Finding the Strength

greyfoxx006

Hello everyone,

I've never really posted anything on the forums here before but I feel like I need to now.

I am now, sadly, just below my heaviest point that I've ever...i mean EVER...been. I've been in shape before, done MMA, Martial Arts, marching band, the works...but after having that stuff taken away from me, I feel like I've lost my confidence, and like some here I bet, turned to food to cover it up.

I've had bouts of good fights with the battle, lost 30lbs once even...almost made it to my goal weight. Then things got turned upside down and inside out and I got depressed and started eating all stupid-like again.

Now, I'm in a committed relationship, new career, but still can't find the will inside me anymore to do anything about my weight. It's like everything I try, I fail at....so why bother trying to lose the weight since I'm just gonna fail and get depressed all over again.

Today, I started watching The Biggest Loser (again) and found myself crying because if they can do it, why can't I? I'll admit, doing it alone seems daunting and extremely scary, and I'm trying to get some of my friends to work out with me and be my support. My bf is supportive in his own way, he's just not very "good" at vocalizing his support.

Anyway...yeah...that's it for now I suppose. Wish me luck, I'll need all that I can get.

~Greyfoxx006

Jamcnair

Good for you for getting back up! Never give up and sit down! I am confident that you can find friends and motivators here and in your life that will keep pushing you. Good luck

Gr8ChangesAhead

You have done this before, get that kick *kitten* attitude in gear and get started ! I was never ever in shape been overweight since I was a kid. Weigh less now than I did at about 12 if I can get off my butt anyone can. Good luck !

newmein2013

Don't think of it as a diet but rather a lifestyle change. Become truly interested in learning WHY you should make the changes you think you should make. Focus on one thing at a time. Start with learning portion sizes, reading labels, including more fruits & veggies, a reasonable exercise routine that fits your schedule & your energy level, etc. Make every goal small & attainable. The final goal is a collection of all small goals. Change your way of thinking and you will change your body. You don't need luck. You don't need workout partners. You need knowledge, determination, perseverance, patience, honesty, forgiveness, strength.... These things are within you. Dig deep to find them & bring them to the surface. You can do it. Anyone who truly wants to do this can do it. Ask yourself why you want to do it and then ask yourself why you haven't done it. You will succeed if you believe in yourself.

bird922

Somewhere inside yourself you have the strength, you know you do. You can't rely on someone else to help you, you have to dig deep and pull it up. Talk to yourself as you would to someone you love and want the best for. When you wake in the morning, ask yourself "who am I, what am I going to do". It is in your power and yes, you can do it on your own. The mind is a very powerful thing and can easily be our own undoing but can also be the thing that rises us up. Like the Seinfeld episode "you are the master of your own domain". Sorry just a little humor to go along with the pep talk. I know it's hard. It is a constant struggle. However, just pick yourself up and dust yourself off and begin. One moment at a time. This is how I tackled smoking and now my strength and health. Be kind to yourself and remember you are worth the effort. Good luck and keep plugging along. You will get there one moment, one thought at a time.

bird922

Wow! Were we ever on the same page. We said very similar thing at exactly the same time. I rarely reply to these posts.... crazy! This is to Newmein2013 BTW

This_Is_My_Destiny

Hi! Thanks for sharing this. I, like you, have had a love/hate battle with food. I've lost weight in the past - many times, most of the time they were 50+ lb losses to boot, and I was *happy*, ecstatic even. Swore I'd never go back to my old body. And, like you, something would always go wrong, and I'd crawl into my comfort zone - eating. Food made me happy - food never judged me. It tasted good, and with that came a sort of euphoria that only an obese person can truly appreciate. I would hit my breaking point when my belly was so big it made it hard to breathe, and then I would go into full-fledged fitness mode. Losing weight was easy then, 50 lbs was a breeze - I could lose 50 lbs in 3 months, that's how easy it was. I know all the right things to eat, and all the right ways to work out...and then I turned 45.

Now, I still remember how to eat right, and I am, but as for working out...yeah right. Where I used to could not wait to get home and exercise, now I dread it, look for any and every excuse not to do it. I know exactly what I need to do, and my mind says I want to do it, but honey - I am TIRED!! And I used to looove to work out.

The main thing is we both know what we need to do...we just need some motivation, some encouragement. I'm not giving up this time, I am serious about this thing...and you shouldn't, either. Don't let it beat you...just put your game face on and show those lbs who's the boss, as corny as that may sound.

Here's a couple of tricks I've been using: When I'm eating lunch (at Subway,. I work in Walmart Pharmacy), I watch ppl walking by. I look for an obese woman who's bigger than me and ask myself do I want to someday look like that. Then I try to spot a woman the size I want to be, and say to myself "Nope, I wanna look like that!" Also, while I'm working, walking back and forth, I imagine myself a size 14, which is my short-term goal. It makes me feel great, and I know that once I really am that size I'll feel even happier!

Best of luck to you!! :happy:
--April

P.S., I forgot to mention that when I turned 45 I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes, which is my reason for taking this all so much more serious this time. I'm insulin-free, and by this time next year, I plan to be med-free as well. Diabetes is no fun - do something before you join the ranks as well...

greyfoxx006

Thank you all for your support.

I should mention that i went to school for being an EMT, and hope to be a paramedic someday like my dad. One of the things that helps me right now is that I KNOW what could happen to me if I don't get this under control now, I treated some patients on my rotations with weight being the underlying issue that caused all their problems. I don't wanna be like that. It's just hard to do on my own since everything (It seems) I tried my hand at, I failed at. I don't want to be a failure at this, which could potentially be life or death situation if i let it continue to get out of control.

You all made me very happy to be here and have supportive people at my fingertips. Thank you all so much...*snuffles*

EDIT::: The Boyfriend just told me....if I reach my goal (to lose as much as I can by deadline is our 2yr anniversary) then we can take ballroom dancing classes! YAY!