Is "Have You Lost Weight?" Always A Complement?

Sunny_fit4life
Sunny_fit4life Posts: 157 Member
in Motivation and Support
I sometimes find it offensive when people ask me if I've lost weight... especially if I haven't. There are some people who seem to ask that question almost every single time I see them. Am I alone in this?

Replies

  • Pamko57
    Pamko57 Posts: 182
    I posted something similar late last night, only in reverse, that my daughter-in-law and son said absolutely nothing about my 49 pound weight loss. It was hurtful. I think when people don't notice or say something it's pretty mean-spirited, especially if they are good friends or family.

    Why not just take it as a complment and assume the intentions are good when people ask?
  • Shadowknight137
    Shadowknight137 Posts: 1,243 Member
    Not when you're trying to gain weight, no.
  • My0WNinspiration
    My0WNinspiration Posts: 1,146 Member
    I take it as a compliment.
  • stephdeeable
    stephdeeable Posts: 1,407 Member
    I always take it as a compliment. I take everything as a compliment.
  • jzammetti
    jzammetti Posts: 1,956 Member
    I always take it as a compliment. I take everything as a compliment.

    me too!
  • browneyes97
    browneyes97 Posts: 98
    I know what you mean. I've been asked that when I've gained a few pounds and I think- how fat did I look before? Although I think it can have to do with a slimming outfit. Whenever I wear this one pair of dark jeans, I always get compliments.
  • sandoem
    sandoem Posts: 2 Member
    I feel you on this. Sometimes people don't have faith in you and so they may give you a backhanded compliment. If this is the case, don't give them the satisfaction of letting it get to you. Smile, say that you have, and move on. However, for all we know, they could genuinely be interested and supportive, so don't read too far into it. Good luck~ :D
  • kelooki
    kelooki Posts: 22
    Once I wore a dress to a wedding - form fitting. A girl says to me, "Wow you look great. I could never wear something like that."

    I took it as a compliment then I discussed it with a friend who said it was an insult. I still take it as a compliment.

    If you spend your life looking for insults, you'll live a pretty miserable existence.
  • Sunny_fit4life
    Sunny_fit4life Posts: 157 Member
    It's not that I'm "looking for insults"....

    It's that I feel like losing weight is a very personal choice. It is a difficult journey and I don't think it's something people should assume every overweight person is trying to do. It wouldn't be so bad if people asked when I was actually losing weight, but they ask when I just so happened to wear a top that shows my waist line or a pair of dark-wash jeans. Or even worse, I recently had someone ask that after I gained about 20 pounds since I last saw them. Kind of awkward.

    It's kind of like, "Hey, just in case you forgot, you're fat. I thought I'd remind you that you're fat, and today, you look particularly good, you know, for a fat chick. In fact because you look so good, I can't imagine any other reason for that besides that youhave lost some weight... so... have you?"

    To someone thinner, they might say, "Did you do something new to your hair?" or "Is that a new shirt?" But because I'm overweight, if I look any different it's usually "Have you lost weight."
  • Sunny_fit4life
    Sunny_fit4life Posts: 157 Member
    I posted something similar late last night, only in reverse, that my daughter-in-law and son said absolutely nothing about my 49 pound weight loss. It was hurtful. I think when people don't notice or say something it's pretty mean-spirited, especially if they are good friends or family.

    Why not just take it as a complment and assume the intentions are good when people ask?

    I see how that could be hurtful as well. 49 pounds is a lot, and I can't imagine how anyone could not notice. I'm sorry nobody said anything :/


    The reason I don't take it as a compliment is because the answer is "no". Now that I'm actually losing weight, nobody says anything. It's weird. But when I wasn't losing or even trying it was just every single time I ran into family.

    and I was very deliberate about not trying for a period of time. Because I had (after getting frustrated with a plateau) resorted to some really unhealthy methods to lose weight recently, and then gained back about 20 pounds, I decided that it would be healthier to not try to lose weight (til I was ready to do it the right way).
  • AuntieKT
    AuntieKT Posts: 235 Member
    Some people are weird. I feel like my mom asks everyone this question all of the time not because she necessarily thinks that a person has lost weight, but that she thinks its a nice thing to say. She told me once that I should ask my aunt if she has lost weight because she was having a bad day... Because my mom has always been like this it makes me feel like she is always looking at everyone's weight...especially mine. Which, knowing her, she probably is. It makes me feel like my weight is the most important thing about me to her. That doesn't feel good. On the other hand I have a co-worker that swears she didn't notice that I had lost weight until just last week. I've lost over 100 pounds...
  • nturner612
    nturner612 Posts: 710 Member
    maybe u havent lost weight per say......have u lost inches? :flowerforyou:
  • Hmmcglothl
    Hmmcglothl Posts: 51 Member
    This confuses me. People get upset when you don't complement them on their weight loss but then if you do, then you were saying "Hey fatso! Looks like you're finally slimming down." So do we or don't we say anything?!?! I personally will only comment if it's a very close friend or relative and it's always a complement and no, I don't say something about their weight every time I see them. Really it's only if I know they have been trying to lose weight. I have to say though, whenever someone asks me if I've lost weight, I feel glorious :wink:
  • MistressAella
    MistressAella Posts: 99 Member
    I had someone ask me that and I took it as a compliment. Until she started insistently asking with a very stern face, "No, really. Did you? like.... how much?" and "Did you really lose weight? Like, did you lose pounds or not? Did you DO anything?" then I was a little confused. lol I felt like I was at the principles office at fat-loss school being accused of cheating on an "exam".
  • YoungDoc2B
    YoungDoc2B Posts: 1,593 Member
    A "complement" to what?
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
    Wow, some people will be offended by anything.

