I just want to know I'm right

bcattoes

I more or less understand your point, I think. But if he's eating at Jack In The Box, why does he care what you do with the chicken? Is going to eat twice? And if you didn't want his opinions on what to do with the chicken, why ask? Just cook the chicken like you want. If he wants to eat it fine, if not, he can eat something else.

I find it best not to ask questions to which I don't really want an answer. This is why I usually just give my husband a few choices for dinner, none of which are things I don't want.

hiyomi

I kind of have the same problem with my boyfriend, I tell him from time to time if we can make healthier choices on the weekends because its when we go out with friends and we always end up going to places like Denny's, Wingstop, Texas Roadhouse, and buffet places. During the week when I ask him, he says "yeah yeah sure, we can go to other places!" Then on the weekend all my friends want to go out to a pizza buffet or some other buffet and he is rarely a guy that says no to friends so we end up going. I don't really like saying anything either because it makes me sound like the ***** who is always a party pooper. I know I can make better choices at some of those places, but its annoying seeing everyone stuff themselves and pig out and knowing I can't. From time to time when they want to go eat somewhere very fatty I ask my boyfriend if we can go somewhere healthier and he usually says yes, but will be like "Oh let's go over here because *Name* doesn't want to go to a buffet" And then everyone is like "Awwww, I was really really really craving pizza buffet" And its just annoying >.< I feel bad asking but then I feel bad not asking as well. Its the worst!

Ed98043

Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean he is. And I see the calling from Jack in the Box as being thoughtful. There are items on the menu that you can eat, right? You did it at Wendy's after all. All you have to do is say is no thanks if you don't want anything. Does he give you a hard time when you say no? Does he pout and whine and insist on stocking the house with trigger foods? I mean, there are definitely spouses out there who will purposely try to prevent their mate's weight loss due to their own insecurites, but what you've described doesn't seem to rise to that level.

kaa02c

OK this is not a reason to be mad. Small things like this add up and cause people to have marital problems. Chill out. Make him fried chicken and bake a piece for yourself.

My1985Freckles

Just because you want to change for the better (and its on your mind 24/7) doesnt mean that he should have to do a 180 with his eating habits as well.

Good job navigating the fast food menus. In time, it wont be hard and it will be like second nature.

As for being right, Im not helping you there. He isnt wrong and you arent wrong. Its life. You made a committment to each other for better or worse, its time to start compromising.

Oh and baked "fried" chicken is just as good. Do some googling and figure it out.

THIS! If you are truly making a lifestyle change, are you willing to NEVER have fried chicken again? I'm not. This is a lifestyle change for me. And guess what? Sometimes I eat "bad" foods and I don't care.

no_more_weighting

LOL, love this post:

Although killing your husband would probably be good cardio, you will regret the paperwork afterward. Don't do it.

You're on the right track. You're doing it for the right reasons (I think, you didn't actually say). He probably just doesn't quite know what to do to help you. Others will have better advice on that part.

But murder? Rarely a good plan.

You ARE right (as far as I can see) - keep up doing the good work, I'm sure your husband will gradually understand how serious you really are about losing weight and changing your lifestyle. Just be patient. My husband has his moments once in a while too, last night bringing out the cookies while watching TV and then letting them sit in front of me for a good couple of hours. I found it rather amusing, actually, and did not touch a single one of them. Yey! :-)

EvanKeel

You could always compromise a little and pound the chicken out a little, bread it in some bread crumbs and bake it. If he doesn't like it, he's welcome to go out and get his or own or make something himself.

You can either get bent out of shape every time he doesn't take your dietary motivations into consideration when he makes an offer or accept that it's going to happen and move on.

MercenaryNoetic26

I'm sure there's less harmful fried chicken recipes out there. Unless you have a 1200 calorie diet, you can incorporate it without it being the only meal of your day.

Finding the right recipe may just be the trick to a compromise for both of you.

My husband offered to go out to eat the other day. I wasn't interested because I already ate my main meals and knew I'd go way over if we went out. So now we just need to plan where we're going and I can plan what I'll eat if I really want to stay within the guidelines.

KenosFeoh

I think sometimes our significant others are so satisfied with us how we are that they're in a hurry for us to forget this dieting nonsense so life can return to normal.

NikkiSixGuns

The good news is that you're getting really good at saying "no". :happy:

If you really don't want to eat that stuff and you feel you're making the best choice for you, then keep it up! I'd add that your husband isn't offering you foods you don't want to give you grief, though, so don't murder him.

BeccaBollons

Props for having an honest thread title.

Haha, this.

Also, does your husband honestly know what foods are high in calories and which are not? You make him sound like he is personally attempting to sabotage you, but you may be surprised at how many people (and to what extent) are clueless to healthy eating and staying at a deficit.

Sit him down one night and run him through the numbers--how many calories are in a pound of fat, your height, weight, your TDEE and your calorie goal. Then show him how easily Jack In The Box or fried chicken can derail you from meeting your goal.

Tell him SPECIFICALLY (cuz let's face it,men are clueless!) what things you expect from him to be supportive, and how he can help you on your journey. He probably just has no idea how to help.

Good theory, but there is a danger if you start mentioning bmrs and tdees etc his eyes will glaze over and he will just think we have gone crazy obsessed. Like my husband does :-/
You're right tho, men are cluless. They don't notice anything subtle, so you need to spell it out if you want his support!

