SBF2 Reboot boogaloo...wk of April 19

lotusfromthemud

just starting...

lotusfromthemud

I was nervous someone else would be starting about now...

I've been doing heavy journalling/pondering for the last few days.

I've made a radical decision that (at least for a few weeks) I'm going to stop logging calories. I have a few reasons: first of all, I can't seem to meet the goal. Some days I'm over, some way under...and both of those feel like failing, instead of my body just being hungrier one day than the next. Secondly, it's running my life...to the point of obsessing and I don't like it. Thirdly, logging for the past three years hasn't helped me lose the last (real or imagined) ten pounds. I was my thinnest when I started here, before I ever logged a single calorie. My body may know better how to feed itself than my brain does. Radical.

My goal is to shift my goals:

I want to be consistent with exercise and log it. Exercise makes me feel good, and stands to create a calorie deficit. By logging the exercise, I'll have a clear check on whether I'm really extra hungry on a given day due to spin class, or just bored, upset or otherwise inclined to eat while not hungry.

Eat when I'm hungry, stop when I'm full. That's the simplest...and the most difficult thing for me to do. I want to concentrate on eating mindfully (so when I eat, just eating...no TV, no internet, no reading, etc.). This is the big, hard final life change that I haven't made...and I think it's the one I need to make. I think socializing with eating is fine, but all these other brain-blockers, not so much. There's no way I can stop when I'm full if I'm not paying attention. I've mastered the art of exercising mindfully (although I do use music for cardio, I've gotten very good at being at the gym when I'm at the gym) so I think I can do the same with eating.

Limiting both wine and sugar to Sundays. Sunday is usually a spiritually connected, slowed-down day for me. I can almost always have dinner with my husband on Sundays, and it feels like a mini-celebration. I want to have that mini-celebration (but keep it mini).

And that's all. I think releasing the last amount of weight I think I need to lose means releasing the need to control. my. weight. (and everything else.)

It's my birthday in exactly a month, and I'm promise to do these things at least until then. I've tried to make this leap of faith in my body before, but I don't think I was ready to make it. Yikes. I'm still not sure I'm ready, but I'm doing it anyway.

Leap of faith, boogaloo.:flowerforyou:

yoginimary

Awesome, V! I'm still working on eating mindfully - dang it's hard not to read while eating. You'd think that someone that enjoys eating as much as I do, would just enjoy the eating. I will start working on it too.

Today I'm going to San Antonio for the yoga class. I think it will be a hard decision between SA and the Corpus Christi teacher training (though Corpus will cost more). I really hope I like the teacher. More biking is on the schedule today. I need to get some in before it gets hot.
There's a groupon today for a kayak rental - I'm considering it. Would be a cool thing to try some day. If you haven't tried groupon, I suggest you look into it (if they have one for your city - it's basically a different local coupon each day - today: one hour kayak for $10 rather than $25, expires in Sept).

Still nice outside, boogaloo!

lotusfromthemud

Also, I blogged on the deal I made above. I'm going to try to stay accountable to it, so I'm using the blog as my journal for the next little while. (using all the time I'll save from not logging every morsel of food.)

mechanicmom

Good post V! I need to work on just eating too. Nothing else. Very bad habit for me. My logging didn't last long. Three days maybe?
Mary, kayaking sounds fun. I've never been but I should try it some time. Let us know if you go for it!
Short post here. Alex is sitting here waiting for me to put him down for a nap. Yes he still asks for naps. What a good kid. Now whether he takes one or not is a different story.
Went to see my cousin this morning so I didn't get anything done but we had a good visit. We don't see each other often enough. I have a lot to do this afternoon: laundry, cleaning, Bible study homework, and a work out. I am thinking about an hour of Taebo. I didn't feel like working out this morning and didn't think I would feel like it this afternoon but my motivation came back. So maybe I am making progress! I've got to get this weight off so I can fit into my clothes again. I failed and made cookies yesterday for guests. I won't tell you how many I had. :blushing: I sent them to work with DH except three. Hey, AF is coming. I want a little chocolate.
Is it Friday yet? I'm ready to go on vacation. I really need one. It's been so stressful since December. I'm glad we've had a few days without any adoption news. I don't know that I could handle any more news right now. Good news is always welcome though.
Counting the days boogaloo!
MM

