I cannot express how sorry I am about the emotional hardship you are going through, it's never easy to deal with. Talk with those you can depend on to help you deal with it (as much as is possible).

Changing your food habits requires you to replace them with something different. This doesn't mean that you stop eating what you want, but reduce how much you eat of what you love. Eat more fruits and veggies (pick stuff you like the taste of) to snack on instead of the less-healthy food. Chocolate in moderate amounts does provide good benefits.

Exercise is good for your body as well as your mind and emotional health. Every bit helps, so start with an extra walk each day (there are devices like FitBit and others to track steps taken) and go from there. Set small, easily achievable goals - this will help you feel good about yourself. Listen to your body to know when you're trying to do too much at once. Smaller goals build and become bigger ones down the road.

In addition, you have an entire community of people here on MFP who can answer just about any question that you have during your lifestyle changing process. It just doesn't get any better than that! Hope this helps, and best wishes on your journey And yes, life DOES get better.

tricksee

Sorry to hear about what you're going through!

Sounds to me like you have a bad relationship with food.

This doesn't mean that you stop eating what you want, but reduce how much you eat of what you love. Eat more fruits and veggies (pick stuff you like the taste of) to snack on instead of the less-healthy food. Chocolate in moderate amounts does provide good benefits.

The above is probably the best advice when it comes to your food habits.

As awful as your situation is, know that if you get through this successfully, in future you can get through anything!!!

kbeech06

I'm so sorry about your grandmother. I want to eat when I'm stressed or emotional too. I try to get busy though...even if its cleaning. Or I get on the treadmill or better yet, go for a walk outside because the fresh air can make a world of difference.

marfy84

Thank you all so much

I'm so glad I came on here for support rather than grabbing that bag of chips. Thanks for the suggestions on trying to keep busy, its great advice.

I've been at work so have managed to keep myself busy (although shedding a few tears here and there) but all your responses have given me the support to make the healthy decision for dinner (which I will enjoy shortly).

I do have a terrible relationship with food, which I'm trying to work on. And emotional eating is one of the main barriers, which comes from childhood issues. However I will get through this and I will be successful

Again thank you and I will work on coming up with a substitute to emotional eating and ways to keep myself busy. This week is going to be tough but I will get there

Weighinginwithmy02

Figuring out how to deal with emotions in an emotional way is difficult when you're a seasoned emotional eater, I know from years of experience. You can conquer it though.

Right now you are probably feeling sad, scared and angry at the sudden news of your Grandma (which I am very sorry about. Strength and healing to you). All of those emotions are not nice, cheery feelings but they are real and it's okay to feel real emotion. Take note of how sad feels. For me, it makes my eyes feel heavy. It makes my chest feel full like I can't catch a breath. It makes me feel weighted down and sluggish. Just allow yourself to really FEEL what sad feels like, without stuffing it down with food.

What does angry feel like to you? For me, it makes me hot. Literally I can feel my body get warm. It makes me feel anxious and energetic and stuck all at once.

Even positive emotions were triggers for me to binge eat. Only last year was I able to FEEL, in an emotional way, what excited felt like! I was ready to go through the drive through of McDonalds and stuff down this "hunger" I had when I said "well, wait, what am I really feeling here" and sure enough, I was just overly excited and kind of emotional about going "home" on holiday to see my family, as I only get there once a year. I actually FELT what excited feels like and experienced it, for real. I ended up shout for joy in my car. I felt silly but awesome all at the same time. I didn't stuff it down or drown it out, I felt it.

Diahann_Hughes

Stay strong I find the best way is too not get bored by going and doing something either reading, out and about of exercise the mins u have to sit down and not be busy are points where you could just sit and eat xx

I had lost 6 stones and changed my life then went through one of the hardest moments of my life ive stayed on track through a variety of strategies and we are stronger then you think you can do it x

lauraturburville203

stay strong and believe in yourself. I had too...

I am 29, married and I have 3 children, one has learning difficulties and the other one has some behaviour issues, having tests to see if it shows anything.

