completely backwards

kmc979

I think the hardest part of realizing I needed to get in shape was seeing me for who I really am. whenever I looked in the mirror I wouldn't see the real me, I still saw the thin person I used to be. If I ever allowed myself to be photographed and when I was, i was disgusted with myself, so I hid from the camera more, untagged myself on facebook, but that mirror kept lying to me. When I first started losing weight I really didn't see it, just noticed my clothes getting looser and my face being a little thinner, still mostly seeing that thin person. once others really started noticing and saying something to me something happened in that mirror, I started seeing the fat person. just a couple of days again at the gym I was looking in the mirror and saw how large my calves had become (no wonder all those boots didn't fit!) I was horrified at myself. I keep seeing that fat person, that fake image I had in my head is gone now. I cannot wait to see her in person, in real time, once again.
I know the way i used to see myself was not healthy, i guess it was a coping mechanism. I just hope I can stop seeing that fat person even after she is gone.