Friends w/ stupid diets - do you say something?

hiyomi

YES, I have a guy friend, he is a pretty close friend also, but he always comments how I am not dieting because keeping calorie count control isn't really dieting, just counting. And then he is like "Why don't you just diet like I did, I would just eat a candy bar a day for energy." WTF THAT IS NOT DIETING, THAT IS STARVING YOURSELF! How dare he says that me controlling what or how much I eat isn't a diet, but him starving himself to lose weight is. BLARRRGHHHHHHHHDFKLFLSFL

Deipneus

fun_b

A few years ago, I had people thinking/saying the same thing about me when I tried a low carb diet. Now, people who haven't seen me in three years ask me how I lost all the weight. I usually don't tell them the entire truth because unless you have followed it or are following, it is difficult to understand how the diet can work. I can honestly say it saved my life. I wouldn't have been able to change my life without it. Within the first two weeks I had lost 10 pounds. This was at a point where I had failed every diet imaginable and was starting to accept that I would always be obese. I was so tired! Tired of trying to lose weight when nothing seemed to work, tired of feeling like a freak when I sat on the bus and knew I took up too much room. I knew I had to do something but I couldn't think of a solution. After I lost that first weight, I realised I could achieve it and suddenly became motivated to lose more. I think I lost 43 pounds overall but only gained back 7 of those pounds. If your friend has lost 20 pounds, be supportive and just accept that maybe she has found something that works for her. It is possible that she may gain the weight back or perhaps she will be lucky like me and keep most of it off.

People have to try and figure out what works for them. Sometimes I think its calorie counting and other times I think low carb. At the moment I am getting back on track with MFP but there is always the possibility that I might go back to low carbing for a temporary time as I find i eat more salads and healthy vegetables and when I'm not on it I just eat bread and pasta all the time.

Jessiebell527

If she is psoting a blog, I don't see any reason you can't offer some kind advice. Maybe preface it with why it has worked for you.

WendyTerry420

I give my paleo friends crap all the time. I think if they are good friends, then you should be able to say things like that to them. If you can't be honest with your friends, then you might want to assess if they are actually friends at all.

3saLarson

I would say nothing to your friend, but since it is facebook, I would post a link to MFP and maybe comment on how sensible it seems. Personally, I did this, however I haven't directly told any extended friends or family of my latest weight loss attempts( and success) since it never worked in the past. Now I simply want to surprise them with my new look, next year. Good luck!

bcattoes

It depends on the relationship. If we were really close, I'd say something. If we were friends but not close friends, I would not.

I might post general things to my wall about my personal goals, fitness regime, diet, etc. hoping she'd read it though.

cuterbee

Processed foods are fine.

Unless you have hypertension, then they're often a big source of sodium, unfortunately.

JessicaOnKeto

I'll just chime in as another keto (low carb) lover.
It sounds like she's trying to do low carb, Although I've never heard of the 5g rule...
But, as for saying something versus keeping quiet, it's really your choice whether you do or don't, I really liked the sandwich comment to say something positive about her trying, then adding how you have success in losing weight and then another positive comment about her trying to get healither.
As for me, I try not to preach where I'm not wanted, but I find, that most people trying to get healthy appreciate the feedback, ideas and different methods to get healthier, it's like
"Oh! You're getting healthy and losing weight too!? How do you do it? This is how I do it! How awesome that we will both get healthy!"
Hope this helps!

thrld

If you are very good friends, good enough for truth telling, then be direct. Tell her you want her to succeed. That you admire her willpower. But that the plan concerns you, and may be undermining her good health, and she should speak with a nutritionist or dietician.

If you feel you cannot directly tell her this, then try something indirectly -- like suggesting she sign up for MFP to keep a food diary.
That's it. Because eventually she'll go into a forum and she figure it out herself that her diet is not sound.

WendyTerry420

It depends on the relationship. If we were really close, I'd say something. If we were friends but not close friends, I would not.

I might post general things to my wall about my personal goals, fitness regime, diet, etc. hoping she'd read it though.

^^ This is actually where I was going with my comment. You stated it better than I did.

FitGuyWillDoIt

You can only gain the amount of weight that the food weighs. If a snack cake weighs 6 oz. then that's all you'll gain from eating it. It's scientifically and mathematically impossible.

I hope you're joking...

If I get on the scale, then someone hands me 6 oz. (0.375 lb) of anything, the scale goes up by 6 oz. whether it's a snack cake, rock, wood or an apple, the scale can't go up more that that.

