I'm really confused

alethadan

When I was your age I thought I was fat too. I wasn't and you're not either!! When I got married I thought I was fat. When I graduated college I thought I was fat....goes on and on. Now when I look back at pictures from those time periods in my life I can clearly see that I was not fat and actually look damn good. The thing is.....the older we get the more mature we become and less judgmental of ourselves and others. I don't know why you're confused about your body image. You look go to me and I can't see why you think you need to lose weight. Might want to take a personal inventory and see if your confusion rests with something other than body image.

DebbieLyn63

You are really low in protein. This can cause your hair to start thinning, as well as losing muscle mass. Try to up that to at least 50g a day, and closer to 100g if you can. You are beautiful. Please take care of yourself so you stay healthy.

pandagirlshonerd

Thank you for your comments people. It's a lot to take in but I'll see what happens x

turkeyhunter60

Firm up. Nothin' else. Don't live by the scale.

juicy_cat

Firm up. Nothin' else. Don't live by the scale.

This....

ThisGirl2013

I would focus on eating healthy. Stay away from sugar and bad carbs - that sort of thing. Depression can make you think really off the wall, crazy bad thoughts. I know. I have been there. You become obsessed about weight, finances, other things that really aren't that big of a deal when your head is in a good place. Drink lots of water. Work out, even if it is just a 30 min walk. Being active and eating well will help immensely with your depression.
Also, take a look at other people with your measurements to really recognize what you look like.
It gives perspective.
For instance I am 5'6" - in the pics on my profile I weighed close to 150. I don't think I looked terrible. Yes, I am losing weight but that is to help me feel good!
Also, my sister always coveted my legs. She suffers bad body image - which I think you are experiencing as well. I wrapped a tape measure around my thigh and told her to do the same. She was an entire inch SMALLER than me.
She almost started crying because she wanted to look like me and yet she was SMALLER than me!
It really is fascinating, almost in a sad way, how we perceive ourselves.
Don't let yourself teeter on this disorder. Nip it in the bud! Get healthy for the RIGHT reasons and the rest will fall in to place. Mental and physical!

SandraJN

In reading your profile, I have to agree with you: you are confused. You already are skinny if your cheek and jaw bones are any indication. I think you're just at a hard age; most of the teen years are fraught with body image issues and bouts of depression. I'm surprised half of us make it out of our teens. And while 18 and 19 aren't as "teenager-y" as 15 and 16, you'll be surprised later in life how still very much like your 16 year-old self your 18 and 19 year-old self was.

I had much the same problems at your age (only I really was fat, like a size 18, 20, 22). You just have to learn to love yourself and be happy with your body. No one can give that to you; you have to find it in yourself. It took me years. I only really started loving myself around 29ish (and at 32 I still have bouts of the same old emotional junk, just less and less).

You're pretty. You seem nice, and I bet you're smart and funny. Choose to focus on your good qualities, and stop the negative self-talk. You wouldn't let someone talk to a friend the way you talk to yourself (you know, the "I'm fat, I'm ugly" crap that goes on in our heads; negative self-talk) so don't put up with it from yourself either.

Agree.

Athena98501

I'm really confused about my body image and I don't know what to think about it anymore and I'm kinda having a breakdown about it so don't know what to say so will some of you please please look at my profile, diary is open, and point me in the right direction, PLEASE?

Right now your diary actually isn't open to the public. By your stats, though, you aren't overweight at all. Your goal would put you on the edge of being under what's considered healthy. What is your frame size like?

I'm a size ten (Ireland) so I don't really know what my bone structure is, other than slightly curvy I guess?

This link has a pretty good calculator for figuring goal weights, and it has a link on the page for calculating your frame size.

http://www.self.com/calculatorsprograms/calculators/happyweight

This one is a song I want you to listen to.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3GkSo3ujSY (In case the link doesn't work where you are, It's Perfect by P!nk.)

My thinking is that you'd do best focusing on your self-esteem, rather than weight.

purple_furry_aubergine

Hun, you're beautiful, the fat you see in the mirror is massively distorted by your depression and negative body image. Getting yourself sorted in that department is far more important than losing weight right now, I hope you're actively in contact with your doctor regarding this. I've had depression since my early teens, growing up with it was torture, and it's only now 15 years later I'm getting to grips with sorting out the mess it's made of my psyche.

