"Trying" is not a goal

minizebu

Word to the people!

timmemin

You are so right and this is what is holding me back. I am going to think up some better goals.

Calliope610

Like my husband says "if I'm trying, I'm lying. I gotta be doing."

DoOrDoNotThereIsNoTry1

Do, or do Not. There is NO TRY! -Yoda

arnezandyvette

Thank you I hear this often but I needed this reminder.

sjo55115

I'd say "getting fit" is a goal. :Losing 20 lbs" is a goal.

Maintaining my food log...
Running a mile every morning...
Eating more six helpings of fruit and veggies a day...
etc...

These are methods or your tactics to reach your goal.

sremarie

I like your point about having specific and measurable goals! Even when you feel like your "losing" like "supposed" to, you still feel like you've accomplished something and it makes it easier to keep a positive attitude.

lqmustang

I quit smoking 13 years ago. Up until then I had 'tried' many times. I finally gave up on trying to quit, and just quit. Haven't touched one since. Last summer I told myself I was going to do the insanity program over the winter. I didn't try Insanity, I DID IT.

BrendaLee

This is a positive post, but like most things, even this doesn't apply to every situation. In the past, I've gone into this weight-loss thing with the attitude "This is it! I've got this! I'm so doing it this time!", and for some reason, that sort of thinking does something to my mind, and I start self-sabotaging. This time, I've gone into it telling myself that I'm ready for a change, and I'm going to do my best to do my best -- I'm going to try. I'm not going to fool myself into believing there's no possibility I'll fail. There is. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen, but the possibility is there. I can tell myself it isn't, but I'd be lying. That may sound self-defeating, but for me, it makes sense. Face the reality and try to overcome. That sounds pretty powerful to me.

Success at trying leads to doing. It's all semantics, really.

Cyclink

While all 5 of the "SMART" components are important, I usually find the things that work best are something that can be concretely measured and "did I meet this" is a simple yes/no question.

Did I hit my target calories? YES
Did I do all scheduled workouts? YES
Did I meet or exceed all target zones? YES
Did I record both weight and body fat at least 5 days this week? YES

Those all have very simply yes/no answers. When you get into "well, maybe, I can't be sure.... it depends on a particular point of view...." then it's a lot easier to fudge your results.

"Did I get fitter?" is often dependent on you define the term "fitter." Is that a lower body fat? A lower weight? A faster mile time? A better performance on a course (that may or may not have been due to a tail wind)? It's a lot harder to measure and much more nebulous to aim for.

The word "trying" is a problem because it lacks commitment. It means "I'll see what happens." It's not a goal and it's certainly leaving a lot of room for a person to back out. It's also usually an early word found in posts asking about why someone is not reaching the goals they want. "I was trying to....."

ericaavin

Thanks, I think this is very well written!

Lib_B

This is a positive post, but like most things, even this doesn't apply to every situation. In the past, I've gone into this weight-loss thing with the attitude "This is it! I've got this! I'm so doing it this time!", and for some reason, that sort of thinking does something to my mind, and I start self-sabotaging. This time, I've gone into it telling myself that I'm ready for a change, and I'm going to do my best to do my best -- I'm going to try. I'm not going to fool myself into believing there's no possibility I'll fail. There is. I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure that doesn't happen, but the possibility is there. I can tell myself it isn't, but I'd be lying. That may sound self-defeating, but for me, it makes sense. Face the reality and try to overcome. That sounds pretty powerful to me.

Success at trying leads to doing. It's all semantics, really.

This is me to a 't'. I'm a perfectionist and when I finally gave myself permission to 'fail' -- meaning not doing it 'perfectly' as i had defined - i stopped 'failing' and ending up in a cycle of self sabotaging binge behavior. i am better off with try. i get the premise of what you are saying and i agree the SMART goals are good tools to have in your toolbox, but for some people, 'trying' is better than the all or nothing behavior that they are working to overcome. it's taken me 15 years of varied levels of success and disordered eating to realize there is no 'fail' when it comes to food. just good choices and not-so-good choices that you have to face everyday and sometimes you are going to indulge, and that's ok as long as you don't let your one 'fail' be an excuse to continue failing.

theskinnylist

Love this.

Printing and putting on the fridge! Fiance and I will benefit greatly from this.

lintino

I quit smoking 13 years ago. Up until then I had 'tried' many times. I finally gave up on trying to quit, and just quit. Haven't touched one since. Last summer I told myself I was going to do the insanity program over the winter. I didn't try Insanity, I DID IT.

I stopped smoking 21 years ago. It took me 3 years to accomplish that goal. I never stopped "trying". Each time I failed I learned something from that failure. I finally was able to put it all together and reach that goal.

I'm not so sure "trying" is so bad if we gain knowledge about ourselves and what works for us. If I set a SMART goal and fail and apply that title of "Failure" to myself I am done. I think many women feel this way. I am not motivated by someone screaming in my face about what a mess I am. I tend to agree with them and then I am done. Of coarse I did not have the years of team sports that many younger women have these days.

stumblinthrulife

Love this.

Printing and putting on the fridge! Fiance and I will benefit greatly from this.

Ooooh, does this count as being 'published'? My wife is always lording it over me that she's been published eight times (well, not lording over me, but she has been published), and it'd be nice to have a come back :laugh:

jade2112

I was at a lecture and the subject was addiction. The psychiatrist giving the talk said he's found that there is a list of "bull****" words. Two are "I'll try". He said these words actually tell him the patient has no intention of doing what needs to be done such as quit drinking/drugs, eat better and exercise to lose weight, etc.

I can't remember the whole list but now I say "I'll do it" instead of "I'm trying."

neandermagnon

I just posted this on another thread, but thought it deserving of a wider audience. I see a lot of people talking about 'trying'. I can't help but think of trying as being the language of someone who expects to fail. Anyone can try, and if you mentally set your goal as 'trying', then you let yourself off the hook. "Ah well, I tried."

In business we're taught to set SMART goals - Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Timely. For my weight loss and fitness goals, I personally focus on the first three. Make your goals specific, measurable and attainable.

Goals like these will lead to success (your actual goals may vary, I made these up randomly) :

"I will keep a detailed food diary for the next year, and will log everything honestly"
"I will consistently eat below my calorie needs until I reach my goal weight of 155 pounds"
"Once at my goal weight, I will consistently eat within +/- 100 calories of my TDEE, and continue track my weight"
"I will consistently eat at least 5 portions of fruit and vegetables every day"
"I will do a 30 minute cardio workout 3 times a week, and build and maintain the ability to run 5km in 25 minutes"
"I will do one hour of resistance training 3 times a week, and get and stay strong enough to deadlift 300lb"

Goals like these will not :

"I will get fitter" (You get fitter after every workout, so you could quit after any workout and still succeed)
"I will get in shape" (What shape? What do you actually want to be able to do? How will you know when you meet your goal?)
"I will eat better" (Better than what? Does better actually have to be 'good', or just not as bad? Only gaining 1 pound a week is better than gaining 2, after all)
"I will try to be better" (Trying is for people who expect to fail. We can all succeed at 'trying' with very little effort)

can I just add that if you phrase them with "I am" it takes your goal into the present tense.... "I will" is the future tense, you can procrastinate with "I will"............. "I am" is now, which adds immediacy to your goal. Compare:

I will work out with weights three times a week and I will be able to bench my bodyweight
v
I am working out with weights three times a week and I can bench my bodyweight

I will eat 100g of protein every day and I will gain 5lb of lean mass by the end of the year
v
I am eating 100g of protein every day and I am gaining 5lb lean body mass by the end of the year

- by phrasing it in the present tense, you're putting your goal into the here and now, which gives more impetus to the fact that you're making the changes now, they're not changes that you will make in the future.

saralayne42

Bravo, sir. I just had this very same conversation with the hubs. "I'll try" - those words get me a little hot under the collar. Don't try. Just do.

oboeing

thank you for this. a friend recommended this thread, and he's right. it's exactly what i needed to hear.

Zomoniac

On that note I should probably thank the OP. I can't thank you enough, to be honest. You inspired my MFP blog I started this morning. You gave me the slap in the face I needed, a will to change.