Torn between being proud and frustrated

crenner07

I started this journey seriously on 1/8/13. I had gone into the doctor's on 1/6/13 and was weighed at 238 pounds. For a 5'7, 28 year old woman who had been raised with healthy eating habits this was mind-boggling. I'd known, of course, that I'd gotten bigger. Absolutely! I had to buy the clothes. I knew all the excuses. I work 3rd shift three nights a week and 2nd shift one night a week so my hours are far from regular. I'm going to college full time. I have a nerve condition in my leg that makes regular exercise difficult even when I have time (heck, some days it makes putting any weight on that leg at all excruciatingly painful). So I don't have time to eat healthfully and the fact that I'd gained 80+ pounds in 5 years was understandable, right? Well, once I saw that number I knew that something had to be done.
I contacted my doctors after my wake-up call. Obviously something had to be done. This wasn't something I was comfortable even putting off for my remaining 8 months of college. They set a target weight for me (based off BMI and what my body fat percentage had been when I was previously that weight). I knew that it was going to be difficult. There were going to be days that I was unhappy or going with less sleep so I could get my cooking done. But, by God, I was going to do what I could in the 8 months I had before graduation pictures (even at 28 I know my parents are going to want to take college graduation pictures). Since it's just me and I am one of those people who can eat the same thing 6 days in a row, I will calculate a meal plan for the week to meet my 1450 (recently adjusted if any of you check out my log) calorie count goal. I will then cook 6 days worth of that meal plan, package it up and keep it in the refrigerator. That way I can just grab the containers, throw them in my lunch bag and go. I also give myself one night a month where I can eat whatever I want. If I am eating out any other time that month I have to stick within my calorie count.
So far this plan is working better than I had anticipated. I am normally busy (between my commute, work, school, etc) anywhere between 14-17 hours a day. I have a desk job and go to a small university so I don't even have a long walk to class. I did not anticipate being able to lose 25 pounds by 3/8/13. So when I got off my calibrated and never moved scale yesterday and saw that I was thrilled. I'm just about a quarter of the way there (and I don't think my doctors would argue if I was 3 pounds more than what they set for me anyway). My old way of congratulating myself would be to go get a good candy bar or ice cream or something along those lines. Obviously not the best way to reward weight loss. Instead, I took my 30% off coupon and went shopping! My pants are able to have a fold almost the width of my palm, so I should be able to get some new clothes. I was not expecting to suddenly have gone from a size 18 to a size 12. However, I thought I should at least be a size 16. Imagine my horror when the size 16 pants couldn't even be buttoned.
I know that the reason I want to lose this weight is because it isn't healthy for me to weigh even 214 pounds. I get that. But, for better or for worse, our country largely focuses on appearance. The scale shows that I've lost 25 pounds in two months. But I don't see it anywhere else. The next 75 or 78 pounds are going to be hard enough to lose. Some kind of obvious physical change would be welcome. I would like to be able to dress in more fashionable clothes. I would like to have my range of stores with clothes in my size to be expanded. Heck, I'd like to be able to go back to being thrilled that I lost 25 pounds and take back the depression of not being a size smaller.
Has anyone else experienced anything similar to this? How did you get through it?

Sqeekyjojo

I can't be any gentler than this.

You were probably wearing stuff that was too small for you.

Bellies are squishy at high levels of fat. That means they will fold around a waistband that is far smaller than the actual measurements would indicate you need.

And even though I am sure you have lost loads of fat, it's gone evenly, so your tummy and, relevant here, your butt, are still larger if that's where you have most of your extra adipose tissue.

I wouldn't expect to fit a 16 myself until I'm about 170. And even then, the extra skin might make it impossible.


You're doing great. But you're expecting a bit too much too quickly. The time for a 16 will come.

neandermagnon

1. you should definitely be proud!!!

2. clothing sizes are weird. The difference between a 16 and an 18 is a lot more than between a 2 and a 4 for example, although I have no idea why. Additionally, different shops size their clothes differently. In another shop you may find their 16 too big. Thirdly, if it's jeans you were trying on, they tend to "relax" after a while, so in the shop they can fit quite tight, but after a few days of wearing them they are a bit looser. i understand your frustration, clothing sizes do my head in because I'm an atypical shape so they never fit me quite right. Forthly, you may have lost more fat from places other than your waist, so the fact that you didn't go down to the size you thought in trousers, doesn't mean you haven't lost fat. Maybe you lost back fat that you didn't know was there. People lose fat in different ways, and you can't control where you lose it from. But it will come off from all over if you keep on going with it.

Don't judge your progress by clothing sizes... keep on going with your eating plan (it sounds like you're very well organised with your portions in containers etc) the fat will come off and you will fit into smaller sized clothes. It may not be even progress, e.g. x% body fat lost = another clothing size lost... but that's because like I said fat doesn't come off in the ways you may expect, and also because clothing sizes are weird. Keep on going, don't be frustrated.

Lastly, if you're not already doing weight training (or some other form of strength training, e.g. bodyweight exercises) I'd suggest it, because it really changes how your body looks and improves body composition (i.e. lower body fat percentage) which really helps to get the inches off, and it also protects your joints and increases bone density and protects you from osteoporosis. You don't even have to have much time, you can fit in a short workout 3x a week.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

Good points above ^^

I want to reinforce what neandermagnon said about fat distribution. My first 25 lbs I only lost 1 size. My last 15 lbs I lost 2 sizes and a bunch more inches. It's because I carry the most fat on my lower body and that's the last place it left. I was already fairly lean through the middle but that's where the weight left first anyway, which made me look odd for awhile tbh.

Hang in there and be proud of your accomplishment! 25 lbs is awesome!

crenner07

Thanks guys. I'm sure you're all right. Patience has never been my strong suit to begin with, so expecting too much too soon would not be out of character. I do need to start adding in some strength training, it's just the figuring out how to start, where to start and honestly when I have the time to start. Not making excuses (that's what got me to 238 pounds in the first place) just the truth. Do you have any suggestions for starting out? Preferably something I can do at home instead of having to go to a gym.

ILiftHeavyAcrylics

Thanks guys. I'm sure you're all right. Patience has never been my strong suit to begin with, so expecting too much too soon would not be out of character. I do need to start adding in some strength training, it's just the figuring out how to start, where to start and honestly when I have the time to start. Not making excuses (that's what got me to 238 pounds in the first place) just the truth. Do you have any suggestions for starting out? Preferably something I can do at home instead of having to go to a gym.

Google "you are your own gym." That will get you started with body weight exercises. Ideally you'd get to go to a gym or have the equipment to lift at home, but I realize that's no feasible for everyone. I do a heavy lifting routine 3 times a week, it only takes about 30-35 minutes for the weights part, and then I do a cardio warm-up. If you can invest the time it will really help you to keep your muscle while you lose fat which will mean you'll look awesome when you get to your goal.

crenner07

Again, thank you! My last day of class in 8/11, so I'm really just needing to find something I can do at home between now and then. The "Be Your Own Gym" book will be on it's way to my house as soon as Amazon can work on it. I've been doing some Tai Chi for stress release but I wouldn't consider that a workout by any means...

amez1974

Congratulations on your successes so far!! You should definitely be proud! Take pictures of yourself along the way and when you compare them side by side you will be amazed at the differences. I am an inch taller then you and started at 242 lbs--I had to dig around to find a starting weight picture because I always hid from the camera. But it is so motivating to compare your starting pictures and current pictures, because there is definitely a difference!!

Keep up the great work!