I'm FAT and I hate it!

Caleen58
Caleen58 Posts: 23 Member
in Introduce Yourself
Hi my name is Donna. I am 5'5" tall and weigh 220 lbs. I got thyroid disease and had my thyroid removed almost 10 years ago. I used to be thin and in shape my whole life, but I gained 60 lbs., lost 20 and can't (won't) get the rest off. I tell myself I look okay even though I know I'm fat and hate the way my clothes fit and my double chin. I thought I'd lose the weight, but 10 years later I'm fat enough that when I do the thing woman do "do I look fat?" and my family and friends can't tell me no like they used to. They tell me I'm STILL beautiful, but yes, am a little heavy. My husband is divorcing me (long story) and tells me I'm a fat pig all the time and it HURTS. We're separated, but have to live in the same house for legal reasons and he belittles me so badly. When we got married, I turned heads (no ego) now with him leaving me and me being fat because of a health reason (now I eat for comfort) I'm just so down. I'm being whiney and I apologize, I know everyone here has problems and I wish the best for everyone, I truly do. I keep saying if I lose weight, I'll feel better about the divorce. I went on a date, met the guy online, we talked, he was local, I checked him out and we met for a glass of wine (late afternoon, in the light, in a popular place). My pictures don't show how fat I really am. He told me I was so pretty on the phone, but when he saw me I could tell he thought I was fat and couldn't get away from me fast enough. I'm very sorry for going on so long. I want to blog here, but don't know how. Anyway, I thank anyone who reads this and understands what it's like to have no self-esteem and to hate yourself. I'm praying that with Jenny Craig (which I'm on) and this site I can get down maybe 40 lbs. I don't believe I'll be "skinny" but for my back and knees and self worth, I'ld like to get to 180 lbs. Wish me luck and good luck to all.
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Replies

  • WooPancakes
    WooPancakes Posts: 3 Member
    Good luck! You can do it! I am 5'3" and 230 Pounds and stuggle with severe food addiction. I had no self worth growing up and still see myself as ugly everyday. I started self destructive behaviors young, and it took control of my life and I've finally made the choice to change! Please friend me if you would like, and I know you can do it and we can help encourage eachother.
  • 2credneck208
    2credneck208 Posts: 501 Member
    You can add me if you like, I'll be your motivator.
  • kimimila86
    kimimila86 Posts: 399 Member
    Good luck! I'm 5'6" but I completely understand the thyroid issues. I haven't had mine removed, but I do suffer with hypothyroidism. The weight gain, the sleepiness, and the constant feeling of being cold are horrible... Hopefully through MFP, you can gain some of that self-esteem back. Add me if you'd like. I like to have active and interactive friends :drinker:
  • lizzie3126
    lizzie3126 Posts: 10 Member
    Good luck <3 If you're willing to fight for it, i know you can lose the weight :) Feel free to add me if you need motivation.
  • newmein30
    newmein30 Posts: 3
    Hi, my name is Ell, your post breaks my heart, and your husband is cruel, but you can USE that to motivate you!!! A strong foundation can be built on wreckage!! You CAN and WIll be successful, just start being mindful of what you eat, I too, binge eat for comfort, then feel disgusting after. I just had a fat weekend lol and will work harder this week to make up for it, you can't beat yourself up!!! Which I am learning, slowly!!!
  • spiffy1029
    spiffy1029 Posts: 1
    Your former husband should shut his mouth. No one deserves to talked to like that. Undoubtedly, it is one reason you eat for comfort. I'm sorry you have to put up with that nonsense (for lack of a more offensive term).

    This site has been very helpful and encouraging to me personally in my own health-journey, and I hope it is just as useful or more so to you.

    You can do this!
  • tnsons
    tnsons Posts: 15 Member
    Hi Donna - You can do this - Just know that it will take time. This is the first time that I have decided that no matter what I am not giving up. Try and add a little something every week that will aid in your weight loss. Buy a pedometer they have some that come with computer programs and I think that has been my biggest help. Small changes and take your time - You ARE worth it - Good luck and add me if you would like
  • Caleen58
    Caleen58 Posts: 23 Member
    Hi! Thank you for replying. I know the feeling of no self worth. I would like to friend you, but don't know how! I will figure it out!
    Donna
  • Caleen58
    Caleen58 Posts: 23 Member
    Thank you. So you know what it's like to have thyroid problems and how it makes weight loss even harder. Looking forward to getting to know you.
    Donna
  • RyanDavila07
    RyanDavila07 Posts: 1
    I am 5'3 and i use to weight 249 i am currently down to 241 and pretty happy about it even though its not much every pound loss is great progress! You can do it and dont give up!
  • autumndragon22
    autumndragon22 Posts: 20 Member
    I added you to give my support.
  • stephaniemejia1671
    stephaniemejia1671 Posts: 482 Member
    Hi
    Most of us have been where you are and have felt the same way. It's good that you posted your feelings if to just get them out, venting helps. I've been where you are, and back again. I simply decided "*kitten* it, I can't stand it" made a plan and started working out and making better food choices. It's tiring trying to be what OTHER people want you to be, look how THEY want you to look. It's easier when you do things for yourself because you are better able to control the results and everything just feels so much better when you start to see results after you worked so hard for them. I was on Weight Watchers and that opened my eyes to better eating and MFP taught me how to keep better track of it all. It won't be easy. Sounds like you need people who will support you through thick and thin and will motivate you to better yourself, and heck even join you in a workout or 2. Change your mind set to "I can and I will" and you will start seeing results sooner than later. Keep your chin up and look ahead to a better you both inside and out.
  • Caleen58
    Caleen58 Posts: 23 Member
    Thank you for replying. Yes, I do eat for comfort when my soon to be ex calls me fat. I already see this is a supportive site. Good luck.
    Donna
  • Caleen58
    Caleen58 Posts: 23 Member
    Very sweet and supportive reply. Thank you so much. Gives me encouragement.
    Donna
  • Caleen58
    Caleen58 Posts: 23 Member
    Thank you so much. It is very difficult when the person who you thought loved you turns on you so badly. I know I'm overweight, but when he calls me fat, I die a little inside. I appreciate your reply.
    Donna
  • Caleen58
    Caleen58 Posts: 23 Member
    Thank you so much for your kind and supportive words.
    Donna
  • Missi3601
    Missi3601 Posts: 264
    today is my first really day back in about 3 months. Working 2 jobs and going to school has kicked my butt- I'm ready to turn that around and would love to be a support to you through this journey! I added you!
  • daniellemm1
    daniellemm1 Posts: 465 Member
    I'm fat and I hate it too. I vowed to get healthier and lose weight and have been slowly. I started Jan 7th and I'm down 16lbs. It is hard work but I don't want to be fat anymore so I know I have to stick to it. You can do this!!!
  • Caleen58
    Caleen58 Posts: 23 Member
    I appreciate your reply. I am so happy with the support.
    Donna
  • dawsonlee12
    dawsonlee12 Posts: 10 Member
    Hi! Thank you for replying. I know the feeling of no self worth. I would like to friend you, but don't know how! I will figure it out!
    Donna