Bobbie145

Hi, everyone. V: I liked your post. I think it makes lots of sense. Mary: I really enjoy kayaking. I haven't been in a while,but it is wonderful. MM: I overdid it on chips and cookies yesterday! I am trying to be "good" for the rest of the week. We are going on a short cruise on Friday through Monday. I am trying to be very good and will try to use at least a modicum of self control this weekend. Allergies are getting me. I am sooo tired. I can tell, though, that at least part of this is all of the pollen in the air. That, at least, will eventually go away. Had a good day at work today. Go a lot done. I have a new client coming in for an appointment tomorrow.

Cruise, Boogaloo!


Bobbie

cp005e

Hi everybody. It's funny - V decides she needs to stop logging, just when I decide I need to start again. My eating has been seriously out of control the past two weeks, and right now I just need something to force me to stop and think. I know I can do this without logging (I really haven't logged regularly in over a year), but right now I am under much more stress than usual, and I see myself falling back into some of my very old habits. So I need to get a handle on that. I also am always doing something else while I eat - reading, watching TV, browsing the internet.

Kayaking is lots of fun. We like to go paddling around the bay and up one of the rivers - there's some nice wetlands there with lots of interesting things to look at (swans and herons and turtles and wildflowers). It's not quite warm or green enough yet, but soon. I'm also struggling with the pollen. I was so tired yesterday afternoon, and I think it was mostly allergies. I have to be careful at times like that, because my instinct is to go find something sugary to eat to wake me up.

I'm about to go for an MRI of my ankle. Tonight is dance class. Other than my daily walk at work, I'm not getting a lot of exercise right now. I hope to get to the pool tomorrow.

Wake up, boogaloo!

lotusfromthemud

I hear ya'll about the pollen. I have been soooo tired (napping in the afternoon and in bed by 9...which I never, ever do.) CP, I decided now was a good time for this experiment because I'm not (as) stressed out, so I know what you mean...I now take it as a warning sign when my eating starts to go koo-koo...it's the first symptom of stress for me.

It is super-hard to not do something else while I eat, but I managed yesterday. I also took myself out to lunch to make eating an experience.

Beautiful day yesterday (in spite of the sneezing fits). Today is a pretty busy one, I'm going to a computer class (garage band workshop), zumba and then probably yoga tonight. Although, I did yoga at home yesterday and really enjoyed it. (I just bought a rug, and it's much more pleasant than the wood floor under the mat.)

Now I want to try kayaking.

Breathing through my nose, boogaloo.(it's a prayer. ):flowerforyou:

yoginimary

Well I got the groupon, so I'll try kayaking soon. As soon as I can get my friend to go - and it's not too hot or raining.

Had a good yoga class yesterday. So here is the outline for my teacher trainings:
1. One in Austin - least expensive and most convenient - may learn the most - don't really like the teachers though and haven't discussed just getting the 200 hour cert, instead of the specific cert that they want you to go for - could end up dreading going to class - on the plus side, can pay for a weekend at a time (so could quit if I hated it - but would put me in an awkward situation when I saw the teachers in workshops - oh, does have the extra bonus that it wouldn't conflict with any of the visiting teachers workshops.
2. Second one in Austin - at a Hindu temple - probably wouldn't learn much, but would get it over with - 9 days solid, then a couple months break, then 8 days solid. Like the teacher ok, but not my style
3. One is San Antonio - kind of the middle ground - not the most or least expensive - have the option to commute each time. I still need to take the other teacher's regular yoga class. I liked the teacher - she was kind and clear.
4. One in Corpus Christi - most expensive (mostly because I would have to pay for 2 nights at a hotel each month). Would be the most fun with my regular kick butt teacher. I would probably learn some crazy yoga poses. Corpus is a long (boring) way away.

so that is what I'm struggling with today. I badly need some advice, but I'm unsure who to talk to. My regular yoga teacher would probably tell me to get a reading from her husband (he's a psychic - cool guy, but not my thing).

