The crap people say....

sheri555

I start my day SUPER happy. As of today I have lost 70 lbs over the last 9 months. It hasn't been easy, but the more I right my mind the easier it seems that exercise and eating healthy just sort of fall into place. So -being super happy about this 70 lb milestone- I decide to share this awesome achievement with some friends, and some family members. And they're all really happy for me, right? Yea, not so much. I get "You couldn't have had 70 lbs to lose" "Don't lose too much, because that's not healthy either" "You shouldn't work out so much, it's not good for you" "You should eat more, your body needs food" etc etc etc. Like maybe after 9 months of success I might have no clue what I'm doing?... And the funny part is, the comments from the people who are themselves overweight/obese were some of the rudest. I don't get it. Is there anything worse than someone that's completely unhealthy, giving you health advice? I could see if I were starving myself or something, but I'm not. I eat really clean, I work out as much as my body allows for, and as much as I enjoy. I feel amazing, better and healthier everyday. I can't believe that it took me so many years to "get" this if that makes any sense, like, what the hell have I even been DOING with myself? And instead of people being happy for me, I'm getting all this crap advice, like no one can be happy for me, or with me or whatever. Why?

Soloflyergirl2

I understand.... and many people in MFP have the same story...... ie.. the people you REALLY want approval or a compliment from are the ones who hurt your feelings, knock you down..... and essentially , here is the deal... When YOU change... the people around you have to change , but they don't. They can't handle your change. Many women in this site have mentioned that when they lose the weight, their guy sabotages them by taking them out for pizza... or bringing candy.... because it freaks out the guy that now she is pretty or attractive and he feels threatened.
I have suggested to many people that they get the family members or friends IN on their health plan. Walk together.... or share a great healthy salad... so that they can see you are eating healthy..... Get your doctor in on it... He or she says.. you are on the right track... how can they fight that? They can't...
There are many many people, in all age brackets in MFP who will support you. The goal for the weight loss is a long and healthy life. If someone has a problem with that, he or she needs to chill out . Don't get angry with them... but don't fall off the wagon , either. Don't eat the bad foods and keep on working out in a healthy schedule.... You are doing just fine!!!! Lean on some of the people in My Fitness Pal as you proceed to reach your next weight goal. You have to acquire a " thick skin" .... and ignore any negative comments. Don't even answer back... They'll get used to it..... I hope you enjoy a happy, healthy life...
Best wishes. :flowerforyou:

arlenem1974

bump

Flintbeats810

Ive come to realize that sometimes people just say...well...excuse my french...bull****! they say it and they are full of it. This has been a great community for the most part and i'm very thankful i found this place and for the people that have supported me here. I try to do my best to return the love i was given and i come across the occasional idiot and i realize ...they are just that...idiots. and i take what they say and thier advice with a grain of salt! unfortunately when we put ourselves out there we are going to encounter this but as grown ups i think most of us realize its not all rainbows and unicorns so we shouldn'y let it bother us. There are bitter, jealouse, digruntaled people out there...and some just plain stupid ones. Just have to choose who you listen to wisely. Let all the other comments fall upon def ears!

TArnold2012

When people see your success it makes them reflect on their own status and as you said most often that's not pretty. The responses you are hearing are what they are telling themselves b/c they are not ready to deal with their own situations. As with everything keep the positive and let the rest go nothing they say has any more value than your own thoughts !!! Stay strong and keep up the great work.

sheri555

I really appreciate the kind words. I know their comments stem from jealousy, and I'm by no means perfect. I've been jealous of other peoples good fortune on occassion in my life, but I've never felt the need to try to bring someone else down just because I was down. I guess it's just a little sad to me that I have to log onto a website to get support from strangers basically, because my family and friends can't give it at all.

rosebarnalice

... And the funny part is, the comments from the people who are themselves overweight/obese were some of the rudest. I don't get it. Is there anything worse than someone that's completely unhealthy, giving you health advice?

And instead of people being happy for me, I'm getting all this crap advice, like no one can be happy for me, or with me or whatever. Why?

You're a scary walking talking reminder if their own insecurities and failures. You have done something that they in all likelihood have tried to do an failed, and so now they're saying out loud the "self-talk" that they give themselves to continue justifying their own unhealthy lifestyle. They see you with something they want and they are trying to talk themselves in to believing they don't want it by saying those things to you.

Feel very sorry for them; they're hurting.

SueGremlin

I don't know if these comments necessarily come from jealousy, I think it's a big part of the nature of a lot of people to know better about things, to try to get people do do/act/behave a certain way, and to just say things without really thinking about what they are saying. I never volunteer any information about my weight loss and usually just nod and smile when people comment. I think it's way more often about them and really has little or nothing to do with you.

