Self-Sabotage...Why Am I Doing It?

ImAhTrini

After years of wasting money at the gym and never seeing any weight loss, I finally joined MFP in October 2012. One day I saw a thread for a 50-mile November challenge and I decided to participate. Boy was I excited when November ended with me walking 63 miles! Within three months, I lost more weight than in all the years at LA Fitness.

Two weeks ago, I weighed in and discovered I was just 5 lbs from my goal weigt. You would think I would buckle down and race to the finish line. Instead, I stopped cooking and started eating fast food. I stopped counting calories and started eating Cheetos for breakfast. I''ve watched my waist start to expand again, even though the numbers on the scale have dropped. I know I've been eating the wrong foods, but I just can't seem to stop.

What the hell is wrong with me?!!?? Who in their right mind falls off the wagon with ONLY 5 LBS TO GO? :explode:

Today is the first day I've exercised in a week, but even before that, my exercise routine has been practically non-existent.

I'm so frusrated right now, I'm actually tearing up at the realization that I've come so far and all of a sudden it seems like my hard work is going to go down the damn drain. :sad:

Yes, I realize that I am the only one to blame and that I'm the only one who can (ultimately) motivate myself into getting back on track.

But having said that, any insight, advice or whatever anyone can give me would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks you guys

quirkytizzy

Today is the first day I've exercised in a week, but even before that, my exercise routine has been practically non-existent.

But this is where you are doing things right. You've recognized the problem, are taking steps to rectify it, and are able to piece together what happened so that you don't do it again.

All in all, I'd call this a win.

ImAhTrini

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But this is where you are doing things right. You've recognized the problem, are taking steps to rectify it, and are able to piece together what happened so that you don't do it again.

All in all, I'd call this a win.
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Thanks quirkytizzy, ( your name BTW). Yeah, I recognize there's a problem, just not sure how to break this cycle. Lately it just seems so hard to get out of bed and exercise. Two months ago, NOTHING kept me from working out. Oh well...guess I. Must. Try. Harder.

lil_pulp

I kind of did this too. I lost over 70 pounds but as soon as I reached "normal" on the BMI chart (which is the max that Weight Watchers wanted me to weigh), I gained 10 or 15 pounds right back, even though I was just a few pounds away from my goal.

In therapy, I discovered that I was scared because my weight had been tied to my whole self-perception for so long that I didn't know how to not be fat in my mind. Or something.

Over the next few years, I kept working in therapy--my weight/eating is connected with past events that I'd unknowingly been hanging on to--and I'm finally back within 5 pounds or so of "normal" weight again. This time it feels different because I have a better handle on my self-esteem and my emotions so I'm making eating choices that are getting me to where I now feel like I deserve to be.

Good luck and feel free to friend me if you want.

JesterMFP

All your hard work isn't going to go down the drain - unless you decide to let it. You are in control. Don't wait for motivation, just decide to get back on track now.

I don't know how you've been losing up until know, but is it possible that you've been taking quite a black-and-white/all-or-nothing approach to things? Have you been very restrictive on what kinds of food you can eat? When you reach your goal, do you plan on going back to "normal" (ie. your pre-MFP lifestyle) or do you plan on never again eating Cheetos or fast food? Do you plan to give up calorie counting when you reach goal? There isn't just one right answer to these questions, but it is worth thinking now about how you are going to transition into maintenance. Chances are, you are going to want to eat certain foods that you like at least sometimes, so how can you do that, but still manage your weight? Are you one of those people that has a bad day in terms of eating and thinks "oh well I've blown it now so I might as well carry on"?

I have recently reached my goal and have found the transition quite difficult. I have also had a few days of panic-induced overeating, and had similar thoughts to yours. Why am I sabotaging myself now when I've done so well for over a year? For me, I think it has just been part of the process of getting my head around maintaining, and the fact that I have been successful. I'm not sure, but maybe part of me wasn't ready to stop losing. Or maybe I was rebelling against the knowledge that I will still need to be very conscious of what I eat. I do know that as soon as I just started eating right and exercising again, I was back on track. I feared somehow letting it all go and regaining all the weight, but that's not going to happen, because I refuse to let it.

You haven't failed at this. You can't fail unless you give up. Your waist is probably expanding - at least partly - due to bloating. Just get back to eating right, logging and exercising. If it helps to spend a bit of time eating at your TDEE (total daily energy expenditure/"maintenance") then do so. Just keep logging, so you know where you are. That might be what your brain needs to chill out a bit before gearing up for the final few pounds.

