frustration with partner's weight always being less! *vent*

JessHealthKick

So there is me - calorie counting and exercising a lot, finally lost a bit of weight and feeling good! Gained a bit of muscle in my legs and shoulders from snowboarding but I feel so happy!

But then I Skype my boyfriend who has just had some major surgery on his elbow, and he has noticeably lost weight. I have only been away from him for a week or so and already he's lost weight (partially since I'm not there to keep feeding him?). Plus now he can't use his arm at all he's just going to lose more muscle mass on his arms/shoulders (while I gain haha)

I feel like I am destined to never ever weigh less than my boyfriend. THE MOMENT I start to lose I realise that he has lost too!!! This is so frustrating *slaps*. If I get more buff as well I think I'm just going to hide under my bed and wanna cry haha!

I'm 5"7 and he's 6"2 and we both weigh about 140-145lb. He's so lean and has a nice body IMO but if he weighs any less he's just going to be too lanky and make me feel even bigger (living in Japan, even though I know my weight is healthy, I feel like a whale).

Thanks for listening to my vent! I should hop of google and order 1000 high-calorie bars to his house and force him to eat them in front of me on Skype over the next week perhaps?

Sqeekyjojo

He's likely to be in considerable pain and in danger of losing function in his arm, unless he works very, very hard over the coming months and is lucky.


And you're worried about looking chunky compared to him?

TheGnomeQueen

Firstly, I'm sure he is really sick if he is 145 at that height...probably a lot of nausea. Secondly, what Sqeekyjojo said. : /

Priorities.

pwittek10

your weight is about YOU
no one else
It is not a competition!

Sabine_Stroehm

He's likely to be in considerable pain and in danger of losing function in his arm, unless he works very, very hard over the coming months and is lucky.


And you're worried about looking chunky compared to him?

You know the OP? My question how do you know that he's in danger of losing function in his arm unless he works very, very hard over the coming months AND is lucky?

OP: focus on yourself, and don't compare yourself to your skinny asian beau. Just be good to eachother.

JessHealthKick

Yeah it was an elbow procedure and he's secretly a little wuss (aren't they all?) feeling sorry for himself without me around to feed him!

Firstly, I'm sure he is really sick if he is 145 at that height...probably a lot of nausea. Secondly, what Sqeekyjojo said. : /

Priorities.

He's not sick at all, probably has more energy than me! It's just how the Japanese are, they are slim and eat very healthy and small portions, it's more that be being curvy just accentuates this! There are 2 sides - super healthy Japanese (mine) or super unhealthy Japanese (smoking, drinking every day, always crappy fast food).

I have always dated guys that weigh less than me and was so excited that I finally could say I weighed less than him - only to see he had lost too haha! just a little frustration

JessHealthKick

He's likely to be in considerable pain and in danger of losing function in his arm, unless he works very, very hard over the coming months and is lucky.


And you're worried about looking chunky compared to him?

You know the OP? My question how do you know that he's in danger of losing function in his arm unless he works very, very hard over the coming months AND is lucky?

haha yeah, it was just an issue with his elbow joint after he already had surgery a year ago (he won't tell me how I injured it, so I am assuming it is something hilariously embarrassing that I will find out when he is drunk some time). Losing function of arm is definitely not a side effect! He'll just lose all his shoulder/upper arm muscles while he can't put any weight on it. I should take a comparison pic and upload it onto MFP next week when I see him hehe

Sabine_Stroehm

OP: by chance was it an ulnar nerve surgery? Just curious.

concordancia

Oh my, my man is only 5'10 and you can stick your hand under his ribs if he drops below 145!

And he has been eating a lot less while he has been sick this week, so he might be back down there by next week.

I just tell him that if he less more than I do in a week, I will probably cry.

As for you size, aren't you pretty tall compared to your Japanese neighbors? Losing to an unhealthy weight is not going to make you any less noticeable.

wassergottin

I'll never weigh less than my husband. I'm 5'6" 138 lbs trying to get to 125 lbs. My husband is 5'2" and 110 lbs with about 8% BF. It's never going to happen. EVER. That's why I'm getting a dog who will weigh more than me. It's just something you have to deal with.

pinkraynedropjacki

He's taller than you, regardless if you weigh the exact same HE is always going to look slimmer. You have to weigh less than him to look smaller than him.... simple.

