why isn't "good enough" ever enough? a ramble

annbillingsley

I'm sitting here contemplating why, oh why do I (and many of you as well) compare myself to others. My MFP friends did this, or my bff did that, or my bf lost this or burned this. Why in the hell do I feel so competitive? Why can't I just be happy with MY OWN progress and the way I am doing it. No, I can't let the bf lose faster or burn more calories! No, I can't let my bff fit into a size Y before me! WHY DO I THINK I AM A TOTAL LOSER????

I lost a lot of muscle mass due to gastric bypass surgery and have become weak, I have severe anemia and my joints are shot so exercising is extremely difficult. For some reason I CANNOT see the fact I lost almost 200 lbs during the time and how many places I can go now because of it. All I CAN seem to focus on is how strong I USED TO BE. How active I USED TO BE the last time I was this size (never mind that I was in my mid-teens then and now I am in my late 30's). So even in such a dramatic accomplishment, I STILL CANNOT give myself credit. All I focus on is the negative.

But I exercise as much as I can......I try really hard to restrict my calories.....probably doing both a little too much to the detriment of my health....and why? why is it SO important to lose as fast as possible? why can't being "good enough" and doing well ever be "good enough" for me? And I know I am not alone in this. I have seen thread after thread and talked to real-life people about this....I talk to my counselor about this.

I was always the fattest person. I was fatterr than all my teachers by the time I was in 6th grade. Maybe some of it stems from this. I want SO BADLY not the be the fattest. My bf is 3 inches taller than me and weighs 10 lbs LESS than me. I feel like a failure. No woman worth a damn is FATTER than her man, right? I mean, what kind of manly woman am I? Him going on a diet and losing weight has thrown me into a tailspin of self-doubt, self-hatred, and insecurity (as if I didn't have enough of that going on to keep my counselor busy on a "good" day! lol). Don't get me wrong, I really am happy for him and his weight was getting way out of control, but why do I have turn that around into making ME BE A FAILURE? I used to be 450+ lbs.....who gives a rat's butt if I am "only" 10 lbs heavier than him when I used to be more than 200 lbs heavier than him!?!?!

I just don't get why I beat myself up over this.
Why do I feel the need to exercise until exhaustion or injury?
Why do I feel the need to starve myself?

WHY AM I PUNISHING MYSELF?

WHY CAN'T "GOOD ENOUGH" BE GOOD ENOUGH!?!?!?!

JessicaPacheco39

I am not in your particular situation i havent gone through what you have gone through. But i can certainly empathize with the notion Good is never Good enough I also struggle with this on a daily basis. Although i cant offer you any wise words of wisdom to make this feeling go away I can tell you if nothing else gives you comfort i wanted you to know you are not the only one:: :flowerforyou:


Jess

JenniBaby85

Ooh, I've been dealing with that for awhile. It's not wise to compare myself to others. I am ME, not anyone else, and I am now realizing that my ideal body, is ME, healthy. I used to be so jealous of skinny girls when I was in highschool, because I was CURVY, and they were skinny! What the heck? Those girls wanted to BE curvy. I was not overweight in highschool, I was healthy. What a waste of time *SMH*.

I hope you truly realize how incredible you are, and will someday become SUPERWOMAN :drinker: . Just be you, and do things that work for you, and everything will work out perfectly for YOU. You've got this

annbillingsley

Thank you very much for the kind words, ladies!!! It means a lot!

pucenavel

I suggest buying a copy of Awareness by Anthony Di Mello

That book changed my life.

jennfranklin

I am no stranger to that feeling hun. At 5'1" every single pound that I am overweight it shows and very self conscious! Just remember this is not a race, or a competition. You are a beautiful no matter what! Don't beat yourself up, we are all here for support and motivation! Add me if you like!