Friends not encouraging about losing weight?

panano

I've been working really hard to lose the pounds and the friends act like I've somehow betrayed them?
I.E. - I didn't have a Valentines someone to be with, and neither did she, so she says we should go have a girl's night out instead! Sounded great to me! So I go out and buy this really great dress that shows off all my curves (I've worked hard for them, I deserve to show them off) and the whole night she just keeps going on and on about how she's been fat her whole life, and "everyday is a cheat day" and I ordered a salad and she got all upset about it...
I don't understand...I thought she'd be happy for me. But she keeps talking about how fat she is and how she can't lose weight (or won't) and a whole lot of other things. Does anyone else have friends that act weird around you just because you've decided to get healthy? How do I deal with it? It's just awkward around her now..

danielle521

My friends (Who are basically all skinny) keep on telling me I don't need to work out so much or pass up on all the unhealthy treats they can eat. They tell me I'm not fat when I only recently (like 2 weeks ago) got under 200 pounds. It kind of makes me confused but I just have to keep myself straight and ignore them.

panano

Well I'm not really confused about it...
It was my choice to lose weight and be healthy, and get the body I want, and the body I deserve... it's not anyone else's choice but mine! I just don't understand why she's so down about it. She kept talking about how she wished she could lose weight and be healthy and then she sat there and ate a chicken sandwich with large fries, fruit punch, ice cream, a large milkshake, cookies, and a bunch of chocolate....like...really? It's also frustrating when I'm trying hard and all she offers me is literally crappy uber unhealthy foods... it's like she wants me to fail!

hdkerr

Hi Lab. When I was your age I went through the same things you are talking about. People feel uncomfortable when you change/improve and they don't. It sucks but it is a fact of life. Don't EVER let them make you feel bad or guilty or ashamed for your hard work and accomplishments. I am so proud of you for losing this weight and feeling good about yourself. Life is way too short to keep people in your life that don't bring you happiness and love and fun. If someone can't be happy for you or brings you down ditch them or avoid them. You'll find others that will cheer for you instead of jeer--like me!

Cherie0622

I can understand that. It's because your friend doesn't understand all the hard work and effort you put into your curves. She is obviously unhappy with her weight. Maybe, her complaining is a cry for help. Is it possible that she wants you to "invite" her to lose weight with you?

I told my coworkers that I just started to lose weight. They kinda mocked me when I brought a chicken salad for lunch. One girl offered me a piece of chocolate. By the end of the work day, they were ordering pizza. I didn't hang out for that because I don't trust myself. Then, I come home, thinking I can finish my day with a decent meal, and my girlfriend is asking me if we can get pizza. Wow! I said no : ) I had tuna instead.... and stayed under my calorie count for the day : )

Point is, hang in there and don't let anyone make you feel bad about doing good things for yourself. If she's really awkward, tell her you don't appreciate it. If you can't do that, stop going out with her.

sunsnstatheart

She sees you as a reflection of her own failure. She expresses her thoughts that she "can't" because she wants to justify that failure. She should instead be looking at you as an inspiration to change her own life for the better. Maybe you can help her with that and maybe you can't. It depends on her acceptance of that help and your willingness to put up with the B.S.

goldenasshole

maybe a part of her does want you to fail. Your weight loss probably is making her feel worse about her own weight and she might be feeling like you're competition. Maybe you can offer to help her lose weight too and you can be healthier together

ohnoetry

Ugh, yes. I have a friend from grade school, and we both put on some weight after losing it, and I snapped out of it, but she still hasn't. I've tried encouraging her to come check out my gym (which is closer for her than it is to me). I said something along the lines of "I ran past your house the other day", back in the summer, and she was like "everyone is running but me!"...it's not like that's my fault!

I have another friend who is underweight and constantly complains about feeling marginalized by the body acceptance movement because she feels it just attacks thin people (which I agree to an extent). But she'll ask me for workout tips and then won't follow through, and then just say I'm lucky to be able to do some of the fitness stuff she can't do (squats, etc.). It's not luck, it's a year's worth of training! She also once said something about never having to deal with the temptation of food, and said something along the lines of "do I have to eat mcdonald's all day to eat 1800 calories?!" but won't believe me when I tell her calories add up pretty quickly and there are ways to eat properly and still gain.

ah!

But luckily I have my core group of friends who are nothing short of encouraging and I love them very much.

ShunkyDave

To the original poster---clearly she's jealous and hurt. Probably more hurt that she's not strong enough to lose it like you have. Good for you!

My advice? Be a great support if she expresses even the slightest interest in making changes herself. If she sees it, she'll likely start supporting you too.

