I'm fit; he's not. Any advice?
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He's your best friend! Just love him, that's all. If and when he wants to lose weight he will.
Pressure might backfire.0 -
Same situation, bumping0
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There have been long debates here about the merits of telling spouses the truth versus coddling them and letting them continue to grow vertically.
I thought we all agreed that vertical growth was ok?0 -
Smaller plates is a great idea! I also love the suggestion for not making enough for second helpings. (Because, you know, you thought you would save a little $$ by not making such large quantities, *wink* )
When I make larger recipes, I'll state right off the bat that "this is for 2 meals, so I'm putting 1/2 of the pot in the fridge right now". It makes you look like a genius for planning ahead for 'busy nights'. (It's really just because I hate cooking, hahahha!)
ETA - keep in mind that what is a reasonable portion for a woman is often not enough food for a man. Not fair, but true - they burn through more calories than we do.
I try to make sure that there are tons of yummy veggies with our meals so that no one feels like their plate is 'too empty"0 -
In the same situation. And I love him with all of my heart. When he wants to concentrate more on his fitness he knows I am here for all the support and encouragement he needs.
Until then I honestly don't feel it's in my best interest to say anything.
He's always been this way, and I've always loved him as he was.0 -
Tell him that until he can see his junk without bending over, or the aid of a mirror, he's not allowed to see yours either.
^^^ This. Best reply and solution I have ever read on these forums. LOL
Two-by-four...
Wham...
It was quite OBVIOUSLY a joke. Calm down.0 -
Tell him he's overweight. As a man, trust me, he already knows it, and men are nowhere near as sensitive about it as women. My wife didn't have to tell me, and she knew it, it was more about me deciding that I wanted to go do it.
As for portion control, etc, buy smaller plates.
^ agree completely (but you know your husband better than us - YMMV)
Then reward him properly when he makes progress.
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Do you do the cooking? Cook less, so second helpings are not an option.
Come on. This is an adult we're talking about here. While cooking healthy meals is a great thing, and you should certainly do this, as a *strategy* it won't help, if he decides to go have a 1000 calorie dessert after you're done. The only thing you can do is lead by example, show your love for it, invite him to come with you, and hope he comes along. He probably won't.Sometimes, I was just fat and happy and I didn't want to put in the effort. It took several years of his gradual prodding and educating to get me where I am today.
THIS. What worked, specifically?0 -
Definatly go for the kids thing, just ask him if he wants to see them graduate, also no kid wants an unfit Dad that can't play, but yes the cutting him off until he can see his stuff again is excellent LOL!
Good Luck!0 -
I lost lots of weight after my dad died very suddenly, then I met my boyfriend and put all that weight and more back on over the space of a year. Now, my boyfriend could certainly stand to lose a few pounds but I never mention anything like that, however, he started to tell me I was getting fat - and I admit I was but being told that first time hurt. Second and third time hurt too, by the fourth time I had found MFP and I was thinking, "I'll show you, you cheeky sod!"
I have lost weight by trying (and counting calories of course) and he's lost a few pounds because what I cook at home is less fattening than before. I've asked him to join me out walking but it's not something that interests him. If he does take a tumble to himself, and realise it would do him good to get fitter, then I will be there to help him.
I did this for me, and perhaps partly to show him that I could!!!!0 -
He's at the exact weight I was when I started losing weight. All I did to lose weight was portion control and exercise. During this process I started realizing, to put it in MFP terms, all of the NSVs that I was enjoying; not breathing heavy while walking up a hill, not breathing heavy while standing to use the urinal, not snoring as much or at all. All the things that just made life easier. the other key is I quit beating around the bush so to speak, I was FAT, yes that word can and should be used. It's tough to do sometimes but if you want a person to live a long and healthy life it is important to be open and truthful with that person. Ultimately, he has to want to change and change for himself, no matter what you say, but if you can give him a good poke in the right direction all the better. Good luck.0
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Sometimes they don't come around. My husband believes that getting fat is part of aging, and he's perfectly content with it.
He's in pretty good shape though. He works as a plumber and runs up and down stairs, ladders, etc. Last time we went hiking, he was way ahead on the trail. Weird because he smokes, too, and I was the one out of breath.0 -
I am in the same situation. My husband is 5'11 and hitting the 270 range. I make healthy meals. He has a huge issue with portion control and eating unhealthy meals/snacks when he is not at home. I understand that people are saying to make smaller portions, but I would prefer my husband have a larger portion of the healthy meal, rather than filling up on snacks after dinner. I have tried talking to him about his health and my concerns about having a healthy future together after our kids have grown, He just gets upset with me. It is so frustrating, when I am trying to better myself, and he is wasting his life away. I am sorry that I don't have any advice, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone.Feel free to friend me. We can try to support each other.0
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Tell him that until he can see his junk without bending over, or the aid of a mirror, he's not allowed to see yours either.
Love this!0 -
Sometimes, I was just fat and happy and I didn't want to put in the effort. It took several years of his gradual prodding and educating to get me where I am today.
THIS. What worked, specifically?