Ok, I was just offered two more classes a week - Tues and Thurs at noon - (I could have taken Tues night as well, but I passed on that one).

As far as exercise? Bike and yoga?

Yoga to my eyeballs, boogaloo.

mechanicmom

Sounds like pollen is bothering everyone. Must be worse this year. Our neighbors driveways are green and most of the cars are too. Yuck. And Alex and I are STILL coughing. It's getting better everyday but it's been almost a month. I miss being a kid when I wasn't allergic to anything.
Today is tumbling class for Alex, cleaning for me. If I can get the mower started I will mow (for all of the five minutes that it takes). If it won't start (haven't used it in a really long time), then I will have to weed eat. Not good for my back but good for my arms. I may have to do half today and half tomorrow or something.
We sat down to plan out our trip last night and realized it's just not a long enough trip. We'll leave Saturday morning, get to the place in the afternoon sometime, set up camp, hang out. We'll be able to hike Sunday. Then Monday we'll have a little time to sight see, and then we'll have to get back in the car and come home. I was thinking we'd have like two full days to hike or whatever. Kind of a bummer that it's going to go so fast. It will be nice for the two of us just to go. I told DH he's cooking! I won't have to worry about dishes, cooking, or kids! Whoo-hoo!
Is it Friday yet? boogaloo!
MM

lotusfromthemud

Well I got the groupon, so I'll try kayaking soon. As soon as I can get my friend to go - and it's not too hot or raining.

Had a good yoga class yesterday. So here is the outline for my teacher trainings:
1. One in Austin - least expensive and most convenient - may learn the most - don't really like the teachers though and haven't discussed just getting the 200 hour cert, instead of the specific cert that they want you to go for - could end up dreading going to class - on the plus side, can pay for a weekend at a time (so could quit if I hated it - but would put me in an awkward situation when I saw the teachers in workshops - oh, does have the extra bonus that it wouldn't conflict with any of the visiting teachers workshops.
2. Second one in Austin - at a Hindu temple - probably wouldn't learn much, but would get it over with - 9 days solid, then a couple months break, then 8 days solid. Like the teacher ok, but not my style
3. One is San Antonio - kind of the middle ground - not the most or least expensive - have the option to commute each time. I still need to take the other teacher's regular yoga class. I liked the teacher - she was kind and clear.
4. One in Corpus Christi - most expensive (mostly because I would have to pay for 2 nights at a hotel each month). Would be the most fun with my regular kick butt teacher. I would probably learn some crazy yoga poses. Corpus is a long (boring) way away.

so that is what I'm struggling with today. I badly need some advice, but I'm unsure who to talk to. My regular yoga teacher would probably tell me to get a reading from her husband (he's a psychic - cool guy, but not my thing).

Ok, I was just offered two more classes a week - Tues and Thurs at noon - (I could have taken Tues night as well, but I passed on that one).

As far as exercise? Bike and yoga?

Yoga to my eyeballs, boogaloo.

And now, my completely unqualified advice. (just based on my teacher/learning experience)

1. Even though you might learn the most, if you don't like the teachers now...you'll probably just like them less and less and less. I once studied conducting with a very well respected dude who I just plain had a "bad vibe" about. I wasn't trusting of him ever, and never learned that much. Don't discount your gut feeling (like/dislike) of a teacher.

2. "probably wouldn't learn much" Eww. It does have the advantage of being quick and dirty, though...so if you just want the cert, it isn't, IMHO, a bad option. I find, though...that for me my education isn't about just a piece of paper, it's about knowledge...depends on if you want the cert. as the end result.

3. "kind and clear" are pretty good characteristics in a teacher, no?

4. I'm always of the opinion that I've learned the most about teaching from people I enjoy learning from...

I don't know if that helps or just makes you in more of a quandary.

yoginimary

Great advice, V. Thank you.

So I got the two classes - I start next week. I'll teach 3x a week. When my teacher is on vacation, it could be 6x a week - yikes.

In solidarity, I tried mindful eating last night. Just the bread & cheese part, I broke down when I was eating salad. It was nice to notice I didn't want as much cheese.

I didn't get yoga in yesterday, so I'm doubling up today. Hopefully a walk in too.