    Just click on photo and and you will be directed to add friend
  • aseymour13
    aseymour13 Posts: 767 Member
    You have come to the right place!!!! There are so many awesome people here that give lots of support - emotional and physicial. Come join us! Friend request sent (you'll figure it out!!!)
  • rkporter
    rkporter Posts: 3 Member
    Good for you - starting Jenny Craig!! It is hurtful when someone you trust makes belittling comments to you. If you are a bit of a competitive person, try using his stupid comments to motivate you -- say, "I'll show him!! -- and do the healthiest thing you can when that happens. Maybe make a list of things that you can think about or enjoy when you hear those hurtful comments so you are ready to put your "healthy" plan into action. You are beautiful, and you can do this!!
  • Tallia2009
    Tallia2009 Posts: 20
    Hi Donna,

    Sorry to hear your story, sounds like you have already offloaded your biggest weight burden already!!! good riddance....
    I have underactive thyroid, its very difficult. Not sure if anyone tried Armour on here, but its meant to be much better than the synthetic stuff they churn out as its natural but hard to get in the UK because the government took away the licence. I'd like to lose 3 stone once and for all, good luck to everyone. Please feel free to add me as could do with some support and inspiration as I too would like to offer :)
  • maegmez
    maegmez Posts: 341 Member
    Don't know if you're a Christian but reach out to God if you are, He will always be by our sides.

    That being said, sometimes you have to wear your big girl pants and stand up and leave the past behind. Don't let the past define you, let your future define you and that future is a much healthier, lighter woman.

    You are here to get something started and that's a huge first step, I believe you can do this!
  • Reza151
    Reza151 Posts: 517 Member
    Remember to focus on the positive and on your acheivements rather than setbacks: negatitivity sets you up for low self esteem and binging ( i know from experience!). Keep at it and stay strong! you can do it!
  • AmazonRDH
    AmazonRDH Posts: 203 Member
    girl you can do it and you are beautiful. dont let anyone tell you that you're not. and BTW i'm sure your future ex-husband is no prize, so screw him, his opinion is worthless. :noway:
  • dawsonlee12
    dawsonlee12 Posts: 10 Member
    Hi Donna and all others who have posted.

    My hearts breaks for you and I can only imagine how hard it must be to keep your motivation when there is someone beating you down every day.
    But know this Donna, all of us are behind you and support you in your efforts, though our stories may be different from yours, we are all battling one way or the other with some kind of demon telling us we are not worth it. YOU ARE WORTH IT DONNA!
    Just keep working toward small victories every day and take it one meal at a time, be very kind to yourself because you deserve it.

    I am adding you as a friend right away, good luck with today.
  • Lanise_10
    Lanise_10 Posts: 432 Member
    You can add me!!! I never thought I could lose the weight either! Believe in yourself! You'll be amazed how strong you can become when you lose the negative people in your life.
  • HJMAYES
    HJMAYES Posts: 72 Member
    I'm going to be very honest here. Your journey will go much more smoothly, and in the end, be much easier, if you start now by dropping the word "fat" from your vocabulary and start talking to yourself in a more loving manner.
    Weight loss/healthier living/control of your diet/exercise - those are all things that are difficult not only lphysically, but mentally as well.
    Lose that word and start loving who you are and be gracious and kind to your body as you start this journey.
  • AmyMadeUp
    AmyMadeUp Posts: 19
    I completely understand how you feel, I have been feeling so down lately about my size! It can be hard to remember that its a long journey. I don't really have anyone to do this with as my parents (also with weight issues) are expressing no interest in doing it with me at this time, which is their choice, but a little difficult for me as my partner and all of my friends are skinny!

    I have been keeping a diary on youtube of my progress/ problems/ success and had a long rant this week abiut what it means! I think it might help to make a pro's/ cons list of what it actually means beyond aesthetic? Also, kick your husband in his egotistical balls!!!

    Good luck! Amy xx

    My Video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vA723_jhe6w&amp;list=UUnkUMTlEt-zcYG9_CqgHYBA&amp;index=2

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