How to not take this as an insult...

2daughtermom

If you don't mind me asking, how much did you weight before you got to where you are now. If you weighed as much as he does now, then he knows it's not genetics. That's just his excuse.
If it were me, (and this is just the way I am, I can only take so much). I wouldn't say anything until he brings it up again and then I'd let him have it. He sounds to me like he's lazy and just wants people to feel sorry for him. If he is around you a lot, then he has seen how hard you have worked on losing the weight and the will power you need to stay focused. Maybe he can learn something from that.

whyflysouth

Sounds like a cry for help from your brother. Inside I'm sure he's not happen about his condition but he doesn't believe he can overcome his weight and so comments like that are his way of trying to accept his condition through fatalism.

Being serious about my weight for only about 4 months has made me realize that this is a game of time. In the beginning it seems really hard but it isn't too hard, the hardest thing is to put in the time and keep it up. I know at the rate of eating and activity I'm putting in, I just need more time, another 6 months, another year, the rest of my life, of continuing to do the right thing.

I'd suggest you try to motivate him, let him know that he has the same genes as you and that even if he might not believe it now, he can improve his health and he can bring his weight under control He definitely wants to lose it but he's got close to 400+ lbs of fat on his body telling him to give up before even trying.

I'd suggest you make a bet with him that if he can follow a routine set up by you for 2 months, he will overcome "his genetics" enough to see some weight-loss.

MissNova

Some people make fun of others when they are insecure. Ask him if he wants your help. Tell him that it will be for the best. No need to be negative with him about the situation.

Trust me Communication is the Key!

Good luck.

sbilyeu75

My family and my husband's family uses the same excuse. They always love to point out when you gain weight, but never say a word about us losing weight. When we're working hard to take it off and eating right, they say we're not living, or we're crazy. What's worse is that they don't want to hear that we've been losing weight through watching what we eat and exercise. They want to think there's some magic behind, then they come up with the excuses on why they can't lose weight. I figure it's just that misery loves company.

allykat8

I want to vent this a little bit. I'm now the 'thinnest' person in my entire family. On Easter while visiting, my brother remarked jokingly "well you got the thin genes in the family." He weighs almost 500lbs, can barely walk, has diabetes, and eats pretty much everything you shouldn't eat - and lots of it. Whenever he talks about losing weight, he chalks it up to genetics; he refuses to see that he DOES have a choice.

His comment has been eating away at me. I laughed it off then, but I've been busting my @$$ for more than 3 years now to get where I am. Its not genetics. Its hard freaking work and determination. And I'm trying to find a way to constructively tell him that. Its really starting to bother me.

Ideas?

This could have been said out of dissapointment with himself, jealousy, anger at himself, any number of things. First off, I would not take it personal what so ever. Family is always going to be the hardest on you and may not show excitment the way you feel you deserve.

Your brother could say it is genetis because this makes him accept his weight and where he is. I'm sure mentally he knows that he is the source of the problem. And with your great achievement and weight loss, he very well could say this out loud truly because he is embarrased. Instead of getting offended and mad at him, I think you need to realize that everyones' brain works differently and maybe he thinks that getting healthy is not an option for him. Even though that is not true, that could be very well how he feels.

I think you should mentor him and talk to him and help him. Do not force it, it has to be a change he makes on his own, but by you supporting him and being there for him might change his way of thinking and help him realize tha the can make the change too.

But do not expect him to praise you and congratulate you. It may not be possible or easy for him to do.

Johnnyswife

Personaly, I think its a cop out on his behalf. Unless you two live far away, and he hasn't seen you working to lose the weight, than he was choosing to ignore your hard work. Instead he insulted you by indicating that it was "your skinny genes" that did it. LameO!!! He's just jealous that your smaller than he is, and instead of wanting to do the same, he choses to bury his head in his plate of food, and act like he can't control what he eats.

You worked hard for this. Its taken you years to do this and your doing a great job. Don't let his comments knock you off track okay? Maybe someday, he'll get tired of feeling like poo and come to you for advice..

msarro

If you don't mind me asking, how much did you weight before you got to where you are now. If you weighed as much as he does now, then he knows it's not genetics. That's just his excuse.
If it were me, (and this is just the way I am, I can only take so much). I wouldn't say anything until he brings it up again and then I'd let him have it. He sounds to me like he's lazy and just wants people to feel sorry for him. If he is around you a lot, then he has seen how hard you have worked on losing the weight and the will power you need to stay focused. Maybe he can learn something from that.

I peaked at 325lbs in december 2006. Since then I've been working constantly.

He does have two children, and sadly he lives about an hour and a half away. I could give him some advice (and I would love to make sure my nephews have their dad for a very long time), but as much as it breaks my heart to say this, I don't think he'd do it. He tends to... not stick with things. That's part of whats eating at me.

jules1984

I would very clearly make your point that you have worked really really hard and it wasn't as much "genetics" from your parents as maybe habits. His insult was clearly an excuse for himself.

That said... Be Gentle. My biggest pet peeve of people wanting me to change is they assume I am a "kick-in-the-butt" type of person like they are. When people get aggressive about something or make me feel bad it just makes whatever my problem is EVEN HARDER.

thumper44

You've done an awesome job.

You said your the thinnest of your family. So where are you getting the thin genes from?

You made your mind up and made changes to help your health. We all know we can't force someone to change, unless they WANT to change.

I think everyone that's been obese thinks it's very overwhelming to lose weight. Think of us that are 50-100lbs overweight, and think how some of us felt before we started. Your brother is alot heavier and probably feels that there's nothing he can do, and since he can barely walk probably feels that he can't exercise, and probably not sure where to even start to lose weight.