    That's why many people don't comment at all. It's not worth the frigging risk. And even then you can insult someone.
  • Emma_Problema
    Emma_Problema Posts: 422 Member
    What really bothers me is that it puts so much emphasis on my physical appearance. Yes, men might be told that they look like they've lost weight but it's a lot more common of a compliment with women.

    I lost a little weight after finishing college and it was funny how many of my mom's friends decided to comment on my weight rather than my new degree. Or my new position. Or really anything that's been going on outside of my appearance.

    And I know it's not even my health. It's never "Oh, you look like you've started working out and eating healthier!", it's "have you lost weight?"
  • Narla444
    Narla444 Posts: 41 Member
    The only time I didn't take it as a compliment - I went to a new Doctor and gave my ID to the receptionist. She took a quick look at the photo and said "Congratulations on losing all that weight!!" in a loud voice. Except I hadn't lost any weight. I was actually heavier than I was in the photo. The photo was just that bad!
  • dmaloof2013
    dmaloof2013 Posts: 134 Member
    maybe u havent lost weight per say......have u lost inches? :flowerforyou:

    ^^This is what has been happening with me lately. I have not lost weight, it has stayed the same in fact. But people have asked me if I have lost weight. When I measure I have lost inches. I don't see it as an insult but I can see where you are coming from.
  • prokomds
    prokomds Posts: 318 Member
    I'm not sure there's a right answer to this one

    I think people who haven't struggled with their weight, or don't worry about their weight, etc etc, make the assumption that saying that "you've lost weight" is a compliment, regardless of whether or not it's received as one.

    So the best thing is to understand that it's their intention, and take it as a compliment. But at the same time, with how poorly some people react to that "compliment," is it any wonder that some people choose to say nothing at all?
  • stumblinthrulife
    stumblinthrulife Posts: 2,558 Member
    I'm not sure there's a right answer to this one

    I think people who haven't struggled with their weight, or don't worry about their weight, etc etc, make the assumption that saying that "you've lost weight" is a compliment, regardless of whether or not it's received as one.

    So the best thing is to understand that it's their intention, and take it as a compliment. But at the same time, with how poorly some people react to that "compliment," is it any wonder that some people choose to say nothing at all?

    Precisely. So far, in this thread alone we've established that all of the following are insulting to someone:

    1. Asking if you've lost weight, when you haven't.
    2. Asking if you've lost weight when you have, but doing it too often.
    3. Not asking if you've lost weight, when you have.
    4. Asking if you've lost weight, when you are trying to gain it (ok, this one was just 'not a compliment' rather than offensive)
    5. Asking if you've lost weight, but you perceive it as a 'backhanded compliment'.
    6. Asking if you've lost weight when they don't know if you are trying to or not - they shouldn't assume you are trying to lose weight just because you are fat.
    7. Asking if you've lost weight, when you achieved other things at the same time which you'd prefer to be complimented on.

    People are trying to be nice to you. Idle chit-chat and small talk doesn't come naturally to everyone. Be happy that they are trying to be friendly and start a conversation with you with what they feel is a flattering thing to say. Whether you've lost weight or not, how about responding with a smile and saying "You think I look better? Why thank you! You look great too."
  • Sunny_fit4life
    Sunny_fit4life Posts: 157 Member
    A "complement" to what?

    Oops lol. Thank you spelling police. What would we do without you?
  • EvanKeel
    EvanKeel Posts: 1,903 Member
    Thanks to irony and sarcasm, I don't think anything can always be a compliment.

    Someone could be trying to be a snot by asking the question (Have you lost weight?), knowing that the answer is no, but clearly implying that the answer should have been yes.

    Whether or not we care if was a compliment or insult is another matter.
  • mamasmaltz3
    mamasmaltz3 Posts: 1,111 Member
    About a year or so ago I saw my sister at what was my highest weight ever. We had not seen each other for over a year. She kept telling me that I looked I had lost weight. I told her no several times. She kept insisting to the point I began to wonder just how fat were her memories of me?

    This is also the same sister who offered me a pair of pants that were three sizes bigger than what I wore because they were too big for her.

    So, yeah, I don't think it is always a compliment.
  • Sunny_fit4life
    Sunny_fit4life Posts: 157 Member
    Some people are weird. I feel like my mom asks everyone this question all of the time not because she necessarily thinks that a person has lost weight, but that she thinks its a nice thing to say. She told me once that I should ask my aunt if she has lost weight because she was having a bad day... Because my mom has always been like this it makes me feel like she is always looking at everyone's weight...especially mine. Which, knowing her, she probably is. It makes me feel like my weight is the most important thing about me to her. That doesn't feel good. On the other hand I have a co-worker that swears she didn't notice that I had lost weight until just last week. I've lost over 100 pounds...

    and also
    What really bothers me is that it puts so much emphasis on my physical appearance. Yes, men might be told that they look like they've lost weight but it's a lot more common of a compliment with women.

    I lost a little weight after finishing college and it was funny how many of my mom's friends decided to comment on my weight rather than my new degree. Or my new position. Or really anything that's been going on outside of my appearance.

    And I know it's not even my health. It's never "Oh, you look like you've started working out and eating healthier!", it's "have you lost weight?"

    I'm glad somebody gets it :)

    Both of these posts are basically exactly what I'm talking about.

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