I'm a newbie all this, but I had a flick through your diary, and the thing that made me physically unable to not comment on your post (I really don't post much, I'm entirely unqualified to give advice) was your food note entry on 27/02, when you bashed yourself for snacking on ice cream and a kit kat because you "were so hungry" after logging about 600 calories for the day and burning more than that in excercise. Food is not the enemy, you NEED to eat hun, it isn't just an unecessary compulsion that only weak willed people give in to, it's what fuels all the amazing things our bodies do every second of every day, and keeps us alive and healthy. The calorie goal in your diary isn't a limit, it's a target, if you eat more in general you may find you don't have such intense cravings for sweet food and bread. But even if you do want them, eat them, you're not going to balloon on the back of one cookie, as long as one cookie one day doesn't turn into a packet of cookies every day!

I really hope you find some relief from somewhere. x

Sunka1

I struggle with the same thing you are going through only not as intense once I discovered how good it feels to feed your body. Especially good fats. our brains are like 70% fat (I think). It was life changing for me to stop being afraid of fats, calories, and whole foods in general. I know it is scary and difficult to imagine that food could go from being the enemy to being your greatest ally but that is the key. Check out the book The Diet Cure. IT really saved me. Hopefully it will be of some use to you.

JoanB5

Hun, you're beautiful, the fat you see in the mirror is massively distorted by your depression and negative body image. Getting yourself sorted in that department is far more important than losing weight right now, I hope you're actively in contact with your doctor regarding this. I've had depression since my early teens, growing up with it was torture, and it's only now 15 years later I'm getting to grips with sorting out the mess it's made of my psyche.

I'm a newbie all this, but I had a flick through your diary, and the thing that made me physically unable to not comment on your post (I really don't post much, I'm entirely unqualified to give advice) was your food note entry on 27/02, when you bashed yourself for snacking on ice cream and a kit kat because you "were so hungry" after logging about 600 calories for the day and burning more than that in excercise. Food is not the enemy, you NEED to eat hun, it isn't just an unecessary compulsion that only weak willed people give in to, it's what fuels all the amazing things our bodies do every second of every day, and keeps us alive and healthy. The calorie goal in your diary isn't a limit, it's a target, if you eat more in general you may find you don't have such intense cravings for sweet food and bread. But even if you do want them, eat them, you're not going to balloon on the back of one cookie, as long as one cookie one day doesn't turn into a packet of cookies every day!

I really hope you find some relief from somewhere. x

^^I really hope you read this. True beauty comes from a confident smile. Kindness to a stranger. Embracing love and giving it. Serving others. All the magazine shots, Pinterest pins, and beautiful bodies in the world are great. They can inspire. But they do not get you one step closer to looking at yourself in the mirror and saying, "God, everything you make is good and beautiful. And so am I. I am going to shine today because of that. I have much to give!" You go shine, girl. There is only one you. And I could not give a flip if you have a thigh gap or a collar bone and I doubt most people could. They are something to admire, and something to work toward, but not by starving yourself or feeling guilty about eating. Food is good. It is okay to enjoy. Everyone has their own unique and personal strengths and qualities. You are strong when you embrace your own and don't obsess about other people's strengths too much. If you get there, great, but it's not worth mistreating yourself over. Work out, learn the right way to get in shape, but also love yourself. Control isn't strength. Self-discipline balanced with fun and health is strength. The first time I read about thigh gaps and collar bones was with some girls who were not thinking in a healthy way. Be beautiful...just be, because you are. I wouldn't let an admiration steal or life and joy...you have too much to give.

LB30

When I was 18, I weighed 117 lbs. at 5'4". I never had a "thigh gap" and my collar bones never stuck out. But I was thin. I wore anywhere from a size 8-10 or (in Junior sizing.. a 7-9) and thought my clothes were huge. Of course, I too had body image issues. I thought all my friends were thinner or had better bodies. Most women have, or had, some sort of 'body dysmorphia' at some point in their lives. The key is recognizing it for what it is and dismissing it as ridiculous. Worry about being healthy and fit, not thigh gaps and collar bones. Trust me, 20 years from now you'll look back and kick yourself in the *kitten* for having wasted all that time putting yourself down when you could have been enjoying who you are and who you will become.

