How to deal with snarky comments?

BigHeartbeat

I have a bit of a problem with my sister making negative little comments about my 'diet'...

I've recently gone from 169 pounds (which in my 5'9'' frame was JUST toeing the line of overweight) to 140 pounds, over the course of about 8 months. I did it by making healthy lifestyle changes, and never saw it as a diet, more of a lifelong health commitment. I obviously took my time doing it, and didn't deprive myself of the occasional treat. I'm now slim, though not unhealthily so, and I'm not bothered if I lose a few more pounds or not now - I feel good in myself.

HOWEVER. My (naturally slim) sister has been making snarky little remarks about me. For example, one of my friends congratulated me on looking slim, I thanked her, and as I left the room I heard my sister telling her I'd been on 'a crazy diet'. She rolls her eyes if I order a slimline tonic water. She tells me I'm boring if I don't want a slice of cake. But it's not like I never treat myself, i just don't do it ALL the time...

My friends have said perhaps she's jealous of my weight loss. But she still weighs less, and besides, there's more to both of us than our figures. Luckily I have the strength to ignore her and do what I wanted to do anyway, but I'm wondering if I should speak to her about this. It does embarass me when she says things like that in front of friends and I feel like it demeans my hard work by calling it a 'crazy diet'. I'd just like her to feel happy for me!

Has anyone else experienced this? Do you have any advice on how to handle these sort of situations?

skamnorth

Sounds like your sister have a attitude-problem.

Just let her know that its not appreciated. That you've worked hard and that you expect her, who love you, to respect you even if she doesn't understand it.

Keysted

I don't know why she is saying these things - perhaps for attention? - but I think you need to ask her to stop. Tell her this hurts you and is not acceptable. I know this may be hard to do but standing up to her may be the only way to get her to stop. BTW - congratulations on your weight loss and your food choices! You're doing great!

lauren3101

It does sound like jealousy. You say she is 'naturally slim' - perhaps she got used to being the only one like that, and now doesn't like the 'competition', as it were. I'm having a similar issue with one of my friends.

Besides trying to talk to her, I would just continue to ignore it. She will soon get bored, and it will eventually be old news.

Congratulations on losing the weight.

premiumchilenita

To me, it sounds like she has one on you, finally there is something she can tease YOU about, If you let her get to you, she will keep coming with it. Show her you don't care, or give it back a little; you're on a "crazy diet", well she can just be crazy naturally.
Aaah.......sisterly love.

You tell her "It really hurts my feelings when you say that" she will be like "YESSSSSS" because there is something she will always be able to hurt you with. Sibbling rivalry

ellepribro

Firstly, congratulations on your weight-loss and healthy lifestyle choices.

Secondly, it sounds like she may be jealous of the attention you're getting. Perhaps she thinks that by making some of those comments she's taking some of the attention off of you.

bunbunzee44

isn't it a sister job to make snarky comments and embarras you infront of everyone? :P

she's just trying to mess with you, she could be jealous like someone suggested not everyone has the will to say no to cake and other treats :P

BigHeartbeat

Thanks to everyone who replied, you've given me some good advice and thoughts I hadn't considered!
It's annoying that whats our choice to make is open to speculation from others, ah well..
And thankyou for your kind words about my weight loss, that means a lot! I can also see a few of you have done pretty well yourselves, so well done!
If anyone wants to, please feel free to add me as a friend. :-)

Sqeekyjojo

Probably feels threatened. Especially if her friends are talking about you.

After all, if people saw her as the slim one, she's probably a little scared that you'll be described as the hot one, instead of the dumpy one. (For example, I'm not saying that was what you were). And one way of showing that is claiming you went on some stupid crash diet instead of just not eating as much crap as she does. It makes it less special if people are told you stopped eating, rather than did it the sensible way.

In any case, chances are that, with that attitude, of cake being no fun and suchlike, and all you have to do is stop eating to lose weight, she'll be up in the two hundreds once she has kids. Then you can offer her help. If you want to, of course....

glovepuppet

your pals won't think you're crazy for dieting, they'll just think she's an insecure, back stabbing @#&$/ for trying to undermine your success. chin up! rise above it and ignore it. she's only embarrassing herself.

pkw58

Sometimes change is hard for people close to us. We just had a family vacation with my son and daughter in law and it was amazing how we went from celebrating with food and drink to playing on the beach, playing dominos and exploring a historic site or two. I wouldnsuggest finding new things to do whennthe family gets together rather than just food and "talk".... It really is a lot more fun.

jainew94

I have a bit of a problem with my sister making negative little comments about my 'diet'...

