family...not supportive

sierra_12

hey guys. my name is Sierra (: heres a little about me:
im an 18 year old freshman in college, i live in the dorms and go home (to my 7 siblings, 2 nieces, and parents) usually every other weekend. now, my problem is, when i go home my family is running around everywhere in separate directions and so my parents take the fast-food approach to dinner.

now, there should be a simple answer to my predicament: Don't eat the fast food my parents bring home. right? well, i am a recovering anorexic (surprising from my picture, i know.) and my mom thinks I'm still not eating as much as i should. so if i don't eat the food they bring back to the house for dinner, my mom gets very upset and threatens sending me back to counseling.

i need some ideas... any of my friends that i have on here know that i eat around 1200 a day (not the net calorie intake, how much i eat. i don't believe i need to eat back the calories i burnt off with exercise) so i am NOT starving myself. but how do i go home and not completely ruin my diet that i have worked so hard to stick with here at school?
thanks guys (:

LoraF83

It sounds like you have a complicated issue on your hands.

I would suggest having a meeting with your nutritionist and your mom - so you can discuss a meal plan that will be good for you and will help your mom worry less.

auddii

You could always take her up on that, then drag her to the counseling session with you. Then, with a third party present, explain in a rational manner why you want to eat more food, but you don't want to eat take out. It may be the easiest solution.

DavPul

they are not being unsupportive. They are just eating the way they normally eat with that many people in the household it's got to be very hard to come up with a special meal plan for every individual that wants to do something different. I say go ahead and eat the food. eating a little extra food every other weekend will only help your metabolism. 1200 calories per day is actually probably too low for you

sierra_12

i have slowly been able to eat more calories. 1200 per day is about 1000 more than i was eating this summer. and over christmas break when we had pizza for lunch and KFC for dinner one day, then McDonalds for lunch and A&W for dinner then next, etc. for 3 weeks, i gained about 4 pounds back, even though i burnt about 1000 calories a day. when i don't eat fast food at all when I'm at school, eating it when I'm home makes me feel horrible

LoraF83

i have slowly been able to eat more calories. 1200 per day is about 1000 more than i was eating this summer. and over christmas break when we had pizza for lunch and KFC for dinner one day, then McDonalds for lunch and A&W for dinner then next, etc. for 3 weeks, i gained about 4 pounds back, even though i burnt about 1000 calories a day. when i don't eat fast food at all when I'm at school, eating it when I'm home makes me feel horrible

I'm no expert, but if you were restricting that much over the summer, you should probably still be talking to someone to make sure your recovery goes smoothly.

Which brings me back to my original point.....have a meeting with your mom and your counselor/nutritionist.

now_or_never13

i have slowly been able to eat more calories. 1200 per day is about 1000 more than i was eating this summer. and over christmas break when we had pizza for lunch and KFC for dinner one day, then McDonalds for lunch and A&W for dinner then next, etc. for 3 weeks, i gained about 4 pounds back, even though i burnt about 1000 calories a day. when i don't eat fast food at all when I'm at school, eating it when I'm home makes me feel horrible

I'm no expert, but if you were restricting that much over the summer, you should probably still be talking to someone to make sure your recovery goes smoothly.

Which brings me back to my original point.....have a meeting with your mom and your counselor/nutritionist.

This. It may be best for you to meet with someone.

If you consistantly ate low calories and still are eating far too little you will lose muscle and lower your BMR.

Speak with someone who can help you. 1200 is too low especially if you are not consuming your exercise calories back.

lizziebeth1028

It sounds like you have a complicated issue on your hands.

I would suggest having a meeting with your nutritionist and your mom - so you can discuss a meal plan that will be good for you and will help your mom worry less.

^^This is excellent advice! While I understand Mom's concern that you're getting enough calories...the solution to this isn't junk food. It's lot's of healthy nutritious foods. Your nutritionalist or counselor needs to reaffirm this with your family!

jez4ever

Can you drive? Go to the store and buy meals. Also, I almost hate saying anything good about Mcdonalds, but there southwest GRILLED Chicken salad w/ dressing is less than 400 calories and is very filling.

lizziebeth1028

Also - I would like to add that 1200 calories a day is really not enough ESPECIALLY if you're not eating back your exercise calories. It's below your BMR, it put your body in stress and reeks havoc with your metabolism. You only get one body, it has to last you a long time...treat it kindly!! :flowerforyou:

theCarlton

Bring your own food. Cook for yourself and whoever wants to eat what you're having.

lizziebeth1028

Also since Mom is so busy with a full household maybe you can volunteer to cook some healthy meals while Mom is running the kids here and there.

oregonzoo

Buy your own food. Let them eat what they want. This is your thing. Not theirs. Don't push them into it.

