Hi I'm new and I'd greatly appreciate friends + support

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sienaashleigh
sienaashleigh Posts: 20
in Introduce Yourself
My name is Siena and weight is not the biggest issue I struggle with, sadly. On a daily basis I deal with severe depression and anxiety. For it, I see a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist and a Psychiatrist. I am only 19 and have struggled with so much. At the age of 16 I thought I was fat even though I wasn't and worked out to the point where I herniated a disc in my back and was stuck in a wheel chair for a while until I turned 17. The steroids, on top of the anti-depressants I was on at the time, made me gain 100 lbs. When I returned back to high school I was tormented. I was constantly asked if I was pregnant, or if I had a baby, and so on. It got so bad my depression got worse and worse and I was soon hospitalized and had to switch schools. For a while I had my ups and downs but now I am out of high school and my weight has finally gotten the best of me. I can't look in the mirror, I can't talk to a guy even if he SWEARS he's interested because I just don't love myself like this and can't understand how anyone else could. I haven't been to the gym in months in fear that I am too fat to work out and I'm scared of the looks I will get, because when I lost weight before, I noticed everyone there was already fit, I barely ever saw an over weight person in there. I need support and friends if possible to help me make my entrance for the first time in a long time which I am hopefully trying to make to be tomorrow. Please help.:ohwell: I really want to do this. I'm 244 lbs, 5'6 and I'm looking to just lose at least 10 lbs for now and see how far I can push myself from there.
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  • coke_bottle
    coke_bottle Posts: 259 Member
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    Hi, I'm 5'7 and 250 lbs. I need to lose at least 100 lbs, feel free to add me
  • boomerz12
    boomerz12 Posts: 140
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    everyone starts somewhere. and you're a very pretty young woman. forget people who have talked trash. you can do anything you want to.
  • sienaashleigh
    sienaashleigh Posts: 20
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    aw thanks boomerz :) that means a lot to hear <3
  • bensherman1
    bensherman1 Posts: 7 Member
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    When I started at the gym this last time, I was 5'9" 280. I'm not the fattest person there, but I'm sure I rank. Nobody looked or said anything, and they probably won't to you either. That said, I know exactly what you're talking about. I had the same fear in the back of my head when I went in there the first time. "These people are all in shape already, and it's going to be obvious that I'm a complete futz who has made terrible lifestyle choices etc etc etc". The best advice I can give you is to just do it, perceptions be damned, and if you can't make yourself do it, start outside the gym. Walk every day. You can start somewhere, and starting somewhere will likely get you the confidence you need to move forward. Regardless of how you decide to proceed, just remember that you CAN do it if you set your mind to it. Keep seeing the professionals you're seeing on the mental health front too; that plays a bigger role in this than a lot of people realize, and I can tell you first hand (though I'm sure you already know) that depression can make weight loss a much larger hurdle for those afflicted than it is for others. Keep your chin up, and feel free to add me if you like.
  • sienaashleigh
    sienaashleigh Posts: 20
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    Thank you so much and I will definitely add you! =]
  • bensherman1
    bensherman1 Posts: 7 Member
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    Also: from this thread http://www.myfitnesspal.com/topics/show/899408-do-i-have-the-highest-bmi-on-mfp

    came this quote, which I believe applies rather well here
    Do not worry about who is the bigges person here. When I started this journey, I was so embarassed at the gym. I was by far the biggest girl at the gym in the womens center. After working out in there for a while I decided to try one of the classes. I was terrified and really embarassed to jump and move around with my fat body. After a few times of going I told myself "you get in that class and who cares what others might be saying or thinking about me. I am doing this for ME. I deserve this. I can do this. If they want to laugh and giggle or have mean thoughts about my fat body, then that is on them". Guess what....66lbs later I am still going to those classes and they, along with MFP have helped me lose this weight. Do not worry with being hte biggest. Focus on making canges and getting healthy! My goals are not a certain #. My goal is to be Healthy, Fit and Strong! You can do this!!!!
  • supah_
    supah_ Posts: 78 Member
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    hi siena!
    I am here because i was surprised when i weighed in at the doc's last week. I'm not happy to say i'm 200 lbs, but it's something i can do something about - so it's ok!

    i'm trying to lose 55 lbs and it should take me about a year.

    i am a type 1 diabetic (which is something i can't do anything about) and so i have specific rules i have to stick to, but i'm trying a 1200 calorie diet (at least for now) and seeing where it takes me.