JesterMFP

In therapy, I discovered that I was scared because my weight had been tied to my whole self-perception for so long that I didn't know how to not be fat in my mind. Or something.

Interesting - sounds like that might be what's going on in my head!

Heaven71

I agree maybe therapy would be a good idea, try to figure out what it is that causes you to feel like giving up. Good Luck, you've done great and you can do this...want it! Do It!

Cr01502

You need to adopt a life style change.

Sabotaging yourself with 5 lbs left and sabotaging yourself when you're at your goal weight are no different,

You need to find what works long term for you.

PS. Cheetos at breakfast? For god's sake woman if you're going to indulge make it worth it. i.e. pancakes with syrup

blackcloud13

You need to adopt a life style change.

Sabotaging yourself with 5 lbs left and sabotaging yourself when you're at your goal weight are no different,

You need to find what works long term for you.

PS. Cheetos at breakfast? For god's sake woman if you're going to indulge make it worth it. i.e. pancakes with syrup

"PS. Cheetos at breakfast? For god's sake woman if you're going to indulge make it worth it. i.e. pancakes with syrup"
.... So funny!!!

lindalee0315

I do the same thing! I have yet to figure out why. But, I just keep getting on the wagon and pushing play! I have thought about going in and asking a therapist what's wrong, but I've never gotten that far. Good luck to you. And like other posters have said, you've recognized a problem and came right here to fix it. That's a definite win!

DontStopB_Leakin

You need to adopt a life style change.

Sabotaging yourself with 5 lbs left and sabotaging yourself when you're at your goal weight are no different,

You need to find what works long term for you.

PS. Cheetos at breakfast? For god's sake woman if you're going to indulge make it worth it. i.e. pancakes with syrup

REAL maple syrup, not that other crap.

Tiff050709

What matters is that you recognize what you are doing. Good first step. And that even though you fall, you pick yourself up. I am in the same boat. I have a lot of weight to lose. I lost 17 lbs and then gained back 5. I was sad because I didn't know why I would do that. Work hard and then just stop. I still don't know why except that it is hard to change when you are use to doing things a certain way.
You can do it! You will do it! Just so long as you keep at it.

NGT351

When you figure it out, please let me know! I've done exactly the same thing. I was doing awesome until the holidays hit and then I literally gobbled up half of the weight I had lost.
A slow and steady "one day at a time" approach seemed to work well for me before but I'm having a hell of a time being consistent again. I signed up for another Tough Mudder in June so maybe that will help on the motivational side.

blackcloud13

I have a theory. Maybe you should think of what you're doing less as to lose weight, and more as a setting yourself up healthwise. A lot of people weem to get stuck when they are near their goal. I reckon its because if you're say 60lbs overweight, then thats a big problem and you can be motivated to solve it. When you get to 5lbs left - that doesn't seem like a big deal worth fighting over.

However, its still worth eating well and staying healthy, whatever your weight. If you set and follow the right net calorie goal, tell youself you're doing this so you still look good when you are 95 ... the weight will look after itself.

disclaimer: all the above is from a totally unqualified person - results may vary ..... :-)

kendzini13

If you have time to write a post complaining about it, you have time to exercise. Just go do it!

MichaelBrewer2634

Who in their right mind falls off the wagon with ONLY 5 LBS TO GO?

The answer to this is an addict. We are all addicts. We build relationships both physically, and emotionally in our minds with those things that bring us pleasure. You must replace the bad with the good to keep moving forward. Problem is, as we all well know, addiction to fast foods, and unhealthy things is so much easier than getting addicted to exercise, and eating broccoli. I recommend using the same techniques that other addicts use. 12 step programs are great, support groups like this one help, visualization, meditation, and building a framework for your success are just the tip of the ice burg. No matter what never quit. We're all here for you. Keep up the good work. Out with the bad, and in with the good. Repeat.

Calliope610

Sometimes you just have the act (or exercise) yourself into right thinking instead of thinking yourself into right acting. Basically, do the action, the thought process will follow, instead of re-developing the thought process (motivation) necessary to bring about the action.

beets_yum

This sounds counter-intuitive but it can be scary to lose get down to our goal weight. We have for so long thought, when I lose X pounds Y and Z will finally happen! I will put my s$#t together. I will finally be able to pursue my dreams, be a better person/mom/wife/friend/daughter/employee/writer/athlete. So then we get within 5-10 pounds of our goal and we think, wait a second. When I get to that goal, THEN WHAT? I'm still the same me I always was, just smaller.

