too many invites to church

MoreBean13

When I was a waitress years ago, for some reason I got a lot of people who wanted to save me. I started wearing a little star of david necklace and nobody ever offered to save me again.

sunsnstatheart

I'm not really a church going person but wouldn't mind my kids going if they actually enjoyed it. Does it make your kids uncomfortable or is it something they like and enjoy?

He loves going! It's the Wednesday night church where they have activities for the kids.

Then let him go, and be prepared to sit down with him and discuss what goes on there. He will certainly have questions. It's a great way to educate your child on your beliefs versus other beliefs. Children can be incredibly intelligent when it comes to these conversations. Besides, these are issues he will have to deal with sooner or later. Better to prepare him.

My wife and I are worlds apart from my MIL when it comes to religion, but we want our children to be close to her, and this approach seems to work for us.

ScottFree_66

have you checked out the GROUP FORUM - "Atheists on MFP".

Fun group of like minded individuals.

WendyTerry420

I think giving your kids proper education and critical thinking skills/ common sense is all the protection they ever need. Let him go to church and even buy him a copy of the bible. Kids can be surprisingly good at detecting bullshyt

^^ This

And talk to your son about the church. Be open-minded and listen. If you aren't cool about it, then it could end up badly.

sarahisme18

Well... it sounds like you don't want your kids to go to or be exposed to church, actually, because it is something different than what you and your husband believe. And if that is the case, then it is totally OK to respectfully call the parents and let them know. I would hope that they could respectfully say the same thing to you if you were trying to invite their children to do or participate in something they didn't agree with and didn't want their children involved in, and that you could respect that.

Because if they are not saying disrespectful things to you or your kids, or pressuring you or your kids to do something they don't want to do (it sounds like your kids are OK with going with them and don't feel pressured or made to feel inferior about it?), then I don't see that you can be angry with them.

I feel like, from what you've said about being afraid of them talking about you going to hell or thinking you're a heathen that YOU are the one worried about that, not them. Again, if they haven't said things like that to you or to your kids, then all you can do is decide for yourself... do you want your kids to go? If not, then ask everyone involved to respect that, and I hope that they would respect it. If they then do not, then you have a problem. Right now you do not have a problem.

Hope that helps.

GiddyupTim

I am a believer, and I go to church. And, I think it is incredibly presumptuous of your neighbors, if they are being pushy about it. I suspect they want him to convert. In which case, they are trying to indoctrinate him. That is wrong and it is not fair !
Now, if it is just something their family does, and your son wants to go, and their son wants him to go, I would have no problem with it. Personally, I think it is great to be exposed to religion.
You could easily talk to them about it. But, I suspect one reason you haven't is because you are afraid you will offend them. The only reason mentioning it would offend them is because they are trying to indoctrinate him, and you know it.
Perhaps.
But, if that is the case, you really do need to talk with them, and let them know that they are not the ones who should be teaching your kid.

nashsheri33

well, there are different ways to look at it.

when i was a kid, i grew up in a non-churchgoing home, and i was always looking for an opportunity to go to church. i couldn't find anybody to take me.

as an adult, i could take myself to church. now i am a Christian. i took my kids to church. they had a million friends (usually all in my house eating all the food and making enough noise to alarm the neighbor's elderly dog) and when it was time to go to church, either my kids would ask if so-and-so could go with us or else so-and-so would ask pleeeeeeeaase could they go with us. my answer was - you have to ask your parents and if they say it's ok, no problem. and often i would talk to the parents to double check.

but i recommend that if you let them go, you should go too, just to find out what your kids are learning and what they think about it and if they understand it.

kids are very literal. especially little kids. i remember one sunday we started singing a hymn that had the words 'washed in the blood of the Lamb' and i was a little concerned that the 4-year-olds were going to have nightmares that evening.

jenj1313

If it's a regular thing that your son goes to church w them, it's not so weird. Maybe the other kid had actually mentioned asking him so the dad just did it instead.

BUT... it's bugging you and these are people you are friendly / social with, so you should find a polite way to bring it up. If your son likes going, is there really any harm in it? I mean you might have a son who develops his own opinions, but at least he's not hanging with the druggies down the street.

For the record, I grew up and am currently on "your" side of the Christianity spectrum. All my friends growing up went to church and I often got invited along, and went... even went to vacation bible school a couple of times in the summer. I did ask my parents why we didn't go, and they explained their reasons. In the end, church just wasn't something I picked up on, but I don't think they'd have been against it if I did.