    ***anyone reading this is welcome to add me! thx! ***
  • sienaashleigh
    sienaashleigh Posts: 20
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    That's so inspirational. Thanks a bunch for sharing that. I joined this because I don't have any friends anymore because of all I've been through, my friends just moved on with their lives and I guess I can't blame them because they all had/have their own problems but I know I'm gonna need friendly support if I'm going to do this. It sucks doing it alone. :( especially with mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety.
  • supah_
    supah_ Posts: 78 Member
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    also! i have had a long struggle with depression and anxiety. everything is going quite well lately, and i'm not seeing any therapists at this time, because i'm in a good place now! but it was daily anxiety attacks for me a few years ago. NOT FUN.
  • juliaskater
    juliaskater Posts: 24 Member
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    I can't believe how cruel and hurtful people were to you in high school! Really they have nothing better to do than cover up their own insecurities by picking on others! WOW. I'll be your friend! :D Ummm I can totally relate to the not wanting to talk to guys even if they sware they're interested when I don't work out or eat right. Being healthy just gives you so much more energy. Feeling comfortable in your own skin comes from loving yourself even now before you lose 10 pounds. Then once you lose the 10 pounds, you can feel even more confident in your own skin! :happy: I have struggled with binge eating out of loneliness before and have seen a psychologist too. Don't worry about what people think, people who are mean will continue to be mean. Trust me, they'll be even more jealous of you once you lose the weight! :) Friend me :happy:
  • sienaashleigh
    sienaashleigh Posts: 20
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    @supah_ I know what type 1 diabetes is about, I dated someone with it for quite some time and I saved his life several times. After all I did for him though, and his family, when my depression hit and I started gaining back the 50 lbs I had lost, his parents told him to quit it with me or else they were kicking him out because apparently in their eyes I was nothing but "fat white trash". But that has no association with your diabetes it just brought up a memory so I'm sorry about that. I do believe, supah, that you will lose that weight, though, and it's a good thing you conquered the anxiety because I'm going through it right now, and I[m going through it pretty much alone and it's a NIGHTMARE. You can do it!
  • sienaashleigh
    sienaashleigh Posts: 20
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    @julia, I don't mean this question to be offensive to anyone, it's just that I haven't learned the way but, how do I love myself when I'm this big? when the media tells me if I'm not thin, I'm not pretty, if I'm not thin, I'm not worth anything, and when everyone around me is thin and when I can't do something a thin person can I get funny looks. The way the world seems to be only made for skinny people, like theres no room for people for people like me. Like, going to the mall theres only clothes made for skinny people and only like 1-2 places IF YOURE LUCKY that are made to fit a bigger build. Ugh.
  • Peanutbutterx
    Peanutbutterx Posts: 332
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    hey, dont worry you can do this!! and remember this isn't for anyone else, this is for you! Sometimes kids at school can be *kitten* and i'm sorry about that. thats one thing that sucks about school, you either get a good group of people that you like or get stuck with a bunch of annoying people. as far as the gym goes, i know what you mean. The whole point in going to a gym is to get in shape but all the people there are already in shape, so its a little discouraging. But you know what I think you should just say skrew it and go to the gym. Some times things seem worse or harder than they really will be and then once you actually do it it's not so bad, and you feel better afterwards. If someone is going to be mean enough to say anything to you about your weight then you don't want to know them anyway so who really cares what some stranger thinks? Do what you want to do and dont worry about what other people think. Your a really pretty girl and you need to see that for yourself and be confident, and if that means loosing a couple pounds for your self confidence then your on the right track and you can do it!! :) Take care and Let me know how your gym trip goes :)
  • sienaashleigh
    sienaashleigh Posts: 20
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    thanks so much @ peanut butter :) and i definitely will, i'm determined to get there tomorrow (today) lol
  • trudijoy
    trudijoy Posts: 1,685 Member
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    Hi Siena (gorgeous name btw),

    I'm Trudi and I've been through depression too, and am happy to support you x I've about 50 lb left that I want to lose but this journeys mostly about staying happy for me :)
  • supah_
    supah_ Posts: 78 Member
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    @supah_ I know what type 1 diabetes is about, I dated someone with it for quite some time and I saved his life several times. After all I did for him though, and his family, when my depression hit and I started gaining back the 50 lbs I had lost, his parents told him to quit it with me or else they were kicking him out because apparently in their eyes I was nothing but "fat white trash". But that has no association with your diabetes it just brought up a memory so I'm sorry about that. I do believe, supah, that you will lose that weight, though, and it's a good thing you conquered the anxiety because I'm going through it right now, and I[m going through it pretty much alone and it's a NIGHTMARE. You can do it!

    i dated a man who dumped my *kitten* about a week after my diagnosis! i can't say i know how it feels to be you, but i know how it feels to have a broken heart. :^( people do things that almost never make sense.

    anxiety took me a long long time, and what helped me greatly was learning about staying in the present moment. as for you - you're very young and there's a lot of living you have to do, so don't worry about getting everything perfect or right immediately. it will come. <3

    this is a nice article about it - (but step #8 is not a good idea) http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2008/02/15/8-ways-to-return-to-the-present-moment/

    remember - forgive yourself, don't let things spin in your head for long (long enough to weigh you down), you don't have to have it all figured out right now. if you are moving in a positive direction - this is how it's actually done! :^D
  • sienaashleigh
    sienaashleigh Posts: 20
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    thanks Trudi :) I honestly need all the support I can get. I lost all my friends pretty much so this site is like my only hope.
  • oelk11
    oelk11 Posts: 6
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    Hey Siena,

    I know what its like to go through episodes and lose friends. It sucks, and on top of that to put on weight.. What's so great about MFP is that you can track absolutely everything. I haven't figured it out fully yet, but I find it very inspirational to see that I'm slowly exercising a few minutes longer every time I go to the gym for the cardio machines. I hope this will help you

    You can do it, I definitely believe in you :)!
  • sienaashleigh
    sienaashleigh Posts: 20
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    Aw thanks that means a lot. :) I want to believe in myself again too. I'm trying.
  • Peanutbutterx
    Peanutbutterx Posts: 332
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    Awesome, everything will turn around for you and after all of this is over you'll be better/ stronger than ever :) talking from experience here, was in a very similiar situation to yours, thought things would never change, but i took charge of my life and then everything turned out just fine :)

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