90shilling

I struggled with eating disorders all through college. I felt a lot like you do, and no matter what the scale said, I always saw a chubby girl in the mirror. Your psyche is distorting how you see yourself. When I look at pictures now, it shocks me to see how thin I was because I never ever saw that person. It sounds as though you may be having a similar experience. If you're having this sort of emotional crisis, I'm not sure the encouragement of an online community (no matter how sympathetic and insightful they may be) is going to be enough to help you through this. It might be helpful to seek out a licensed counselor who specializes in eating disorders. Otherwise it will be difficult for you to have any sort of healthy relationship with food.

I hope this doesn't sound harsh or judgmental, because I definitely don't mean for it to come off that way. I'm just worried that you need a different kind of support than this forum alone can provide.

krissy_krossy

You put on your profile that you want a "thigh gap" and collarbones. That's something I here a lot from pro-anas. You should maybe talk to a therapist before it might actually become an eating disorder. I say work on your self image rather than weight loss. It would do you a world of good.

BTW, you already have collarbones. It's part of a human body. You don't just grow them by losing weight. And you're not fat.

TigressPat

I'm really confused about my body image and I don't know what to think about it anymore and I'm kinda having a breakdown about it so don't know what to say so will some of you please please look at my profile, diary is open, and point me in the right direction, PLEASE?

Right now your diary actually isn't open to the public. By your stats, though, you aren't overweight at all. Your goal would put you on the edge of being under what's considered healthy. What is your frame size like?

I'm a size ten (Ireland) so I don't really know what my bone structure is, other than slightly curvy I guess?

translating for those across the pond:

that's a US 6.

valeriewxy

Hey there I'm also 5'4" and you're basically my goal weight. I'm at 150 lbs now, and my collarbones are visible. BUT my collarbones have always been visible, even + 30 lbs ago. On the other hand, when I stand with my feet closed, my legs meet from thighs to knee and that has always been the case too. My sister is the total opposite and her "quest" for visible collarbones has led to an eating disorder.

I can't say much more than what has already been said by other people, but I do hope that you will learn to love yourself as you are. From someone who has a close family member who is suffering from an eating disorder, the worry and heartache is constant ... it's devastating to watch someone you love hurt themselves so much because they cannot seem how wonderful they are. My sister has everything you want now - collarbones that stick out and a thigh gap. In fact, she has more than a thigh gap. She has a *leg* gap, oh - and you can see her spine, all her ribs, and her hip bones.

Please just take care of yourself.

hellokittyykat

Tone, and please just be healthy. I am 5'4 and I know my ideal weight according to my BMI should be around 140. Consider doing excersies to tone your legs. They have some for inner thighs as well. But don't eat any less. Being healthy should be your 1st priority.

kimosabe1

after looking at your pictures u look fairly thin. I wouldn't lose weight unless u had fat postules. Like a big stomach or if your thighs were really rubbing together because your face isn't fat.

lexherrera

Don't focus on how you look, focus on how you feel. Under-eating will not make you feel good and might even make your depression worse. Don't strive for a thigh gap or collarbones, strive to feel good every day, be healthy, and strong. You don't want to destroy your health, mental or physical, trying to attain unrealistic goals.

AnnaMarieDinVa

Another thought on the topic: show your diary to your doctor or a nutritionist and ask what he/she thinks you could do better. If you want to lose weight, I can actually understand that. I am 5'9" and my goal weight is 132...and is heavily supported by my doctor...so 5" taller than the OP, but the same weight she is now. I was 132 a good part of my life (until my divorce...but that is another story) and I wasn't scrawny then, in fact, one of the reasons my doctor wants me to get back to that weight is because she thinks that is what is comfortable on my body, and she said my ankle will quit hurting (sports injury) when I get the excess weight off of it. And I'm not *that* heavy now... Good luck to you!!