Discouraged

tattoogrrl28

I was at my weight goal last year, and was SO happy. I looked good and felt good. But in the past year, due to poor choices and depression, I have gained back almost 20 pounds. I'm so so sad about it. I feel depressed all the time and don't want to leave my house. All of my clothing is ill-fitting and just serves to remind me of how far I have fallen from my goal.
It seems like a vicious cycle. I'm sad because I'm fat again. So I eat junk to make me feel better. Which makes me even fatter. And sadder. And so on and so on. I have been going to the gym the past month and working out. I stay at my calorie goals almost every day. I'm doing this in a healthier way. So WTF is going on??
I weighed this morning, expecting to see at least a loss of half a pound. I GAINED A POUND. It just seems pointless right now. Why bother to count calories and drag my *kitten* to the gym if it isn't making any difference? Why not just eat all the yummy foods if I seem to be destined to be fat?
I struggled with an eating disorder for over half my life. I'm finally at a place where I am committed to recovery and being healthy. This is not helping.

Admiral_Derp

First of all...If your depression is severe enough that you can't work through it on your own...see a doctor. There's absolutely no shame in getting help if you need it.

Secondly...The scale is a liar. Your weight can vary between a pound to 5 pounds in a single day depending on hydration, food eaten, and other factors. Weight loss isn't linear. You can do everything perfectly, and you might see a few pounds lost or a few pounds gained. It just happens.

Thirdly...Re-examine your calorie goals. Are they too low or too high? Are you setting too big of a weight-loss goal for yourself? Anything more than a pound/half pound might be possible, but unlikely, and shooting for that will give you a calorie goal low enough that you're actually tripping yourself up. Cars only run with fuel in them. Too little fuel will keep you from going anywhere.

Fourth...What does your diet look like? If you lose weight by cutting out food that you're going to eat when the weight is gone, the weight will only come back. Eat in a way that is sustainable.

Finally. Don't. Give. Up. The only way a cycle gets broken is if you decide to break it. Otherwise...it's not going to happen.

ETA: The pound/half a pound thing is especially true when you're at the lower end of your weight loss. You've already lost a lot, so it might be time to re-evaluate.

smokinjackd

If this is the biggest problem you have going on, congratulations you have won the life lottery. You know how to do it, your weight will fluctuate, so what. There is only one guarantee, if you do give up your weight will continue to increase. you know, know, know you are just whining and that the path is obvious. Healthy food, track calories, a little exercise, less calories in than out and boom, you are back on track. The journey is long and boring, that's what makes it so f'in hard, fast food and junk food come in pretty brightly colored exciting packages, not boring at all. It's a lifetime marathon, you can be a runner or a spectator, the choice is yours.

quirkytizzy

If this is the biggest problem you have going on, congratulations you have won the life lottery. You know how to do it, your weight will fluctuate, so what. There is only one guarantee, if you do give up your weight will continue to increase. you know, know, know you are just whining and that the path is obvious. Healthy food, track calories, a little exercise, less calories in than out and boom, you are back on track. The journey is long and boring, that's what makes it so f'in hard, fast food and junk food come in pretty brightly colored exciting packages, not boring at all. It's a lifetime marathon, you can be a runner or a spectator, the choice is yours.

I really REALLY like this! Thank you for posting this!!!!

I feel for you, OP. I packed on my 40 extra pounds in 10 months thanks to a combo of depression and new medications. In its own way, it is extremely frustrating to have been so close to your goal weight only such a short time ago! In a way, I felt defective - it took other people YEARS to put on what I did in less than a year! What had I done wrong? Was I somehow flawed, destined to be fat?

But no, I wasn't, and neither are you. It took us the time it did to get big - as it did with everyone - and it will take us time to get it off - as it is with everyone. Those first few weeks can be elating or else horribly frustrating - but if you stop now, all you'll be doing later is thinking "Where would I be if I'd started when I said I was going to?"

Also, most people fluctuate a few pounds up or down a day. Water, salt, hormones, a big meal, etc - almost anything can make that scale tip - even the placement of the scale on the floor can make a difference. What you're seeing is likely not real gain. Take that as proof that you're still doing okay!

tattoogrrl28

I think alot of my problem is that I'm a stress eater. I'm the 24/7 caregiver to my autistic 2 year old son, so I'm under stress pretty much always. I also quit smoking 3 months ago. I have gone to see my doctor about my stress and depression last year, and he put me on Wellbutrin. He said that it would not cause weight gain, which is why I consented to take it. It's just hard to deal with the fact that I'm finally trying to be healthy and stay in recovery, and not only am I not losing weight, I'm gaining it. Makes it hard to stay in recovery, you know?
I just need to keep in mind how far I've come. I can't slip back into old mindsets, I have to move forward.

Admiral_Derp

I think alot of my problem is that I'm a stress eater. I'm the 24/7 caregiver to my autistic 2 year old son, so I'm under stress pretty much always. I also quit smoking 3 months ago. I have gone to see my doctor about my stress and depression last year, and he put me on Wellbutrin. He said that it would not cause weight gain, which is why I consented to take it. It's just hard to deal with the fact that I'm finally trying to be healthy and stay in recovery, and not only am I not losing weight, I'm gaining it. Makes it hard to stay in recovery, you know?
I just need to keep in mind how far I've come. I can't slip back into old mindsets, I have to move forward.

Boom! You can't go forward if you're always looking back, or are focused on where you're at.

tattoogrrl28

Thanks for the encouragement, everyone! I'll just have to keep focused on the end goal and work through my issues.