I feel helpless

Thesarahmonster

Hello.

I keep reading people say things like "If you don't have the desire to do it you won't", or other phrases along those lines and that is like the biggest slap in the face to me EVERY time. Losing weight and getting healthy is ALL I think about, but for some reason I find it near impossible to make the choices I need to make to turn my life around. I feel like I have lost all control of myself. I could be thinking how badly I DO NOT need whatever junk is awaiting for me in the kitchen, and as I remind myself of this over and over again, and beg myself to just stop and put it away, I am standing there fixing it for myself, then ultimately eating it. I am constantly fighting myself and it's extremely exhausting, especially when in the end all I feel is dread and disappointment in myself for not being able to control myself over something so small. I can't stand the way that I look and am disgusted with myself, if all I want is to be happy and healthy, why is it so hard for me to do this?

Just typing this makes me want to cry. I keep waiting for the magic moment when I am so miserable that I will finally just break down and do what I'm supposed to, but the moment never comes, and I keep making these horrible decisions. I don't know where to turn, my friends and family members are of no help because they do not have the same views that I have when it comes to a healthy and fit lifestyle.

I'm at a total loss. I guess I'm just wondering if other girls, or guys, have gone through this sort of helpless feeling and struggle, and if so were you able to overcome it, how?

teresab46970

I have been where you are now. I gave up on myself. I was depressed and would tell myself everyday "today I am going to eat right and get to the gym and lose weight". I didnt I would find excuses and blamed others for what I was doing. I went thru an abusive relationship and I became the names he called me, old, fat, lazy, pig. Among other names that are to bad to mention. One day I just had enough and it hit me like a mac truck. I got up waited for him to come home, when he started I told him to pack and go. That gave me "fire" in my *kitten* that I needed. I felt alive and I got in my car went to the YMCA joined and pushed myself to go everyday. And let me tell you I have energy, I have life. And I love being around people who are working on "changing" there lives too. I started out 3 days a week, doing a little here and there. I lost some weight and I liked what I seen. I go now 5 to 6 days a week and when I get discouraged I remind myself of what I was before and what I went thru and it gives me the drive to keep on pushing. You have to just do it, make yourself and dont make excuses. You will feel great trust me. Today I went and played vollyball, and I havent done that in over 25 years. Last year I couldnt ride the exercise bike for more than 10 min. I ride now for 45 min in a fast pace. I started out on the treadmill 2.0 and thought I was going to fall off after 15 min. Now I go on speed of 3.2 or 3.4 for 60 min or more and I can run higher than that. And thats pretty good for a 49 year old who's been thru breast cancer and 17 surgeries in a year. Get motivated find friends that will help with that. Go to the gym you will find plenty of friends that will be by your side. When you get going I promise your going to love it, And when you get to where you think "you just cant do it another day" pick yourself up and say "I got this" and try and keep trying. You can do this!!!!

Emtabo01

I think eventually everyone hits their own true rock bottom, and then at that point they can begin to turn things around. How long it takes is going to be different for everyone. Just like quitting smoking, how many quit attempts does the average person make before being successful, lots and lots. You'll get their eventually. If you don't even make the attempt, it'll certainly never happen, just keep trying, doing your best, it'll click soon enough.

Thesarahmonster

Thank you. That's what I'm doing. I just keep telling myself to not give up and even if I fail, know that I'm always working towards that goal. It's so frustrating and it's very hard to stay positive, but right now in my life this is all I really want.

Crochetluvr

It took me about 18 months of trying over and over again....of disgust and denial. ....before I hit bottom. There was no way I could do it till then. Yet others just decide it's time and that's all they need.

You CAN lose weight. It's one thing in our lives we can control, even if we need help to do it. That's why I came here. I am not perfect. ...I slip up. But you just make the slip ups fewer and you will succeed. I don't get help from family. So I don't look for it. Thiz is MY fight and there is no crying defeat this time. Because its for life.

Thesarahmonster

Thanks for the inspiration! I guess my biggest fear is that it's going to get a lot worse, before it gets better. That really terrifies me. I am already at my heaviest weight and I'm not sure how I would handle it if I gained even more.

KassLamb

Wow. It took me a few seconds to realize that I wasn't reading about myself.

*Hugs* I've been there. I've been stuck there for years.