Congratulations on your weight loss, by the way! Awesome job!

sheri555

^Thank you

FeastForCrows

Praise is really, really nice... and in a way, when we conform to what we think is obviously so RIGHT in our own minds we can't conceive of why someone else would not agree, offer a compliment or praise and then feel inspired to make a change in their own lives.

Maybe you're doing something that they are uncomfortable with or that they have tried and failed. Maybe they don't feel the same desire or urge to make changes in their own lives. Maybe it's uncomfortable for them with the way you communicate, verbally or nonverbally, about how they look- words like unhealthy, lazy, ignorant kind of get thrown around a lot with people who are not within a certain weight range. [Usually subjectively derived in our heads as an ideal appearance- aside from medical professionals who are in the know or physical trainers who help those out of shape get into shape.] I always balked a little at how people who are at a healthy weight or feel they are at a healthy weight feel very free and very RIGHT about commenting on the status of my own health and make judgement about my own eating and exercise choices without having access to my medical record or seeing me outside of a few meals, if that, a year. It turns into a competitive, superiority justification deal... and that's not nice or fun for any of the parties involves.

People who go on weight journeys and find genuine happiness in themselves tend to come off with a certain religious fervor about changing people around them... and while I am TOTALLY happy that they have found what works for them, that doesn't necessarily mean I need someone to pressure, guilt, shame, persuade me into "turning my life around." Plus, sometimes it does get really tiring to hear them talk about weight and calories, exercise and scales as if that is all there is left on the Earth to talk about.

With all of that said though- Seriously, congrats on losing so much weight and please believe me when I say I AM genuinely glad you found things that worked for you and it has added to your happiness. It's unfortunate about friends and family, but sometimes that is the way it goes.

Ascolti_la_musica

And the funny part is, the comments from the people who are themselves overweight/obese were some of the rudest. I don't get it. Is there anything worse than someone that's completely unhealthy, giving you health advice?

When a skinny person tells me how awesome their diet has been, and how much weight they have lost, etc. my gut reaction is "screw you."

Especially if it feels like they are looking at me as their "overweight/obese friend."

Maybe your friends feel like you are judging them for not being as successful as you, or for daring to offer advice that people like you have heaped onto their "overweight/obese completely unhealthy" friends for years.

Overweight people are absolute EXPERTS on weight loss. Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to discount them, since you used to be overweight yourself.

jljshoe1979

I really appreciate the kind words. I know their comments stem from jealousy, and I'm by no means perfect. I've been jealous of other peoples good fortune on occassion in my life, but I've never felt the need to try to bring someone else down just because I was down. I guess it's just a little sad to me that I have to log onto a website to get support from strangers basically, because my family and friends can't give it at all.

I totally feel what you are saying. I even quit telling people in my family of my life successes because there is not "shared happiness". Now, when my brother does anything - my mom brags to everyone. I'm still working on it, but I've come to the conclusion that I get healthy for me, I take vacations for me, I take educational classes for me. It really stinks to feel so good about something, only to let other people's silly reactions take that away.

Lupercalia

Perhaps just be happy for yourself, proud of yourself, and let all the negative stuff go. Sometimes negative people need to be removed from one's life, or at the very least, kept at arm's length.

I don't think it really matters WHY they're not supportive, and see psychoanalysis of these situations to be a waste of time in most cases.

You've done great for yourself! Enjoy your hard work and your newfound health and fitness.

sheri555

And the funny part is, the comments from the people who are themselves overweight/obese were some of the rudest. I don't get it. Is there anything worse than someone that's completely unhealthy, giving you health advice?

When a skinny person tells me how awesome their diet has been, and how much weight they have lost, etc. my gut reaction is "screw you."

Especially if it feels like they are looking at me as their "overweight/obese friend."

Maybe your friends feel like you are judging them for not being as successful as you, or for daring to offer advice that people like you have heaped onto their "overweight/obese completely unhealthy" friends for years.

Overweight people are absolute EXPERTS on weight loss. Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to discount them, since you used to be overweight yourself.

Whoa, lol. Hold on. I don't give anyone any advice. If people ask me how I've achieved my goals, I'm happy to share, but I never volunteer info. Everyones path is their own, and I have a hard enough time walking mine. So there is zero "daring to offer advice or heaping anything for years", lol. My gut reaction when someone tells me how well they are doing in anything is, "how awesome for you!" Usually I am inspired by the success of others, and don't look at it like it's some failure on my part to have not achieved it. I was looking for support for family and friends. I wasn't gloating, I wasn't preaching, I was just trying to share and was sort of baffled by the responses I got, so I came here for a little support. (which I did receive, ty much MFP peoples!). I really hope that you can get to a healthy place where you're feeling better and you don't need to feel like "screw you" to people who are doing well.

jodymaro1

completely understand! do what you do and *kitten* what anyone says, family or not. talk *kitten* get hit! that's the alternative hahaha

MyChocolateDiet

Your success makes them have to look at themselves. You might not have looked like you needed to lose that much. My husband has underestimated both my weight and size in the last few weeks. You already did it and this was for you. You, we and god are happy for you, so is your body and your health. Your future self who gets to live a longer and happier life due to your efforts thanks you too. Congratulations.

skinnyinnotime

Well let's see, you tell someone that is overweight/obese how you've lost 70lbs, workout and eat healthy. They look at you and see what you have achieved...are they happy for you? *kitten* no, because they are still the same and you have made them feel worse than they already did.

