Losing 'Grief Weight'.

GFQueen

Hi Everyone,

I am starting a new weight loss journey, and trying to lose 30 pounds of what I'd call 'Grief Weight'. My mother passed away in March, and at the time I had just lost about 40 pounds. After her passing, I turned to food for comfort. I have been eating and eating and eating. Almost one year later, I have gained 30 pounds. Today, I am making a conscious decision to change my eating habits and lose the weight again. I am definitely an emotional eater, and I eat when I'm bored as well.

I am trying to monitor my portions and scale back on serving sizes. This has always been an issue for me. I am also obviously going to find other ways to deal with my grief besides eating.

More about me: I am 30 years old, and have three children. I am also a full-time graduate student.

I could always use more friends and encouragement on here, so feel free to add me!

Luvmichnata

Hi There-you need to try and channel your grief in a new direction. Start with a short walk, ask a friend to go with you, go to a mall etc. Losing someone is very sad but you don't want it to spiral out of control. If food is your choice of comfort then at least start resetting your mind to eating healthier options. Small steps will get you there faster than you think!

GFQueen

Thanks! I am going to try to channel my grief in healthier ways. I have a treadmill that has been collecting dust, and I am hoping that I can motivate myself to get back into exercising rather than overeating!

The frustrating thing is that I had been on such a great path to weight loss...eating healthy and exercising...but I let myself get derailed. I didn't realize how far I had let myself go until I tried on clothes that I wore this time last year, and they didn't fit anymore. :frown:

This is hopefully my first day back on track - so the journey begins (again)!

atla_moves

I'm sorry to hear about your mother. It's normal to use food to cope, and it's also healthy to realize that it's time to change that. You're going to do great

I'm going to add you. I'm a full-time student, too. Undergrad, but hopefully will be starting grad school full-time in 5 months.

Does the GF in your username stand for gluten-free?

GFQueen

GF does stand for 'Gluten Free'. I was gluten free for about three weeks, hoping to see some health benefits, but I didn't find it to be very helpful for me. I know so many people who felt great after cutting gluten, but I wasn't one of them!

So I guess GF stands for 'Gluten Full' now! :laugh:

Shanellz

I totally understand! My mother died when I was 18 & I gained 30 pounds. Now I'm trying to lose it 5 years later..

swingsnatchlift

I'm sorry to hear about your mothers passing. My dad died just over a year ago, and I've done the same thing. Would love to support you.

pwnderosa

Very sorry for you loss. Great decision to come here though! Losing my mom is what brought on a lot of pounds for me too and one of the main reasons I came here to track & find support to get fit again. Exercise has helped me a LOT and getting healthier is making me start to feel more sane also. Good luck in your new start!

GFQueen

Thank you all so much for the kind words and support!

I am sorry to all the posters who lost a parent. It is such a difficult journey. I do agree that directing my energy toward exercise and healthy eating is a much better way to cope. I am at the point where I feel my eating is being controlled by my feelings, not my hunger. The problem is, that food is only bringing temporary comfort, and causing me to gain weight...which makes me feel worse, and makes me eat even more. Really a vicious cycle that I'd love to break!

janahcarter

Sorry about your Mother's passing. My Dad died February 2011 and I ate my feelings like there was no tomorrow for the rest of that year. I decided in Jan 2012 that I was going to make my Dad proud and lose the weight. I lost 30 pounds from Jan 2012 to Dec 2012. Would have been more but I wasn't fully committed. I have really buckled down this year but with the 2 year anniversary of him being gone coming up, I feel myself slipping back into old habits. Losing a parent sucks.

princessjennie1

Hi I am a total comfort eater and would like to know how to stop this I have had enough of it now it is not comforting!! x Good luck with your weight loss and sorry about your loss x

tpatterson458

I am very sorry for the loss of your Mother. I know what it is like to be an emotional eater. We just need to remember how good we felt when we previously lost weight. And make this the last time for this type of struggle. You will do it!