I've recently gone from 169 pounds (which in my 5'9'' frame was JUST toeing the line of overweight) to 140 pounds, over the course of about 8 months. I did it by making healthy lifestyle changes, and never saw it as a diet, more of a lifelong health commitment. I obviously took my time doing it, and didn't deprive myself of the occasional treat. I'm now slim, though not unhealthily so, and I'm not bothered if I lose a few more pounds or not now - I feel good in myself.

HOWEVER. My (naturally slim) sister has been making snarky little remarks about me. For example, one of my friends congratulated me on looking slim, I thanked her, and as I left the room I heard my sister telling her I'd been on 'a crazy diet'. She rolls her eyes if I order a slimline tonic water. She tells me I'm boring if I don't want a slice of cake. But it's not like I never treat myself, i just don't do it ALL the time...

My friends have said perhaps she's jealous of my weight loss. But she still weighs less, and besides, there's more to both of us than our figures. Luckily I have the strength to ignore her and do what I wanted to do anyway, but I'm wondering if I should speak to her about this. It does embarass me when she says things like that in front of friends and I feel like it demeans my hard work by calling it a 'crazy diet'. I'd just like her to feel happy for me!

Has anyone else experienced this? Do you have any advice on how to handle these sort of situations?

I have had a similar experience.. at the time i was a healthy size 8/10 and had just started a college course. *I've always been weight concious*.. on this course we had to participate in an Activities Day and had to wear old clothing. I had asked my boyfriends MOTHER to borrow a pair of old jeans and top.. she agreed and pulled out a size 14 pair of jean and 16 top.. held them up and said "they're no good, they will be way to small for you!" right infront of my face. I refused her help in lending an old outfit and left the subject. Since then i have put on weight and to this day she will make sly comments about my weight loss! I wouldn't want to confront her because I fear tension between my boyfriend/her & myself (awkward situation!) although I have told him about how I feel when she "puts me down" and he will tell her to "shut up" ect when she does (which is nice, because she wont say anything back to him!)..
My boyfriend has said its because she is jealous of my determination and weight loss.. and that she will put others down to make herself feel better! He tells me to flaunt off my weight loss/body because at the end of the day, WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER.

It sounds like your sister is jealous about your weight loss and motivation to keep strong! Even though I didnt confront my "mother-inlaw", I think you should confront your sister (if you are living with her) as she may do it more often if you just let it go. Tell her that you are happy within yourself and that you don't need anybody putting you down!
Even though she is "thinner" than you, everybody is jealous about something on someone whether it be looks or personality and some people will knock you on what they think your weakest point is!
Hope you come to some conclusion, also I hope i've helped and not offended anybody

clperrett

I have had this for years from my Mum. I was always a heavy kid and it was always mentioned by my Mum after Uni I toook up running and lost a lot of weight and became very healthy, she didn't like this either she always tried to encourage me to stay at home rather than go out running or she would tell me it was low fat versions of food that she was cooking when they never were. This used to get me really angry but now I just feel sorry for her, my change was challenging her and her behaviours, made her feel lazy or something it was not my problem.

Concentrate on you, you should be enjoying your excellent weight loss and your success, just think about that when the comments are made

Cr01502

Sounds like she's being a sister.

My advice?

Build a bridge . . .

Deipneus

Do you have any advice on how to handle these sort of situations?

Have you tried a punch in the throat? That might work.

ndj1979

have not dealt with this ..

but my advice ignore her and do not react to it and it will infuriate her. If you get angry when she does this then you are letting her win and then you have lost ....so turn the tables, ignore her, and I bet it will stop...

of if she asks if you want cake..smile and say "no, thanks my crazy diet prevents it"

OrbeaRider66

Yeah, I have a sister like this. She has to have the spotlight on her and, if it isn't, she has to bad mouth the person receiving the attention.

Just do what I did ... I told her that, while I'm sorry she thought what I was doing was "crazy", it worked for me and I was happy. )You might want to skip this part though) I then told her that I was sorry that she was so miserable that she had to try to bring everyone down to her level and that, at the end of the day, I wasn't her so it was a good day.

I don't know that that was the best way to handle it but (a) it made me feel good and (b) I don't get bad mouthed anymore.

