How to lose weight without husband's support?

13

Replies

  • jak2315
    jak2315 Posts: 47 Member
    NEVER FAST!!!
  • lisahaug9
    lisahaug9 Posts: 23
    Only you know what is right for your body.....not him! You do whatever exercise you feel will help you on your journey and as far as cooking - forget ASKING; let him cook his unhealthy foods and then when he is done you go into the kitchen and cook your healthy dishes.

    Just ignore him and once he sees you making progress he will hopefully realize that you don't need him and just maybe he will change his attitude and be there for you.

    Remember - inorder to succeed you must remain positive which means blocking out all the negativity!

    Best wishes to you and I am going to send you a FR so I can continue to cheer you on.
  • RVfrog
    RVfrog Posts: 213 Member
    To be honest. I would have a serious sit down talk with him. Tell him you will not eat anymore of his high fat food. So from now on cook for yourself and he can cook for his self. You do not have to eat what he fixes. Get up and fix your own. Say sorry but I can not eat that and follow through.

    I fix what my husband wants but I also add what I can eat. He is happy and so am I. You have to take a stand.....just my 2 cents worth.
  • 366to266
    366to266 Posts: 473 Member
    Seems like the first bit of "weight" you need to lose is him

    Indeed. Rid yourself of 200lb of unwanted useless flesh overnight - get a divorce!
  • mazdauk
    mazdauk Posts: 1,380 Member
    I won't add more to the comments on the husband...

    Maybe try eating his choice at weekend but having lower calorie stuff in the week.

    Look for an exercise video aimed at people with arthritis (there are some - they generally say "over 50") and once you get more flexible you may find you can walk or cycle (never run! It is bad for knees!)

    And keep coming ehre for support - feel free to friend me!
  • MrsCassizzleSparkles
    MrsCassizzleSparkles Posts: 51
    This all sounds like very familiar territory to me. I was fat and my husband wanted me to stay that way. Needless to say, we signed divorce papers earlier this year.
  • Lupercalia
    Lupercalia Posts: 1,857 Member
    When it comes to your health and wellness, your husband has to be a nonfactor. Take control of your own weightloss, you own it. You need to let him know, that until further notice, you will be cooking your own meals. You are a grown woman, you do not need his permission to do this. You know your body and what you can and cannot handle. As you age, your medical conditions will get worse, if you are obese and it will be harder and harder to get the weight off, do it now.

    MFP is a great source of support, but you must be proactive in your own health. Best of luck to you and feel free to friend me.

    Yeah, THIS^^^. I do what I want with my body. My husband wasn't supportive, either. But I ignored his complaints, and it essentially came down to he could either roll with me or get run over. I'm a stubborn lady. You gotta take care of YOU, especially with your health issues. Big hugs to you....I know this stuff is really stressful.
  • chefmomster2
    chefmomster2 Posts: 22 Member
    I won't add more advice. You've received plenty of it here. I can feel your sadness.

    You are among friends here. Let us be our shoulder.