Mindful, boogaloo.

lotusfromthemud

Morning pebbs, getting ready to go to the doctor, and distracting myself from the hunger and thirst. I hate bloodwork to begin with, but fasting bloodwork...oof. Also, much curiosity as to what is getting checked this time. Frankly, I'm tired of getting checked.


Today, I have a pretty busy day. The doc, a meeting downtown, and then weights class and spynga class. Hopefully some rest in there somewhere, too. I didn't make it to p.m. yoga last night, my allergies just had me really run down and I had terrible stomach cramps that might have, um, led to embarrassment. Zumba seemed particularly hard yesterday (and my HRM agreed) so I decided that was enough.

Congrats on the classes, Mary.

Bloodwork boogaloo.:flowerforyou:

lotusfromthemud

Update: possible B12 deficiency? Really? I had more bloodwork, and the doctor will advise when that comes back.

It could be due to malabsorption (maybe...), alcoholism (nope.) or lack of red meat (also, definitely nope.) This could be an early warning sign of possible anemia.

Strange that I feel better the past few weeks than I have in about a year, and now something abnormal finally shows up. (but this could be just the iratibility...a symptom of B12 deficiency...talking.)

Bemused boogaloo.

mechanicmom

B12 huh V? That's interesting.
Good luck on the teaching Mary!
CP when will you get news about the MRI?
Bobbie how are you doing?
I have quite a bit to get done in the next three days. Cleaning, shopping, packing, and prepping Alex and in laws for spending three days together without dh and I. Lol.
I am sore. Weed eating yesterday for 30 min and a brisk walk last night for 45. I am going to try to work out this afternoon. I am actually motivated so I need to do it. Scale has gone up five pounds since getting back to it. Trying not to pay attention.
I have to go Jean shopping today or tomorrow because all my jeans have holes in them. Concerned I will have to go up to a 16 to be comfortable. I hate to spend money on a size Jean that I think will be temporary but I need some so it can't wait. Trying not to pay attention to any numbers. I guess my quote is a good one for me this week.
Sorry if there's lots of typos and misspellings. I'm typing on my phone.
Not getting caught up in numbers boogaloo!
MM

mechanicmom

Whew. Jean shopping didn't go to badly. I bought a couple of pair that seemed to fit well. I haven't tried them on at home yet to look in my own mirror. I was surprised to find some that were comfortable and actually fit in every area. AND they weren't a bigger size either! So I'm still a 14. I have logged in my food so far today. No wonder I'm not losing weight. Carbs and sugar. It's going to take two hours of tae bo (Which I am not built up to do!) to get enough calories for dinner. It is kind of a wake up call for me though. Salad for dinner boogaloo!
MM

yoginimary

Why they couldn't tell you over the phone, V? Afraid you would take a bunch of B vitamins?:huh:
You didn't look in a mirror, MM? wow.

For my new yoga gig, all I want to know is procedural - where to go, how to fill in timesheet, etc - I can't seem to get an answer. My original writings were much more negative, but I need to remember that this is a public forum.

I taught a great class last night - yep, I just said that. I forgot my notes at home, so I taught it on the fly - it went smoothly and made sense. I was pretty dang proud of myself - and a little surprised.

Today: walk, bike and maybe some yoga. I need to figure out how to convince the library I returned a book, so I might bike up there and talk to them about it.

waiting for instructions, boogaloo.

mechanicmom

Good morning!
Today is a very busy day, so short post.
I guess DH and I are not going alone on our vacation. AF showed up yesterday. :grumble: Four days later than usual (but it was a stressful month). At least maybe the worst of it will be over by then. I seem to always plan trips when she's coming. :ohwell:
So today is: grocery shopping, work out (as long as I don't go downhill girly-wise), transfer baby pumpkin plants to bigger pot, clean, make lists for in laws on how to care for Alex and use our complicated entertainment center, laundry,make Alex's bread, make a roast, and have some down time. I got some of the cleaning done already and it's 9 am and I'm ready to go to the store so that's a good start. I am feeling really sleepy though so I might want to nap, which I can't really afford to do. I am usually tired but this week I have been feeling good, so to feel really sleepy today makes me think that my hormones really do make me tired during TOM. Interesting.
Hope you all have a good day!
MM