Hirgy03

First off, I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I don't think people that haven't lost somebody so close fully understand how devastating something like that can be. Coming up on 9 years ago, I lost my wife to cancer (we were both in our early 30's at the time). I went through the grief, then followed that up with a drunken pity party for a few years.

Anyway, for what its worth, something hit me one day and I've used it as a motivation ever since. I started thinking of what I would feel if the roles had been reversed, had it been me to die instead of her. What would I have thought had i looked down to see her throwing her life away using pity and grief as an excuse (don't get me wrong, not saying that grief is an 'excuse' necessarily....we all have to go through that mourning period and for some its longer than others. However, those of us who have been through it know when the grief turns into self-pity, when the feeling bad for them changes to feeling sorry for ourselves, etc. and so forth) to waste her life away. How would I feel about her letting her life pass her by, using MY death as an excuse and shield from criticism? I would have hated it. I would have wanted to scream at her until she finally woke up.

That was when I started looking into the whole Livestrong bracelets' meaning. It wasn't intended to just show that either I or somebody I loved had been through the struggle of cancer. Instead, the true meaning of them (as I read somewhere) is a living promise to those who have lost the battle, or at least those who've gone through it and somehow survived, that I vow to LIVE STRONG in honor of them. It really hit me that day, and its stuck with me ever since. Now, when I see myself starting to lean towards self-pity and self-destructive behavior, I remember that by living stronger, by becoming a better version of me.....THAT is how I honor her. THAT is how I show that her LIFE, not her death, has inspired me to make the most out of every day I'm given. And that by throwing away any chance of more days on this earth is almost like spitting in her face, because she loved life. She would cherish every single day, every single smile, every single laugh, every bit of everything that life has to offer. Since she didn't get that chance, it would be an insult to her memory for me not to appreciate what I have and do everyhing I can to become a better me.

I know that this isn't an answer to your question, but when I see stories like yours, I always want to try to offer that bit of encouragement. If that logic is used by one out of every 100 people I tell it to, I feel its worth mentioning. Good luck on your journey.......and I'd say you will be a success just from the simple fact that you've come here for support.

GFQueen

Hirgy03 - Thank you so much for the words of encouragement and inspiration. I am so sorry for your loss, but very inspired to hear how you channeled your grief in a positive way.

My mother's illness was cancer - it blindsided us because she was only 50 years old and had been previously very healthy. It was a very aggressive strain, and she passed only 8 weeks after her initial diagnosis.

I had never thought of the Livestrong bracelet message in the way you mentioned - as a way for the survivors missing who lost the battle to better ourselves and live stronger. I am going to reflect on that often. Thank you.

shannon128

I am so sorry to hear about your loss and everyone else who posted above. My mom passed away when I was in high school. Losing a parent is incredibly hard.

However, I am really glad to hear that you are starting to make a huge change in your life! Exercise is by far the best thing you can do for yourself. . I am sure most people would agree that it does wonders on both your physical and mental state.

CerrissaW

Hi,
Today is my first day on this site. I am very sorry for your loss and for the loss of all the others on this site. To the gentleman who lost his wife in his 30's, I lost one of my best friends six years ago and I know from watching her husband and young children how devastating losing a partner is. I also know that losing a parent is devastating. My father passed away almost two years ago and I put on about 20 pounds during my most intense time of grief. I was 46 when he died but no matter what age you are, when you lose someone you love it's very difficult. I also put on 20 pounds that I never took off when I started having miscarriages, the first when I was 28 and the last of seven miscarriages when I was 42. I have two wonderful boys who are 9 & 11 and very active and I don't think they really believe me when I tell them I was thin and a decent athlete myself through college. I really want to keep up with them, play basketball and soccer, run and hike so my motivation is multi-level.

I have been on and off the weight loss wagon now for about 15 years and really think it's time for me to make a permanent change. My father died of obesity related issues at the young age of 68 and I know he does not want for me to have to face the same sorts of challenges he did as he grew older. His death gave me the courage to quit my full-time job and work only part-time (with the support of my husband) so I could pursue my dream of finishing my novel and adopting a career as a writer. I know it's quite a goal but I've been taking writing courses, networking with other writers and most importantly, writing almost every day. I am now also a regular contributor to a Northern California business magazine and that has helped boost my confidence.