Perhaps a better wording would be, "If you don't have the desire to do it, you won't. And if you do have the desire to do it, you just might, with a struggle." If you didn't have the desire, you wouldn't be here. I'm assuming you're on this site for support. That's what it's for. Take advantage of this community! We're all in this together. I believe that anyone CAN do it. But I would never tell anyone that it's easy, or even that it's not the hardest thing they may ever have to do.

Thesarahmonster

Thanks so much! That was very inspirational

I get into these spurts where I do really good for a while, but we just moved and I lost the flow of everything. We got caught in the fast food trap and I have been in a total funk. I don't have a job outside of the home, or any real friends here. It's a nightmare some days.

Thesarahmonster

Thank you Kasslamb, It's comforting to know that others are going through or have gone through a similar struggle.

yukifer

Chin up girl. I've recently been doing some introspection too, and I came across some great information. If you ever listen to podcasts - check out '8 hour confidence' by Joseph Clough - it's an entirely free podcast with lots of self hypnosis. The best part I got out of it is working through limiting beliefs and self sabotage - these are actually not things in us that are to be hated - they're rooted in self preservation and can be worked through to act in your benefit. Good Luck to you!

sonhando

Learning new habits is hard. Also, though it does happen for some, it's not like a switch you suddenly set to eat right and exercise. Expect to have bumps in between, but keep forging forward.

artickb22

Baby steps...take it one min of the day at a time. Seriously, those few mini accomplishments over time will just keep building up!

Emtabo01

I think when you're in a really bad funk, that literally just taking it one day at a time is key. I've been on a week long binge, finally got so disgusted with myself, and today my goal was to stay in my calories and NO sweets, that's my binge trigger. I made it, through the one day, before I go to bed, I'll figure out what my goal is for tomorrow. One day, one little goal at a time - in the beginning, when you're doing better, make bigger, longer goals.

0nichan

The biggest step you can take is to stop putting the junk food in your kitchen in the first place, that will help a lot. Just don't bring junk food into your house. Find something else to eat that is real food that won't poison you and bring THAT home. You will feel better when you need to snack and you won't have to struggle with control issues. Second step is if you really really want the junk food, find a way to make it yourself. Do you love brownies? Try a black bean brownie recipe instead of the flour-egg-sugar variety - you can't tell the difference. Cookies? Try using almond or coconut flour instead of the great nutrient void that is enriched white flour. Sandwiches? It only takes a couple hours, mainly of waiting for dough to rise, to make your own loaf of bread. Then you don't have to worry about the additives, preservatives, and massive amounts of sugar that are put into store-bought loaves of bread. When I was lucky enough to live in the "Salad Bowl" of central CA, I could spend $30 a week and have a huge amount of fresh, healthy, and delicious food. Now I'm in the midwest and it is so hard, especially in the dead winter, to find fresh food but I've been digging around and paying extra for REAL food while sacrificing in other areas to avoid falling into a junk food trap again. But back to the first thing I said, the most important step is to stop bringing home junk food at all.

NZRose7

Maybe taking small baby steps would help. LIke, if you just can not say NO to a bowl of ice cream, have half the amount you normally would. That way your still getting what you want but only doing half as much damage. I've only recently had the 'rock bottom moment' (this time around at loosing weight), when a friend wanted to treat me to a new outfit and took me shopping. Lovely of her to think of me but i felt really humiliated cause I knew nothing she suggested would even come close to fitting of looking good. I started off with a detox which helped me heaps cause I no longer crave sugar, which was my weakness.

zonah

I've been there and not that long ago. I'll I can say is don't give up on yourself, even if you think your failing don't let that stop you from trying again and again. I watched "Hungary For Change" on netflix just before Christmas and have 20lbs since then. I never put my heaviest weight 240 lbs onto my profile.

Somethings from that movie that really popped out at me where.

1. Don't take away from your diet ADD salad, veggies and fruit to every meal.
2. Add omega 3 flax, chia seeds and salmon.
3. Make sure you have lean healthy protein.


