How to lose weight without husband's support?

KiwiKimblee

Aww, Hun! I understand. My husband is very unsupportive and trying to sabotage my efforts, too. But it wasn't until I began to like myself, that I realised that it was up to me, and my weight loss was mine to sort. It has nothing to do with him. I agree with some of the comments where you have more problems if you feel you have to 'ask' to cook your own food. But dealing with it isn't an easy solution. (Ironically my husband wants to cook his own food coz mine is too healthy for him - go figure!).

Take ownership of what is going on in your life. The choice is yours. Make your meals at the beginning of the day, so you can tell your husband not to worry as yours is already done. Do your exercise when he isn't around. Don't let him control your life. Because even though you are married, you are still your own person. And one who has been through a very traumatic event. And even though he walked the journey with you, you owe him NOTHING! To come through what you did takes a huge amount of inner strength. Its still there for you to draw on.

Make the choice to walk this journey without him. You don't need his support. You have us! Plus, when all your weight is gone, you can flip him the bird and say I told you so!

12skipafew99100

"ASK" to cook for yourself? Really? Your issues are more than food and weight. Seek some counseling on how to take care of yourself. Good Luck!

^ I hate to agree with this.

It sounds like he enjoys having you in a vulnerable position and wants you to stay there.

This.

yup

Why do you have to ask? You and only you control what goes into your mouth. He will either stay mad or get over it. DO what you know you need to do. Stay strong. You can do it.

ladyraven68

My husband does most of our cooling too.

We usually discuss in the week what we are going to have, and if I know what we arevhaving for dinner, I can plan how many calories I can use for breakfast/lunch snacks etc.

I never refuse anything, I just use portion control.

Maybe if you could discuss your meals for the week and give him a challenge - e.g. cook me something that's 600 calories , he may see that as using his skills, rather than rejecting his cooking.

Or have one night a week when you can have his lovely creamy meals, but ask him to do fish/chicken breast with veg & salad a few other nights.

Communication is the key,

now_or_never13

Your husband sounds far too controlling.

You have to ASK to make something for you to eat? You can't lose weight your way?

I would of had a nice little chat with my husband by now if he has been like yours... and if he didn't stop being so damn controlling I would be gone.

Why are you letting him control you? Make your own food... do things your way. You are an adult and don't need his permission to do anything.

When someone is controlling it only gets worse. If he doesn't like you overweight yet refuses to change his cooking and won't let you cook your own food he's trying to keep you there. Get out.

amnsetie

what are your daily target calories?
how many cals in his meals?

just asking

I have cream sauce dinners about once a week and still come in under on those days.

JoshuaL86

While I agree there needs to be better communication, and your husband needs to be more supportive, the whole "you need a new husband", and "you need a new man", reveals why there is such a divorce epidemic in this world. I have learned that it is not wise to seek marital advice of ANY kind from anyone on MFP, and to seek a couselor, mentor, etc for this situation.

chuckponygirl

When it comes to your health and wellness, your husband has to be a nonfactor. Take control of your own weightloss, you own it. You need to let him know, that until further notice, you will be cooking your own meals. You are a grown woman, you do not need his permission to do this. You know your body and what you can and cannot handle. As you age, your medical conditions will get worse, if you are obese and it will be harder and harder to get the weight off, do it now.

MFP is a great source of support, but you must be proactive in your own health. Best of luck to you and feel free to friend me.

^Exactly what I thought and didn't need to type it. Bonus for me! :bigsmile:

Kickinkim418

You can not look to him for validation or approval. If you want to get healthy, then you need to take responsibility for yourself and start being proactive by making decisions for yourself regarding your eating habits and exercise. If you start to make little choices on your own, then those little choices over time will lead you to a healthier lifestyle and weightloss.

You are in charge of yourself.

I wish you nothing but the best. Enjoy the journey.

primal7

So what if he gets mad? Tell him to suck it up and then make your own food. Its really not a big deal. Your husband being *****y for a couple weeks, you start losing weight, he gets over it.

Have to agree with most of this. Take care of yourself and do not let him have that power over you. In the long run, you will both benefit from you putting yourself first.
You can friend me.

MagicalLeopleurodon

My husband is very fit and loves to run/exercise daily. I don't. I didn't have trouble with my weight in the past, but after chemo for breast cancer at 43, I went through menopause and have steadily gained weight for the last 7 years. Now, my husband agrees I'm fat, but won't support my efforts to lose weight. (I need to say he is very unsympathetic to obese women.) He feels I should eat what HE wants me to eat (he is a chef) and exercise like he does. I have arthritis and running and other cardio and strength training exercises are painful.

Uhm....that basically eliminates every type of exercise i can think of.
If hes fit and healthy-i dont understand why you balk at his suggestions.