SlickFootAnna

nz_deevaa

My kid goes to a Christian Private school, but we aren't Christian. Its just a really good school.

A lot of his friends ARE Christian and he gets invited to a lot of Christian events. I let him go to whatever he wants to go to.

He enjoys the youth activities that Youth Groups have, and has a great time with his friends.

In all the activities that he's been to he's never had any beliefs forced upon him, all the activities are well supervised and are honest, clean fun... Just the type of thing that you WANT your kid to enjoy.

If your kid wants to go, then let him.

It makes a change from computer games.

sherrirb

So, wait, they just came to take him without you agreeing to it?


You're not taking my kid anywhere without my permission. IDGAF where you're going. Whether it be church, Disney World or to meet Jesus himself. If I don't explicitly say yes, he's not going.

You're right, this is a lot of what's bothering me about the whole situation. I let him leave but the fact that they didn't ask me before they showed up at the door was bothersome.

Since you have a healthy relationship with the parents, I'm sure this was an oversight on their part. Talk to them about this and I'm sure it will all work out fine. Also bring up that you are uncomfortable with their child telling your children that you all are "going to hell". I'm sure this will be resolved with a lot less anxiety than what you've already put yourself through hashing this all over in your mind.

That being said, one thing I would like to say in defense of this family and their children. Your child could not have safer friends as he goes through pre-teen and into teen years. Their children are less likely to lead your child into problems like smoking and drinking and drugs.

wikitbikit

That being said, one thing I would like to say in defense of this family and their children. Your child could not have safer friends as he goes through pre-teen and into teen years. Their children are less likely to lead your child into problems like smoking and drinking and drugs.

Oh, you live in the neighborhood too?

3dogsrunning

I think giving your kids proper education and critical thinking skills/ common sense is all the protection they ever need. Let him go to church and even buy him a copy of the bible. Kids can be surprisingly good at detecting bullshyt

I like this answer.

When I was growing up, my parents gave me the foundations of the Catholic Church (where I am it's Catholic or Protestant) but we were never serious. They never forced church on us but we did make our first communion. After that they pretty much left it up to us.
Much of it i suspect was because my mother wasnt brought up in any church in a time where it meant something (i mean people knew what you were and most socialized within the same line).
My best friend growing up came from a family that were strong Catholics and church was required. I often went with them as I was growing up, by my own choice. I even made my confirmation by my own choice. They never pressured me, nor did my parents. It was always my choice. Most of it was the social thing, part was curiousity. Eventually I moved away from it. I do not consider myself Catholic, I really don't know what I am to be honest. But I appreciate what my parents did.
I wish I had the chance to explore more religions in the same way.

ETA - I like this post but also want to say bulls**tery isn't exactly what I mean. I agreed that you give them the skills/common sense and they will find what works for them. I respect for some that is certain religions that may not be for me.

shrinkingsusie

So, wait, they just came to take him without you agreeing to it?


You're not taking my kid anywhere without my permission. IDGAF where you're going. Whether it be church, Disney World or to meet Jesus himself. If I don't explicitly say yes, he's not going.

You're right, this is a lot of what's bothering me about the whole situation. I let him leave but the fact that they didn't ask me before they showed up at the door was bothersome.

Since you have a healthy relationship with the parents, I'm sure this was an oversight on their part. Talk to them about this and I'm sure it will all work out fine. Also bring up that you are uncomfortable with their child telling your children that you all are "going to hell". I'm sure this will be resolved with a lot less anxiety than what you've already put yourself through hashing this all over in your mind.

That being said, one thing I would like to say in defense of this family and their children. Your child could not have safer friends as he goes through pre-teen and into teen years. Their children are less likely to lead your child into problems like smoking and drinking and drugs.

No, not true. Attending church does not make you immune to these types of problems.

tetecia

I agree with shrinkingsusi, Just because one is religious, or goes to church/is brought up in a religious household does not make them any better than any other child/teenager. I was adamently Atheist when i got into high school and i knew LOADS of kids that would Party Hard on the weekends with booze/drugs ect and then think that simply because they went to Church Sunday morning that they were absolved of their behavior the previous days. What a load of Crap!

Does that mean that all non-religious people, or people whom don't follow your religion sherrirb are are druggies/drunks/partiers? What a way to paint with a wide brush!

redheaddee

Let the kids go and talk with them about their experience, about respecting people's beliefs, and trust they will make the decision that will serve them best in their lives.