I bought the book "The Gabriel Method" by Jon Gabriel he really deals with emotional aspects of weight loss and has a different take. http://www.thegabrielmethod.com/


And I really like the movie Joe Cross made http://www.fatsickandnearlydead.com/

I think you are really brave to be so honest. I'm sure most people here have felt like this, just hang in there and don't give up on yourself. ((Hugs))

Bownzi

:happy: Hello... I understand what you are saying.... But keep going... This site has helped me a lot.... By keeping my thoughts straight.... You can do this and you will succeed... Others who are not in our places normally do not understand what it means to be in our positions... Keep your view of who you are in mind no matter what... If you get weak post it... And there are many of us who will be here to help...I am working not only to lose the weight....but I am also working to get the strength back in my left side... I lost most of the control of my muscles because of a neck injury.... So depression and feeling bad sometimes are a lot... But I want to get my mobility back so I am going to keep going... As should you keep your spirit up.... You will get where you want to go...

res119

I have never related to anyone more on this site. I couldn't tell you how many times I would say "wow this is really it, I can feel it. I'm going to lose the weight this time!" And then failed again, and again...and again. It really made me wonder if it would ever "click" for me too. I understand your fear of hitting a new low in order for it to finally click for you, but that did not happen for me! A month ago I just made one healthy choice. It was a random, normal day, and I decided why not? I will just resist the french fries this one time. So I did. And I was SO proud of myself. I held onto that feeling with all my might, and then I decided to make a good decision for dinner too, just to see how I felt. Of course I felt even MORE proud. Then I just kept going, meal by meal, one meal at a time. I made healthy choice after healthy choice and I hadn't been that proud of myself for a long time. I went strong for about a week and then Valentine's Day rolled around and my boyfriend (who I live with, and has bad eating habits) suggested we have pizza. So I had the pizza. BUT the very next day I woke up and started making healthy decisions again, one meal at a time.

I have binged so many times, knowing what I was doing and how badly I wanted to lose weight, yet still eating all the terrible food for me anyway for whatever reason (just like you!!!) But the reason I have been going strong for a month now is because of that amazing feeling I have knowing that not only am I actually making healthy choices and doing this for real for the first time in my life, but also that it is actually working! I was one of those people who would "try" for two days, not lose weight, and think what's the point and give up. But just by giving it a week I actually lost weight. Now I have lost 8 pounds in a month, and it is just one more thing that keeps me going.

I think the most important thing is if you mess up, do not continue on for the whole day, or two days, and especially not the whole week! Stop yourself and then give yourself a break instead of beating yourself up. One bad day won't ruin your progress, but weeks will definitely throw it off which of course would be super discouraging.

It really is a mental game. I am in a situation like you where I do not really have any friends right now. It is hard when there are so many things going on in your life that are upsetting and hard to deal with, but this is something you can control. It really feels amazing when you do too.

Sorry for the novel! I just had to let you know that you are not alone. I hope I helped at least somewhat. Good luck to you, YOU CAN DO IT!!!

MouseTmom

I think many of us have felt the same way. I have some of the same problems you do.

Now comes the hard part - and I don't mean to be a meanie. 1st - if you can't say no to "bad" food then don't keep it in the house or get some of those 100 calorie packs for when you want a snack and just eat one. 2nd - log your food. i just looked at your food diary and there were only a couple days in the past 2 weeks where there was any logging. Logging really does help! Every morning I log the food i am planning to eat for the day - I pack my breakfast and lunch to eat at work and usually know what I am fixing for dinner. If I plan to go out for dinner I go onto the restaurant website and see what they have that will fit my calories for the day. LECTURE OVER!!!

I've been fat my whole life - have lost 40 pounds since June. Just remember - we do all have bad days. There are days I look in the mirror and hate what I see! There are days I just want to go buy a big container of ice cream and eat it all - or a bag of candy, or a bag of chips - or a large size big mac and fries - and sometimes I do it (well maybe not aWHOLE container of ice cream). When those days happen, just gotta shake it off and start again tomorrow!!

Just keep trying - that is all we can do.

michellekicks

I think everyone who has ever had a significant amount of weight to lose has felt as you do... what changes? No idea. But at some point you'll just do it. It starts with baby steps.

I think what often happens is everyone figures, "If I'm going to have to drastically change everything, I want results immediately." That's totally self-defeating. They'll come on here to MFP, set their goal to lose 2 lbs per week, start working out every day and feel so deprived they binge, quit or whatever.

Here is my advice:

1) Set a small goal to start. Start by aiming for a 1/2 lb weight loss weekly.