So if i eat a pound of sugar or a pound of broccoli, I'll gain a pound? Have you ever heard of calories? This sounds like the muscle weighs more than fat argument, but is actually dumber.

Ok now, I understand your point. It wasn't clear before. Nothing dumb about that. What you're talking about is the absorption by the body of what's eaten. Therefore, sure, a pound of snack cake is stored as extra calories, i.e. fat whereas the fiber in a pound of broccoli is eliminated. That makes sense and I've always agreed.

My point, in case I didn't word it right, is just like the fat / muscle debate. A pound is a pound is a pound whether it's cake, broccoli, wood, or a computer. I've always agreed to that as well.

rosiereally2

Leave it alone. Sometimes people have to learn through their own trials and failures before the solution finally sticks.

emtjmac

Tell her how happy you are that she is having success with her weight loss. Then tell her that you are concerned that she might be setting herself up for failure because what she is doing is unsustainable and she will probably gain back all the weight when she gets off the diet. Then tell her about MFP and what it has done for you and that it will work for life because instead of telling you what to eat, it just tells you what you are eating and as such, you can eat whatever you want!

Spadowski

Given that we all have physiological nuances in our metabolisms and blood types, body types, etc, there's certainly no 'one size fits all' way of eating that can give everyone the results they want, just like there's no one religion, political party or method of parenting that's right for every person. We all have different needs at different times in our lives, but it's human nature to assume everyone's on the same point in their journey as we are right this moment. Food is so incredibly personal, and yet there's no way to hide when it's not working for us (black is only so slimming). Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who think their way is the only way and can't wait to tell you all the reasons you're 'wrong'. Personally, I just can't wrap my head around an animal-centered diet, and it's super annoying when people tell me I should eat a steak. But I also can't stand the militant vegans either. The pendulum swings both ways and we would all do better to be more accepting of our differences.

I think when it comes down to it, the sustainability of a way of eating is key to success. I don't view my diet as a temporary situation. I don't think of myself as being on a diet at all. I'm just using MFP as a tool to help me make my food choices go the distance, rather than blowing my daily allowance on refined sugars, starchy carbs, dried fruit, nut butters, etc. These foods aren't forbidden, but they are certainly 'expensive'. Since I started using MFP I stopped eating snacks out of the bag and started using portion control. I've finally accepted that if I want to be a healthy weight, I simply can't eat like my skinny hubby who is a foot taller than me, eats snacks out of the bag, and enjoys beer multiple times a week. But I cook from scratch almost every meal, and I am FULL after dinner! I have zero spikes in blood sugar these days and I'm running faster and farther every week. My hair and fingernails grow insanely fast, and my complexion has improved a LOT. Clearly what I'm doing is working well for me, but it would be arrogant to insist that it will work for everyone.

I used to work in a Veterinary Medicine college, and one day I came across a lecture about how food animals in Ketosis were unfit for human consumption. That made me think. I also knew someone who ate all organic food, and still ended up dying of pancreatic cancer. That made me think too. I eventually decided moderation was best for me. But who am I to push my beliefs on others?

Hadabetter

Be supportive, but tell her if it turns out that her diet doesn't result in the losses she's looking for, that you have been involved with one that seems to work for just about everyone. (Plus, you don't have to starve!)

foleyshirley

You can only gain the amount of weight that the food weighs. If a snack cake weighs 6 oz. then that's all you'll gain from eating it. It's scientifically and mathematically impossible.

I hope you're joking...

Me, too. I didn't know what to think of this.

Gwyn1969

I learned this technique in a listening class (seems silly I know) and have found it helpful.

Next time she complains, ask her, "Would you like to hear what I would do?" If she says yes, you can talk about MFP and calorie consumption. Don't criticize her plan - just share yours. If she says no, let it go.

I've never had anyone get upset even when I've shared my ideas because (1) they asked to hear (2) it is what I would do, not what I am telling them to do.

That sounds like great advice. I think it's cool you took a listening class. That's a skill everyone needs to improve.

FitGuyWillDoIt

You can only gain the amount of weight that the food weighs. If a snack cake weighs 6 oz. then that's all you'll gain from eating it. It's scientifically and mathematically impossible.

I hope you're joking...

Me, too. I didn't know what to think of this.

