Here I go Again

maab12

So Here I go again:

Right now It seems that I have done what I have always done start over have 3 great weeks have one weight gain and then I lose all motivation and I go off for a couple of months just to come back and have a higher weight than when I started.

Im wondering what it is that makes me quit when it comes to weight loss. As most people in my family know I am an emotional eater. when ever I get angry upset or sad I end up eating. For a long time I honestly believed that it was a source of comfort. today I realized that Im eating not because it is a source of comfort but because it numbs to the point where I dont feel the pain or anything at all for that matter.

My mother suggested that I consider getting the lap band surgery to help with my weight loss. ive seen my father get gastric bypass done and he gained roughly half the weight he lost. My brother in law had the lap band and I dont see any weight loss at all. My mother Had the lap band and ive seen what she eats and when icecream is a meal for her i shudder. My sister had the lap band and her story is the saddest of all.

She weighs in at over 420 pounds she has "attempted" weight loss before every time she has neared losing 100 pounds she has gained everything back plus more. She was going to therapy in order to help with her food problem and it seemed for a while like it was going to work. She was taking Anti depressents in order to help curb her appitite. Anyway it got to a point where she decided to have the lap band done to help with her weight loss and that was about 4 months ago.

It looked like she was doing ok she was eating less and she sounded happier. all of the sudden it stopped she started gaining weight again and did not want to go to her second check up because of the weight gain however she said she was working on losing it. I was talking to her 1.5 weeks ago. I learned from her that she doesnt care about losing the weight right now. she had gained everything back and mabey some extra. She told me that noone belives her but she has something chemically wrong in her brain when it comes to weight loss.

She said that when she was eating according to plan she was blacking out while behind the wheel of her car as well as getting dizzy and sick. when She started eating junk again and gaining weight her problems went away. She says for right now as long as she stays active (swimming) she is happy.

I told my mother I have considered the lap band but I realize that like everyone else I will probably see it as a quick fix. I said that I dont want to do it with out first working out what is wrong in my head that causes me to have an unhealthy relationship with food. once I work that out by going to therapy or even OA I might have the surgery as a weight loss tool not as a fix.

I am over 350 pounds I have an adorable 2 year old boy an amazing husband and baby number 2 is due in 1-2 weeks. I know what I have done to my self and now i am facing the facts that if I want to raise my kids in an active healthy life style things have to change.

This blog is not about ranting oh poor me or im like this because of my family. This about me facing the facts of the situation I got my self in to and with support from MFP friends and my husband I hope to work the weight off and become healthy.

This journey is not sprint or a marathon for me it will be an iron man but I believe I have finally taken the first step.