Never mind crazy things kids say...

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  • lizlucas1
    lizlucas1 Posts: 28 Member
    Keep it up and I'm giving you back to the gypsies

    Damn my mom pulled that one on me more times than I can count. I don't have a situation like this but my dad's pulled a bunch of them. Some of his favorites were:

    "It's not a democracy, it's a Dad-ocracy."

    "Confusius say, man with one eye red and one eye green, go stand on side of street and look like stoplight."

    "Because if anyone disagrees, I'll teach them math. First question is what is my foot plus your a** equal?"

    "Rule #1: I am always right. Rule #2: If there are any questions, please refer to Rule #1."

    "I will start a comedy show. It will be called 'The World According to Chuck.'" (Dad's name is Chuck)

    "If I ran for President, the first order of business would be to build large statues of my middle finger on both ends of the country and tell the rest of the world off."

    "Ask anyone you know, I don't play well with others."

    "You know when you go look up the word 'a**hole' in the encyclopedia and it usually has a picture next to it? Take a good look at the picture. You'll see me there."

    "News flash to the generation that thinks they're entitled to everything: you haven't done a day's worth of s*** in your life. As far as I'm concerned, if you've only done s*** then you're only entitled to s***."
  • jessiekanga
    jessiekanga Posts: 564 Member
    I absolutely love these! Great thread.

    Sure thing, I'll get that in "Two Toots and a Whistle!" From Thomas and Friends I'm embarrassed to say.

    Can you please get off your sister's head. She needs to breathe soon.
  • wolverine66
    wolverine66 Posts: 3,779 Member
    "Ethan was drying his hands on the dog's back. I had to tend to that."
  • Freyja2023
    Freyja2023 Posts: 158 Member
    Why did you shove the marble up your nose

    his reply complete with tears was "Because I was Happy"

    My horrible motherly reply "Well honey you're not so happy now are you."
  • spozzybear
    spozzybear Posts: 216 Member
    Why did you shove the marble up your nose

    his reply complete with tears was "Because I was Happy"

    My horrible motherly reply "Well honey you're not so happy now are you."

    HAHAHA that's definitely my fave so far!
  • AnitaS71
    AnitaS71 Posts: 25 Member
    My son is autistic. We've had some bizarre ones. The first two to come to mind are, "Get your sister's underwear out of your mouth!" and "It's not ok to poop on your dresser."
  • navywifeandmomof4
    navywifeandmomof4 Posts: 958 Member
    couple of weeks ago after watching Betty White Off Their Rockers..I had to tell our 10 y/o no he can't have a boob cake for his birthday
  • bdreilly84
    bdreilly84 Posts: 30
    If you don't stop hitting my house I am going to make you live outside!!! (my kids beat the walls when having tantrums Ages 4, 6, and 8).

    Dont brush the dogs teeth with your tooth brush!!!

    Alright, who was kissing the TV??? And my youngest replies, "I don't know, maybe Daddy" HAHAHAH (TINY little kiss marks all over it??? weirdos)

    Why is it so hard for you to pull your pants up higher than your underwear! (Always sticking out like 2 inches and no I cant get her smaller ones)
  • slhall0822
    slhall0822 Posts: 128 Member
    To my six month old this morning... "why are you tasting my arm?"
  • Freemyskinny
    Freemyskinny Posts: 207
    My nephew ..(i was babysitting and I woke up to him changin' the channels on my bedroom tv)
    me: what..what are you dooin'.?
    him: lookin' for spunn-ge bob.!
    me: Spunn-ge bob..?? he sleeps.!
  • dirtnap63
    dirtnap63 Posts: 1,387 Member
    " And what were you doing while she was putting a bead up your nose"?
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    LOL @ everyone.... hilarious!! Glad I'm not the only one with kids who do completely crazy-irrational things lol
    To my six month old this morning... "why are you tasting my arm?"

    reminds me of one when my eldest was that age....

    "no darling, milk doesn't come out of mummy's forehead" - she had worked out that milk comes out of mummy (she was breastfed) but hadn't worked out that it mattered which bit of mummy.... she'd randomly try to suckle any available bit of me... lol
  • CherokeeBabe
    CherokeeBabe Posts: 1,704 Member
    Probably my favorite is "butt sneezes" when a kid was talking about farts.

