For anyone who has pets...

Rugbychick16

(I had to share this, it's so true!!)

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE PETS, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

FOR THOSE THAT DON'T, IT IS A TRUE STORY.



The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door.



Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.



The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.



I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It Is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.



For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.

The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt or lick your own. I cannot stress this enough..

One more thing, staring at me while I eat to try to direct my mind to give you my food will not work (usually). I am too old and too tired. Go stare at the kids. They are younger and more susceptible to mind control. If you don't believe me, notice how they all dress alike so they can be individuals.



Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:



TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS:



(1) They live here. You don't.

(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.

(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.

(4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.



Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:

(1) eat less,

(2) don't ask for money all the time,

(3) are easier to train,

(4) normally come when called,

(5) never ask to drive the car,

(6) don't hang out with drug-using people;

(7) don't smoke or drink,

(8) don't want to wear your clothes,

(9) don't have to buy the latest fashions,

(10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and

(11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children

jennylynn84

I love this. My dog definitely manages to take up the whole bed. And our bathroom does have to exits, so she runs back and forth between both, just to be sure she catches you. lol

AndreeT

Haha Love it!! So true!! Thanks for sharing :laugh:

gurgi22

My cat will hide in the bath tub, behind the shower curtain, and pop up to surprise guests when they are using the toliet. My dad was very unhappy about that one, but both my parents like their grandcats.

sonjavon

This fits my house perfectly! Particularly the bathroom part... what's up with that? I'm pretty sure that at this point in time, I couldn't pee without someone starting at me... I've gotten so used to it!

alanismanson

Hahaha! This is awesome!

kristinlough

Love it! And I'm a rugby wife!!

Alysgrma

Thanks for sharing. It is all so true. I have 1 dog and 2 cats and sometimes I have to sleep in my granddaughters bed because they have taken my bed over....

ACCTGQUEEN

So true, so true. Unfortunately, one of my dogs is not agile enough to get up on the bed anymore... and she was a bed hog... and, I miss having to "hang on" so I don't roll off alot more than I thought I would.

AlannaPie

Between my boyfriend and my cat I sleep on one tiny corner of the bed!

TheMaidOfAstolat

So true about the bathroom. I have what is called a 'velcro dog'. She is permently attached to me. She whines if I leave the room without her. She's part JRT part chihuahua. She doesn't live up to her name at all (Grace or Granuaile- for the Irish pirate queen)...she's not fearless at all, she's a scared of shadows type.

Granny2b

Oh so, so, so, so TRUE !!!!! But you still gotta love em !!!:happy:

txcwgirl

This is so true and funny. I have 2 Corgis and my female will get in bed and curl up next to you so you end up on the edge of the bed and she has the rest of it (King sized bed). She is only 18 inches long, I still can't figure out how she does it. :laugh:

lknorthstar

That is so true. Anyone that comes over to my house gets welcomed by a huge German Shepherd. He is a good host who will introduce himself and welcome you into "his" home. So if you don't like dog hair, drool, or breath don't come into "his" home!

mama22girlz

HAHA so funny and true, especially the wanting in the bathroom and stealing the bed thing. I have two cats and a dog. I should read this to them

stratdl

I definitely have to post this on the lower part of the refrigerator for my three pups! Every word of it is TRUE! :laugh:

...one of my three (the cutie who's my avatar) always has to snuggle in between my legs under the covers right when we go to bed. Sometimes the other two will lay on the bed such that I'm pinned in and can't get out of the covers even if I wanted to!!!!

GREAT POST! :flowerforyou:

Hughesy

I'd love to be able to explain this to our 3 year ole Wheaton Terrier, but she's as mad as a barrel of frogs, so it would just go straight over her head whilst she barked at me to "go get the lead dumbo!"

mommared53

Absolutely true. My cat always has to be right at the foot of the bed where my feet are. Wanna stretch out? Too bad. Move your feet over to another part of the bed. And I have absolutely no privacy when I go to the bathroom in the morning until I feed the cats. The door MUST be open so Andre' can sit there and cry to be fed. After a while, he'll walk away and Judy will take her turn. After around 10 years, I still tend to feel a tad uncomfortable to do my business in front of a male cat. :embarassed: :laugh: :laugh:

hallswan

I love this - I am going to give this to my 2 cats this evening in the hope that they understand the rules of the house!

p.s. it has taken me 16 years (the age of my eldest cat) to train visitors that my cats are my children and I love them more than anything - but they have learnt and now know when they must come in a say hello to the cats and not just ignore them! They are part of the family!

lknorthstar

Oh all this kitty talk is making miss my Norman cat. He was Psycho, that is how I got his name! Norman from the movie Psycho! :laugh: I rescued him, his mom was a stray at my work and she was killed. he was the only one in the litter that survived so I bottle feed the poor little starving thing back to health! At night when I was sleeping he would jump up on my pillow so some how I would end up with either a tiny corner or no pillow. Then he would spend the rest of the night cleaning my hair! Hello, I shower every day Norman I don't need you to clean me! I would wake up in the morning with a wet head and no pillow! What a crazy cat he was!

SageGoddess320

:laugh: Thanks for this! :laugh: