Motivating My Boyfriend

JessicaPasieka

Alright. So my boyfriend is concerned about his weight. He's 6'1. And 222 lbs. He carries the weight really well and doesn't look like he weighs nearly that amount. However, he wants to lose about 20 lbs and I completely support that. And he talks about how he Needs to lose it, yet he doesn't take the steps to actually change his diet or lifestyle. Let's be honest, he eats like a 12 year old. He doesn't eat breakfast. He eats a dinners worth of food at lunch. Multiple sugary snacks throughout the day. Comes home and eats a huge dinner. And he snacks ALL night out of boredom. Cookies. Cupcakes. Chocolate milk. You name it.
Now my theory is, if it's not in the house, he won't eat it. However, whenever we go grocery shopping, he's always putting those types of food into the cart. I make him what I eat for dinner every day. So he eats a healthy dinner. But, I'm not sure how I can motivate him or lead him in the right direction. I don't want to be rude and tell him he Can't have the things he wants. But, he's told me he wants to live a healthier life. I can't force him to change if he's not ready to. I just need a different approach.

Livin_Large

I don't think there is anything you can do. He needs to make the choice himself. Just keep living a healthy lifestyle maybe he will start too, maybe won't. Just focus on you.

concordancia

All you can do is lead by example and let him make his own houses. Even when he is whining, ask if he would like your help, rather than using it as a free ticket to give advice.

sakuragreenlily

Maybe you could suggest an exercise routine instead?... I've found that I'm less likely to eat crap when I've had a good workout at some point during the day...

Besides, if he starts a good workout routine maybe he can burn the calories rather than having to eat less of them.

GauchoMark

if he isn't ready, he isn't ready.

However, talk him into logging his food for a week. It will be an eye opener for him! Then show him how much he will weigh in a year if he continues to eat that way.

Honestly, he sounds like me when I was in my early 20's. I had never had to watch my intake because I played sports in high school, but once I got to college, I started gaining and eating exactly how you describe. By the time I was 30, I weighed 300 lbs and had no idea how the heck THAT happened! lol!

Mokey41

You can't motivate anyone but yourself and even that can be hard some days! Nagging won't work. He'll need to make the decision for himself when he's really ready.

Tuala42

My husband is similar--you'd never guess by looking at him that he weighs as much as he does. Probably needs to lose about 20 lbs, but always has---hasn't gone up much in years, was about the same when we met. He was never taught any healthy eating habits as a kid, plus he's an emotional eater, mindless eater, you name it, so I really think he's got it tougher than me in losing weight. I've never nagged him about his weight--its his decision. He gets a full checkup every year, and so far there's no issues with blood sugar, cholesterol, or blood pressure. If his weight got out of control though, I would have to step in and say something to try and help. My meals are usually reasonably healthy (can't remember the last time I fried anything besides an egg), so I'd like to think I've been a positive influence on his health. I figure the best I can do is to lead by example. I do all the grocery shopping since he works full time and I work part time. There are some things I hardly ever buy, like Doritos, because he'd eat half the bag in one sitting. Same with a box of corn pops! But I do buy him (and my kids) stuff that I won't eat, no reason to starve everyone in the house just because I'm counting calories. I'll go out of my way if he mentions something healthy that he likes, and I'll be sure to keep that in stock! Since I've been going to the gym more often the last few months, he's been inspired to go more too. Don't know if that helps you're situation, just wanted you to know I'm in the same boat.

strikerjb007

Nothing you can do. The decision is his. In fact, probably 90% of the population "wants to lose some weight.." Most never do. Good Luck.

now_or_never13

. But, he's told me he wants to live a healthier life.

He may of told you this but he doesn't want it.

If he did he would make the change himself.

Continue on with what you are doing and let him do what he wants. It is up to him to change... you can't say, or do anything to make him.

The only thing you can do is continue with what you are doing.... maybe invite him with you to the gym or for a walk after dinner. Don't push him though.