    I also got trolled by a 5 year old once. He was learning sign language from videos and I was babysitting him, he showed me the sign language movement for the word "Grape". He spent around 10 minutes straight teaching it to me, extremely seriously, like a true language teacher.

    I mentioned it to his folks later and they said he was full of **** and taught me a fake one. Sneaky bugger :laugh:
  • WendyTerry420
    WendyTerry420 Posts: 13,274 Member
    "Nobody touch ANYONE!"
  • _Calvin_
    _Calvin_ Posts: 122 Member
    To my 3 year old daughter before her and her brother's bath, "Stop sticking your finger in your brothers butt!"
  • momwhosbusy
    momwhosbusy Posts: 154 Member
    Me this at about 2 a.m. this morning to my hubby after my daughter's bad dream: "Did you get the dragon off her toothbrush"

    Me and my 16 yr. old this weekend while we were climbing in the snow covered sand dunes at the state park and sliding down them on our rear ends with out sleds:

    16 Yr. old: "Mom, just slide down in my butt track..." <he then realizes what he just said, looks at me with big deer in the headlights eyes and busts out laughing>

    Me: <uncontrolable laughter> "Talking to your mom about your butt tracks is NOT appropriate"
  • nashsheri33
    nashsheri33 Posts: 225 Member
    i never realized how many kids put thinks in their noses and ears...
  • trgobble
    trgobble Posts: 51 Member
    I'm a teacher, and I often find myself saying to my students: "I don't know why you guys always want to touch each other. It's awkward. I don't wanna see that. When I see you with your hands on each other, I assume you're in love. If you're not, you should stop it. Have a personal bubble." Haha. When it's teenage boys, they do NOT like me assuming they are in love! Haha.
  • FrankenBeanz
    FrankenBeanz Posts: 176 Member
    Gosh I love this thread - my almost 2 year old daughter has me saying this I never imagined on a daily basis. Mostly related to licking things... another common one is

    "It's ok, I can wipe myself, thanks honey." whilse attempting to wrestle the loo roll from her hand... and
    "No, I don't need an audience when I pee - I'm a big girl"
  • kyleesartwell
    kyleesartwell Posts: 145
    Put that back in your underwear!
  • jessiekanga
    jessiekanga Posts: 564 Member
    Put that back in your underwear!

    ROFLMAO!!!

    I love this thread:)
  • Rivers2k
    Rivers2k Posts: 380 Member
    I was just informed of this thread after starting a similar one. So here is my contribution


    -My wife to my 2.5 year old daughter: Don't put bacon in daddy's wallet. (she must know how much I like bacon)

    -Me to my 1.5 year old son: Stop licking the Christmas tree!

    -I have had to say this to both my kids: Don't lick the dog back.
  • jennmodugno
    jennmodugno Posts: 363 Member
    "Just because the cat licks her butt doesn't mean you should."

    "Stop bathing yourself with your cupcake!"

    "No, you cannot brush your teeth with a paintbrush." And related: "Red paint is NOT ketchup!"

    "Sweetie, that's a coloring book. There are no words. I can't read it to you as a story..."

    "Well, maybe you shouldn't have tried to put a dress on the cat!"

    "If you don't sit down and behave I will never let you come to the doctor again!" (To be fair, it was an appointment for me, but I'm still amazed she immediately sat down and was silent.)
  • neandermagnon
    neandermagnon Posts: 7,436 Member
    some recent ones:

    (knickers = British English for panties, my 3 yr old has just graduated to them from nappies...)

    "please don't keep putting your knickers in (older sister)'s toy handbag!"

    "but you're already wearing your big girl knickers, you don't need to put another pair on"

    "why are you drawing on each others' foreheads?"
  • MrsBobaFett
    MrsBobaFett Posts: 802 Member
    My mum once said to me (and I'll never forget it for as long as I live) "If you bounce that ball one more time, I'll bounce you"
  • dezcast
    dezcast Posts: 429 Member
    I had an issue with listening (and i still do) when I was a kid. So every time I did something bad my parents would tell me they'd unscrew my bellybutton and my butt would fall off. It worked for a good couple years until I tried it one day. Took a screwdriver and tired to unscrew my bellybutton...it ended up a hospital trip

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