How to not take this as an insult...

paddlemom

It's hard...it's not much different with big losers as it is with smokers...when you are successful, you genuinely want others to be successful too. The trouble is we become evangelists for something that other people may just not be ready to hear.

If you were always smaller than him - even when you were at your highest - he may actually believe that there is a genetic reason that you were never as big as he is, so it would be much easier for you to lose the weight compared to him. At any rate - I'm sure he is very aware of how hard you have worked - or at least has his own perception of what hard work it is (which probably looks like an insurmountable effort!).

It can be really hard on your own self worth to see someone who you are close to being successful in doing the work and seeing results. It makes you feel even worse about yourself. And it makes it twice as hard to start - because if he fails...and clearly you didn't fail...then that makes you better than him, right??? He knows he needs to lose weight, and now here you all looking all buff and healthy, when all he feels is fat and defeated.

BTW... I hate to see the folks that are calling him lazy....please, unless you have ever had over 100lbs to lose, try not to be so judgemental. That level of obesity is SO much about so many things that it's really unfair to perpetuate the stereotype that all fat people are just lazy....

YOU, on the other hand, do have a right to feel miffed at his reaction. You know how hard you have worked and that this isn't an accident of genetics. All you want is some acknowledgement. I would just say tell him that you felt his comment was unfair and it hurt your feelings and you would have hoped that he would feel proud of you for what you have accomplished.

IF you want to be an inspration to him, live well, don't push, but watch for conversation openers when you can share with him how hard it was to start and what kept you going at the beginning. That's what he needs to hear about, the start of your journey, he won't be able to relate to how you feel now!

PJilly

I want to vent this a little bit. I'm now the 'thinnest' person in my entire family. On Easter while visiting, my brother remarked jokingly "well you got the thin genes in the family." He weighs almost 500lbs, can barely walk, has diabetes, and eats pretty much everything you shouldn't eat - and lots of it. Whenever he talks about losing weight, he chalks it up to genetics; he refuses to see that he DOES have a choice.

His comment has been eating away at me. I laughed it off then, but I've been busting my @$$ for more than 3 years now to get where I am. Its not genetics. Its hard freaking work and determination. And I'm trying to find a way to constructively tell him that. Its really starting to bother me.

Ideas?

I can understand how you would be insulted initially, but if you stop and look at the situation from his perspective, I'm sure he didn't mean it that way at all. I doubt it occurred to him that he might be hurting your feelings. You are the one who has had great success, and he probably feels like a big failure. That's probably a hard pill for him to swallow, and if he can blame it on genetics, he doesn't have to be completely responsible for his situation. I have a feeling he is trying to convince himself of that more than you. Thank goodness you have figured out that the hard work is worth it. I hope he comes to that realization too!

hooah_mj

What about inviting him to work out with you, or have you train him? Maybe he just needs support and motivation. It would also have the affect of showing him how much effort you've put in to get where you are! I would avoid saying anything that would truly hurt him.

hooah to mrssuejones!
She's got it right...

My obese cousins recently told me that I was too skinny to be walking for exercise &
that their kids were going to feel ashamed of their weight...

I'm 5'4 & the tallest female in the family...and betw' 50 and 100lbs lighter...so so so sad! & I am ALSO the only person in my family W/O Type II Diabetes!

I'll never stop asking my sisters to join me. I love them so....(even tho they just dumped me, again!),
they kinda have the same attitude your brother has....

Don't get angry and don't give up on him, either. ..Regardless of what he attributes to you weight-loss, you know the truth.

Way to go! What a tremendous Life Change!