What should you ask someone before share housing wt them?
BorderlineAngel
Posts: 214
in Chit-Chat
Long story short I am looking into share housing ATM and am going to go have a look at a house tonight. What would you ask someone before sharing with them??
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Replies
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I assume share housing is simply like a roommate situation? I would definitely - in a polite way - try to find out if they have any history of substance abuse, how long they have been with their current employer, and try to find out how reliable they are. I would do my best to make sure they seem like a responsible, stable person who is in control of themselves. Any indications that they are prone to erratic behaviors would be a red flag. I'm not certain how you tactfully ask about mental health issues, but I'm sure that they would have all of the same questions for you that you would have for them. Most people are by definition fairly normal, so I'm sure you'll have nothing to worry about!
With love,
Burt0 -
You need to define personal areas and common areas, if its a room mate. How will bills be split? Food split? I had a sorry *kitten* roommate who hated buying quality food. I was wondering why my stuff was disappearing fast, its because he was eating mine first and his last, when I only ate mine.
I confronted him with what he was doing, reminding him of our arrangement and he said 'cause yours tastes better'. No duh. I spend money wisely on good stuff versus cheapo cardboard like food.
Last roomie I ever had. What a moron.0 -
^ To add onto to that, might consider asking about partying tendencies if they are near college age. Have they roomed with other people before, how that worked out, etc. Ask if they've rented before and, if they have, try to chat with previous landlord.0
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Why is there still such a stigma surrounding mental illness when it affects 25+%of the population? how is mental illness any different to physical illness?0
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Perhaps ask for references since you want to be sure you won't be left holding the bag for the rent. Rather than interrogating a prospective room mate you might find it helpful to make a list of your own habits to share with them. This would open discussion and alert them to possible areas of conflict.
Mine, for instance, might look like this.
-neat freak, get a little twisted if the place is a mess
-early riser
- very quiet ...I am a reader, and find television and music distracting
-have a dog
-dog does not like cats or other dogs.
-like to cook ethnic foods (ie curries and the like.)
-am almost always home.
-non smoker and bothered by second hand smoke
-zero tolerance for illegal substances.
-do not like to find strange men in my kitchen in the morning
-etc. etc.
You can see that this list would turn off a lot of people...ie they would know right away it would never work.0 -
I like this especially the strange men part!!! LolPerhaps ask for references since you want to be sure you won't be left holding the bag for the rent. Rather than interrogating a prospective room mate you might find it helpful to make a list of your own habits to share with them. This would open discussion and alert them to possible areas of conflict.
Mine, for instance, might look like this.
-neat freak, get a little twisted if the place is a mess
-early riser
- very quiet ...I am a reader, and find television and music distracting
-have a dog
-dog does not like cats or other dogs.
-like to cook ethnic foods (ie curries and the like.)
-am almost always home.
-non smoker and bothered by second hand smoke
-zero tolerance for illegal substances.
-do not like to find strange men in my kitchen in the morning
-etc. etc.
You can see that this list would turn off a lot of people...ie they would know right away it would never work.0 -
Why is there still such a stigma surrounding mental illness when it affects 25+%of the population? how is mental illness any different to physical illness?
because with mental illness you are affected mentally and physical illness affects you physically....?0 -
you think mental illness can't affect you physically? Look at symptoms of depression... Plus it's not something you choose a lot of the time it can be a chemical imbalance..just like if you have a physical illness it can lead to a mental one depending on how much distress you are underWhy is there still such a stigma surrounding mental illness when it affects 25+%of the population? how is mental illness any different to physical illness?
because with mental illness you are affected mentally and physical illness affects you physically....?0 -
you think mental illness can't affect you physically? Look at symptoms of depression... Plus it's not something you choose a lot of the time it can be a chemical imbalance..just like if you have a physical illness it can lead to a mental one depending on how much distress you are underWhy is there still such a stigma surrounding mental illness when it affects 25+%of the population? how is mental illness any different to physical illness?
because with mental illness you are affected mentally and physical illness affects you physically....?
That's not what i said. I thought you wanna know what to ask before you move into a house with someone? Not what the difference between two completely different things. If you're depressed it is a mental illness. Yes it can affect you physically but would you still be ABLE to walk? yes. Drive? Yes. talk? yes. A physical illness could impair you from doing one or all of those things, but still be able to think and function like you normally would be able to. There's your difference.0 -
Where can I find my own place?
Seriously, if you can afford it, live alone.0 -
I would ask if they practiced Cannibalism...0
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I would ask if they practiced Cannibalism...
Practice makes perfect.0 -
I would ask if they practiced Cannibalism...
Practice makes perfect.
How about some Fava beans and a nice Chianti?0 -
Why is there still such a stigma surrounding mental illness when it affects 25+%of the population? how is mental illness any different to physical illness?