My novel centers around a woman and her mother and how they regain their lives after the death of their father/husband by starting a kimchi making business (I am Korean and Scottish/Irish). It centers around healthy food and positive life changes that must be made in the face of adversity. In some ways my desire to lose this weight and get in shape is life imitating art because I have learned so much about myself writing this story. I am currently working on the second draft and hoping by the sixth draft, with help from my writing community, the story will be ready to be sent to literary agents. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for that moment.

One important thing I have learned from writing is that mine is much better when I have help. Mentors, critique partners, friends who will take the time to read my work and give me feedback. After many solitary attempts at weight loss, I am wondering if losing weight would also be easier with support from others who understand where I am coming from who would support me as I support and encourage them. I picked this thread to respond to because everyone seems so compassionate and motivated. I picked MFP because it's free and looks like it offers a good product.

I'm not sure what the next steps are to get involved with a group of people but would welcome any advice.

EvelynBfly78

I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. Three years ago my husband passed away & like you I turned to food for comfort. Before MFP I lost 18 lbs of that weight. It took over 2 years for me to join mfp & lose the rest. So far I have kept off those 22 lbs for 2 months. I never want to see them again.
Please feel free to friend me. We can support each other.

sherrymurr

I'm sorry, I know you miss her. I lost my husband last May. In the same breath I bless and curse the things that remind me of him and the fact he's gone. The love is still there, and they only want the best for us and us to be our best. In this regard, it's okay to be selfish and take care of yourself. If you need a friend feel free to add me.

sruvane

I am grateful to have found this thread on MFP. I'm a certified health coach, having studied whole foods eating for two years at the Institute for Integrative Nutrition (2006/2007). My Immersion year included counseling a former Olympic athlete, a personal trainer, and 3 others who were trying to stay the course with healthful eating habits. Sounds like grief eating wouldn't be a problem for me? Wrong. Grief eating stopped me dead in my tracks. Within 3 years of graduating from IIN, I lost both my son (only 24) and his dad (50). I packed on 60 pounds of "grief weight." Grief cannot be underestimated. It came at me like a boulder and rendered me immobile. Just now, two and a half years later, am I ready to get up and set an intention to make a daily effort with MFP. This APP puts health back in my own hands and I am really excited about it. I am looking to lend as well as receive support on the the path back to health, from all of you who have experienced profound loss. Since we all grieve differently and get past obstacles in unique ways, I promise to listen but never tell you what to do. Much love, Sharon :flowerforyou:

sruvane

35 pounds is a lot of weight lost. Such a great job. I am sure your dad is looking down proudly

BuffyEat2Live

Found this thread by searching for "grief" just to see if anything came up...

I'm so sorry for all of your losses. Like one poster said, it is hard to truly understand unless one has been there. My mom died suddenly last June and I dealt with the grief weight in the amount of about 50 pounds (40 of them in abotu 2 months, no exaggeration).

I came back to MFP and am slowly but surely getting it off again.

I was a wreck for about 4 months, and then I started to adjust a bit, with less crying and actually going to work and taking care of myself (like Mom would have wanted). I'm dreading the "one year gone" date. I've started to become ridiculously emotional again the last couple of weeks, crying at the drop of a hat, etc... And June 18th is still a couple of months away.

fergie2812

I think I was meant to find this thread today.
Thank you to all of oyu who have posted about their losses I am so sorry you have been through all this.
I lost my Dad in Jan this year. He struggled with his weight for as long as I can remember but he got there although it seems it was too late.
Going through birthdays especailyl for my kids is hard as was Easter as it was a special time for all of us.
I tried to do well in his memory but I think I tried too soon and needed to put some grief weight on as coping with any tasks was too much. I have just now started the 5:2 fast diet and it does seem to help. I have to focus for 2 days which I can do and then not pressure myself as much the rest of the week (although I am trying to be good then too). I think we all deal with grief in different ways and it was always be painful so now I have realised this it does make it a bit easier to try to focus on me and not on the grief and loss.
I am 40 next March and my little brother has challenged me to a 10k so that is what I will do in Dad's memory.
Its a long road but at least we've all made the first step
thanks again all for inspriing me on what for no particular reason has been a hard day
x

edena1987

Bumping this thread.