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It was little things that eventually added up to a huge lifestyle change for me. It was pretty sneaky, really. He spends massive amounts of time either at the gym or doing physical stuff. He would ask me to join him and I knew I would have to if I wanted to spend time with him. It truly started with leisurely walks in the park. He eventually had me jogging intervals with him. Also, he absolutely refused to eat unhealthy. If he cooked, it was bland and boring. I had to adjust my recipes to suit us both. That meant out with the calorie dense sauces and in with the spices. At some point, my vanity got the better of me. He looks amazing and I didn't want to be the fat chick with a hot husband. I didn't think it was fair to have this amazing man with a slob of a wife. It took a couple of years though.0 -
Sounds like you've asked him to run/walk with you, but maybe that's not the type of exercise he likes doing? My fiancé started getting in shape when he started taking jiu jitsu classes. He really enjoys it, it's good for cardio and strength at the same time, he's made some great friends, and it's pushed him to try and eat healthier and do more strength training at the gym... all because he wants to perform better in class. He's lost about 60 lb since he started a year and a half ago without calorie counting or exercise tracking.
Anyway, my really rambling point is, have you tried suggesting activity that's less overtly exercise? Sports, hiking, bike rides with the kids on the weekends. Sometimes we go to the park and take turns running receiving routes while the other plays QB (we both love football). It's kind of cheesy, but I'm sure you can find something you both enjoy!0 -
Here's what got me going. My husband, who is also my best friend, told me very sweetly that I was beautiful but he worried about my health. He wants me around for a long time so we can have a happy life together. You don't necessarily need to be hurtful. Tell him you worry about him.0
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Tell him that until he can see his junk without bending over, or the aid of a mirror, he's not allowed to see yours either.
OMG lmao. this is great.0 -
I love him to death--would like to see him around for a long time.
^ this is basically all you need to tell him. throw in the kids as motivation too - usually a man needs no more.0 -
sounds just like mine, i care, he does not,,0
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Send him to the doctor for a physical. That might open his eyes.
Make this about his health. I got blood work a couple years ago and found that my cholesterol was close to being high, and i was "pre-diabetic." I had a new born son at the time and this was an eye-opener. so, i made the decision that i was going to change the way i ate for my health mainly for him. the weight loss is a side effect of me just getting healthier.0 -
I see you have kids
"Hun, I love you the way you are, but I want you to be there for our kids, and it is unhealthy to eat like you do, and not exercise.."
BAM! Didn't talk about weight.
this!
I agree with this too.
Also, have you considered going on a food plan and suggests he follows it with you? Say you want the support to eat healthier, even if you already do and don't want to change yourself, plenty of men who don't need to diet will diet with their partner's for moral support. It's the same as people who give up alcohol to support alcoholic partners, etc.
Chances are he could feel like it wont work for him or he doesn't have the willpower, so maybe as your husband he will be less reluctant if he feels like he is doing this to support you?
Everyone has the ability to change their diet, bodies and lifestyle. It's just finding the thing that sets it in motion for them and it's different for everyone.0 -
My husbands fit but I'm not. We've been married 20 years. I am just now getting fit. Because I needed to for health reasons. No one can help someone who doesn't want help. Relax a little. I see you have a baby maybe outings to the park or walks can help with exercise. Do research and cook healthy food. I eat lots of salads first. Fills you up with little calories. I have had to cut out all junk food. My husband didn't but after some months he is also cutting back. Talk to him about the health of your child. How he needs good eating habits. Just remember to be helpful and not hurtful. Sometimes pushing can back fire. And last of all we can make things do things they don't want. Put on some charm and work your magic.0
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Explain it to him in a health perspective, not a weight one. He should know he's unhealthy and with children, maybe you can convinve him to want to live longer.0
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Send him to the doctor for a physical. That might open his eyes.
Make this about his health. I got blood work a couple years ago and found that my cholesterol was close to being high, and i was "pre-diabetic." I had a new born son at the time and this was an eye-opener. so, i made the decision that i was going to change the way i ate for my health mainly for him. the weight loss is a side effect of me just getting healthier.
Unfortunately, this doesn't work for everyone. My Aunt is very overweight 350lbs + and the doctor is constantly telling her she needs to improve her diet and lose weight. Also, her unhealthy life style effected her children and husband as he went on to have a heart attack due to poor eating (she cooks all their meals) and the children have both developed eating disorders. She advised the doctors they have a healthy lifestyle and she doesn't blame herself, sitting there 200lbs overweight.
It's sad, but for some people medical reasons are not enough. Not when a food addiction runs deep.0 -
Just make sure you have the right foods and drinks in the house. Thats a start! Building blocks!0
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Have you tried serving healthier meals? A large portion of good, healthy food beats a smaller portion of crap food hands down, any day.0
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Just make sure you have the right foods and drinks in the house. Thats a start! Building blocks!
Exactly!0 -
try talking to his Dr. and have the DR. talk to him.0
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Tell him that until he can see his junk without bending over, or the aid of a mirror, he's not allowed to see yours either.
^^^ This. Best reply and solution I have ever read on these forums. LOL
Depends on genetics and body composition, I'm 5'10" 260lbs (similar) and I don't need to bend over, etc.0
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