2) Track what you are eating. Get a food scale if you don't have one and start weighing and measuring everything. Don't do anything but aim to stay at that daily calorie target +/- 20 or 30 calories.

3) Move a little more.

4) Try and eat some protein every time you eat anything. It will help with moods, satiety and muscle retention while dieting.

5) Aim for the highest fiber options you can find. Again, combine high fiber foods with protein and you'll be full all day.

6) Don't bother with fat-free/sugar-free/taste-free non-foods. Fat is good for you. It helps you feel full.

7) Try and drink mostly water, herbal teas and other decaffeinated, non-alcoholic beverages.

8) Eventually you'll aim to increase your protein intake. Don't try this right away.

9) Eventually aim to add regular weight training for about 45-60 minutes, 3 times/week to your schedule.

10) Take every opportunity to learn your own habits, desires... what makes you tick.

If you do all of the above, in 6 months time you would be down about 15 lbs or so and feeling great. And if you mastered tracking and hitting your calorie target without feeling deprived, you could change your goal to 1 lb lost/week... you'll get 250 calories less than you were with a goal of 1/2 a pound per week, but by the time you do it, you'll be ready to cut them out.

Take it slow. Very few of us got fat overnight. It takes time... there are so many success stories here on MFP. There's no reason why you can't be one of them.

psych0kitty

Hang in there. I've definitely been there.

Are you exercising? I find that it helps my mood, which in turn reduces cravings. I noticed that when I feel like crap, I'm more likely to lose control over my inner monster.

I don't want to assume that you are depressed, but I feel that it's likely. I also take 5-htp for my mood, which is a natural serotonin-boosting substance, and is also supposed to help with emotional eating. Let me be the first to say that there's no supplement/drug that will do the work for you, but it helps me do my own work.

lloydtiffany

I understand where you are coming from and you are not alone. Reading this made me want to cry. I know it's hard; but, trust me you can overcome it. Nobody said it would be easy and you can't just stop something cold turkey, you have to gradually do it.... I have dealt with the same problem you are having and one day I said enough is enough especially when i couldn't get into my favorite jeans. What you have to do is start disciplining yourself. First, start replacing some of that junk food for a piece of fruit. Cut back on the sodas maybe only drink 3 a day and work you way down to 1 a week. Cut back on your calories start at 1900 calories a day and gradually work your way down to however many calories you would like to take in a day. The thing is as long as your cutting back on calories you are losing weight and when you add excercise it helps even quicker. Also remember that you are burning calories all day long no matter what your doing, from walking around to sitting up all day. I promise if you just try these few things you will feel so much better about yourself. I take in 1420 calories a day and I workout its very hard especially because I'm married I have a 6 month old daughter I go to school and work.. If you work hard you can do it just remember it takes time. We didnt gain the weight in a week even though it may seem that way, so it's only fair to say it won't take a week to lose it. If you need anymore words of encouragement or you just want to talk feel free to add me...

BullletproofPaleoman

Hello.

I keep reading people say things like "If you don't have the desire to do it you won't", or other phrases along those lines and that is like the biggest slap in the face to me EVERY time. Losing weight and getting healthy is ALL I think about, but for some reason I find it near impossible to make the choices I need to make to turn my life around. I feel like I have lost all control of myself. I could be thinking how badly I DO NOT need whatever junk is awaiting for me in the kitchen, and as I remind myself of this over and over again, and beg myself to just stop and put it away, I am standing there fixing it for myself, then ultimately eating it. I am constantly fighting myself and it's extremely exhausting, especially when in the end all I feel is dread and disappointment in myself for not being able to control myself over something so small. I can't stand the way that I look and am disgusted with myself, if all I want is to be happy and healthy, why is it so hard for me to do this?

Just typing this makes me want to cry. I keep waiting for the magic moment when I am so miserable that I will finally just break down and do what I'm supposed to, but the moment never comes, and I keep making these horrible decisions. I don't know where to turn, my friends and family members are of no help because they do not have the same views that I have when it comes to a healthy and fit lifestyle.

I'm at a total loss. I guess I'm just wondering if other girls, or guys, have gone through this sort of helpless feeling and struggle, and if so were you able to overcome it, how?