For many people, the weight is a shield. It protects us from having to examine other stuff in our lives. Maybe it protected us from a relationship we weren't happy in or even something more menacing. Or it's the ready-made excuse for everything else we aren't doing. When the weight is gone, you just have yourself standing there naked. And that is scary. So we start eating Cheetos.

If you have struggled with weight, then there is a mental piece you need to work on as well. This is a good article--very helpful ideas here. http://www.peertrainer.com/how_to_stop_self_sabotage.aspx

jsj024519

It happened to me too. We tend to reward ourselves with food similar to dogs. lol.

It is tough to stay motivated when we are so close our goal and there are no ifs, ands, or buts about it.

arthurrichard

If you were one of my students, this is the advice I would give you: Let it go. You messed up. It's okay. Just admit that you are an imperfect human being and move on. We all mess up. Today is the day you start to fix any damage you may have done. That's fine. Don't beat yourself up, Learn from your mistakes and don't repeat them. Focus on today and... Let. It. Go.

Sqeekyjojo

What did you envision happening when you hit your goal weight?

Did you think your whole life and body image would be fixed? Did you think you'd be a different person?

Could you be scared that, after thinking everything would be different if only you were x pounds, that you'd get there and still be the same person, just without the usual weight explanation for feeling unhappy?

Were you using body fat as protection against the world? So giving it up means you felt vulnerable?


If you understand the reasons why being bigger seemed like a good idea in the first place, why it served a purpose, then maybe you can understand why you binged just as you were nearly at your target.

tdkgirly

Self-reflextion/therapy could help you figure out why so you can address and change your habits, but in the meantime, it sounds like you really got motivated when you signed up for the 50 mile challenge in Nov. Why don't you sign up for another challenge (5k?)?. Perhaps the commitment to others will help you to stay on track until you are to the point that you are doing it for yourself.
Good luck

Switzer12

You know, I have been there also, lost some weight, and then for some reason, go back to the old habits and then the weight comes back. I have recently started Yoga classes - beginner classes, as I am new to this - and I find that the total inward reflection on your body and how awesome it is and how hard it works for you can totally give you the peace and calm you need to stay focused on the goal that you have set for yourself. Also, I think it teaches you to not be so hard on yourself, just get up and go again. Good luck to you and I am sure you will get it back on track.

beets_yum

You know, I have been there also, lost some weight, and then for some reason, go back to the old habits and then the weight comes back. I have recently started Yoga classes - beginner classes, as I am new to this - and I find that the total inward reflection on your body and how awesome it is and how hard it works for you can totally give you the peace and calm you need to stay focused on the goal that you have set for yourself. Also, I think it teaches you to not be so hard on yourself, just get up and go again. Good luck to you and I am sure you will get it back on track.

Yes! The mental part of yoga is awesome for permanent weight loss. Whole heartedly agree. A regular yoga practice is the best therapy ever. (And I've done lots of the other kind, too.)

annepage

It happens. Previously mentioned, but you writing this now and realizing that this is a problem for you is a key step. Now that you're aware, before you're about to sabotage (eat junk, stop your exercise routine, etc) think about what you're doing and ask yourself why you're doing it. If you don't know the answer, at least stopping to think about it for a second might help you make a better choice before you go for that bag of chips or decide you're not going to exercise that day.

SStruthers13

I think most of us have gone up and down with our weight and the reasons are about as many as all of us. So I don't think your abnormal. I do think when we realize we are the problem and stop making excuses we are making real progress toward fixing our weight problem. I stepped back and examined why I was eating things like a whole half gallon of ice cream at a time in a cold, logical way while I was eating it. I noticed when I was upset I ran for food. I try to deal with stress differently now and hope I have solved most of that problem. Perhaps if you can examine how you feel when your doing things like eating Cheetoes for breakfast you can gain some insight into why your letting yourself regain weight?

Rungirlrun4

As you can see you are not alone in this. I fall right into this category too. In fact, reading your blog sounds like a page from my life.