HotrodsGirl0107

Since you are still showing signs of disordered eating (ie netting less than 1200 and trying to justify it), you should probably talk to a counselor. If I were your family I would be very worried for your health (I am a little surprised you are going to school to be a nurse).

sierra_12

thanks everyone, sometimes i do make my own meals but she thinks its rude to not eat what the rest of the family is eating. so when i, like a few of you brought up, offer to make meals for the entire family she says that I'm acting like i know more than her and takes offense to it. so instead of stirring things up, i just eat what they bring the family. i just don't want to step on her toes or act like a know-it-all about food.. i respect my parents and everything that they do for all of us kids and the last thing i want to do is upset them

sierra_12

Since you are still showing signs of disordered eating (ie netting less than 1200 and trying to justify it), you should probably talk to a counselor. If I were your family I would be very worried for your health (I am a little surprised you are going to school to be a nurse).

i do still see a nutritional counselor about my food intake. and, if you know about the eating disorder, you know that you cant jump back into eating the full amount of calories. the fact that i can eat 1200 is a very big deal for me and my doctors.

also, your saying that because i have a constant battle with eating disorders i cant become a nurse? i don't understand. i know how much a person should eat, work out, etc. what the body needs when it comes to calories, vitamins, carbs, fats, sugars, etc. just because its hard for me to allow myself to eat all of those things, doesn't mean i don't know about it. i think i will make a pretty good nurse.

Camille0502

My answer to your problem is: don't come home from college so often! Why not stay at school and get involved in clubs and campus life. All that going home must be reducing your social life as well. I can understand you not wanting to eat all that fast food (it sounds gross to me! Plus, I'm not sure how your parents can afford all that) but it also sounds like your mom has you boxed in. So stop going home! I presume that you are over 18 and an adult.

HotrodsGirl0107

also, your saying that because i have a constant battle with eating disorders i cant become a nurse? i don't understand. i know how much a person should eat, work out, etc. what the body needs when it comes to calories, vitamins, carbs, fats, sugars, etc. just because its hard for me to allow myself to eat all of those things, doesn't mean i don't know about it. i think i will make a pretty good nurse.

I didn't say you couldn't become a nurse while battling an eating disorder. I said I was surprised. I mean you are still trying to lose weight and doing it in an unhealthy manner. I am completely recovered from an eating disorder I just think people use past disorders to justify continued unhealthy behavior. If you disagree that is fine.

Lt_Starbuck

Pay for your own food and cook for yourself when you go home... like grownups do! :drinker:

sierra_12

I didn't say you couldn't become a nurse while battling an eating disorder. I said I was surprised. I mean you are still trying to lose weight and doing it in an unhealthy manner. I am completely recovered from an eating disorder I just think people use past disorders to justify continued unhealthy behavior. If you disagree that is fine.

if you are lucky enough to be completely recovered, I'm so proud of you. and you understand how hard this is. you understand that i cant go straight from eating such a limited amount of calories to eating almost 2000 a day. i slowly add more calories to my diet, but it won't happen overnight. and I'm doing what my doctors and nutritionist tell me to do, i up the calories when i know i will be able to handle it.

sierra_12

Pay for your own food and cook for yourself when you go home... like grownups do! :drinker:

if this was meant to be a dig toward me, i don't appreciate it. like i have previously said, it insults my parents when i act like i am too good to eat what the rest of the family eats. which is the problem that i am having. i don't mind buying my own food, i will even buy enough for the whole family, but they wont accept it

kaylaknight4247

I'd say that you still are eating too little, so I see your parent's point of view. Congrats on getting better though -- but do still try to keep increasing your intake, it is still too low especially with exercise. I get it though, you want to eat healthy as you're adding to your intake, not just eat more crappy food. Why don't you tell your parents that? Let them know it's not about not eating, it's about not eating bad food. You'd be happy to eat with the family, but eating healthier instead of takeout. Try making it a family thing to cook more together, etc.

Make sure you keep healthy, talk to a nutritionist, but if they won't budge beyond that, then you'll just have to deal with it as an annoyance.

kaylaknight4247

I'd say that you still are eating too little, so I see your parent's point of view. Congrats on getting better though -- but do still try to keep increasing your intake, it is still too low especially with exercise. I get it though, you want to eat healthy as you're adding to your intake, not just eat more crappy food. Why don't you tell your parents that? Let them know it's not about not eating, it's about not eating bad food. You'd be happy to eat with the family, but eating healthier instead of takeout. Try making it a family thing to cook more together, etc.

