Returning MFP member, recovering from modeling in nyc.

Jenunie

I was living in new York a year ago where I was around beautiful skinny people all the time, modeling. I had got to go to londom, Milan, and Paris because of modeling. New York is when my life got kinda crazy with weight and calories controlling my every thought. Being overseas didnt help either because the girls there were sooooo skinny. One time I even saw a girls coccyx. Still, I wanted to lose weight and never thought id get like that.
I dont want to say that I had an eating disorder, because I dont think it got to that point. I was over exercising and would take exlax, but justified it by saying that I needed it to help me go to the bathroom. When I was in Paris I realized that I didnt have control of my thoughts anymore and all I thought about was getting a thigh gap and talking about how other girls were.way skinnier than me. I was at 117 lbs at a height of 5'9 and my agency wanted me to lose more. My relationship with my fiance at the time was struggling. I was always cranky because I was hungry and working out and my weight occupied most of my time and left little to no time for my fiance.
At that moment in Paris, I realized I needed to go home and work on myself..I stopped counting calories and didnt weigh myself for a good year.
Recently I bought a scale and saw that I gained 10lbs. And that thought frightens me. I started using MFP again to help me lose weight and be fit in a healthy way and would love friends to help motivate me along the way.
Im going to school to be a dietician and want to teach myself how to eat right and be healthy and later share my experiences with others.