I just want to know I'm right

BeccaBollons

Props for having an honest thread title.

Haha, this.

Also, does your husband honestly know what foods are high in calories and which are not? You make him sound like he is personally attempting to sabotage you, but you may be surprised at how many people (and to what extent) are clueless to healthy eating and staying at a deficit.

Sit him down one night and run him through the numbers--how many calories are in a pound of fat, your height, weight, your TDEE and your calorie goal. Then show him how easily Jack In The Box or fried chicken can derail you from meeting your goal.

Tell him SPECIFICALLY (cuz let's face it,men are clueless!) what things you expect from him to be supportive, and how he can help you on your journey. He probably just has no idea how to help.

Good theory, but there is a danger if you start mentioning bmrs and tdees etc his eyes will glaze over and he will just think we have gone crazy obsessed. Like my husband does :-/
You're right tho, men are cluless. They don't notice anything subtle, so you need to spell it out if you want his support!

Vandom7

Men are men. Thats all there is too it. Women are considerate of other peoples feelings and goals. Men, not so much. It's just kind of who they are. I would say, keep up the good work! If you go out to eat, pick something healthy. Most menus have a 'healthy' section to choose from. Once he sees how awesome you are doing he may want to start eating healthier too. It takes strong motivation and self control to eat healthy when the unhealthy options are so appealing. You are doing a good job. Keep up the good work!

* Im glad Im not the only wife with this problem! My husband is addicted to eating out and eating unhealthy.

penrbrown

While I do not have the problem of having a SO who isn't the same as me I HAVE had to deal with interesting dietary constrictions.

When I lived with my roommate we often shared meals. I have allergies. Out the wazoo. How we got around our different dietary needs is to cook differently. If we wanted chicken, she'd prepare hers the way she wanted and I'd prepare mine how I wanted. Often we'd have a shared dish that we both could eat but I can't remember us ever eating the same thing at the same time. It SEEMS like a lot of work but once you get to used to it... it's not. Not really.

ajhugz

I want to kill my husband today. He KNOWS I am on a plan, he SAYS he supports me but sometimes gets confused about what to do to help and today I am drawing a line in the sand. I WILL continue this journey for me and no one else. Saturday we were out shopping, looking forward to eating as it was around lunch time, he picks Wendy's...I successfully negotiate the menu and ate salad with no croutons, 1 tbsp of dressing and unsweetened tea. Saturday night we have date night and we go out to eat...at the end of the day I had successfully negotiated the entire day ending up under my calorie goal. Yay me! Today he is out, calls home and says he's at Jack In The Box and do I want him to bring me anything? NO! I ate a salad for lunch at home after doing my workout. Now I just took out chicken to defrost for dinner. I say to him "What am I going to do with chicken?" He says " you haven't made fried chicken in a while"! REALLY?
How is this helping? I know this is me whining, but I just want someone (other than the voices is my head) to tell me I'm on the right track and doing this for the right reasons. Somedays I feel like its a death match over food in my house.

I wouldn't get to upset. Have you told him you don't want to eat takeout? If its a war with food do the grocery shopping. Cook what you want and stop asking him his opinion on food. He's not on a diet so his answer will never be honey baked chicken is fine. He's gonna be like MmMmm chicken, i like fried chicken and I haven't had it in a while. I don't know what you expect him to do? Change his diet too? Never mention fast food? My boyfriend isn't on a diet and slips up sometimes too but i just say I don't want that I'll eat a salad. No big deal.

erinsueburns

You are right, and he is wrong, that is obvious because he is a husband and those are the rules

On a more serious note I totally empathize and this has been an ongoing thing with hubby and I. Some days are good some are bad, and as often as not we don't eat remotely the same things. Just navigate and say no when necessary and realize he probably isn't doing it on purpose. But it IS hard when your spouse is a feeder with no weight problems or at least concerns on his own end,

KenosFeoh

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THIS! If you are truly making a lifestyle change, are you willing to NEVER have fried chicken again? I'm not. This is a lifestyle change for me. And guess what? Sometimes I eat "bad" foods and I don't care.
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Yup; roasted is 1000% better (to me).

pseudomuffin

OK this is not a reason to be mad. Small things like this add up and cause people to have marital problems. Chill out. Make him fried chicken and bake a piece for yourself.

This! He's not doing it deliberately to make you fail or anger you. If that's how you guys ate before you decided to make a change, the he's acting normally on that basis and hasn't transitioned into, oh, that's right, she's on a diet yet. If you make everything into right vs. wrong arguments you're going to have more problems than weightloss in your life.

Exercise your willpower, take a deep breath, it's okay.

Duck_Puddle

Guys are not that intuitive. You say he knows you are on a plan...but does he know that that means that you plan to eat healthier forever? You might want to talk it through with him. I agree that he was just trying to show some love with the Jack In The Box call and he may not realize that fried chicken isn't healthy. I mean, it IS chicken, right?

This exactly. My dearly beloved is kind of thick about this stuff (His only weight problem ever has been being stick thin). I've found ways to work with that, but you may need to sit him down and explicitly tell him what you want/need from him. Like in gory detail. Not all naggy-like, but lovingly explain what you want/need him to say/not say & do/not do. Smart men really don't WANT to piss off their wives-they know it doesn't lead to good things. But he honestly may not realize that what he's doing/saying isn't the kind of support you want/need.

SpeSHul_SnoflEHk

I want to kill my husband today. He KNOWS I am on a plan, he SAYS he supports me but sometimes gets confused about what to do to help and today I am drawing a line in the sand. I WILL continue this journey for me and no one else.

How is this helping? I know this is me whining, but I just want someone (other than the voices is my head) to tell me I'm on the right track and doing this for the right reasons. Somedays I feel like its a death match over food in my house.

That depends. What are your reasons? If your reasons are to get hot, and leave and find a man who is more supportive, than you are on the right track.

sunsnstatheart

Get fried chicken and pull off the skin. And next time you're at Wendy's look at the grilled chicken sandwich they have - I had 2 on Saturday. You're on the right track.

Alatariel75

I think you're being a little bit precious about this. It's easy to project our journey onto others, but at the end of the day, you're changing you're habits, not his. As much as it seems to suck, its us who are changing the status quo who need to be more understanding, not the other way around.

He picked Wendy's. You didn't object or make another suggestion. He offered Jack in the Box. He has probably done that 100s of times in your relationship and would think it was rude not to. You asked what he wanted for dinner. He responded honestly.

I get that you are just blowing off steam, but if you don't want to make fried chicken, don't. If you want to be in total control of what you're cooking, don't ask his opinion. Or, as someonbe else said, fry him up some chicken and bake some for yourself.

My partner often offers me stuff that doesn't fit in my plan or requests meals that might not fit my macros. I say no, offer alternatives, or make room in my daily goals. I don't get mad at him for wanting what he wants or being polite and offering it to me too, because I made the choice to change my diet, not him. Having said that, I often exercise the "I cook, so you eat what you're given" mentality. He is also fine with that.

Frankly, I don't blame him for still offering me stuff or wanting stuff not in my plan, I've started this road so many times and fallen off before, the poor guy probably doesn't know whether I'm coming or going.

KANGOOJUMPS

oh you are right.