Eating disorder, self esteem, size 6 is fat..URGH.

crazyjkgirl

Okay. So... I'm a size 6 jean. And I feel FAT FAT FAT FAT. I've lost 26 lbs or so so far but I feel like I look bigger than before. I obsess nonstop about food, calories, my weight, etc. It's so time consuming and exhausting. I can't pay attention in my college classes sometimes due to thinking about food or feeling dizzy from hunger.

But I'm still medically overweight. (I'm 20 years old, 5' 3.5", and 145 lbs.) So I can't have an eating disorder, right?

And I eat. I definitely eat. On average, I've been eating about 1550 calories a day. And I've been binging something disgusting. I'll get to 6pm or so and only have eaten 600 calories and then start shoveling food into my fat face.

I have a meeting with a nutritionist next Tuesday.

I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to be thin. I just want to be normal and be able to eat normally (not obsess over it, eat when I'm hungry, eat what I want to even if it's ice cream, and not overeat).

HELP?!

thinsky

I dont think that a size 6 is fat at all. But I do think that if you are starting to binge and obsessing about being "thin" then you need to get serious help, you do not want an eating disorder to get ahold of your life. It is not something funny or to joke or toss around it is serious and should be treated as such. Talk to someone like you are going to is a very good idea.

Junisahn

I think you're making a really smart and healthy choice by going to meet with a nutritionist. I don't obsess over food or calories or exercise, but I do have poor body image, and I understand a lot of what you wrote. Most of the time, when I look in the mirror, I think - ugh... and doing that is so damaging to my well-being. I'm starting to get over it, especially now that I feel like I'm taking control of my eating and exercise - even if I didn't lose a pound (I'm in my healthy weight range, so really, I don't need to lose weight), just the feeling that I'm treating my body well makes me feel SO much better about myself.

Anyway, I'm 32 years old - way old enough to know that all the obsession over my body is a waste of time and energy. I'm going to get old - I'm going to get saggy - I'm going to get wrinkled. And if all I do is obsess about what I look like (or don't look like), I'm never going to amount to a whole lot. My mind will never grow, my spirit will never grow. The external stuff is just that - a body to carry your soul. And by focusing on the external, it leaves less time to focus on the internal. I'm learning that the focus on the external, for me, needs to end at "I am as healthy as I can be, so I can keep living on this earth for as long as possible."

All I can think is that I'd hate for you to waste the precious minutes, hours, and days of your life thinking about - agonizing about - your weight and how you look. I'd hate for you to get to be even 12 years older, as I am, and STILL be wasting your life on it. I don't know what's going to get you to change your mindset, but really, it's going to take work. Maybe set up an appointment with a therapist after you see the nutritionist to sort out your head and reset your priorities.

Best to you... you deserve more than this, and you have the power to give yourself more.

hooah_mj

You are right on target with your age, weight, and height. Since you are having difficulty focusing on school and you realize that something is wrong, I'd say that the steps you are taking are a real good sign.

Remember,
"Women tend to imagine their ideal weight is unrealistically low, so they diet unnecessarily."

I tell my daughter not to fear the "Freshman 15" bec' it can't change who you are. Control the things you can, eat well, walk/workout and don't let the stress become detrimental to your success.

Have you tried meditation/yoga? Be kind to yourself. School is so very important and you have to feed your brain.

I hope the best for you. Give yourself permission to be healthy. Eat good foods and drink lots of water.

mamabobo

Please...be easier on yourself. The reason you are binging at 6:00 p.m. is because your body is starving! You need to eat more during the day, and then you won't feel the need to binge. Glad to hear you have an appointment with a nutritionist...! Your post concerns me.

DizzieLittleLifter

Oh hun. huge hugs to you. A size 6 at 5"3 is not fat by any means. I think what is going on is you are starving yourself during the day then of course you are super hungry by the eve. What you need to do is focus on eating often and healthy. Eat breakfast, lunch dinner and 1-2 snacks. You can eat this while staying within 1200-1500 calories. Your will have an easier time focusing because 1. you won't be thinking about food 2. you will have stable blood sugar. 3. you won't be faint or weak. I know being a college student it is hard to find time and healthy ways to eat, but you can do it. Try taking some Larabars with you they have three ingredients or less, no added sugar and 5grams of fiber and about 5 grams of protein. I love them. Almond butter on whole wheat or soy toast and a fruit is a great way to start the day. You can make a bunch of hard boiled eggs (they last a week in the fridge) and eat those with a veggie or fruit on the go for lunch. Lean cuisine and Eating Right makes some delic micro dinners. Good luck to you hun. :flowerforyou:

MattySparky

You want to be "normal", you should really start with something simple. Normalize how often you are feeding your body. Feed every 2-3 hours it actually works. Dont make excuses not to eat throughout the day when your body is expecting food.

KaeChelle

I'm 5'3" and 267 pounds, size 22, so no... you are not fat! Size 6 is tiny and something I only dream of. You have a unhealthy, unrealistic view of yourself. It's good you are going to see a nutritionist. Hope it helps. It sounds like it's a lot more than about nutrition though; it's about your self-image. I wish the best for you, and I hope one day you will be able to love and appreciate the body you've been blessed with.

Looking at your food diary the past week, it looks like your eating is pretty healthy overall.

