1 year since mother died

1sisrat

1 year ago exactly my mother died in the ICU from complications of Parkinsonian Muscular System Atrophy which lead her to contract MRSA Pnemonia. She died an agonizing death after 3 days on a ventilator. I was 6 months pregnant, 26 years old, and had thought she'd see her first grandchild born (something I had planned due to her Parkinsonian disorder that usually kills 6 years after diagnosis). I was devistated and have been a shell of myself since. She was my world... I was her only biological child, the one she decided she wanted when she was 36 years old after a lifetime of not wanting her own kids becuase her mother died when she was 6 (she thought she'd be a terrible mother). She was a great mother, the best, couldn't have asked for a better mother. I'm still so sad, and cry almost daily. The world is so grey without her. My poor father, he never thought he'd be a widower... he just doesn't know what to do with himself. I just need some support.... it's a rough day, and I am going to imbibe in some wine, as was her tradition. it's rough being the only child who is mourning the death of her mother... my half siblings (14 years older than me) just dont understand. This weekend I am spreading her ashes over her parents' graves on the family farm in NC.

onyxgirl17

my mom died a year ago too. We weren't quite as close but I do understand where you are coming from. It was hard to get through last year and I think of this year as a new beginning.

Your mom must be so proud of you though, and her legacy lives on through your little one *hugs*

88meli88

I am so sorry for your loss. I love how you write about your mom. I hope I will be a good mom to have my son think about me like this. Huge hugs....

icimani

I'm so sorry for your loss. No matter how sooner or later it happens, whether it's a shock or we knew it was coming - it's always hard.

Perhaps finding someone to talk about it would help? If it's affecting you this much after a year maybe it's time to seek some professional help. Or maybe it's the anniversary of her death that's bringing it back in which case I'm way off base.

Either way - I feel for you.

blc1971

First and foremost, I am so sorry for your loss!! My mother died suddenly, 10 years ago in April, from a massive heart attack. She was only 55 years old. I was devastated and it is still a very sore spot for me. It took a long time for me to be able to even talk about it without crying (which I still do from time to time, but not as often). Speaking as someone who has dealt with this for a long time, it is something you will never get over. Never. But it will get easier to handle as time goes on. I still have bad moments but I am much stronger now. I love that you're having a glass of wine in her honor!! I cook things that my mom used to make and I always dedicate them to her! Plus I bring treats to work for everyone on her birthday, so they can celebrate her with me. My mom is one of the reasons I am on MFP now and developing a healthy lifestyle for me and my family. She smoked constantly, worried about everything, and ate terribly. I don't want to live (or die) like that. I know my mom wouldn't want that for me either, so I am working on being a better version of myself in her honor. My advice is this: Live your life as you know she would want you to. She would want to see you happy, loving, taking care of yourself, and honoring her memory. At least, that's my guess!! Blessings to you and yours!

elliott82

i'm so sorry for your loss. this weekend was the one year anniversary of my boyfriend's mom's passing (i didn't meet him until after she died). i can't say it was easy for him, but we spent the day doing stuff i knew he'd like doing so he wasn't just thinking about it all day.

that being said, do what feels right for you today. if you feel like sitting in the bathtub, drinking wine and crying - do it. but don't let yourself feel bad for too long. i don't know you, but i'm sure there are plenty of things she'd be proud of you for. talk to her, tell her you miss her, and tell her you are trying to make her proud. and you'll get through today.

Lizlicious2187

So sorry for your loss. I lost my mom last April so a year is coming up soon and I'm feeling really anxious. It was her birthday Feb 15 and that was the first since she passed and I managed to get through the day with only one breakdown. I'm not really sure what I'm going to do yet. My dad, brother and I are planning on spreading her ashes in the Smokey Mountains over Easter because it was her favorite place as a child. I know words can't really help much but if you ever need someone to talk to I'm glad to lend an ear. Hope your day goes as best as it can.

nctgreene

I am so sorry for your loss. My father passed away 1 yr ago this month and his birthday was Valentine's Day. I am 61 and it hurts as if I were much younger. I live in NC. I will remember you in prayer.

Nancy

pamelasue1949

Sorry to hear of your loss of your father. My prayers and blessings are with you during this sad time. I may say the wrong thing...but I will attempt to comfort you. I am the oldest of 5 children. I am 63 and my younger brothers are 61, 59, 58 43. I had to take the lead to get things taken care of. So don't know the feeling of being an only child. It was rough for us all even though we were older.
It is so rough loosing parents. We had just gotten home from my mom's funeral and our Dad passed away 10 days later. We hung together with all of our might and got through it.
We tried our best to celebrate their lives, telling jokes, funny stories, playing their favorite music, looking at their favorite magazines and books, and went to eat at their favorite restaurants. We then noticed we were doing ok-but yes we had each other. Look up a cousin, an aunt, or even a best friend, or mentor to talk to. Even an old college roommate or sorority sister or brother or bible class buddy.
I can only adivse to get out and have fun....they would want you to do that. Even watch home movies or look at pictures will help you feel good and sad. But remember they are in your heart and they have handed you the torch to lead in your family now.
Go for it. Git er done.
Blessings again & I pray for your time of recovery to go quickly...but I still think about my parents being gone and it is 12 yrs.

PosterPens

i cant imagine losing my mom. i live for her..shes the greatest woman i know. but know your mom is still with you in spirit and always will be. shes obviously done a great job raising you and everyone around her. one of my favorite authors is george anderson. check out his books, or even his site online. you'll find much relief with his words.

retiree2006

Love your mom, miss her, and live the life she would want you to have...one of love, joy and passing on good memories of her and creating your own for your own family. Nothing would honor her more. She's still with you, especially when you need her comfort.

jamaicanlady

This made me cry. Sorry I don't have much else to say. I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a parent. My prayers are with you.

perfectingpatti

I was devistated and have been a shell of myself since. She was a great mother, the best, couldn't have asked for a better mother. I'm still so sad, and cry almost daily. The world is so grey without her.

I lost my father when I was the same age. It is hard. But, when I read the words above, what came to my mind is that your mom would not want you in a shell or for you to see the world as grey without her. She'd want you to celebrate life and be a great mother to your own daughter. She'd want you happy and not sad. She wouldn't want her death to be something that keeps you from enjoying every day of your own life.

(((Hugs)))

nomeejerome

Only those who have gone through it can completely understand the feelings that come with it. I understand and you are not alone.