I'm definitely not against rooming with people with mental illnesses, however, having said that, I would prefer to know what it is up front, the manifestations, and what treatments they are currently under and how emergencies are to be handled, than to find out at two in the morning with no warning.0 -
I would never again flat with someone 20 years older than me. Or a heavy drinker for that matter. Had very bad experiences with both. With the drinker I flatted with - on the very odd occasion I had alcohol at home he would ring me up at work (sometimes before lunch) and ask if he could drink it and pay me back later. Even when I kept anything I had in my room it clearly preyed on his mind and he would still ring me to ask me for it. Then when he eventually moved out, I discovered one night that my bottle of wine I had been gifted for my 30th birthday was empty and put back into my wine rack. He was just trouble in other areas too.0
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dont..its a hassle. if at all possible live alone with cats0
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you think mental illness can't affect you physically? Look at symptoms of depression... Plus it's not something you choose a lot of the time it can be a chemical imbalance..just like if you have a physical illness it can lead to a mental one depending on how much distress you are underWhy is there still such a stigma surrounding mental illness when it affects 25+%of the population? how is mental illness any different to physical illness?
because with mental illness you are affected mentally and physical illness affects you physically....?
That's not what i said. I thought you wanna know what to ask before you move into a house with someone? Not what the difference between two completely different things. If you're depressed it is a mental illness. Yes it can affect you physically but would you still be ABLE to walk? yes. Drive? Yes. talk? yes. A physical illness could impair you from doing one or all of those things, but still be able to think and function like you normally would be able to. There's your difference.
I'm afraid you're simply showing your ignorance about mental illness. There is a stigma surrounding it still from the days we used to lock the 'nutters' up in an asylum and any form of mental illness had to be hidden and swept under the carpet. As the OP says, it affects 25% or thereabouts of the population to a greater or lesser extent, hopefully we're becoming more aware and enlightened. And it is an illness. A chemical imbalance in the brain is no different to a chemical imbalance in the thyroid, or in the production of insulin and can be as physically limiting as a broken leg. I find your suggestion, which I'm sure you made in all innocence, that if you had a physical illness you would still be able to think and function normally, but with a mental illness you wouldn't, quite abhorrent and extremely insulting to anyone who suffers from mental illness. I have never suffered from it personally, and years ago I might have reached the same conclusions you have, but close connections with someone who suffers from mental illness have opened my eyes and also made me realise it is much more common than you might believe.0 -
you think mental illness can't affect you physically? Look at symptoms of depression... Plus it's not something you choose a lot of the time it can be a chemical imbalance..just like if you have a physical illness it can lead to a mental one depending on how much distress you are underWhy is there still such a stigma surrounding mental illness when it affects 25+%of the population? how is mental illness any different to physical illness?
because with mental illness you are affected mentally and physical illness affects you physically....?
That's not what i said. I thought you wanna know what to ask before you move into a house with someone? Not what the difference between two completely different things. If you're depressed it is a mental illness. Yes it can affect you physically but would you still be ABLE to walk? yes. Drive? Yes. talk? yes. A physical illness could impair you from doing one or all of those things, but still be able to think and function like you normally would be able to. There's your difference.
Except that mental illness can keep you from being able to do those things, too. There are times when I'm so depressed, it takes all I have to physically lift myself up out of bed. I have had to call in sick because I CAN'T get out of bed. There are also times when I am unable to talk, thanks to a mixture of anxiety and depression.0 -
I would definitely ask them about ATM
That would be a very interesting response.0 -
you think mental illness can't affect you physically? Look at symptoms of depression... Plus it's not something you choose a lot of the time it can be a chemical imbalance..just like if you have a physical illness it can lead to a mental one depending on how much distress you are underWhy is there still such a stigma surrounding mental illness when it affects 25+%of the population? how is mental illness any different to physical illness?
because with mental illness you are affected mentally and physical illness affects you physically....?
That's not what i said. I thought you wanna know what to ask before you move into a house with someone? Not what the difference between two completely different things. If you're depressed it is a mental illness. Yes it can affect you physically but would you still be ABLE to walk? yes. Drive? Yes. talk? yes. A physical illness could impair you from doing one or all of those things, but still be able to think and function like you normally would be able to. There's your difference.
I'm afraid you're simply showing your ignorance about mental illness. There is a stigma surrounding it still from the days we used to lock the 'nutters' up in an asylum and any form of mental illness had to be hidden and swept under the carpet. As the OP says, it affects 25% or thereabouts of the population to a greater or lesser extent, hopefully we're becoming more aware and enlightened. And it is an illness. A chemical imbalance in the brain is no different to a chemical imbalance in the thyroid, or in the production of insulin and can be as physically limiting as a broken leg. I find your suggestion, which I'm sure you made in all innocence, that if you had a physical illness you would still be able to think and function normally, but with a mental illness you wouldn't, quite abhorrent and extremely insulting to anyone who suffers from mental illness. I have never suffered from it personally, and years ago I might have reached the same conclusions you have, but close connections with someone who suffers from mental illness have opened my eyes and also made me realise it is much more common than you might believe.0 -
you think mental illness can't affect you physically? Look at symptoms of depression... Plus it's not something you choose a lot of the time it can be a chemical imbalance..just like if you have a physical illness it can lead to a mental one depending on how much distress you are underWhy is there still such a stigma surrounding mental illness when it affects 25+%of the population? how is mental illness any different to physical illness?
because with mental illness you are affected mentally and physical illness affects you physically....?