SherryTeach

I've been working really hard to lose the pounds and the friends act like I've somehow betrayed them?
I.E. - I didn't have a Valentines someone to be with, and neither did she, so she says we should go have a girl's night out instead! Sounded great to me! So I go out and buy this really great dress that shows off all my curves (I've worked hard for them, I deserve to show them off) and the whole night she just keeps going on and on about how she's been fat her whole life, and "everyday is a cheat day" and I ordered a salad and she got all upset about it...
I don't understand...I thought she'd be happy for me. But she keeps talking about how fat she is and how she can't lose weight (or won't) and a whole lot of other things. Does anyone else have friends that act weird around you just because you've decided to get healthy? How do I deal with it? It's just awkward around her now..

Well, if I did have friends like that, I wouldn't have them any more. I select people in my life who share similar goals.

MercenaryNoetic26

I would offer her some assistance. If she doesn't want your help then suggest how she can get help. If she doesn't like that tell her you're a friend not a punching bag. You might lose a friend but do you want a whiney friend seeking pity parties?

JJordon

Sounds like you need better friends or friends with a more appreciative demeanor to your continued efforts. Either or.

Perhaps these friends should team up with you for their own goals?

panano

Wow thank you all for great replies! Nice to know I'm not the only one!
She and I originally tried losing weight together! The she got busy and she put it "on hold"... I did encourage her to get back up and continue, and she tells me she does work out when she finds the time, but I KNOW she's not eating the way she should. She is very overweight, and I am so concerned about her, but when she keeps putting me and my efforts down and doesn't try to better herself - I just don't know what to do!

I remember I went through a very long stage of thinking that I was just fine with my weight and that I didn't care in the slightest. I used to brag about going out and eating cheeseburgers and fries and "hating water" and never working out - until I realized I was really hurting myself. I was lying to myself; I didn't like eating that way because the majority of my life I was very very healthy. I missed working out, I missed my old weight, I missed the old healthy me! So I snapped out of it and decided to commit to being healthy!
my theory is that she's still stuck in the denial stage...the more I push her towards getting healthy with me, the harder she pushes back at me.

Anyone can lose weight. It's not rocket science. There is no magic pill. Eat right and exercise and you'll lose the weight. She can too, she's just not willing to commit, and she's not willing to make the right choices. I'm not forcing her to live he life style she's living. It's very frustrating for ME because I want her to be happy with herself and love herself...she has such a horrible opinion of herself and she's honestly so lovely... I think a big part of loving herself will be losing the weight, but as of now, she just doesn't seem to want to do it!

In the meantime, I guess I'm going to have to separate myself from her because I saw her again today and she made me feel so uncomfortable about the foods I have in my house "there's nothing good to eat" or that I'm working too hard ect. ect... we'll see what happens...?

amandapye78

i know exactly what you are talking about my sisters say the same things to me and my mom even said "well sure you can lose weight you were skinny before and are still young" My grandma even accused me of being addicted to exercise ( I didnt know that was a thing)

gettingontrack126

i cant even talk to my friends about my goals, i just sorta keep to myself about it at school. i think its a case of "i wanted to do something so bad but i havent gotten anywhere but look shes done it lucky her i'm so miserable" syndrome. i felt this was sometimes, i was no where near vocal about it though. i would get a tad bit jealous if i saw someone else with success, and get all negative about myself.
Get her into the groove!!! next time she brings it up offer your support, give her tips, share your experiences! even if she doesn;t seem so enthusiastic about it, still tell her. just show her you are willing to do your part in motivation if she can do her part in action!!! no point in sitting all negative about it DO SOMETHING!!!! your body will not change for the better if you cant get your mind to, so help her remove that negativity from her view, dont let this get you down, use this as a platform to move you forward!

oh_em_gee

I think she's jealous. She sees what she could be, but isn't. You may have started together, but she didn't follow through and it probably hurts to be still struggling and see you successful.

WinnerVictorious

insecurity + envy = your friend's behavior toward you

LokiOfAsgard

A lot of the time (especially if your friend is also big) It's just that your friend feels guilty for not doing what you're doing. Whether they actually mean to be like that, or not, varies. Your friend probably just doesn't understand how it seems so easy for you to make the changes you have and she can't or won't

FitBlackChick

I have a friend who said I make her feel uncomfortable whenever I ask her what she's having for dinner. But I don't mean to, I love food, and it's just me making conversation :frown:

karlajordan2012

Next time order a chicken breast with the salad...?

kw85296

I think that perhaps your friend does want you to fail. She might be afraid that you are doing so well and she can't see herself succeeding at weight loss (perhaps because of past failures). In her mind if you succeed, she is afraid that she will be left behind as the only heavy person in her circle of friends and she maybe afraid that you will find other friends ( or a boyfriend) and she will be left alone and lonely. See if you can encourage her to join you on your weight loss journey. In the meanwhile we are all here to help encourage you. Feel free to add me as a friend if you would like.