Moving On

MrsBrosco

How do you move on from a tragedy?

May of 2012 my (step) Dad was with a group of his friends in WI on vacation (we live in MI), they were all on their Harleys. A {insert every terrible mean word you can think of here} "man" driving a car going 55mph towards the bikes (head on, bikes also going 55mph) down a strait road decided to take a 90 degree turn directly into them (we still have no explination as to why he did this). He bumped the first bike in line and then took out my Dad followed by every single one of his friends. My Dad was left with no left leg at the scene of the accident, there were pieces and parts of his left arm laying in the ditch next to him, his pelvis was broken and shifted in 3 places, all ribs broken and he was bleeding to death. He was flat lined upon arrival to the Trauma Center. One family friend was left dead at the scene of the accident, another friend died 4 days later and 8 friends were treated for broken bones, internal bleeding ect... My Dad spent 4 weeks in an induced coma while they performed opporations daily, we had no idea who he would be when he woke up, if he woke up. I was 8 months pregnant with my second daughter while all of this was happening.

For any of you who have suffered such a tragedy, how do you move on? I still 9 months later have so much anger and emotion towards this that I just cannot seem to get past it. I have always been an emotional eater but this has put so much fuel on that fire that I have gained weight and the binges I go through are so unhealthy. I have went to counseling and I feel better while i'm there but when I wake up the next day it's back to the same feelings. Seeing my Dad in a wheel chair with no leg and all the scars is getting easier as time goes by but when the Phantom Pains hit and cause him to yell out and virtually jump out of his skin it makes me want to scream. How fair is that? To have your leg wripped off of your body but still have the worst pain imaginable in a knee that you no longer have?

Here is where the guilt comes in. My Dad is amazing, I mean completely and utterly amazing. He has never once, not a single time, said anything negative about the entire situation. He's thankful to be alive, that is all he ever really says. "IT IS WHAT IT IS" has become my family's moto. But knowing that he will never run and play with my girls the way he used to or crawl accrossed the floor with his dog... it just drives me crazy! He is so humbled by this experience and I am not, how he can be so "okay" with what has happened while the rest of us are so angry and grieving a life with him that we used to have? It makes me feel guilty, like, if he is okay with it why can't I get to that point? I have heard that in order to move on I am going to have to learn to forgive the person that did this to him but I just don't see that as possible at this point, it's still too fresh.

Anyway, sorry for the long windedness of this, I'm really just looking for someone that has been through anything that left these types of feelings that could maybe provide some, "it's going to be okay, I am living proof." Someone that has had something so precious wripped away from them in the blink of an eye... Thank you friends.

DLSlim

I have not been through any tragedy of the sort, but I needed to tell you that your story left me in tears. I think you are amazing and strong for sharing this.

MorgueBabe

It takes a lot of time.
In 2009, I found I had a tumor on my spinal cord in my neck, then1 month later I got laid off from my career, 2 months later my father fell hit his head, spent a week in the hospital with blood on his brain and then eventually died in the hospital, then 3 months later my cat died. Yeah 2009 sucked.

It take time. Most of all it takes support from friends and family who keep you going. They keep you from falling into that dark place of terrible depression. Get out and keep up with your schedule and hobbies. If it wasn't for community bands I was in, I'd have ended up much more depressed. get out get fresh air. You can't change the course of life, it happened, all you can do is accept it. You can't go back, so harping on things, won't fix the situation. You don't have to forgive but you need to learn to just let it go, and not spend too much time thinking about that man... or it will eat you up and destroy you.
It gets better... it will never ever be the same but it gets better.

kini324

I just wanted to say I'm sorry this happened to you and your family! The only thing I really deal with is a dad who is a severe diabetic and is slowly killing himself. I've had to stand by and watch this because he doesn't want to change. It's been an emotional roller coaster. I do try and focus on the good things in life and think that everything happens for a reason. I have to learn something from this situation. What I learned was to take better care of myself so my husband and kids don't go through the turmoil we go through with my dad.

This is a horrible situation for you, but maybe, down the road, your family will learn things you didn't know about yourselves (how strong you are) or about other people (you never know someone's experiences, so treat all people kindly).

Hang in there!!!

pyrowill

I'm sorry to hear that, I wish you and your family all the best. I can't really offer advice on this as nothing like this has ever happened to me before. All I can say is that time is the best healer really.

Did they catch the guy?

MrsBrosco

Thanks everyone, your words are very kind.

Yes, it took the jaws of life to get him out of his vehicle. He was parked on top of pieces and parts of everyones bikes as well as the friend that was killed at the scene. He has not been sentenced yet, that probably will not come until the summer time. He is claiming amnesia before and after the accident. The biker community in WI has been incredible. There have been hundreds who have shown up to every one of his court appearances and stood silent in support of our men that were involved that day. Their presence is felt, believe me.