If my husband sees where im screwing up-i try to listen.

icmefit

I don't know if your husband is as controlling as the others are saying, although I understand why they get that impression. It might just be that he wants you to lose weight and thinks that he knows how to do it. Most trainers are like that too, even if they are complete idiots or completely wrong.

If he is as healthy as you say, he must be making some healthy food. My husband cooks alot too and I'm so thankful for it!! That said, if he makes something that might not be the healthiest, I just eat smaller portions. Even Jillian Michaels says you can continue to eat things you like as long as you minimize the amounts. I'm sure he won't expect you to eat as much as he eats, because you're probably burning less calories and you're trying to lose weight, and he's not. Also, keep in mind that women (especially ages 40+) lose weight very differently from men and you should remind him of that too

Also, if he is a runner or walker, I would say join him.. even if you can't do it for the running. My husband, as great of a cook he is, is also very fit, but he can't run because of joint issues. I would LOVE it if he could be my jogging buddy, but I just have to deal with the fact that he can't. Your husband has to do the same. If you can only walk with him, and try speed walking, then that should be sufficient. That doesn't mean you should ONLY be walking. You can find many other workouts to supplement it and walk with him a few times a week. That also will allow him to run on the other days and not get in your way.

Finally, I know from my experience with my hubby, that weight loss for women can be a really sensitive issue. When I first started, I didn't want his advice and I was very defensive about it. It was like a psychological thing because I was so uncomfortable with myself and I'd snap at him if he suggested that I work out more, eat less, or anything related to fitness. I worked on this for a long time, because I know he only wants the best for me. I realized that this was a self-sabotage mechanism.. that I was only getting upset because my brain was tricking me into not taking his advice and just staying overweight.

I learned that he loves me and wants to help.. and my husband doesn't even have a problem with my weight, he just wants me to be healthy. Maybe we can't do the same work outs, and maybe we eat lasagna every once in a while, but that's life. But when we can eat healthy and can exercise together, I've learned to appreciate that.

If you want more support as you go through this process, friend me!

icmefit

Great advice - exactly what I was thinking, eat smaller potions, drink lots of water and try participating in some activities with him. As you get healthier, the aches and pains will get better. I think only you know your relationship well enough, to know if u agree with some of the other advice. My husband always supports all of my get in shape ventures, but his idea of support is saying "should you be eating that?" it used to infuriate me. LOL. But he thought he was helping. Good luck to you. Feel free to add me as a friend if u need to chat. I am fairly new here

cocobuny

My husband is the complete opposite end of the spectrum. Hes overweight and only likes to eat soul food morning, noon, and night. However, he wants me to loose weight because I keep complaining about how I dont like how I look. Also he is not attracted to extremly obese women at all. When he looks at me I want him to be inticed. The problem comes in when he wants me to cook. In order for me to stay on my goal I had to cook a seperate dinner from him and not eat al the yummy food and unhealthy snacks that he also has me get for him at the grocery store. In the past I just refused to cook two sepreate meals.Now i am trying to do so in order to get my body back. Its hard watching someone eat fried pork chops right in front of you, not to mention smelling it while your cooking it. Im thankful for this site, cuz everytime I log on I see my profile pic. I want that body and Im running to it. No matter what my husband says and lack of motivation he gives while he eats candy yams smdh.. Please add me. we can motivate each other

tmauck4472

My husband is the complete opposite end of the spectrum. Hes overweight and only likes to eat soul food morning, noon, and night. However, he wants me to loose weight because I keep complaining about how I dont like how I look. Also he is not attracted to extremly obese women at all. When he looks at me I want him to be inticed. The problem comes in when he wants me to cook. In order for me to stay on my goal I had to cook a seperate dinner from him and not eat al the yummy food and unhealthy snacks that he also has me get for him at the grocery store. In the past I just refused to cook two sepreate meals.Now i am trying to do so in order to get my body back. Its hard watching someone eat fried pork chops right in front of you, not to mention smelling it while your cooking it. Im thankful for this site, cuz everytime I log on I see my profile pic. I want that body and Im running to it. No matter what my husband says and lack of motivation he gives while he eats candy yams smdh.. Please add me. we can motivate each other

In your case I would not cook two sep. meals. He'd eat what I cooked or he'd be the one fixing his own meals if he wants to eat something different. I choose to cook my own food because I will cook it my way. He cooks for him and my son. Even though both of them could stand to eat my food.

tmauck4472

First, do not fast! Make sure to eat a healthy breakfast every day. It boosts the metabolism. Try doing pilates or yoga, these exercises are easy on the joints. Drink tons of water and take fiber supplements. The fiber makes you feel full and it's something you need in your diet anyhow. You have to do what you can to be healthy...for YOU!!! The hell with the *kitten* husband! I think he's afraid that you'll look better than him. Cook your own meals if you need to. If he really loved you, he would support you. I've lost 25 pounds and couldn't have done it without the support from my husband. Good luck and God bless!