You are not the only one to sruggle with this. There have been times when we have had junk food in the house, and that seemed like all I could think of until I'd eaten it. All of it. Then I would feel that guilt and shame that you're feeling. Then that guilt and shame would feel so bad that I would eat more crap to make me feel better. Then buy bigger pants.

So far this year I am not doing that. What works for me is eating lots of protein and healthy fat, and very little carbs. Some people do well by just eating less of the (junk) foods they love, but Ive found out that doesn't work for me, because I keep craving more. But if I can eat all the meat and vegetables I want, sometimes I'm actually surprised when it's time for the next meal. You can't believe how empowering that is, after going thru times where I've felt like food was in control of me instead of the other way around!!

Thesarahmonster

Thank you to everyone for all your motivation and support. I know a lot of you were commenting on junk food in the house, I do try to keep it out, but I live with 2 other people who don't really give a rats you know what about eating healthy. I've actually considered buying them their own mini fridge to keep their food in, somewhere AWAY from me.

I am going to keep pushing on no matter what, I've just had this overwhelming feeling of dread these past couple of weeks and I needed to get all of it out, it's so nice to know that others have gone through the same thing and came out on top! It gives me hope.

upgetupgetup

I've felt that way about various things in my life. Twisted up in knots, stuck, unable to move or see how. I can't tell you the impact this glib-sounding revelation has made on many aspects of my life:

EMOTION FOLLOWS MOTION

The next best thing I've learned has been:

MAKE IT EASY TO NOT **** UP

***

So the first one's hard until you get into a groove. I think exercise is the best to start with, because you're adding things, not taking them away. Even though it physically hurts more initially, maybe - that lasts a couple of weeks to a month. By the end of the month, you feel 50% better in pretty much every way. And you have more energy to put into nutrition.

What gets you through that month is NOT GIVING YOURSELF THE OPTION TO NOT DO eg 30 minutes of walking a day. No matter how bad or tired you feel. You wouldn't go to sleep without taking off your makeup, right? Same thing. The day doesn't turn without you walking 30 minutes. Almost always (except when muscles are sore), you feel better physically and emotionally. And you also feel better because you did something good for yourself, and moved closer to your goal.

***
Making it easy - it's a general principle, with I guess a few steps in it. Like not keeping foods you might binge on in the house. There, you don't have that option now, and you don't have to stress about maybe bingeing. Going grocery shopping regularly so you're not stuck without food. Eating at regular times. Planning meals, sometimes preparing them in advance. All this is planning. That takes learning and getting used to - there are tricks to it, for sure, MFP is full of them.

For exercise, making it easy means doing something achievable and easy for you. If workout clothes are an issue, get enough for four workouts, at Old Navy or Walmart. If going to a gym's a hassle, walk, or do a DVD. (If you want to go to a gym, pick one really close to where you WORK or study, not live, and get something done before you get home, so you don't sink into destress mode and have to work yourself up to go out again. Buy and keep ready a set of whatever toiletries you need, and rent a locker if you can so you don't have to think about that.)

If you hate swimming, don't do that. If you love dancing, do that. Start with anything you like. The point for the first little while is to get moving, period. Down the line, your interests and knowledge may change, but right now, just get moving. Everything will feel different with one step. (Alright, maybe like a few hundred, but the first will take you to the last.)

ellygolightly

I think rather than focusing on the fact that you can't say NO, is to remove all traces so you don't even have to say no. This is exactly what I did. I've lost 20kg (44lbs) so far and the only way I got there was removing temptation in every way possible. I didn't buy it, therefore I couldn't have it. It gets a lot easier as time goes on.

DawnEH612

I can totally relate.. So much so that my initial journey on MFP wasn't even about losing weight, it was about trying to develop a healthier relationship with food and overcoming very poor eating habits. I also believe i have what some may define as an "addiction" to simple carbs such as baked goods....
Feel free to read my blogs about my journey. My heaviest known weight was 204 and this week i weighed 135... It was not easy and i fought many a demon that lived in my own mind/thoughts, ... But you will get stronger, you are able to do this... Get your sword ready for battle.. Here come the dragons.

One of my blogs of enlightenment! Maybe it will help you??? If you want support, REAL support... Feel free to fr me.

http://www.myfitnesspal.com/blog/DawnEH612/view/it-s-all-in-my-head-257520