Make sure you keep healthy, talk to a nutritionist, but if they won't budge beyond that, then you'll just have to deal with it as an annoyance.

sierra_12

I'd say that you still are eating too little, so I see your parent's point of view. Congrats on getting better though -- but do still try to keep increasing your intake, it is still too low especially with exercise. I get it though, you want to eat healthy as you're adding to your intake, not just eat more crappy food. Why don't you tell your parents that? Let them know it's not about not eating, it's about not eating bad food. You'd be happy to eat with the family, but eating healthier instead of takeout. Try making it a family thing to cook more together, etc.

Make sure you keep healthy, talk to a nutritionist, but if they won't budge beyond that, then you'll just have to deal with it as an annoyance.

thank you (:

Lt_Starbuck

Pay for your own food and cook for yourself when you go home... like grownups do! :drinker:

if this was meant to be a dig toward me, i don't appreciate it. like i have previously said, it insults my parents when i act like i am too good to eat what the rest of the family eats. which is the problem that i am having. i don't mind buying my own food, i will even buy enough for the whole family, but they wont accept it

it was not a dig!

there just comes a time when your parents emotions are no longer going to be able to be the deciding factors of your diet and that is usually when someone moves out of their home and enters adulthood. if it does not bother them that you do your own laundry, pay your own bills and keep your own house, then you should not have a problem putting your foot down and feeding yourself as well.

Take control.

Lt_Starbuck

nevermind, I see what you answer you are looking for.

theCarlton

thanks everyone, sometimes i do make my own meals but she thinks its rude to not eat what the rest of the family is eating. so when i, like a few of you brought up, offer to make meals for the entire family she says that I'm acting like i know more than her and takes offense to it. so instead of stirring things up, i just eat what they bring the family. i just don't want to step on her toes or act like a know-it-all about food.. i respect my parents and everything that they do for all of us kids and the last thing i want to do is upset them

I understand this train of thought, but you're an adult now, and you are allowed to make food that you enjoy. Fast food is not just fattening, it's unhealthy, and most often has zero nutritional value.

If you *must* have what they're having, see if you can pitch in a few bucks to be able to order something that's not awful. If they're going to McDonald's go through the menu ahead of time and choose something balanced and nutrient-dense. If they order pizza, see if you can get a grilled chicken-topped salad. Good luck!

zanne54

Pay for your own food and cook for yourself when you go home... like grownups do! :drinker:

if this was meant to be a dig toward me, i don't appreciate it. like i have previously said, it insults my parents when i act like i am too good to eat what the rest of the family eats. which is the problem that i am having. i don't mind buying my own food, i will even buy enough for the whole family, but they wont accept it

FWIW, I didn't take it as a dig. It's the truth. You are an adult, and as an adult, you can make your own choices to control your own destiny. However, I can TOTALLY relate with how difficult it is to get your parents/family to respect that have grown-up to adulthood vs. the status quo dependent child role. Just remember: you can't change other people. You can only change yourself and how you react to things. If I were you, I would try a compromise: if you aren't "allowed" to buy food then provide your parents with a shopping list of for healthy, nutritiously balanced meals that you can prepare for the whole family prior to when you go home for a visit - but you may have to bend a little bit to ensure the food is something they would enjoy eating as well. That would be reasonable on both sides. However, if your mother unequivocally REFUSES to any reasonable compromise, then the issue is less about food and more about control. And in that case - I would just not go home. And I'd tell her explicitly why not.

Breizier

Cook!

Why are you going home so often? You are 18, its time to start acting like a grown up,

Yes Its hard to straddle that little girl/grown up divide, YOU have to.

Parents get stuck at seeing you as one thing/age. Its up to you to change their view by proving you are grown up but you have to accept they may never see you as anything but anorexic.

Go see the nutritionist with them but prep him/her first about the junk food. Provided the parents are included in the subsequent meeting and you can show them you are sticking to the plan you can shut down your mother in future.

But cook. It puts you in control.

Camille0502

[However, if your mother unequivocally REFUSES to any reasonable compromise, then the issue is less about food and more about control. And in that case - I would just not go home. And I'd tell her explicitly why not.
[/quote]

Amen! It seems more about mommy's control than anything else. Besides, isn't that part of the reason that people develop eating disorders, anyway? They lack control in other parts of their lives so they severely control their eating in order to gain a little control back.

sarah12277

If you're able to have your parents in the meeting with the nutritionist to go through some of the fast food menus to see if there are healthier options that can be included for you when your parents go to those places. Have them keep the list of approved items in the car, etc.

Otherwise I would hope, as others suggested, you showing what you do eat and proving you're getting the nutrients should help to show you're going in the right direction. Show any recipes that you would make too or as a family discuss what folks would like to see if there's any consensus for something you could help make that's aligned with what you need.

Though I do, also side with the folks said to get more involved with school clubs so you don't have to go home as often. Many times by going home, you're missing a lot of programs/activities that are available to provide that great college experience. It certainly enhanced mine with fond memories.