Like others said. Commiunicate. If you two are close to each other.
Have a private conversation with each other (nobody else around to mingle), and tell him how you feel.
Explain to him your hard time getting to where you are, give him confidence that HE CAN DO IT and that you also want him around for another 50 years.

Tell him how you felt BEFORE you started losing weight, and you can remind him of your before picture.
Explain to him that it's hard at first, but gets easier, ie Can only walk for 5-10 mins, next week 15-20 mins etc.

I think one of the best gifts you can give him, is to help him out take those first few baby steps. Help him with right food choices, put some kind of exercise routine for him that he's able to do.

Good luck!

Edit: Just saw your other response.
Not being able to stick with it. I think we all get that feeling. It's the CHOICE we make whether we quit, or we stick with it.
Perhaps show him other success stories. Other people who have lost 100+lbs.

FabiolaEnvy♥

well hun, either you just up right tell him, cause of the way he is eating... he will die sooner. and i dont think you would want him to die. i mean... my brother is almost dying from diabetes and he isnt even 300 lbs he is like 250. he still eats the way he does... and doesnt watch over his health... and he got a wife that just cooks him food even then i dont think she realizes. even though she is with him all the time... sad part is that i cant see him anymore... so i dont know how he is doing now. but according to my other brother and sis in law they told me he wasnt looking so well. like he had noooo energy. he can barely see from one of his eyes. and one of his leg is basically has no blood going through. (lucky he can still walk) i dont think you want your brother to end up like that. it would suck. ummm.... so i would be upfront about it. and if he doesnt take it well... then be an example. or just show him why you lost some much weight from working your *kitten* off

cause if you did it. he might take a second chance before its to late.


Edit: DONT LET ANYONE TAKE YOUR DREAMS OR YOUR HARD WORK OF EFFORT CAUSE OF A STUPID FAMILY'S COMMENT!!! it would be bad if you quit then you would just gain it all back... and wouldnt be happy like you are now.

paddlemom

It's hard...it's not much different with big losers as it is with smokers...when you are successful, you genuinely want others to be successful too. The trouble is we become evangelists for something that other people may just not be ready to hear.

If you were always smaller than him - even when you were at your highest - he may actually believe that there is a genetic reason that you were never as big as he is, so it would be much easier for you to lose the weight compared to him. At any rate - I'm sure he is very aware of how hard you have worked - or at least has his own perception of what hard work it is (which probably looks like an insurmountable effort!).

It can be really hard on your own self worth to see someone who you are close to being successful in doing the work and seeing results. It makes you feel even worse about yourself. And it makes it twice as hard to start - because if he fails...and clearly you didn't fail...then that makes you better than him, right??? He knows he needs to lose weight, and now here you all looking all buff and healthy, when all he feels is fat and defeated.

BTW... I hate to see the folks that are calling him lazy....please, unless you have ever had over 100lbs to lose, try not to be so judgemental. That level of obesity is SO much about so many things that it's really unfair to perpetuate the stereotype that all fat people are just lazy....

YOU, on the other hand, do have a right to feel miffed at his reaction. You know how hard you have worked and that this isn't an accident of genetics. All you want is some acknowledgement. I would just say tell him that you felt his comment was unfair and it hurt your feelings and you would have hoped that he would feel proud of you for what you have accomplished.

IF you want to be an inspration to him, live well, don't push, but watch for conversation openers when you can share with him how hard it was to start and what kept you going at the beginning. That's what he needs to hear about, the start of your journey, he won't be able to relate to how you feel now!

PJilly

I want to vent this a little bit. I'm now the 'thinnest' person in my entire family. On Easter while visiting, my brother remarked jokingly "well you got the thin genes in the family." He weighs almost 500lbs, can barely walk, has diabetes, and eats pretty much everything you shouldn't eat - and lots of it. Whenever he talks about losing weight, he chalks it up to genetics; he refuses to see that he DOES have a choice.

His comment has been eating away at me. I laughed it off then, but I've been busting my @$$ for more than 3 years now to get where I am. Its not genetics. Its hard freaking work and determination. And I'm trying to find a way to constructively tell him that. Its really starting to bother me.

Ideas?

I can understand how you would be insulted initially, but if you stop and look at the situation from his perspective, I'm sure he didn't mean it that way at all. I doubt it occurred to him that he might be hurting your feelings. You are the one who has had great success, and he probably feels like a big failure. That's probably a hard pill for him to swallow, and if he can blame it on genetics, he doesn't have to be completely responsible for his situation. I have a feeling he is trying to convince himself of that more than you. Thank goodness you have figured out that the hard work is worth it. I hope he comes to that realization too!

hooah_mj

What about inviting him to work out with you, or have you train him? Maybe he just needs support and motivation. It would also have the affect of showing him how much effort you've put in to get where you are! I would avoid saying anything that would truly hurt him.

hooah to mrssuejones!
She's got it right...

My obese cousins recently told me that I was too skinny to be walking for exercise &
that their kids were going to feel ashamed of their weight...

I'm 5'4 & the tallest female in the family...and betw' 50 and 100lbs lighter...so so so sad! & I am ALSO the only person in my family W/O Type II Diabetes!

I'll never stop asking my sisters to join me. I love them so....(even tho they just dumped me, again!),
they kinda have the same attitude your brother has....

Don't get angry and don't give up on him, either. ..Regardless of what he attributes to you weight-loss, you know the truth.

Way to go! What a tremendous Life Change!