Simples.

bunbunzee44

don't listen to them. if they themselves are living unhealthy, then they don't have anything to say. you know you're doing great and being healthy, it's not like you are starving yourself to get thin right? just don't mind them.

I've had my share too, and it's the reason why I now don't tell people about my eating habits and especially about logging my calories

diva_kate

It sounds like simple-minded jealousy. But congratulations to YOU on your big weight loss and healthy lifestyle! You're doing more for yourself than their compliments can. (Though I totally get wanting admiration.)

dgljones

Overweight people, and I mean seriously overweight not 5lbs too heavy for the perfect swimsuit, tend to construct a tapestry of half truths around themselves to help protect the reality they have built in their heads. I know, I used to do it, figuring that out was why I am 139lbs down and am continuing to get healthier everyday.
You threaten that construction because you have done things that they have told themselves are not possible. That is why it is 'dangerous' and 'you need to be careful you are too thin and that is not healthy' etc.

sheri555

Overweight people, and I mean seriously overweight not 5lbs too heavy for the perfect swimsuit, tend to construct a tapestry of half truths around themselves to help protect the reality they have built in their heads. I know, I used to do it, figuring that out was why I am 139lbs down and am continuing to get healthier everyday.
You threaten that construction because you have done things that they have told themselves are not possible. That is why it is 'dangerous' and 'you need to be careful you are too thin and that is not healthy' etc.

Thank you so much for this!

pg3ibew

I have had this problem for quite some time. Many many friends have had some ****ty things to say.

2 in particular, a male friend(400 pounds plus) and a female friend(300 pounds plus) ALWAYS, everytime I see them, ask me how I lost so much weight and what made me decide to lose the weight.

I start out with that I was fed up with my size and that the Dr. told me that I was in danger of Diabetes, among other things.

Early on, I would try to explain about MFP and exercise and the SIMPLER things.
From the both of them, I would get the same response: My Dr. tells me I am the healthiest fat person they have ever met. To which I say, Excellent for you. Then they brush off the eating properly and exercise.

The last 3-4 times the two of them have asked me about my weight loss, I respectfully told them, "I am not talking about weight loss to you." They ask why? Finally, I outright told the both of them, "You ask, but you don't listen. SO, why waste my breath." Do you know, they continue to ask me, every time I see them.

Can_Change_Natalie

Firstly Congratulation on your weight loss what an amazing achievement.

Secondly –I personally think people get very rude/ defensive because they look at you and see how much you have lost and how healthy you have become and then look at them self’s and what they have done in that time which is either nothing or gain more weight. I think I put things into perspective for people to see that in x amount of time you have turned your life around and they have done nothing and it makes them bitter.

Sunny____

Congrats!

As far as the others, it's called jealousy.

And do you have any pictures to share?

iheartcalifornia

Fortunately we have MFP to talk about this...my neighbor brings over homemade icecream, cake and pies. I take her healthy marninades of broccoli/cauliflower. Thanks to everyone here I have the strength to pass along or toss out the 'not so' goodies.

Ultragirl2374

They're just jealous of what you've been able to do and they have themselves convinced that they aren't capable of the same.

zillah73

... And the funny part is, the comments from the people who are themselves overweight/obese were some of the rudest. I don't get it. Is there anything worse than someone that's completely unhealthy, giving you health advice?

And instead of people being happy for me, I'm getting all this crap advice, like no one can be happy for me, or with me or whatever. Why?

You're a scary walking talking reminder if their own insecurities and failures. You have done something that they in all likelihood have tried to do an failed, and so now they're saying out loud the "self-talk" that they give themselves to continue justifying their own unhealthy lifestyle. They see you with something they want and they are trying to talk themselves in to believing they don't want it by saying those things to you.

Feel very sorry for them; they're hurting.

THIS

sPaRkLiNgLYFE

its the "Crabs in the barrel " complex, they want to hold you back because they're jealous.

AllTehBeers

First, congratulations on 70 pounds!

Second, I've learned that everyone is an expert. I run a small store so I've seen the same people everyday for years and over the last few months I've got a lot of weight loss comments. Most of them just ask how I did it and all I say is, "eat better."

People don't want a discussion where they learn, they want to give you all the knowledge that they've accumulated over the years, even though what I'm doing is working perfectly well. When someone goes off about how to lose weight better, I just say, thanks for the information.

Keep doing what you're doing and show off your hard work. Results speak way more then words.