lotusfromthemud

Hi all,

What I discovered later in the day when I took out my vitamins is...I've been massively supplementing B12. So, if I'm a little deficient, doesn't that actually mean I'm a LOT deficient...so seems like some sort of malabsorption thing. Side note: I didn't know my father, and my mother has no knowledge of his medical history...so whenever the doc says "do you have a family history of xyz?" I can only half answer. This would open the door to Crohns disease or actual celiac. Boo to both of those, but they would explain a lot. Boo.

I did discover that one of the symptoms of B12 deficiency is shortness of breath, which I've been complaining to my doctor about. Even though I'm in good shape (my doc said I "have the resting heart rate of an athlete.":happy: ) a walk up a flight or two of stairs leaves me winded. The plot continues to thicken. Today's challenge: no more googling anemia or B12 deficiency.

Today is possible spin, possible walk, or possible yoga at home. I haven't quite decided. I have some errands to run, and the workout last night was extra hard. I have to see how my energy holds out.

Intuitive boogaloo.:flowerforyou:

mechanicmom

Ha! I just looked at my report for fitness and I've worked out 8 out of the last nine days! That's like a record or something for me! Well, at least in the last several months.
Mary, I actually did look in the mirror when trying on the pants just to make sure I didn't look like an idiot but I try not to pay attention to those mirrors too much. I can't figure out why they would put mirrors in a dressing room that make you look fatter than you are. If they want to sell clothes they need to put some up that make you look smaller, you know? So I made sure the jeans fit in all the right places, made sure they looked okay, and tried not to look at how I looked in that mirror. I don't do a final assessment until I get home and look in my own mirror.
V, I hope that it's just that - a B deficiency and not some thing else. I have a friend who has been having major muscle cramps and twitching, and a whole bunch of other weird symptoms, like serious ones. They've done all kinds of testing and found that she has virtually no vitamin D in her body. I think the low end is like 20 and she has like 12 or something. But what's weird is that her blood protein is high and I think she said there's shouldn't even be blood protein in the body. The doc wants her to take 50,000 whatevers of vitamin D a day, but she's concerned that it will make the blood proteins increase. Anyway, she's sitting out in the sun and going to tanning beds to try to get it up. My question is: WHY is her Vitamin D so low? It would seem there would be an underlying cause. I went off there and I really had no point. lol. I hope the docs can get everything straightened out for you very soon so you can be at your best. :flowerforyou:
That turned out to be a more chatty post than I planned.
Back to work boogaloo!
MM

lotusfromthemud

Yeah, MM...I know...I want to know WHY the deficiency, and fix that. Because if I have a malabsorption issue, there could be lots of other nutrients I'm not getting. I do 5,000 IUs of Vit. D a day...tell your friend to go look for "D drops" it's a little bottle, and one drop out of it is 1,000...it's also supposed to be easier to absorb. My doc told me that in pill form, your body is only accessing ten percent of the vit d, and if it doesn't say D3, you're just wasting your money.

I'm half thrilled that after a few years of going to the doctor and saying "no, I'm really tired and I've been getting really sick really easily", he's been persistent at looking for something and he believes me. Most medical people (shame on them) just see "fibromyalgia" on the chart and think "uh-oh...crazy hypochondriac lady." So not true. I had two doctors refuse to xray my hips and trunk to check for arthritis, insisting it was "just the fibro" (it wasn't). Turns out, amazingly, you can have more than one thing wrong with you at a time!

Uh-oh....that went off the rails a bit, too. I have a friend who's a nurse, and she says it can also stem from not having enough stomach acids to break the vitamins down...

I went to the farmer's market to buy local honey to see if it helps my allergies. I ended up with (beautiful, locally made from fair trade sources by a lovely man) chocolate and grass fed beef, and amazing goat cheese. (I'm actually very excited to find a local grass fed beef source...I've been looking ever since I moved here.) Nobody had any honey, dang it. Maybe next week...also, maybe next week I can manage to buy a vegetable or two.