AJCM

Great post from the ladies above.
:flowerforyou:

I feel for you, because I spent my 20's yo yo dieting, and not feeling very good about my body. Now, looking back, I wish I'd had the confidence to wear my bikini proudly (and THAT would have been before two babies!).

I think perspective plays a role. Perspective in terms of what is important in life, and where to spend your time.

Perspective also in terms of what is fat, and changing thinking about "fat" and how we feel about ourselves.

Is a size 6 fat? It can be flabby and out of shape, yes. Or it can be fit and strong. I know some size 12 women who are fitter and fimer than I am at a size 6!!

I weigh around what you weigh, and I am 5'8", and I still feel like I need to lose more weight. It is all perspective. I have tried to refocus my goals, and I have a fitness goal, not an unrealistic, unattainable desire to be thinner and thinner. I still feel "Blah" somedays (dare I even say "fat"), but 90% of the time I feel great now, but that was a long process.

I wish you great luck. You are a beautiful young woman, and at 145 lbs you are SOOO close to your goals and a healthy weight.

My advice would be to take it slow (set your goal at half a pound per week, or a one pound per week goa, at most) and make this a process of a new lifestyle. Remember that you will only be moving down on the scale, not up, and that you feel beautiful, and well, and healthy, with quality, vibrant foods, that fuel your body (and your mind, and your muscles), and that exercise makes your heart healthy, and all your cells happy.

I'm with the poster above. Don't waste too much time obessessing, get on with living, and work toward small and attainable goals. You will get there, if you create a plan, and follow it.

I also really tried to zone in on why I was overeating. Whatever the reason for overeating, does it make you feel better? When I really thought about it, it never made me feel better. I now have other strategies to deal with what is really bothering me, or what I am really needing.

As for the obsessing about calories / dieting, as "The Secret" says, you wouldn't order a new car from the dealership and call them every hour, on the hour, for days on end, checking and obsessing to see if they really did order your car, would you? Make your plan, make it a slow process, stick with it, and get on with it.

This is my message, from a 33 year old who has been where you are, and wishes I wasted less time obsessing, and more time living in the moment.

Good luck on the journey.
:flowerforyou:

hiddensecant

It might be time to slow down the weight loss goals so you can focus more in school (maybe a half pound per week instead of a pound per week).

A more relaxed meal plan might help you stop binging and obsessing over your situation, at least enough to start enjoying yourself again.

tlbfirebird

I am currently a size 6/8 and used to be a size 2. I understand a negative image of onesself. I have recently lost 14 lbs with a long way to go. I am also not happy with my progress. I do realize though that you can't starve yourself all day and think at night it will not cause you grief. You really do need to eat breakfast, a snack 2/3 hrs later, lunch, a snack 2/3 hrs later, dinner, a snack 2/3 hrs later. Obvisouly they all need to be conscious decisions. But, if you make good choices on your food all this eating will be healthier and less fattening than binging at night when your body is not so likely to have high metabolism to process it. Please see a nutritionalist and work on self esteem, you are beautiful no matter your size and it is never worth your life. Enjoy who you are and the fact that you are strong enough to try and make yourself look/feel better and healthier. Take one day at a time and you will achieve all you want to be. Good luck and achieve it all.!!!

Sunsh1ne

I am your height, and my doctor told me that 145 would be healthy for me because I am built very sturdily. I think you are making a good choice seeing a nutritionist because while you may or may not be considered overweight right now, you are showing some signs of disordered eating. And you are aware of that, which is fantastic. I think the answer will be to stop logging calories for a while, and learn to listen to your body and how it feels when you eat certain foods. With practice, you'll know when you're full before you're overfull, and you'll know what a good portion is without weighing or measuring. Good luck with your appointment, and thank you for starting this topic - I think it's something a lot of people on MFP struggle with at some point.

kykimmy

Dear one, I understand your binging in the eve. I have been doing the same thing. I seem to have willpower during the day, so I eat minimally, but then blow it completely in the evening. The advice about eating more calories at regular intervals during the day is sound advice. The shame is, I know it works, but often don't adhere to it. I lost 8 lbs in about 6 weeks and was feeling great! Then pms... then Easter candy & a big family dinner with yummy desserts... I have put 6 of it back on! I was totally disgusted with myself when I stepped on the scale. But God created me to praise Him and bring him glory. Not to obsess over myself. I went back to my daily routine of reading His word and praying for others every morning. Focusing on the needs of others takes the focus off of myself. Then I can truly count my many blessings and be thankful, and try to make healthy choices in the meantime.

I agree that you should seek the advice of a therapist or counselor, and I pray that God will lead you to the right person to help you. I also respectfully suggest to you that you seek the Lord. Ask him to help you. And finally, surround yourself with people that you can trust to have your best interest at heart. Ask them to hold you accountable for making healthy choices. Best wishes to you, friend. BTW, many of us long to see size 6 again... count it as a blessing.

tutujoli

Are you planning ahead? I obsess a LOT when I don't have my food planned for the day. I worry that I won't be able to find a dinner that fits, I don't eat enough during the day, then I binge at night, etc. Sound familiar?

If I plan my food the night before, I can be on auto pilot all day the next day, and I KNOW that if I just eat what's on my list, I will stay within my goal. It really REALLY helps to keep me from obsessing about food all day.

vhuber

I am a size 6 jeans and I am NOT fat, I work out EVERY day and I eat MFP calories AND my workout calories! Please get your answers fast so you do NOT harm your health!