He will make the change to a healthier life when he wants it... regardless of what he says he doesn't want it now.

chimp517

It has to come from within

jilliew

I'm in a simliar boat. My bf needs to loose a lot more than 20 lbs, frankly. Probably more like 100. And he constantly says that he really needs to get it off. When we met, I made it clear that I wasn't going to put up with any bad influences in my weightloss journey, and he has been very supportive. He has changed the way he cooks to accomodate me. He doesn't keep snacks in his house because I'll eat them all. He doesn't eat unheathily when he's around me (and we spend A LOT of time together, and he works in the same building as me!). He drives me to work a couple times a week so I can walk home at the end of the day.

However, I haven't noticed any weightloss in him in the 6 months we've been together. Either I just can't tell and he's not telling me his pants fit better, or he's doing some serious damage when I'm not around. I am currently trying to get him to at least weigh himself once a week to see if my influence has been making any difference, and I'm trying to convince him to let me track his food for just one week to see just how many calories he stuffs in his face. It's a battle, but all you can do is be supportive and encouraging, and keep on keepin' on.

djshari

I had a boyfriend like that. He thought he would just take some diet pills and keep eating and drinking as he did. I couldn't get him to eat anything he didn't want to.

The funniest part was when his mother accused me of making him fat because he gained weight. Ummm no, that would be ALL him.

JessicaPasieka

Oh I'm not forcing him by any means. It's just something that's been bothering me. Because he says he wants/needs it, but his actions say otherwise. He's by no means a bigger person. But my worry is if he keeps eating the way he does, he'll put on a lot of weight. He has put on 20 lbs since he met me and clearly, he's unhappy with it.
But I was just wondering if there was anything I could say or do to maybe give him a push in the right direction.
His mother has also made remarks about his weight gain since we've been together. Which, hey. It isn't My fault. He wasn't raised with any sort of good eating habits. He was raised eating only frozen things out of boxes because his mother never liked to cook. I can't really blame him. And I know a transition for him will be difficult. I just don't want him to continue this destructive lifestyle. It'll kill him one day.
He'll eat dinner and not even a half an hour later he'll eat 8 Oreo's. And then 3 slices of banana bread. And then half a bag of potato chips. And he'll have at least 3 - 4 sodas a night.

now_or_never13

Oh I'm not forcing him by any means. It's just something that's been bothering me. Because he says he wants/needs it, but his actions say otherwise.

Actions speak louder than words. He doesn't want to lose weight or get healthier. If he did he would change.

His mother has also made remarks about his weight gain since we've been together. Which, hey. It isn't My fault. He wasn't raised with any sort of good eating habits. He was raised eating only frozen things out of boxes because his mother never liked to cook. I can't really blame him. And I know a transition for him will be difficult. I just don't want him to continue this destructive lifestyle. It'll kill him one day.
He'll eat dinner and not even a half an hour later he'll eat 8 Oreo's. And then 3 slices of banana bread. And then half a bag of potato chips. And he'll have at least 3 - 4 sodas a night.

You can't stop his eating habits. Don't speak with him about his weight and do not make comments about what he eats. It is only going to make him angry and less likely to change if he "thinks" you are trying to force him into it.

When he is ready he will make the change. He is NOT READY and DOESN'T WANT to change.... if he did, he would change. He may say he wants to be healthier, he needs to be healthier, etc... what he says and what he actually wants is different.

Leave him be. Do your own thing. Invite him on a walk or to do some activity together. If he says no... don't push him. If he says yes and enjoys whatever you do, than great... do it more often.

Mokey41

The funniest part was when his mother accused me of making him fat because he gained weight. Ummm no, that would be ALL him.