First of all there is nothing wrong with fasting, it's really a very good and healthy thing to do even if your not dieting. There is NO scientific findings that say eating breakfast boots metabolism. Be very careful with the fiber supplements they cause you to be very gassy and your tummy rolls all day long, trust me your better off eating lots of veggies and fruits thats good for digestion instead of the fake stuff and it keeps you just as full. You should read a book called Eat Stop Eat. Everyone fasts it's just that you end that fast with BreakFAST. I fast once or twice a week for sometimes 15 hours and sometimes they are 24 hour fasts, and look at my loss it hasn't stalled me out one little bit. Even with my 24 hour fasts I still eat everyday. Fasting is awesome and is so misunderstood because people think your starving yourself. I find when I fast I don't even start getting hungry until it's close to the end of the fast and then the clock can't move fast enough. But it's not hard and it's really good, I'm fasting today as a matter of fact. Today is my 24 hour fast so no food for me until 6pm.

jak2315

NEVER fast!!! It doesn't matter what ANYONE says, it's bad for you. Always eat breakfast, it's boosts the metabolism. Fiber is awesome for you. Just make sure to drink tons of water. Trust me, this is what I do and I've met my weight loss goal and then some. Fasting will put your body into starvation mode. If you don't eat enough calories, you WILL NOT lose weight.

TheRealParisLove

NEVER fast!!! It doesn't matter what ANYONE says, it's bad for you. Always eat breakfast, it's boosts the metabolism. Fiber is awesome for you. Just make sure to drink tons of water. Trust me, this is what I do and I've met my weight loss goal and then some.

Never and Always are words that shouldn't be applied to human behavior or reactions. You're setting yourself up for embarrassment because there is someone out there ready to prove you wrong.

To the OP, could you sign up for one of those weight loss programs that provide all your meals pre-made? The ones that come to mind are Jenny Craig and Nurtisystem, but I know there are others. This might be your only option, to avoid eating his meals. He obviously doesn't have the same body as you, so why should you eat exactly like him?

My husband and I usually eat very different meals, but as a variation on a theme. For instance we both may be eating chicken for dinner, but he'll have some pasta or bread with his meal and I'll have a green salad.

If he were worth anything as a chef he should be able to make low calorie, low fat and low sodium foods delicious. It is cheating if you have to dump a bunch of fats, salt and sugar in order to make a dish taste good.

tenpoints4u

I have tried at least 10 diets since my husband and I were married 28 years ago. I finally realized my not being successful was due to stress and his sabataging the process. Lose 15 pounds "You're doing good, looking good" and then go to a restaurant and order the least caloric meal on the menu and it's "Really, that's on your diet? Thought you wanted to lose weight.You need to order the salad." Over the last six months I have just decided NO MORE. I don't want to be stuck in a chair in another 10 years as he is and have difficulty walking across the floor. (He is not obese, but retired and bought a big screen TV and parked his butt in front of it six years ago and hasn't gotten up since.) He has been the "Fix this or fix that" for every meal and I didn't want to cook two meals, but I have gotten out my George Foreman Grill and it sits on my stove. When I fry his meat, I stick mine in the grill. Putting everything in the MFP has been a big boost for me. If he doesn't want to cook for you like you need, cook beside him or pick a day when he is not in the kitchen and cook up a storm. Pack it in aiar tight bags and take it out when he is being a jerk. I've got 33 years invested with my jerk, but I intend to be around after he has clogged the rest of his artieries and bit the dust. You need to too. I was seeing a counselor to prepare for bariatric surgery when the bulb went off. I have a June projection for surgery, but if I am continuing to lose as I am now, I will put it off as long as i am losing 5 pounds a month. Just decide who is going to control you life. Him or you. If you honestly can say "I think it is him" you need to see someone for support as a counselor. And not just a counselor, but one that specializing in weight issues. IT can mean the difference between healthy and dead.

berthabunny

My husband is very fit and loves to run/exercise daily. I don't. I didn't have trouble with my weight in the past, but after chemo for breast cancer at 43, I went through menopause and have steadily gained weight for the last 7 years. Now, my husband agrees I'm fat, but won't support my efforts to lose weight. (I need to say he is very unsympathetic to obese women.) He feels I should eat what HE wants me to eat (he is a chef) and exercise like he does. I have arthritis and running and other cardio and strength training exercises are painful. I can do ok all day until it's time for dinner when he cooks buttered vegetables, cream sauces, fried foods, etc. He gets very angry when I ask to cook for myself so I can lose the weight. He hates it that I'm fat, but he won't let me lose weight "my way." I've tried fasting all day and just eating his food, but that doesn't work very well either. Advice?

I cannot help with most of this, but swimming is easy on the joints, so maybe you could go to a local pool a few times a week and swim for an hour?

Apples38

Ditch the husband not the diet :-) x