Please Help! I'm worried about my roommate...

girlmeetslife

My roommate is a very, slender young lady - but sometimes she scares me. She's quite underweight (5'4 - 95 lbs, I'd estimate) and seems to have a really unhealthy relationship with food. She'll never ever eat a full plate of anything, cuts her food in half, comments that she's "too fat to eat food"... etc. The other day I decided to mentally count what she'd eaten that day and it only barely adds up to 1200 calories a day, some days it's less. What stresses me out the most is how self critical she is of herself and how she perceives suggestions (even from friends) as people telling her what to do, and gets very angry.

I realize some people are naturally just very slim, and I have no problem with that. My other roommate is equally petite but eats quite reasonably and has pretty "normal" portions. I personally think that my roommate is on the edge of an eating disorder, and I really don't want that for her. I don't think that she will listen to me, or take anything I say seriously since I am pretty overweight myself.

To anyone who's had a friend/family member/roommate like this before, what did you do to help them? For any former eating disorder sufferers out there, do you wish someone had approached you?

Carolyn_79

I wouldn't approach the issue with her unless I was a family member or friend. It could create a really negative living environment for you as well if she takes it the wrong way. Although I agree 1200 is low, many women are eating 1200 calorie diets. It's sad that she has a negative self-image but talking to her about this isn't going to change that.

FitMom516

I suffered from anorexia for years. No matter what anyone said it didn't help, until I hit my own rock bottom which was being hospitalized. Be warned that her being angry with suggestions is very normal for someone with an eating disorder. Confronting her will probably cause her to be very hostile and defensive. If you want to express concern, I would do so casually. Do not bring up her body or how she looks or mention weight at all. Just say that you've noticed she hasn't been eating much and you're wondering if everything is ok with her. Even then, it might not get anywhere. Eating disorders are so hard to deal with.

now_or_never13

I wouldn't speak with her about it. If conversation happens you can mention how you are worried that she isn't eating enough or at a very low weight but don't harp on her. Don't keep talking about it if she doesn't want to talk.

Unfortunately there isn't much you can do. She has a disorder and she needs to realize she needs help on her own.

krissy_krossy

I've fought my own battle with an eating disorder, and if I were her nothing you said would make a difference. I had to hit rock bottom on my own. Several times (hospital, gain weight, fall back, repeat.) You can't change someone who doesn't want to change (and still, my willingness to change can vary day-to-day. It's the overall trend that matters.)

Just my two cents.

girlmeetslife

Thank you all for responding, and you're all very right - it's hard to help someone who does not want to help themselves, or does not think that they have a problem in the first place. I think the hardest part of this situation is that my roommate is also my friend, and I don't want to see her harm herself mentally and physically.

I've noticed that she tends to eat a little more when others are around, so I try to invite (mutual) friends over once or twice a week for dinner so that she'll at least eat with us as a group. Does anyone have any suggestions on little things I can do to maybe make her feel better about herself?