The original post reads like this "...Now anyone with a basic knowledge of calories would know that one debbie cake is not going to completely negate the 2-3 pounds she should have lost this week. But she honestly thinks that's why she didn't lose..."

I agree with it and don't mean to mislead or misinform anyone. We just can't gain 3 lbs. of weight from eating 6 oz. of food. Fortunately!

neanderthin

Not unless they ask me for my opinion, which many do.

sunryse00

I'm just a little confused as to why someone would prefer to do such an extreme diet like that, when they could probably lose the same weight by just controlling their calories.

If she's like me she's tried the counting calories and either didn't lose or was always starving and would binge. I now eat 20 carbs or less with plenty of fat. I've lost more weight than I ever did counting a calorie. I no longer have GERD, swollen feet and ankles and more energy than I ever did eating brown rice, wheat bread and no fat.

Before you start knocking someone's eating plan try doing some research. For some people carbs are the enemy and we can do just fine without them.

maegmez

I get friend requests on here with a private message that always ask me my secret. I always write back and add them. Then a few show up and they are doing some crazy diet. I do speak up because I really want to help and how we lose weight is a lifelong journey so diet sustainability is important to me.

I will offer suggestions and advice but I just won't support fad diets and sadly, I do move on.

bacitracin

This has been driving me mad. I have an acquaintance who I am friends with on Facebook. She is quite overweight and recently announced that she is going to start changing her lifestyle to get healthier and lose weight. I was really excited for her! She started a blog about it so I've been following her blog posts.

Well this week I saw a post that made me really frustrated. She's lost 20 pounds so far and was discussing her diet. It turns out with this "diet" she's on, she can only eat 5g of carbs every 5 hours. Are you kidding me?! I'm sorry, but unless you have a severe medical condition, that's one of the craziest things I've ever heard. I mean, if it's working for her I don't want to be mean about it, but I just can't comprehend why someone would do that. Carbs are important, just like fats and proteins... le sigh.

She also stated in the same post that she didn't lose this week because she "cheated" and ate one little debbie cake. ONE. Now anyone with a basic knowledge of calories would know that one debbie cake is not going to completely negate the 2-3 pounds she should have lost this week. But she honestly thinks that's why she didn't lose.

She seems miserable. I want so badly to talk to her, to be like, "Hey! you don't have to do this! You can lose weight just as quickly, and wayyy more healthily, by monitoring your calories alone. Check out this site, MFP..." But I don't want to offend her. I know her weight loss shouldn't be my business. Would you say something?

It's called a ketogenic diet, it's very useful for people with neurological problems or polycystic ovary syndrome (or other hormonal problems). The carbohydrate limit is generally under 20g per day, with the macronutrient ratio around 65% from fat, 30% from protein and 5% or less from carbohydrates.

I've lost 50ish pounds on it and kept them off. It's an incredible tool. There are a lot of us on it.

The "problem" that she has had this week, with the little debbie cake, is that if you eat something like that and "cheat", you are thrown out of ketosis because of the stored glycogen in your liver and you retain water for a few days until the glycogen is depleted. I've been known to gain upwards of 10 pounds on my cheat days, though I lose it all again in a week or two, just by peeing it out. It's not 35000 calories, it's just water, and she likely knows that better than you do.

At this point, I would keep my mouth shut if I were you, since she is losing weight and most likely improving her cholesterol and blood pressure just like I did. If the SAD (Standard American Diet of high carb, low fat) works for you, so be it. She found what works for her.

Ah yes, I've heard of that diet actually. I forgot about that. Well I don't know enough about it to judge so I won't criticize. I'm just a little confused as to why someone would prefer to do such an extreme diet like that, when they could probably lose the same weight by just controlling their calories. (I realize this is not the case for everyone, but my friend has no medical condition that I know of that would make ketosis necessary). But, to each his own.

Are you serious? Extreme diet? :-) EXTREMELY TASTY! I eat bacon, steak, buttered broccoli, cheeseburgers... And you wanna know the best thing? I actually eat LESS CALORIES PER DAY than when I was doing the South Beach diet or when I was a raw-food vegetarian. I'm full all the time because protein and fat do that. I don't have a medical condition that makes ketosis "necessary" either, but if I can have a favorable cholesterol ratio and lowered blood pressure and lower body fat percentage and eat bacon and eggs, steak and broccoli, turkey legs and as much cheese as I want... I'll do it! Hate on it all you want, hahahaha. I'll gladly eat your share. ;-)