Parkinsons?

leelaa

THis has nothing to do with weight loss but is anyone here having to deal with Parkinsons disease themselves or with parents, in-laws, grandparents or any one else close to you? My father in law has this disease and is becoming very depressed. He wants to die, and thinks he can do this by starving/dehydration. We have tried to talk him out of it but he just doesn't want to live anymore. We are very involved in his life but nothing seems to make him happy. Any ideas or suggestions welcome

TDGee

http://www.pdf.org/en/index

Good luck to you all

leelaa

Thank You! I will look at this for sure.

kritterxx

My grandma had Parkinsons, and it was hugely difficult to deal with. Before the disease, she'd always said that she'd rather die than be a burden on her loved ones, and that she would rather die than forget those she loved. Sadly, she did forget - her memory was very badly affected, and by the end she had little to no recognition of the people around her - be it family or her nurses.

What kind of situation is your father in law in - does he live alone, with family, at a home? Perhaps simply finding him some kind of 'purpose' would be useful. Getting someone out of a depression is no easy task. It requires a lot of time, love, and support. I think, in an overly simplified way, it comes down to how useful the person feels. If someone can't create their own reasons to live, you have to create them for the person. Whether it's loved ones reminding him how important he is to them, or sharing wonderful memories, or doing some kind of activity as a family. Surrounding someone with love is so important. What have his doctors suggested? I don't envy you for that task that you have ahead of you. It's so hard to watch someone's health deteriorate before your eyes, never mind watch them want to end their lives, as well. Life is good, but it's hard to remind people of that!

Do you know of anything he'd like to do before he dies - has he ever mentioned anything that he'd particularly like to see or do? I know that if my mother was incredibly ill and knew that her time was more limited than before, that I'd make sure she got to see the Northern Lights. Something like that, if it's affordable or plausible, can turn someone's life around, and perhaps give them some kind of hope.

leelaa

Hi, thanks for replying. He lives by himself in his home of about 30 years. His wife (the step mother) died about a year ago from cancer. He expected to die before she did so he did not prepare to have to deal with all this himself. He has my husband (his son) and me, and 2 other sons to help take care of him. The other 2 sons don't do a lot to help him. They are more into themselves than they are into helping their dad which leaves it all up to us. We do all the banking, shopping, cleaning for him. We do cook a home cooked meal for him every Sunday and it would probably more but I work day shift and hubby works nights. We have suggested assisted living so that he might find someone he had something in common with but he has an argument about everything we suggest. Its almost impossible! He just wants to sit in his chair all day and watch tv and feel sorry for himself. I am not judging since I don't know what its like but I wish he would try a little bit. He also thinks all doctors are quacks and are just out for his money! Oh boy!

LinaBo

It sounds to me like he needs counselling. Maybe a trained pro with experience in counselling Parkinson's sufferers can be found through the PDF, there?

My father doesn't have Parkinson's, but he has terrible tremors (can't sign his name, has trouble holding a glass and bringing it up to drink without spilling some, due to the tremors), and he also has stiffness and slowness in walking, and pain issues that require rest. He has extensive nerve damage (in part due to 30 years as a marine mechanic, which involved a lot of heavy lifting), and has had so many C-spine surgeries that he has a "ditch" at the back of his neck, where the scar is.

I know that for my father, it is difficult to accept help (downright impossible, most times), and this is mainly because he has always been in a provider role, being our "Mr Fix-It" around the home. In the past decade and a half, he has learned a lot about computers... which is appropriate, because it appeals to his technical side while avoiding much of the heavy lifting that came with fixing boats.

It can be very depressing to lose that sense of purpose, and I'm sure that as he gets older this may become even more of a struggle with him. With regards to your father-in-law, do you think that he has lost a sense of purpose? What sort of role did he play in his family's life, while he was still physically able? How might you appeal to that side of him, to make him feel like he is still relevant? Maybe he was more of an intellectual, a knowledge guy. Ask him for his advice on things that he is knowledgeable on. Gradually encourage other family members to see his worth, not just letting him know that he is loved, but letting him know that he is still greatly valued for his knowledge in specific areas where he once also had physical skill.

SwimFan1981

My grandma passed away in December, she had Parkinson's for as long as I can remember, she was 91 when she died.
There are plenty of help groups and online resources that might be of help to you.

Here is a forum http://www.parkinsons.org.uk/pdsforum/default.aspx

Take care.

leelaa

Thank you for your ideas. He was a guy who couldn't be stopped in his prime. He was a contractor (a good one with an excellent reputation) and worked 7 days a week. I do think that now that he isn't able to help people like he used to it does make him feel useless. He used to love to restore old cars and things like that. We just don't know how to help him anymore. Nothing seems to interest him anymore. I am sure he has lost his sense of purpose I just wish he would try to find something else in his life.

leelaa

Hi, I was just wondering, your grandmother was 91, did she try and fight for life even though she had this disease? Thanks