JessHealthKick

OP: by chance was it an ulnar nerve surgery? Just curious.

haha I am not quite sure. To the best of my understanding it was from trauma. He had something temporary in there while it healed (we called it 'miss wire') over the past 12months and he has had something permanent put in there now - so miss wire is now going to be made into jewellery just for fun haha!

Of course I don't want to be an unhealthy weight, but I would like to have less body fat % and be able to fit into all the super cute clothes here. I will always have hips, *kitten* and boobs - something I am happy with - but I can still have that with less body fat and more muscle.

DW, I will just pay him out and show off my shoulder muscles to him when I see him he just isn't motivated to put on weight and makes excuses about not eating - he is too busy? However conveniently when I am around he is ravenous and always loves me cooking for him (which I like to do anyway, can't keep me out of the kitchen because I just love to cook so much!).

Meh, time will tell. As for my understanding of the male brain (besides it's obsession with boobs) I am lost

Sqeekyjojo

He's likely to be in considerable pain and in danger of losing function in his arm, unless he works very, very hard over the coming months and is lucky.


And you're worried about looking chunky compared to him?

You know the OP? My question how do you know that he's in danger of losing function in his arm unless he works very, very hard over the coming months AND is lucky?

haha yeah, it was just an issue with his elbow joint after he already had surgery a year ago (he won't tell me how I injured it, so I am assuming it is something hilariously embarrassing that I will find out when he is drunk some time). Losing function of arm is definitely not a side effect! He'll just lose all his shoulder/upper arm muscles while he can't put any weight on it. I should take a comparison pic and upload it onto MFP next week when I see him hehe

Yup. Because surgery is only ever performed for entertainment purposes and never, ever involves pain, failure or rehabilitation. I'm sure his having his elbow cut about by a surgeon is absolutely as serious as you grazing a kneecap falling over drunk. And you absolutely don't need muscles in order to have a properly functioning arm.


Anyhow, if it's so important to you to be slimmer than your boyfriend, try dating someone who isn't tall and thin to begin with.

lithezebra

You could try just being happy. No one will know that you weigh slightly more than your boyfriend unless you tell everyone. He probably thinks you're gorgeous the way you are.

JessHealthKick

He's likely to be in considerable pain and in danger of losing function in his arm, unless he works very, very hard over the coming months and is lucky.


And you're worried about looking chunky compared to him?

You know the OP? My question how do you know that he's in danger of losing function in his arm unless he works very, very hard over the coming months AND is lucky?

haha yeah, it was just an issue with his elbow joint after he already had surgery a year ago (he won't tell me how I injured it, so I am assuming it is something hilariously embarrassing that I will find out when he is drunk some time). Losing function of arm is definitely not a side effect! He'll just lose all his shoulder/upper arm muscles while he can't put any weight on it. I should take a comparison pic and upload it onto MFP next week when I see him hehe

Yup. Because surgery is only ever performed for entertainment purposes and never, ever involves pain, failure or rehabilitation. I'm sure his having his elbow cut about by a surgeon is absolutely as serious as you grazing a kneecap falling over drunk. And you absolutely don't need muscles in order to have a properly functioning arm.


Anyhow, if it's so important to you to be slimmer than your boyfriend, try dating someone who isn't tall and thin to begin with.

Of course it is serious, and I am going to be there feeding him and helping him out when I can, but I don't like someone to go on the extreme end of the spectrum as though he is going to lose function in his arm thanks.

MEOW! *purrs*

I am happy being bigger, just was frustrating because I was excited to be able to say "fu** yeah I weigh less than you babe!" since he knows I have been trying so hard... I just wanted a little vent to know if any other girls/guys out there had a similar situation! If he wanted a twig of a girlfriend he'd date one, I don't mind him blowing raspberries on my belly because I poke his midget arms in return. The power of boobs!

And I don't think I'd ever be able to date a guy much bigger - how hypocritical of me haha! Just my complex I guess. But looks are just the surface, don't think I'd last with any guy who wasn't super smart and geeky like mine ^^

JessHealthKick

You could try just being happy. No one will know that you weigh slightly more than your boyfriend unless you tell everyone. He probably thinks you're gorgeous the way you are.

thanks hun, you are too I learnt that it was only once I was happy with myself/weight that I could make a change to want to be that little bit healthier and get into my 'ideal' shape that I had dreamed of for so many years now. Ironic isn't it? I'm happy with myself now, so now I want to change it?