help!

neveradullmoment

Ok so this is kinda going to me a vent BUT I am also looking for some help with suggestions and thoughts.

I feel like my husband is slowing killing himself. I have watched him for some time now eat more and more and more and become less active. Oh and while he is eating more and more he is washing it down with diet soda...YUCK! Any way I know that I can not make him change and I know that I can not make him make better food choices but it is like I am watching him slowing die in front of me.

I admit that I have not always been on track and I have not always eaten healthy and I do still love a good burger and fries but I have learned how to eat it in moderation. I also am loving going to the gym which I never used to do and still can not believe that I love going to the gym.

When I head out to the gym I ask my husband...Do you want to go with me? His response is always...ummmmm no. He eats horrible amounts of unhealthy food and even eats junk late at night. I don't buy junk food anymore because I know that if it is in the house I will eat it so I don't buy it. But he will then go out to the store and buy it.

I could go on and on about the changes that I have seen in him and they are not for the good but I wont.

And I know that I can not make him eat healthier and I can not make him get to the gym but I hate standing back and watching this happen to him.

Calliope610

I recently faced a similar situation with my husband regarding his smoking. His smoking was causing so many problems - his health and well-being and financial problems as well.

Like you, I knew there was nothing I could do to make him stop smoking. But I could determine whether or not it was acceptable for me to spend my married life with a man too unhealthy to get out of bed or off the couch to do anything, whose tobacco habit was driving us into debt and who wasn't willing to make any changes. He seems perfectly happy to kill himself with tobacco - and he KNEW that was going to happen.

I was considering telling him "hey, you can smoke if you want to, but I don't want to live like this anymore." I was willing for my well-being and happiness to walk away from the marriage.

Luckily, I didn't have to go that far. He eventually decided his life was worth saving - and he quit smoking in March 2012.

My point is that you can't make him "do" anything, but you do have the right to make decisions for yourself about what is acceptable or not in your life and follow through with the appropriate actions.

Good luck.

sweetk1969

This is a tough one cause men can be stubborn. He has to want to change his eating and exercise habits. In the meantime I would cook healthy meals and stay on a healthy routine. If he likes burgers and fries. Make him turkey burgers and baked fries. Making little changes will help him. Talk to him and let him know that his eating habits affects more than just him. I don't know who does the cooking or shopping in your family but if it is you...you have some control. Good luck!

Brunner26_2

A wise woman once said....

Just break up.

mt2008

We all know that he has to do it for himself, but instead of asking him to go to the gym, do you think there's something else you guys can do together that is active? Like a walk, hike, etc? Plus, like pp said, if you shop/cook, you do have a bit more control to help steer him in the right direction. My husband knows how to get in a car and drive himself to the store if he wants junk. I buy him a few snacks a week, but beyond that, it's up to him!

He might come around as he sees the changes in you. He might also be a bit worried as it's hard to watch your significant other make changes that you might not be ready for. Before I living healthier, my husband would always work out/go to the gym. I never wanted to go. I wasn't ready to. Instead of pushing me, we did things I wanted to do, like go for a bike ride.

Good luck!

olDave

This may come off as uncaring but it's not meant to be.

Even when we see loved ones doing things in life that we disagree with...or that we don't feel are good for them...we need to remember one thing. If we REALLY love them, we show them respect (and hence love) by allowing them to make their own life choices. By wanting to control them, we show them we don't think they are capable of making their own way in life. To me, that's not love....that's controlling and disrespectful.

Just love him for who he is.

Take care.