While I am not anywhere near my goal weight, I am making small changes. One of the things that has really helped me change my way of thinking and from focusing on the negative is setting new exercise goals. After rejecting the idea of running my entire life I started running at the age of 42. First goal was a 10K, then a mud run, then a half marathon... Once I finished a goal it was on to the next goal. If I allow myself to feel, "Oh, I did that, I can hang it all up now" then I fall right back into the same habits of poor eating, sitting around instead of pounding the pavement, etc. You accomplished your 63 mile walk, how about another walk or a 5K, 10K, 15K, half marathon, marathon to keep yourself focused? I'm trying to run some sort of race every couple of months to keep focused on moving, meeting new people, and having fun while doing it. For me moving also keeps my focus on eating better because it is much easier to run at a lower weight than to carry the weight with you.

I also think, in my case, that I use the weight to protect myself a bit. I've found that I like to disappear into the background and losing weight and being thin brings too much attention to myself. Any attention where I feel people examine me makes me really uncomfortable so I hide myself in a nice insulated wrapping of fat to protect me from scrutiny. Something I'm working on but it is hard because everyone judges you when they see you wether you are thin or overweight. However, for me, even being miserable overweight is far easier because I am mostly ignored and left alone than having any real positive attention on myself. Writing that makes me sound really screwed up I realize but it is true. I feel safer overweight even though I can't stand how I look. I know this isn't sounding incredibly encouraging but I've recognized these feelings so that is a step in the right direction and I can honestly say that every time I complete a goal I feel stronger and better about myself.

I wish you luck on your journey and hope you find something that works for you.

Tristin_T

I've lost 150 lbs over the past 5 years and the last 50 might as well be 500! You've recognized your behavior - you can ask yourself why forever. And in fact for me, asking why I sabotage is in and itself a form of sabotage (b/c it helps me stall - I'll go to therapy, journal, etc. but all the while I give myself a free pass from exercising/making healthy choices because I'm working so hard at figuring out WHY I SABOTAGE)...why do I sabotage? Hormones, life events, old beliefs of how I define myself, running low on self-love and a sense of worth, fear (usually fear)...this isn't an easy question to answer. You're not alone, and sometimes we won't figure everything out. Answers might come years down the road. So we might as well be walking briskly or jogging down that road when we stumble upon the answers - - we've gotta travel the road anyway. xo

Espresso345

Man. If someone could figure out why we self-sabotage, NO ONE would be overweight. NO ONE.

I think everyone's done this at some point. I've been trying to lose the perimenopausal pudge for five years now, and I'm trying to figure out why I haven't fallen off the fitness wagon yet - my tendency is to do really well for, oh, say, 19 consecutive weeks and then all of a sudden just. stop. going to the gym. I just completed Week 23, and am hoping to keep on going.

It happens - but I think the good thing is you learn to recognize the pattern and you tend to get back on track FASTER. The first time you stop eating healthy and stop exercising, maybe it takes a few months to get back on track. The next time, a few weeks, and gradually, gradually maybe you'll figure out what the derailing factor is and avoid it all together???

One thing that appears to be helping me is better data. I got a Fitbit and I'm using it and MFP and a heart-rate monitor so I can't fool myself into thinking I ate less or worked out more than I actually did. I'm also trying to listen to my emotional reactions to losing weight. And I got my husband to workout with me so we keep each other accountable.

I do think there's a psychological component to all of this.

johnsjes

I'm doing the same thing right now. I have been training for a marathon and trying to slowly lose a few pounds while doing it. I had been getting in better shape and my runs are getting longer. I had a period of eating great and feeling invincible. Then I started eating worse and got to the point that I'm feeling so bloated (my jeans from a week ago will not fit me) that I don't even want to run because I know it will be painful and uncomfortable.

I know what I'm doing and how to fix it (eat healthy and keep moving) but for some reason (myself) I can't get moving. I've done it in the past during training for marathons and other events when I get to a crucial point. There's probably an aspect of fear of success or failure after trying so hard that I just sabatoge my efforts before the actual race.
So this morning I'm sitting here reading MFP looking for motivation to build off the healthy breakfast I had and eat healthy today and to get out the door and move a little so tomorrow I might feel comfortable running.
Little steps in the right direction. Convincing myself it's not all or nothing.

ImAhTrini

Have you been very restrictive on what kinds of food you can eat? When you reach your goal, do you plan on going back to "normal" (ie. your pre-MFP lifestyle) or do you plan on never again eating Cheetos or fast food?

Quite the opposite, I've been eating what I'd normally eat, just in MUCH smaller portions. Of course, the closer I got to goal, the larger my portions got. Guess I just overestimated my ability to eyeball the correct portions.