I'm back...
FamouslyNoOne
Posts: 6 Member
...and if I can save just one person from making the same mistakes I did, than this post is worth the writing.
Long story short, I lost my mother a week ago Tuesday. I am 40 years old...which, as far as I'm concerned is way too young to lose my best friend, my closest confidant, my sage, you name it...that was my mom. I disappeared from most of my life, MFP included, to make the mad dash four states away to get back home to be with my father and the rest of my family.
I'll save you the "woe is me" post, and the telling of how miserable I am over all of this, and leave you with a different sort of story.
My mother wanted a very simple memorial service. Nothing elaborate or fancy...just a gathering of the people that loved her.
I am the only child of my parents who were high school sweethearts. I had a storybook childhood and I can only hope that most people find even a sheer fraction of the love in their lives, that my family was filled with.
I started gaining weight about 15 years ago. Slowly, but steadily. And as my face and my hips and my arms got bigger, I got better and better at avoiding the cameras...avoiding them at family gatherings...avoiding them with my loved ones...avoiding them altogether.
As we began collecting photos for my mother's memorial service, I quickly realized that I hadn't taken a photograph, something that I, looking back now, would give my right arm to have, with my dearest and most beloved family members in probably 15 years. I have nothing, -NOTHING- tangible to look at...to reflect on...that isn't ridiculously outdated. Why? Because I was too busy being concerned with the size of my *kitten* to consider any other possibilities.
...and that is something that I will regret for the rest of my life.
Yes, I have memories, and those will last me a lifetime. But, you just don't know until you're sitting in that situation how important the little things like a photograph can be.
Please....PLEASE, I beg those of you who are here, who are feeling so bad and miserable about themselves that you are making the same mistakes that I did. The people that love you don't care if your jeans are two sizes bigger than they were last year. They don't care if they're 10 sizes bigger than they were last year. Embrace who you are right this very minute. If you don't like it, take the necessary steps to fix it, but don't close yourself off. Don't shut the people that love you out. Don't shut yourselves out of their lives. You never know when you won't have a tomorrow to make it right.
Long story short, I lost my mother a week ago Tuesday. I am 40 years old...which, as far as I'm concerned is way too young to lose my best friend, my closest confidant, my sage, you name it...that was my mom. I disappeared from most of my life, MFP included, to make the mad dash four states away to get back home to be with my father and the rest of my family.
I'll save you the "woe is me" post, and the telling of how miserable I am over all of this, and leave you with a different sort of story.
My mother wanted a very simple memorial service. Nothing elaborate or fancy...just a gathering of the people that loved her.
I am the only child of my parents who were high school sweethearts. I had a storybook childhood and I can only hope that most people find even a sheer fraction of the love in their lives, that my family was filled with.
I started gaining weight about 15 years ago. Slowly, but steadily. And as my face and my hips and my arms got bigger, I got better and better at avoiding the cameras...avoiding them at family gatherings...avoiding them with my loved ones...avoiding them altogether.
As we began collecting photos for my mother's memorial service, I quickly realized that I hadn't taken a photograph, something that I, looking back now, would give my right arm to have, with my dearest and most beloved family members in probably 15 years. I have nothing, -NOTHING- tangible to look at...to reflect on...that isn't ridiculously outdated. Why? Because I was too busy being concerned with the size of my *kitten* to consider any other possibilities.
...and that is something that I will regret for the rest of my life.
Yes, I have memories, and those will last me a lifetime. But, you just don't know until you're sitting in that situation how important the little things like a photograph can be.
Please....PLEASE, I beg those of you who are here, who are feeling so bad and miserable about themselves that you are making the same mistakes that I did. The people that love you don't care if your jeans are two sizes bigger than they were last year. They don't care if they're 10 sizes bigger than they were last year. Embrace who you are right this very minute. If you don't like it, take the necessary steps to fix it, but don't close yourself off. Don't shut the people that love you out. Don't shut yourselves out of their lives. You never know when you won't have a tomorrow to make it right.
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Replies
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So sorry to hear about your mother. Yes you are far to young to lose such an important person in your life. I'm happy to hear that this women provided you with so much love and such a wonderful childhood, and gave you such wonderful memories. Thanks for the valuable information
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
And thank you for the reminder. DH and I are traveling to see his very elderly mother next month, and our son and DIL will join us.
We will definitely be taking lots of photos, despite my still large hips!
Cheers, chele0 -
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. My thoughts and prayers are wth you. May you always treasure those precious memories and moments together. I haven't been on this site for more than a month it seems. I was really disgusted with myself and my attempt for weight loss. Not doing very good. I actually sent a post to one of my friends here on mfp letting her know I probably won't be on for a while because I'm discouraged by not lossing the weight the way I thought I would and failing it seems lately every day. Now to the point,
I have a 18month old son name Landon and a wonderful husband who greatly loves me and yet even before we had our son my husband always wanted to take a family photo and I always told him let's wait til I lost my weight and I never did. And 10 years later we still never have really. And when we take random pictures I always take pictures of the two of them ( I always want to hold the camera) and I'm never in them. Yes, its because of the fact when I look at the two of them in a picture they are beautiful and handsome ....just right. I would be that bad spot in the picture. So I never take a picture and if my husband does by chance ...it must be neck up or it will be deleted.
So, I really want to thank you for sharing this with us here in mfp because I never been a person who talked about my weight and goals and needed partners to lose weight and support or so I thought. I never had the problem with my weight during those times either, but now I see I do need it and by you sharing this with me personally I realized I need to enjoy my family fully and take those pictures now and in the future take many more once I'm thinner and have reach my goal as a family. I need to go ahead and reach my goal of weight loss because if its such a serious matter that I can't even take a picture with my dear family than I unselfishly need to reevaluate my life's importance and those in it. And work hard to reach it. And I know I have to stay on course in order to do that. I want to take those pictures and many more. And look back and see the family in its entirety. Thank you.0 -
Thank you for sharing your story, and I'm glad you're back. I truly empathasize with you. For years as my mother's illnesses changed her appearance she stopped taking pictures. We actually discussed this and she explained that pictures distressed her. They reminded her that we could see how sick she was. She was trying to protect us, and herself. I really miss her and would give much to look up and see her image. I agree with you, when you love someone that's what the photo shows, not their size, their graying hair or the cancer. Not even their polished nails or whitened teeth. Just that inner beauty that is generated from mutual love.
I wish you peace as you continue on your path. Good luck!0 -
So sorry for your loss. My condolences to you and your loved ones. Thank you for sharing this poweful message. Love and light to you0
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I'm really sorry to hear this is the reason you were gone, but it's true that we need to value our loved ones just as they value us, and to not distance ourselves for silly reasons like our appearance. Yes, we should be motivated to improve, but my own mother was fat my whole life and I'm grateful she let me take as many pictures of her as we wanted. Now I look through them and cling to the memories, not focus on what she looked like. Family is family no matter what! I hope you've found the support you need to get through this difficult time, and welcome back to MFP.0
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