That's not what i said. I thought you wanna know what to ask before you move into a house with someone? Not what the difference between two completely different things. If you're depressed it is a mental illness. Yes it can affect you physically but would you still be ABLE to walk? yes. Drive? Yes. talk? yes. A physical illness could impair you from doing one or all of those things, but still be able to think and function like you normally would be able to. There's your difference.
Except that mental illness can keep you from being able to do those things, too. There are times when I'm so depressed, it takes all I have to physically lift myself up out of bed. I have had to call in sick because I CAN'T get out of bed. There are also times when I am unable to talk, thanks to a mixture of anxiety and depression.0 -
First step, run them through something like Been Verified.com. That will let you see if they have a criminal history as well as letting you see if they have a history of bankruptcy and/or civil judgements and liens. If they don't have a stable financial history you don't want to tie yourself to them legally in any way. You could lose big.0
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Areas where you know you're likely to clash, eg staying up late/getting up early, needing the bathroom or kitchen at the same time, tidiness, bringing people back or having people to stay for extended periods.
Having rent with bills included avoids a lot of arguments but check whether any of the bills would be in your name or divide them between you.0 -
Seems your post has been somewhat hijacked so getting back to your question, you should be able to tell when viewing the house what sort of person you could end up sharing with. If too polished and shiney it could be that they had to do a massive clean up before you got there. Use your nose as well as your eyes and ask to use the loo because that room will tell you a lot!! An obvious question would be why if there was one, did the previous tenant leave? Good luck!0
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Farts. If they're offended by loud farts and laughter, they are not the right housemate for me. :bigsmile:
This, in addition to all of the great suggestions by other posters.0 -
I think the reasons you think mental illness are the same as physical illness are the reasons why many people should ask. They're exactly the things I would like to know before moving in with someone. It's not about judgment, but knowing what you can and can't deal with due to your own issues or just the general vibe you're hoping to have in your home on a daily basis. I don't think it's rude to ask someone that if you're considering living with them. I would be willing to fully disclose my own situation for someone.0
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You should disclose it.
Your history has proven you are a good bit of maintenance, which is fine. But you need any possible roomate to know that.0 -
If I'm moving into someone's place then I'm at their mercy on what type of rules imposed. After that it's up to me if I want to live by them or find a different place. My biggest concern would be smokers and how many people already live there.0
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Since you brought up housing and mental health concerns in the same post:
My own mental health disorders are enough as to affect a household. If I were moving in with strangers, here is what I would disclose. I have such and such disorder. Explain the disorder. Talk about any treatment you are currently in or seeking. List symptoms that you have been known to display and frequency. Talk about coping skills you use - both positive and negative.
Talk to them about how it might affect them and listen to the concerns they may have. Explain any triggers and symptoms that may require intervention. Give them a list of emergency numbers, clinic contacts, etc. For instance - if I hole up in my room for a few days, that's nothing to be worried about. A week and I might need them to check in with how my mental state is holding up. That sort of thing.
I would explain any medication changes, both when moving in and as you are living with them. Recently I was put on a medication that was disastrous and required an emergency trip to the clinic and to not be left alone for some time. That would most certainly need intervention and honest communication, to save myself if nothing else.
Some of us are disordered enough as to require a bit of watching over. I am one of those people. It's a big commitment and a huge responsibility for another person to take on. And it's no fair, as another poster said, to spring it on them at 2 AM in the middle of a crisis. Some people will not feel up to task.
You can't blame them or hate yourself for it. You can't shove it under the rug of "Oh, it's that stigma thing again, screw them, I'll just live with them and they have to deal with it." You are obligated to be your own mental health advocate. That means being honest in a situation where others are going to have to deal with your mental health.0 -
Why is there still such a stigma surrounding mental illness when it affects 25+%of the population? how is mental illness any different to physical illness?
Because some menal health issues can become a burden to some housemates in ways that are initially unclear. I lived for 3 years with 4 people that had both mental and physical health issues. Initially moved in because a woman in my lab (we shared office space) offered the spot - from the start I knew that one of the housemates, who had had a stroke, had physical issues.
What no one told me was that he was manic about keeping the house in order and clean because he was afraid of injuring the side of his body he could not feel.
That was a very clean house.
What no one told me was that my office mate spent her afternoons crying and sobbing in her bedroom and that her boyfriend was useless. She became our responsibility in ways I had not planned nor was ready to deal with at the time. It actually delayed my graduate degree by a few months.
That was a very sad house, some of the time.
What no one told me was that one of my office mates had other issues from hoarding to stalking. Her room and the basement had funny smells... Let just say that old food should be thrown out.
It worked for me overall but there were days when I would have been found with dirt on my hands, humming on the porch and three less housemates. They became unrequested obligations in various ways I had not known about from the start.
Some people can deal with that better than others; I was young and flexible in my outlook and it worked. The other housemate never stayed long.
Quirkytizzy's post covers the rest.0
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