VictoriaWorksOut

Does your boys like going there? If they go to youth group they most likely have friends and a lot of fun activities. Have you been there to see what your sons take part in?

Your neighbors should definitely ask you permissions, but it might be that your sons have communicated to neighbor that they like to go and they want to go every chance they get. They are old enough to make decision of what they like or not, and communicate it.

I think that you first need to have understanding with your sons and know why they like to go there, and if they really want to go every time. Second, they are old enough to be able to communicate to neighbors that they will need to ask permission of parents every time. It looks like there is miscommunication on all fronts.

I take my neighbors kids to church every time they show up at my door. Parents are ok with it, and don't care to take them. Kids love it and never miss a week. Sometimes I have more kids who want to go then fit in my car and have asked my other neighbor to drive them.

crazytreelady

Speaking from personal experience... I was invited to church countless times as kid.....
When I was 9, I decided I would go with this girl, my mother is also an agnostic/atheist who didn't really want me to go, but let me to see if I liked it.

I won't go into the details, but it was not a pleasant experience for me.

This girl and her family thought I needed to be saved.


Do not let other parents treat you or children like **** because of your religion or lack there of. Unless your child is going around bullying, hitting, yelling, hurting animals and such.... I would say you are doing a damn fine job!

shrinkingsusie

#firstworldproblems

^ditto.

I don't mean to pull a "whoa is me." It's important to me that I maintain a good relationship with my neighbors and also feel good about how I'm raising my own family. I don't know many nonreligious people in life so I need some occasional reassurance.

but I do have some other firstworldproblems is you wanna hear about them.

shrinkingsusie

Do not let other parents treat you or children like **** because of your religion or lack there of. Unless your child is going around bullying, hitting, yelling, hurting animals and such.... I would say you are doing a damn fine job!

Thanks. I have 4 great kids.

shrinkingsusie

Does your boys like going there? If they go to youth group they most likely have friends and a lot of fun activities. Have you been there to see what your sons take part in?

Your neighbors should definitely ask you permissions, but it might be that your sons have communicated to neighbor that they like to go and they want to go every chance they get. They are old enough to make decision of what they like or not, and communicate it.

I think that you first need to have understanding with your sons and know why they like to go there, and if they really want to go every time. Second, they are old enough to be able to communicate to neighbors that they will need to ask permission of parents every time. It looks like there is miscommunication on all fronts.

I take my neighbors kids to church every time they show up at my door. Parents are ok with it, and don't care to take them. Kids love it and never miss a week. Sometimes I have more kids who want to go then fit in my car and have asked my other neighbor to drive them.

Yes, my son likes going. My daughter doesn't. I've been there and everyone is really nice but I have issues with some of the things that they teach. I think it's really a social thing for him and he has a lot of fun but I think if he became a Christian and was happy with it then I would be happy for him.

matchbox_girl

I would be very irked. I do not support organized religion and do not worship a Christian god. I do practice the Wicca/Buddhist beliefs....my 'god, goddess, higher power' is the earth...

However, my fiance is LDS and so is his entire family. Before I agreed to marry him I made it clear that we would not be married in the temple, and also that there would be NO deciding factor on our future child's religious beliefs until they were old enough to decide for themselves. With that being said, how old are your children? Are they wise enough to understand what religion is? Are they interested in it or do they even care? My mom was also not religious but she is such an open-minded woman that she allowed missionaries into our home to teach us what they wanted and she let my brother and I decide our fates. Needless to say we never were converted and I am happy about that every, single day.

If necessary, politely ask your neighbors to respect your non-belief. If your child actually wants to go to church, let him. It won't harm him, and he'll learn what he wants.

(I'm trying to be nice here....if it was my kid, I don't know if I'd support it all that much.)

sofielein

I think if you raise a child from toddle to young kid telling them there is a god and all, they will most likely become religious. At the age of 9 however, you can start allowing them to choose their own beliefs. I was 8 when my dad told me that he personally is an atheist but if I want to be a buddhist, a jew or a christian he does not care, I just should tell him if I want to go to any of these classes or churches. Of course I didn't want it. At that time, churches were cold and boring to me.

ScatteredThoughts

#firstworldproblems

I very much disagree with that assessment.


ETA:

A person's faith, or lack thereof, is hardly a first world issue, in my opinion. And being concerned about how to handle such issues when it comes to your children is something I would expect of a parent.

foxro

Choices: Why are we here ?
1) Something more intelligent than us got us here
2) Everything magically appeared without a magician


What do you tell your kids: