a little personal, but I need an honest opinion

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  • mama22girlz
    mama22girlz Posts: 291
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    yeah I would take the $$$ might be all that you ever get. It is really sad. maybe you can get a lawyer pro bono? how the heck does he afford a lawyer if he doesn't have a job?

    what about legal Aid? not exactly sure how they work but aren't they free?


    Legal Aid Ontario: 1-800-668-8258 or www.legalaid.on.ca.
  • aippolito1
    aippolito1 Posts: 4,894 Member
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    I would take the money, but before signing any paperwork, please find an attorney who will look it over for you before you accept the offer. You're in Canada, right? Not sure how it works there, but with all of the social programs, I'm sure there has got to be some sort of legal service that is offered to assist mothers at little or no cost. Agree to take the money, but get a legal opinion on the paperwork first so you don't end up signing away your right to future collections. True, you'll only be getting $17K of the $37K he owes you, but that is far better than what you have now. Good luck!

    I agree completely.
  • Vallandingham
    Vallandingham Posts: 2,177
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    If you can afford to stand on principle and do without the money being offered, then follow your family's advice. Fight it out in court.

    If the money will help and it sounds as if it will, take it. It doesn't sound as if you will get it any other way.

    It's really easy for family and friends to give advice, when they don't have to live with the consequences.
  • pressica
    pressica Posts: 361
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    I feel for you! It is hard to try to do those things alone. I beg you to seek legal advice before you sign anything. I found a website that gives different resources in Toronto for free legal advice. http://www.ontariodivorces.com/findlegalhelp.html

    I would check with the Family Law Information Centres before making a decision this huge. It is easy to get tunnel vision while dealing with legal issues, and this may seem like a good thing. Maybe it is. But I think you will feel better after knowing all of your options. Sometimes these issues can be resolved through mediation and not court. Although things are mucky right now, your kids may thank you someday for fighting for what is rightfully theirs.

    The truth is, your family and MFP cannot make this decision. If your family is so eager for you to fight for more money, are they just as eager to help you out financially during that waiting period? If so, go for it. Proceed with caution. Sounds like his lawyer is trying to trap you on account of your dire need. He wants you to accept a little over 10% of what your ex owes your children. That is robbery. Good luck!!
  • thumper44
    thumper44 Posts: 1,464 Member
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    Something's weird To me It's like if I can give you 1/2 the money, then forget about the rest?

    He's not working (legally) and he's collecting social assistance?
    He's not paying support, but he's living somewhere paying rent, food for himself.
    Nobody knows what he does during the day.

    where did he get or is going to get the |$17000 from?
    His lawyer is just going to give away $17,000?
    and how is he able to afford a lawyer?

    Go get the $37,000 that he's owed to your kids. Obviously you've done ok without him giving you money for last 3 years.
    Something smells funny!
    Take it to court. Get the $17,000 and still have $20,000 owing.
  • XFitMojoMom
    XFitMojoMom Posts: 3,255 Member
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    I agree with your family, it's not enough, but it's what is REAL, right now! So I'd take the real, and put a provision in the paperwork that he will need to pay you for your other children retroactively.
  • electricgypsy
    electricgypsy Posts: 32 Member
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    in the uk our undergraduate law schools offer clinics which are free. do have anything like that over there? get them to check it over before you agree then.
  • shellybressler
    shellybressler Posts: 13 Member
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    In California if you go to the district attorney/child support division he will owe you that money until he pays it and they will continue to add interest on it until it is paid in full (and he would lose his drivers license)... I do not know how it works in Ontario but it is worth looking into before you sign away 32k...
  • youngs
    youngs Posts: 250 Member
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    I would first find out how he can afford a lawyer and question why he can not pay support but can pay a lawyer..then my second question would be where did the money that they are now offering come from..It just did not appear out of the air..Can you not put a lean agaist everything he owns..meaning that if he sell anything then you get the money and if he was to die any money would go to you also..I am not sure how your state runs but I would check on it...Just seems like he came up with money to fast to make a settlement...beware there maybe more hidding around.. and another thing it sounds like he is wanting you to settle so when they take you back to court he does not look so bad and that will also give him the option to get his driver lic back so in the long road that is making him the winner cause he will not be showing no past due child support.. Sounds to me like you really need to check everything out before you sign the papers then make up your mind..I would not jump on it till everything is checked out good first.
  • kelscross
    kelscross Posts: 11
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    I think another poster had the same thoughts...where did he get the 17K plus the attorney fee yet cant pay his monthly obligation. That is amazing me. I'm in the same position, my ex owes 12k in back support so not nearly as much. It sounds easy in the US but it's not, they have taken his driver's license...big deal...he still drives. He was sentenced to 10 days in jail, bought his way out with one payment and hasn't paid two years since. As a matter of fact when I called regarding the nonpayment AFTER his jail sentence I was told all he has to do is pay SOMETHING not even a full payment once every six months and he will never get cited for contempt. He knows how to play the system that the system set up to be played. Hold his taxes?? big deal when you are self employed and don't get a return. So no it's not easy.

    But again, I'd wonder where he got the 17k from. And yes in the US you can make deals on the arrears, my attorney just brought it up to me the other day. The only thing that would worry me is those checks are post dated, how do you know when you go to cash them they will be good? I wouldn't DEAL at ALL unless the 17k was in cash period. I could write checks from here to the day I die doesn't mean the money would be in the bank.
  • kimberly428
    kimberly428 Posts: 237
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    He hasn't paid anything in 3yrs.....take the $$
    what a crappy situation...shame on him

    Agreed!
  • leavinglasvegas
    leavinglasvegas Posts: 1,495
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    I'm still waiting for child support from 10 years ago, so I feel your pain. That being said, I still wouldn't settle. You really should research free legal aide. If he can pay some of it and support himself at the same time, theres something funny going on.

    I don't know where you are exactly. But in Michigan the father would be locked up then released to a state work program mingled with welfare recipients. Especially if he needs to depend on assistance for himself. He then has a choice, follow the rules of the program and find a job and allow the state to check up on his attendence and income while they garnish his wages, or sit his *kitten* in the slammer.

    Don't settle without your own legal counsel!!!!
  • lornainak
    lornainak Posts: 40 Member
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    I agree with HOPEful27. He can't afford the payments yet he can afford the lawyer...

    What a crappy situation you find yourself in... I would take the money but do you have to forfeit the other $20K in arrears he owes you by signing the settlement? So you forfeit the $20K and he takes you back to court anyway to reduce to child support for the three younger ones. Sounds like he is going to do that anyway. He will have three more to support once your third oldest hits 18. I don't know the ages of the younger 3 but he should make the child support on the last 3 of the 6 children you have had with him.....just my thoughts !
  • Phoenix_Rising
    Phoenix_Rising Posts: 11,417 Member
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    $5,500 is all? Or $17,000 (24 checks at $500 each, or 24 checks totaling $12,000?)



    And I disagree with your family -- what you chose is your decision and does not impact your children. You handle your finances, you do what you see fit for them. Accepting or battling this -- you have to do what you can sleep with at night, you know?

    I'm very sorry you are in this circumstance.


    (And I'm in a mood, so lemme add that I hope he rots in hell.)
  • NotSurprised
    NotSurprised Posts: 8,083 Member
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    I totally understand your families sentiments, I don't know his situation but yeah if he's doing that receiving on purpose the government checks just so he doesn't have to pay his fare share then he's a piece of *kitten* not really living just suffering in his own misery of patheticness. is that even a real word anyway I say it's & that's that.;-) Definitely take the guaranteed money unless of course he is hiding money which you know of & can prove. He has already went two years doing what you said government assistance & hasn't paid at all. I don't know why he has not been doing jail time for his scumbagatudeness, but yeah take him for whatever he has your children & you certainly deserved always let alone two years of not receiving anything from sad to say father of your children. May God Bless you with whatever it's your heart desires.

    Jason
  • logiesmom
    logiesmom Posts: 142
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    Ok....Can I just say something here??

    6 KIDS???? You look AMAZING!!!!

    Just throwing that out there.

    Take the money girl!! You and your children deserve it.
  • imagymrat
    imagymrat Posts: 862 Member
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    Ok....Can I just say something here??

    6 KIDS???? You look AMAZING!!!!

    Just throwing that out there.

    Take the money girl!! You and your children deserve it.

    lol, thank you, I work really hard to kep fit, and my anger towards my ex drives me to look even better, he actually has brought out the best in me! if only he knew what gift he gave tome by cheating on me and leaving us. At the time I thought I would just fall apart, we are stronger then we know. The reason he isn't in jail is because in Toronto,, i'm Canadian, our laws don't do support recipients any favours. He cannot ever do jail time for money owed. That being said, the cheques are for 500.00 each, and the 5,000.00 is to have the back support payments retracted, so i'd be letting him off the hook for thousands of dollars. The problem is, I need repairs done to my home and I have two sons that have braces and i'm struggling with two jobs to make ends meet. Guaranteed money is so hard to resist. I know he has money tucked away, he travels 2-3 x's a year to visit his gf in Japan, she's a teacher. He bought a 2009 Ford F150 with cash. He works under the table, my eldest son followed him and we found ou the employer who was paying him cash. Once confronted he claimed that my ex was not employed by him and that was that. I've taken out newspaper ads asking for help from anyone who may know of his employment status. I've called my local MP, although sympathetic, in the end was of very little help. He now lives with his mom and is living off her wealth, which is endless..since his father passed they have more money then they know what to do with. To make a long story short, they have no desire to see the kids, not him, not his mom, not his sisters. They sent back the graduation tickets I sent for my seconds son grad saying that unless I chose not to attend he couldn't stand to be in the same room with me??! craziness. I just want peace in my life, since his support order was made, he takes me back to court at least one every other month, i'm jus plain tired of it....I think i'll take the money and run, I have untill Friday to decide.


    Just a side note. I did get free legal counsel and found out that it doesn't matter where he got the money to get a lawyer or any costs involved in taking me to court will hold any legal argument. It comes down to him being allowed to obtain legal counsel and no judge will question it..that really sucks, as far as the money for the supprt payment, that's good old bank of mom.
  • MattySparky
    MattySparky Posts: 771
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    I wish I could help you. Your ex deserves to be tied up in a dark basement for a few weeks and tortured.
  • iplayoutside19
    iplayoutside19 Posts: 2,304 Member
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    Ask your family members who are against you settling to help you make ends meet until he pays.

    If no one will take you up on it...settle.....and get a lawyer...somehow.
  • XFitMojoMom
    XFitMojoMom Posts: 3,255 Member
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    I wish I could help you. Your ex deserves to be tied up in a dark basement for a few weeks and tortured.

    OOOO! How Paul Bernardo of you!:laugh:

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