    I'd love to bey our friend!
  • 73Freckles
    73Freckles Posts: 201 Member
    Sounds like your first weight loss goal should be kicking him to the curb. There is such a thing as tough love and sometimes we need to hear and do the things that push us outside of our comfort zone but come on. What a jerk!
  • JennaM222
    JennaM222 Posts: 1,996 Member
    Tell him to **** off.
  • jodazary
    jodazary Posts: 144 Member
    wow lose a quick 160 lbs or so DUMP HIM ASAP it wont get anybetter and he wont change i have been there
  • lbesaw
    lbesaw Posts: 267 Member
    Take the reins---he should recognize that you NEED to be concerned about your nutrition. Do it your way (MFP way) and SHOW him that he is wrong----that's the best way to change his crappy attitude.
    BTW-I have arthritis too---try water jogging. I water jog 4 nights a week for 90 minutes. Start out 15 min intervals and tread water or leisure swim if you get too tired. I now can do 90 minutes non-stop and it burns MAJOR calories. You don't even have to know how to swim--I stay in one place. I LOVE it and am so happy with my results--my arthritis is greatly improved as a bonus. The important thing is to keep moving I never rest during my 90 minutes--no hanging on the side, etc. but I do listen to my body and adjust my movement accordingly. Good Luck :smile: You CAN do this---easily.
  • butterfli7o
    butterfli7o Posts: 1,319 Member
    I'm sorry that you're in this situation and I hope you can find a solution. The number of unsupportive significant others I see posted is just unbelievable to me.
  • Brenda_69
    Brenda_69 Posts: 4 Member
    My man is the same way on the fatty foods for supper. I just eat little portions and only have a banquet tv dinner under 300 calories for lunch and only coffee for breakfast. Good luck hope you work it out.
  • JenRunTriHappyGirl
    JenRunTriHappyGirl Posts: 521 Member
    I think that you need to express to him your concerns without blaming it on him or criticizing him. Maybe explain to him that you do love his food and you would love to eat it on occasion however with your body type and your metabolism it is hard for you to eat those kind of things. Maybe suggest that you do some research to see what ingredients to his meals you can replace with healthier ingredients. And tell him you are going on a walk. And just go. There is no need to allow yourself to feel like crap because of his insecurities.... and trust me him not supporting you is 100% about his insecurities.
  • kobiemom
    kobiemom Posts: 218 Member
    Was your husband always this controlling, or did the threat of the BIG C scare him into it? Has he started acting like he has to guide you through life? It happens. Either way, if you've tried his way and it doesn't work for you, then it's time to go another way. Have you had any counseling? Are you involved with a support group? This situation isn't unusual. Others have gone before you and you should have the benefit of support from people who have lived it. If there isn't one local, search for one online. You have to get your head straight before you can worry about weight. You've gone through a lot of changes. The weight is only a side effect.
  • ladyrider55
    ladyrider55 Posts: 316 Member
    Skip the "get some counseling" and tell ur hubby "I'm losing weight for myself, not for you, not for anyone else, I'm doing this all for myself." Then do your own cooking and if he has a problem with it, when he's out of the house running / working do your own cooking so when it's time for him to cook just tell "Thanks for cooking honey but I already ate!" What you need isn't counseling.....you need "Support and Encouragement" from your Friends on MFP to help you get thru this stage of your life. Hang in there and do this for yourself and no one else.......PERIOD.:flowerforyou:
  • Lyssa62
    Lyssa62 Posts: 930 Member
    how much does your husband weigh? if you get rid of his supportless *kitten* ...that's how to lose weight...just.sayin
  • moseler
    moseler Posts: 224 Member
    Maybe ask him to make a weekly menu, create his recipes in MFP and then portion out an appropriate amount of what he's made for dinner. I would build in the dinner at the beginning of the day and eat accordingly for breakfast, lunch and snacks to afford the meals he is preparing. My husband isn't exactly on board with eating healthy either... but I have learned how to allow myself the meals he loves to make and still stay on target. Good luck to you... I know it is difficult to live this lifestyle without support... but remember, he doesn't have to eat the way you do and YOU truly have the right to eat the way you want. Sometimes, I just refuse to eat what he's made and eat cereal for dinner. He may not like it... but he sure LOVES the way I look now compared to two years ago.
  • TheCaren
    TheCaren Posts: 894 Member
    My standard answer: How much does your husband weigh? Sounds to me like that's how much weight you need to lose!

    Seriously though, I think a heart to heart with him telling him what your weight loss plan is, and then explaining his fabulous cooking doesn't work with your new eating plan. He can't control how you lose weight. He can't expect to tell you to do it his way. Now, if you say "I have no idea what to do" and he suggests his plan, you can't really complain. So come to him with a plan. "My plan is to take in 1400 calories per day and exercise three days a week by doing _________ (whatever your plan is). Can you help support me in this goal by maybe cooking some foods that are lower calorie" or whatever it is you want from him. Be honest. Be firm. Be kind.
  • castadiva
    castadiva Posts: 2,016 Member
    It sounds like the food could be a challenge to change, on a number of levels. How about the exercise factor? Are there things you could do on your own, even if it has to be when he's not around, for now? Water-supported exercise is supportive for those with joint issues, whether that's swimming or aqua-aerobics or similar? Walking is also very good, especially if things are a bit fragile (I have a knee issue from an old injury, and used walking to lose 55lbs - I've only recently begun to add in strength and higher-impact exercise, and have promptly gained a couple of pounds, and lost several inches).