Vandom7

Men are men. Thats all there is too it. Women are considerate of other peoples feelings and goals. Men, not so much. It's just kind of who they are. I would say, keep up the good work! If you go out to eat, pick something healthy. Most menus have a 'healthy' section to choose from. Once he sees how awesome you are doing he may want to start eating healthier too. It takes strong motivation and self control to eat healthy when the unhealthy options are so appealing. You are doing a good job. Keep up the good work!

* Im glad Im not the only wife with this problem! My husband is addicted to eating out and eating unhealthy.

penrbrown

While I do not have the problem of having a SO who isn't the same as me I HAVE had to deal with interesting dietary constrictions.

When I lived with my roommate we often shared meals. I have allergies. Out the wazoo. How we got around our different dietary needs is to cook differently. If we wanted chicken, she'd prepare hers the way she wanted and I'd prepare mine how I wanted. Often we'd have a shared dish that we both could eat but I can't remember us ever eating the same thing at the same time. It SEEMS like a lot of work but once you get to used to it... it's not. Not really.

ajhugz

I want to kill my husband today. He KNOWS I am on a plan, he SAYS he supports me but sometimes gets confused about what to do to help and today I am drawing a line in the sand. I WILL continue this journey for me and no one else. Saturday we were out shopping, looking forward to eating as it was around lunch time, he picks Wendy's...I successfully negotiate the menu and ate salad with no croutons, 1 tbsp of dressing and unsweetened tea. Saturday night we have date night and we go out to eat...at the end of the day I had successfully negotiated the entire day ending up under my calorie goal. Yay me! Today he is out, calls home and says he's at Jack In The Box and do I want him to bring me anything? NO! I ate a salad for lunch at home after doing my workout. Now I just took out chicken to defrost for dinner. I say to him "What am I going to do with chicken?" He says " you haven't made fried chicken in a while"! REALLY?
How is this helping? I know this is me whining, but I just want someone (other than the voices is my head) to tell me I'm on the right track and doing this for the right reasons. Somedays I feel like its a death match over food in my house.

I wouldn't get to upset. Have you told him you don't want to eat takeout? If its a war with food do the grocery shopping. Cook what you want and stop asking him his opinion on food. He's not on a diet so his answer will never be honey baked chicken is fine. He's gonna be like MmMmm chicken, i like fried chicken and I haven't had it in a while. I don't know what you expect him to do? Change his diet too? Never mention fast food? My boyfriend isn't on a diet and slips up sometimes too but i just say I don't want that I'll eat a salad. No big deal.

erinsueburns

You are right, and he is wrong, that is obvious because he is a husband and those are the rules

On a more serious note I totally empathize and this has been an ongoing thing with hubby and I. Some days are good some are bad, and as often as not we don't eat remotely the same things. Just navigate and say no when necessary and realize he probably isn't doing it on purpose. But it IS hard when your spouse is a feeder with no weight problems or at least concerns on his own end,

KenosFeoh

[/quote]

THIS! If you are truly making a lifestyle change, are you willing to NEVER have fried chicken again? I'm not. This is a lifestyle change for me. And guess what? Sometimes I eat "bad" foods and I don't care.
[/quote]

Yup; roasted is 1000% better (to me).

pseudomuffin

OK this is not a reason to be mad. Small things like this add up and cause people to have marital problems. Chill out. Make him fried chicken and bake a piece for yourself.

This! He's not doing it deliberately to make you fail or anger you. If that's how you guys ate before you decided to make a change, the he's acting normally on that basis and hasn't transitioned into, oh, that's right, she's on a diet yet. If you make everything into right vs. wrong arguments you're going to have more problems than weightloss in your life.

Exercise your willpower, take a deep breath, it's okay.

Duck_Puddle

Guys are not that intuitive. You say he knows you are on a plan...but does he know that that means that you plan to eat healthier forever? You might want to talk it through with him. I agree that he was just trying to show some love with the Jack In The Box call and he may not realize that fried chicken isn't healthy. I mean, it IS chicken, right?

This exactly. My dearly beloved is kind of thick about this stuff (His only weight problem ever has been being stick thin). I've found ways to work with that, but you may need to sit him down and explicitly tell him what you want/need from him. Like in gory detail. Not all naggy-like, but lovingly explain what you want/need him to say/not say & do/not do. Smart men really don't WANT to piss off their wives-they know it doesn't lead to good things. But he honestly may not realize that what he's doing/saying isn't the kind of support you want/need.

SpeSHul_SnoflEHk

I want to kill my husband today. He KNOWS I am on a plan, he SAYS he supports me but sometimes gets confused about what to do to help and today I am drawing a line in the sand. I WILL continue this journey for me and no one else.

How is this helping? I know this is me whining, but I just want someone (other than the voices is my head) to tell me I'm on the right track and doing this for the right reasons. Somedays I feel like its a death match over food in my house.

That depends. What are your reasons? If your reasons are to get hot, and leave and find a man who is more supportive, than you are on the right track.

sunsnstatheart

Get fried chicken and pull off the skin. And next time you're at Wendy's look at the grilled chicken sandwich they have - I had 2 on Saturday. You're on the right track.