Kind've Whiny but Thoughtful And Reflective

Pamko57

When I lost 128 pounds in 1996/97 there were 3 people who said absolutely not one word to me about my weight loss--my best friend, my BROTHER and a former professor, all three of whom were people whom I didn't see regularly, people I didn't see regularly and to whom the difference in appearance would have been drastic. I've always thought it was telling, about them and about their true feelings for me. I'm not sure what it tells, actually, but I know it's significant.

My brother and I are now all but estranged, for reasons that have nothing to do with his lack of reaction to my weight. We just have nothing in common. Our mom died in 1998, and without that connection we just don't interact except to text Happy Birthday or I'll tell him when a relative dies. He moved away 25 years ago. None of that really matters. He was never my biggest fan. We don't have the same dad, and his dad resented me. I was from my mom's first marriage.

My prof I've never seen again, and she never liked me.

My best friend claims to love me with all her heart and even calls me her soul sister, so I guess that's the one most hurtful.

At least until today. I went to see my granddaughter. My daughter-in-law doesn't like me and has never really. Sometimes she's more friendly than others, but we were clearly unwelcome. She was horrid to my husband and me and not for the first time. My son was outside when we got there, and she was quite rude, telling me that my granddaughter was asleep, that we were there at naptime and it was inconvenient. Then she was all sugar and spice when my son came in. My husband will not go back, and I won't likely.

But, that's beside the point. I've lost nearly 50 pounds. (I had dropped some before I joined MFP.) Neither of them has seen me since Christmas. Neither of them said word one about my weight loss. I wasn't going to mention it, but my husband, who is used to my getting big reactions, noticed and said when we left that 1. they either just absolutely do not see me and didn't notice. He thinks that they think we're invisible. Or 2, that they exhibited a level of meanness that he doesn't care for on any level.

I'd say that it's the invisibility thing, except that my son knows I've lost weight. And I suspect she does, too, because I've been very visible and vocal on FB about the weight loss. (Keeping myself accountable.) After a while, just for oneriness, I started fishing for compliments, saying things like, "since I've been dieting . . . . " And, "my husband has lost 20 pounds and complains I'm not feeding him, that because I'm on a diet, he's on one, too." Nothing. Nada. No reaction whatsoever.

I dunno. I'm always a big cheerleader for people. I would support anyone, even someone I don't like, in their efforts to improve themselves. When I lost weight before, people who I know aren't necessarily my biggest fans, were very supportive. I am quick with support and compliments, because it's the right thing to do, it's kind and I'm secure enough to know it doesn't cost me anything or deter from me in any way to be complimentary and kind to someone else.

Yet my child, who is a boot camp and fitness instructor, who has encouraged me to get healthy, and whom I assume loves me says nothing? His wife, who has said previously that she knows my son is glad I've decided to make lifestyle changes says nothing?

Not that anyone owes me anything, but I just find it weird.

Thoughts?

sweetsarahv

definitely weird and sad, but you aren't doing this for them. And if no one ever says another word to you about how different you look, you still did what YOU had to to do! And you should always be proud of yourself for that!!!!

Pamko57

Thank you for your response. I absolutely agree. I don't expect anyone to say a word, and I'm doing this primarily for myself, and to some extent for my granddaughters/grandsons. For the girls, I feel this strong, deep need to be a good female role model, to be confident and comfortable in my own skin, to age well, and for all of them to be around a long time.

I've just noticed over the two different weight loss journeys of mine that there is a certain type of person who will not for any reason say something positive about the drop in weight. I think with my bff, she liked me being her fat friend. I'm not exactly sure what it means. But you're right. It's fine and dandy if nobody ever says another word about it.