__RANDY__

You've been eating around 1200 cals/day that is a "crazy diet"

saltedcaramel86

Firstly, congratulations on your weight-loss and healthy lifestyle choices.

Secondly, it sounds like she may be jealous of the attention you're getting. Perhaps she thinks that by making some of those comments she's taking some of the attention off of you.

This! My mother is similar. She's quite petite but doesn't eat a whole lot to maintain her figure (her choice). She pretty much lives off fish, cheese, wine and WW foods. She also makes comments about her sister who lost weight through running. I've always been bigger than my mother but lost weight through healthy eating and exercise. Honestly, I think she feels threatened, probably because of the exercise, it allows me to eat more but still maintain while she counts the calories. When I mentioned that I can now fit into some of her clothes (not all because my boobs are a lot bigger than hers! :happy: ) it really got her back up and said "Yeah, but I'm still smaller than you!" :ohwell: People, especially women, can feel jealous of the attention being on others, even if it is family. Try not to let it get to you, if not, then say something. I brush it off with my mother as I know what she's like.

emsicle_o

It does sound like jealousy. You say she is 'naturally slim' - perhaps she got used to being the only one like that, and now doesn't like the 'competition', as it were. I'm having a similar issue with one of my friends.

Besides trying to talk to her, I would just continue to ignore it. She will soon get bored, and it will eventually be old news.

Congratulations on losing the weight.

You took the words out of my mouth!

evileen99

Don't tiptoe around her, come right out and confront her--"Why are you making fun of healthy food choices?" or"Why are you making fun of my improving my health?" or even the "Why would you say something so rude and hurtful?" She'll likely try to say that she was just joking, but we both know better. Call her out every.single.time she does it and she'll soon quit.

ThePinkAlligator

I AM THAT SISTER WHO MAKES THE SNARKY COMMENTS - not literally, but figuratively. I've gotten over it now - but growing up my sister who is 2 years younger than me - was always a bit bigger boned and a size or 2 larger than me, I love my sister and don't typically feel jealous of her - however, when she started Body Pump and lost weight, while I was gaining weight and not working out - I was incredibly upset by it. Granted, neither of us were huge - by the time this juxtaposition occured she was down to a size 6 or 8, I was up to a size 10 or 12, but it was so bothersome to me - it's difficult to explain, but I guess I took some comfort in the fact that I was the smallest of all the females in the family, then about 5-10 years ago my mom went from a size 10 to a size 4 or 6 - that was hard enough, but I still took solace that I was the smallest of the 3 daughters. When my sister started Body Pump 2 years ago and I no longer was the smallest female in the family OR the smallest daughter in the family - it took my self confidence for a spin. 2 years later she has maintained her weight loss, but I have dealt with my own issues so I can support and be happy for her. I guess that even when I gained a few pounds, my family would still call me the skinny one and say I looked great, so it didn't bother me too much, I could avoid the fact that I was gaining weight a bit easier. When my mom and sister lost weight, I no longer could ignore the fact that I was unhappy with my weight. I'm sure your sister is jealous, but my advice?? Don't confront her, just be patient with her, minimize your diet/fitness comments/proclomation achievements for now and give her time to adjust. Let her come to terms with her weight vs yours and get used to the idea that she is no longer the skinnier one - the less attention you bring to it - the easier it will be for her to gradually accept this fact and move on. I would be happy to answer any more questions if you have any - just message me. Good luck and congratulations on your success!!!

Lt_Starbuck

I just told this to someone who was having trouble letting go of comments from their parents in their childhood. I think it might help you too.

There is one sure fire way to get through this.

Every day or every other day - walk up to your workout with the intention of completing something that you have never been able to do before. Whether it's adding a pound, 15 seconds or an extra set, an extra rep, a hand stand, your first pullup attempt - DOESNT MATTER.

Everytime you are working out, in the time you allotted as important for yourself, you walk up to something impossible and you prove to yourself that it is possible.

Doing this over and over day after day week after week will strengthen your body and your mind and your willpower and your momentum.

And suddenly, one morning, you're going to realize that all you care about is getting that barbell up over your head, because it is taking all your energy and effort and THEN YOURE GOING TO DO IT!

And you'll know, that it's your opinion of yourself, your voice in your head saying you can you can you can you can you always can - that you will hear louder than any mouse squeaks in your past. Because everytime you talk yourself through it - you make it happen. You solidify your sense of personal strength.