When I started in comp back in 1995 we had a major family breakdown. My youngest sisters dad, which was my step dad, committed suicide which put much stress and heartbreak on all of us. My sisters family stopped contacting Beth and blamed us for his death, and disowned my sister anyway she has us instead to look out for her and really since then my comfort was smoking and coca-cola. Still talking about him makes my blood boil!!

so When I started comp they had soft drinks vending machines and to me this was god's answer to my prayers which was coca-cola as that was my comfort. I used all my pocket money and wasted it on them. Back then I was 14 and I could easily drink a litre bottle per day of coke and Dr.Pepper and I did that right through comp, college and further really. It is only since I had my 3 kids that my daily intake has shrunk alot and for me it was really tough as I relied on it to keep me going and feel happy for an hour or so until i needed more. Today nearly 9 years later I only drink the about 2-3 mini cans a week, which is a huge achievement for me as it was really hard to stop drinking so much and also the little cans are only 65 cals rather than the normal 330ml cans has 139 cals and even higher if you have a 500ml bottle which has 220cals..The point I am trying to make is you can stop the comfort eating with a strong mind, I did and I quit smoking too ..Hope this helps in some way..:flowerforyou:

1kerriberri

Just know that you, and you alone are responsible for what ends up in your mouth,
We can all give advice, but food is an addiction. People eat because the taste makes them feel great. For a little while. Then they need more to make them feel good again. And so the vicious cycle continues. Food addiction is way worse than drug addiction because food is soooooo readily available.
Everywhere,
24/7.
You know what you should and shouldn't be eating.

So if you need to eat, then eat .

Just eat better food....

XXXMinnieXXX

Firstly so sorry about your grandma.

Secondly you need professional help. Get some therapy / counselling sessions and some cognitive behaviour therapy. The therapy will work on why you use food as an emotional crutch whilst working out any issues you have.

The cognitive behaviour therapy will challenge your thought patterns when stressed so that you don't result to comfort eating. It's clear that you need to work on why you do this and try to change it.

As someone who was once in your position and 301lbs this can be conquered. You just have to be proactive about working in you and be willing to change it. If your suffering with depression also look at going on antidepressants. I know some people don't like taking tablets but I think that's much better than eating to excess and gaining loads of weight and all the related issues to said weight gain.

Even if you have to pay for therapy... Find a way. Here it is free through the NHS. Therapy can be tough and can aggravate your problem a little initially as it can be distressing. Don't give in hough, it is thoroughly worth it.

If I find myself getting stressed I also sit down and write down what is bothering me. I then work on everything that I can one day at a time. Need to be proactive. I won't just happen.

I'm now 92lbs down. Binge eating is no longer and issue (sometimes I over indulge but last time I was 152 cals over as opposed to what would have been 2-3000 at one time). I know how to handle my emotions better and I can think myself out of stressful situations much quicker and easier.

This is very stressful with grandma, but can be applied for most other situations. I'm proof that the therapy and being proactive works.

Zara x

dddttt

So many great advice here. I needed them too.

Marfy, so sorry to head about your Grandma. I believe that you will be able to make it through this very hard time without emotional eating (you're obviously willing to do it - why else would you post here?). I also believe that when you make it now, you will be able to make it any time - sometimes you will have to remind yourself of it, but making habits is always hard at first but then, well, they become habits.
Take care and I wish you all the best!

bethcastle

Listen to your inner self talk to see what is driving you. Start to be aware of what you are saying during your challenge with food, recognize it and start to change what you tell yourself.

We have emotions that push us to food to cope and we need to definitely change the outcome for our health.
Food is doing something for us, like avoiding the situation, calming the brain, comforting the heart, de-stressing the event. We need to shift to a healthy, non food way of coping. I have been in a group that helps with this. Therapy is great and support systems are excellent. This group of comments is amazing! great support and great answers. There is a book that I know of that helps this topic and all the inner self talk it's "Stop Emotional Eating, Fix Food Cravings, Find your Metabolsim and More"

I am sorry to hear about your Grandmother. My heart goes out to you. hugs.
You are in a situation where food is all around you. Still plan and eat your meals and snacks. We make poor decisions when we are tired and hungry and we don't give it much thought or the thought is "I don't care anymore." in the moment. I would suggest 4-5 small meals and snacks planned as much as possible through the day to help. I totally get that no matter how full you are, it's not about that. Try to get foods that are protein based to fill you up vs. sugar carbs that will make you crave more later. Choose whole grains high fiber that fill you up as well. Drink lots of water for the fiber foods. I hope I have helped.

Beavvv

Sorry to hear about your grandmother... been there and it definitely sucks. Lots of good advice on this feed and thank you for posting the question!

carrieous

ive never been an emotional eater. Im an emotional shopper and my weakness is makeup and clothes and pedicures