Baby fever :(

MSeel1984

I sat down and talked with my hubby last night...we were able to come to an agreement that for the immediate/foreseeable future we're tabling the baby topic.

He didn't say we'd wait ten years...we both agree the next two years are out of the question, if only for financial reasons...but he may be open to babies closer down the road than 10 years...then again, he may never be open to it.

I guess I just need to bring myself to that realization that it might never happen. At least we talked about it and are on the same page.

OutsideCreativ

I would also talk to your doctor about the potential for complications the longer you wait. Ask her/him what's the latest window they would recommend.

vicky1804

I never wanted kids till early last year.
The feeling for me comes and goes. One minute I would really like kids but then I remember just how much im enjoying our life together now and knowing how much a child would change that scares the crap out of me. Then again I think if my husband passes before me or when we are old will I be upset that we didnt have kids etc?

I think I might stick with cats/kittens for the moment lol

DebraYvonne

My ex and I were like this when we married -- made the agreement that we wouldn't try for quite a while. If I had let him made the decision, I would not have my children. We married younger than you but waited 8 years and I wish I had gone ahead against his wishes or found someone else who really cared about me and our life instead of just himself. I was with him almost 30 yrs and we had good moments but our life was basically about him. He is just selfish and didn't want to inconvenience his life for kids (still doesn't). Hang in there. Maybe if you guys hang around other couples with a baby, he will see what a beautiful thing it is!

Laura_beau

I sat down and talked with my hubby last night...we were able to come to an agreement that for the immediate/foreseeable future we're tabling the baby topic.

He didn't say we'd wait ten years...we both agree the next two years are out of the question, if only for financial reasons...but he may be open to babies closer down the road than 10 years...then again, he may never be open to it.

I guess I just need to bring myself to that realization that it might never happen. At least we talked about it and are on the same page.

Are you on the same page though? if you want children and he doesn't this is a much bigger issue than just waiting for 2 years. Make sure you do keep communication open about this. You don't want to get 8 years down the line and him turning round and saying he doesn't want children at all. It might sound harsh, and as much as you love him he would have wasted your time and it may well be too late. You would just end up resenting him for it for the rest of your lives. I too am in a similar position, I ideally need to start trying asap as I have a medical condition that is likely to render me infertile within 5 years. My bf would ideally like to wait until we are married, with a mortgage etc....

Stay strong, stand your ground on this.

chooriyah

I sat down and talked with my hubby last night...we were able to come to an agreement that for the immediate/foreseeable future we're tabling the baby topic.

He didn't say we'd wait ten years...we both agree the next two years are out of the question, if only for financial reasons...but he may be open to babies closer down the road than 10 years...then again, he may never be open to it.

I guess I just need to bring myself to that realization that it might never happen. At least we talked about it and are on the same page.

Are you on the same page though? if you want children and he doesn't this is a much bigger issue than just waiting for 2 years. Make sure you do keep communication open about this. You don't want to get 8 years down the line and him turning round and saying he doesn't want children at all. It might sound harsh, and as much as you love him he would have wasted your time and it may well be too late. You would just end up resenting him for it for the rest of your lives. I too am in a similar position, I ideally need to start trying asap as I have a medical condition that is likely to render me infertile within 5 years. My bf would ideally like to wait until we are married, with a mortgage etc....

Stay strong, stand your ground on this.

I agree. There is a BIG difference between waiting (whether 3, 5 or 10 years) and not having kids at all. My understanding of your initial post is that you had agreed you would have kids, but that there would be a long wait before trying. One side of the couple unilaterally then deciding that kids are off the table is a very big deal, and I imagine potentially relationship-threatening.

I definitely think that waiting a few years after marriage, if that's what you want, is generally a good idea. The first few years of marriage can be rocky, and I really think it can be important to build that foundation before you go shaking it up with midnight feeding, diapers, disrupted sex life, screaming children etc etc (haha, can you tell I'm not maternal myself?) But I agree with other posters that given your health status and the darned 'ticking clock', late 30s is probably a bit on the late side of things. I hope you can split the difference and come to an amicable agreement of 4 years or something...

I imagine you could both benefit from digging into the reasons behind your feelings. It might help if your husband can articulate his reasons for wanting to wait. Specifically what is he worried about? The impact on your relationship? Finances? Having to give up certain things he enjoys doing now? If you can afford it, or find a cheap option, it might be worth talking this through in the presence of a marriage counsellor. Sometimes it helps to have an objective, 'referee' in these types of situations.

AmyFett

Personally I'd never wait until almost 40 to START trying. There's higher risk of complications later in life, multiples, diseases and disorders. I think you have every right to want to start trying sooner, but you did agree to waiting. So, I don't know what to tell you as far as that goes. I liked getting the having kids part out of the way early, now I'm pregnant with my last one and finishing up my education so when he/she starts school, I'll go back to work with my degree. Kind of backwards I guess, but I wanted kids young. Plus, my husband is older than me.

papayamischief

Him possibly not wanting to have a baby when you do is a huge deal - I've seen many relationships broken up over that. Waiting for another couple years isn't a bad thing - especially if it means that you have a better financial situation to support a child, but you need to know if he's ever going to want a baby, because honestly, that's something you need to consider about your relationship, no matter how much you love him.
As for having "baby fever", I have an extremely over-active biological clock. I started wanting children when I was sixteen, and it's just gotten worse. For now - until you plan on getting pregnant - my advice is to simply remind yourself why you're holding off: you are trying to make a better life for any potential children. It doesn't help stop the waves that come and hit you suddenly (like when you see a baby and want to have one of your own, or when you walk near baby clothes in a department store), but it does help center you when the waves hit.
Good luck in your life, and whatever happens