Maybe, maybe not. My son has gained weight since he got married mostly because his wife is obese and she cooks garbage fat foods and stocks the house with junk. He doesn't have to eat it, for sure, but being surrounded by that all that time makes it hard especially when he works 2 jobs and doesn't have a lot of time to cook for himself. I swear the girl has never heard of fruits or vegetables.

doubleduofa

The funniest part was when his mother accused me of making him fat because he gained weight. Ummm no, that would be ALL him.

Maybe, maybe not. My son has gained weight since he got married mostly because his wife is obese and she cooks garbage fat foods and stocks the house with junk. He doesn't have to eat it, for sure, but being surrounded by that all that time makes it hard especially when he works 2 jobs and doesn't have a lot of time to cook for himself. I swear the girl has never heard of fruits or vegetables.

I disagree. If he doesn't want to eat the food, he doesn't have to - he's an adult. Men are not incapable of shopping/cooking/picking healthier snacks and women are not the only people that can cook in the house.

To the OP - Next time he talks about it, ask if he wants you to help him. Tell him that you know changing habits is difficult and that if you can help him in any way that he should tell you. Maybe you could suggest helping him to set up a myfitnesspal account so he knows how many calories he should be eating. Maybe you can help him plan out meals/snacks that are healthier. Maybe you can help him set goals (start out small, like limiting himself to 2 sodas/day instead of 4, and 1 dessert food instead of 3).

dfonte

Dump him. Drop the zero and get with a hero.

BillRicks1

He is not ready. You can talk to him, plead with him or shout at him. Those won't make him change and may make the situation worse. Real change needs to come from within. I've heard it numerous time "I want/ need/ have to lose this weight" and nothing changes. It all comes down to attitude. When someone tells me they'll try to lose the weight, I just use the words of one of the greatest sages of our time - Yoda from Starwars - "Do or do not - there is no try".

now_or_never13

The funniest part was when his mother accused me of making him fat because he gained weight. Ummm no, that would be ALL him.

Maybe, maybe not. My son has gained weight since he got married mostly because his wife is obese and she cooks garbage fat foods and stocks the house with junk. He doesn't have to eat it, for sure, but being surrounded by that all that time makes it hard especially when he works 2 jobs and doesn't have a lot of time to cook for himself. I swear the girl has never heard of fruits or vegetables.

While I see the point here and the fact that your daughter in law doesn't help the situation your son could make better choices. He could stop by the store on his way home and get healthy foods to eat. He could ask his wife to get better foods when she goes grocery shopping... or if he goes along with her he can get better foods.

I do agree that it makes it hard... especially if he is working two jobs. I fell into that a while ago until I decided I had to make the time and the effort. It is hard especially when you are constantly surrounded by crap foods.

JessicaPasieka

Dump him. Drop the zero and get with a hero.

He is in no way a 'zero'. He's a fantastic man. He just needs some motivation. Clearly, you've never loved.

jrompola

Alright. So my boyfriend is concerned about his weight. He's 6'1. And 222 lbs. He carries the weight really well and doesn't look like he weighs nearly that amount. However, he wants to lose about 20 lbs and I completely support that. And he talks about how he Needs to lose it, yet he doesn't take the steps to actually change his diet or lifestyle. Let's be honest, he eats like a 12 year old. He doesn't eat breakfast. He eats a dinners worth of food at lunch. Multiple sugary snacks throughout the day. Comes home and eats a huge dinner. And he snacks ALL night out of boredom. Cookies. Cupcakes. Chocolate milk. You name it.
Now my theory is, if it's not in the house, he won't eat it. However, whenever we go grocery shopping, he's always putting those types of food into the cart. I make him what I eat for dinner every day. So he eats a healthy dinner. But, I'm not sure how I can motivate him or lead him in the right direction. I don't want to be rude and tell him he Can't have the things he wants. But, he's told me he wants to live a healthier life. I can't force him to change if he's not ready to. I just need a different approach.

I was the same way...I work out with my wife. We do P90X/Insanity together. If you start a workout routine and he sees you start to change in a good way he'll come along for the ride and then after a few weeks he'll be into it.