My grandmother passed away last October and I have completely let myself go. I have gained about 40 pounds since that day. My grandmother was everything to me. I would talk to her at least once a day and when I was in town, I would spend my time with her. I was filling the massive hole that she left in me with food, that we both bonded over. Being Italian, food was the cornerstone for us. We could never start a phone conversation without having a snack. Prior to her passing, I had lost about 50 pounds and I have put that on plus more. I need to get my mojo back but I feel so unmotivated to do anything that requires me to get out of bed.

SierraZulu

I'm so sorry for your loss. My Mom died almost 5 years ago and I ate my way through my grief too. A lot of emotions to work through, and it takes time. It's a roller coaster. Would love to support you.

edena1987

I would appreciate it. I have a grief counselor I see every Friday.

Right now I plan on working out 5x a week for 30 minutes. I enjoy running and the elliptical. I also plan on throwing in some weights on top of the 30 mins cardio. Taking the stairs at work (I'm a teacher) and 4 small meals/snacks during the day.

maQmIgh

As so many people have said already... my commiserations for your loss.. I know how hard it can be..

I lost my Mother to Cancer when I was 16 years old (16 years ago this year) the pain never really goes, but I found after a few years I wasn't thinking about the negatives of my mothers death quite so much, but was focusing more of the fun we had (which made it easier)

When mum died I hit a long patch of depression (didn't know it at the time as no one put a label on it... I was just described as a messed up kid, my mood swings were put down to being an obnoxious child)
It was only after 13 years of suffering like this, and a long term relationship, of 20 years, breaking down that put me over the edge.

Rather than go for the comfort eating, I went for comfort drinking... I was very close to becoming an alcoholic within 4 months.
My roller coaster stopped spiraling when a doctor finally diagnosed depression and Ive never looked back since.

It will be a hard slog for you, but you can get through this bump in your road, it just may take a little time.

You have certainly come to the right place, since I started using this app properly (almost 2 months ago) i have found no end of supportive people here.

Good luck with you journey, I know you can do it

Feel free to add me if you wish
xx

SierraZulu

I'm glad you're seeing a counsellor, Edena. It helps so much to talk it out. And you're doing so well in your workouts and eating! Way to go! I found out that when I felt like crying and having a pity party, I would give myself a time limit to cry it out, get mad, whatever, and then I would stop and do something positive after. That way, I wasn't getting overwhelmed by it and gave myself something good to focus on. I grew up with my Grandmother being a huge part of my life too and she passed away this past January, and it felt like losing my Mom all over again. But both my Mom and Grandmother were strong women and I focus on the fact that making a good life and getting through the tough times and moving forward is the best way I can honour them.

branbury

I understand grief weight. I lost a friend 4 + years ago. First I lost 20 pounts -- suddenly -- sallow. Then gradually over the months that followed, I put on and put on and put on. 4 and 1/2 almost years ago, I am forty pounds too heavy. I am beginning the healing road back.

Thanks for sharing your journeys. My deepest sympathy to you as you heal from your grief.

edena1987

Thanks you guys. I appreciate it You put a smile on my face!

SierraZulu

I'm so glad Edena. It will be ok. That's the most important thing to remember.

classicbizz

To OP

We have so much in common. I lost my dad in December after a long battle with heart disease. I think my weight gain partially comes from the grief and partially because of sedentary lifestyle. I am also a full time graduate student, which as you well know, involves a lot of sitting around and stress!

I'm going to add you if that's ok.

Best wishes

Lynsey