    I'm not going to comment on your husband or relationship, but I would encourage you to identify the areas you can change without any stress or interference as a first step. The confidence you'll gain from doing so and the results from following through on those things should make it easier to tackle the bigger, harder things in due course.
  • KenosFeoh
    KenosFeoh Posts: 1,837 Member
    I agree with tell him to suck it up because it's your kitchen, too.

    We regularly have "fend for yourself" nights. Everybody is an adult here.
  • AlongCame_Molly
    AlongCame_Molly Posts: 2,835 Member
    NEVER fast!!! It doesn't matter what ANYONE says, it's bad for you. Always eat breakfast, it's boosts the metabolism. Fiber is awesome for you. Just make sure to drink tons of water. Trust me, this is what I do and I've met my weight loss goal and then some. Fasting will put your body into starvation mode. If you don't eat enough calories, you WILL NOT lose weight.

    Dude, give it up, you sound like a broken record that no one listens to. I fast 3-5 times a week and it works fine for me. I've lost 33 lbs doing and and am still losing. Oh, and I rarely eat breakfast. So to say that it NEVER works or that it ALWAYS is bad for you is just laughable. Maybe it doesn't work for you, great, no one cares. Give your advice once and move on without coming off as obnoxious.
  • MizTerry
    MizTerry Posts: 3,763 Member
    Honey, once you empower yourself, he will change his attitude. It seems to me like you've been his whipping post for quite a while. I may be wrong. I HOPE I'm wrong. I saw my own mother in your shoes, and controlling men infuriate me to this day.

    Smaller portions. Everything in moderation.

    If you do any exercise, even if it's 5 minutes at a time, try to get in at least 30 minutes a day. He doesn't need to know.

    Stand up for yourself. If...IF he ever strikes you (hopefully this is NEVER an issue), tell him you'll take him for everything he's got.
  • krithsai
    krithsai Posts: 668 Member
    Ah..I know how tough RA can be...my mother in law has it too. I know that even the simplest tasks around the house can be quite a handful and throw in an unsupportive husband - that can be a lot to take. If you don't have trouble chopping things, power to you. Else, get pre-cut vegetables and meats and cook them. Either ways, if you share a household, both of you need to have a say on how things are done. You should not have to beg and plead with him to let you cook a meal reasonable enough to you. That just sucks.
  • rml_16
    rml_16 Posts: 16,414 Member
    He sounds like a controlling d-bag. Maybe some professional counseling?
    That was my first thought.

    No one tells me what to eat or how to exercise. I don't ask permission, either.
  • BarbaraC47
    BarbaraC47 Posts: 175 Member
    When it comes to your health and wellness, your husband has to be a nonfactor. Take control of your own weightloss, you own it. You need to let him know, that until further notice, you will be cooking your own meals. You are a grown woman, you do not need his permission to do this. You know your body and what you can and cannot handle. As you age, your medical conditions will get worse, if you are obese and it will be harder and harder to get the weight off, do it now.

    MFP is a great source of support, but you must be proactive in your own health. Best of luck to you and feel free to friend me.

    All of the above - my other half is always bringing home inappropriate foods, chocolates, cakes etc. I leave him to it - he eats it all himself as I won't empower him to make choices for me!! I'm now 65 and only just beginning to take control - so you CAN do it too. Polite but firm - say no thank you!!! :wink:
  • lalaglo30
    lalaglo30 Posts: 33
    I think you should take control back. It's your life...in the end you have to do what makes YOU happy. Not what makes HIM happy. Work out how you want to...cook what you want to eat...and do this for yourself. Your body has different needs than his does. He needs to understand that at least if he's not going to support you. And as far as support goes...you don't need him you have all of us on here! We will keep you encouraged and keep you going.
  • jimbo480
    jimbo480 Posts: 22 Member
    Just curious but he's a Chef and he's fit. What kind of meals is he preparing?
  • SandraJN
    SandraJN Posts: 305 Member
    I have no idea about the dynamics of your relationship, so I will leave that alone.

    You say you have control over your food until dinner, so eat light, but eat. At dinner, eat what he makes but watch your portions. I am trained in French cookery, so I also use cream, butter and bacon more often then I probably should. I use the sauté pan often. Since this is how I cook I have learned to modify my portions instead of trying to eat a whole different way.

    Try to go with the flow and see if it works. Good Luck.

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