Diaries Open (or Not) to Friends?

smilingirisheyes

Since I've only been getting involved in the community here for a week, I've run into a general question I hope some veterans can help with. A related thread about why one would ask for help with a private diary (which I didn't want to hijack) prompted this one.

I have some friend connections here now, and I'm seeing some really spurring me on - one in particular who follows a plan fundamentally different from mine, but it's healthy and well-rounded, followed with real committment. Others who are striving for health and balance and finding out what works, I'm glad to support and encourage. There are two other categories where I'm at a loss as to what I have to offer: those with totally private diaries and those whose diaries show truly unhealthy weight loss habits.

The issue with the unhealthy stuff isn't about being judgemental at all, it's that I struggled with disordered eating for 30 years and was in treatment for bulimia in my mid-thirties, and am not in that mindset today (and never want to be again). When I see it in black and white, it's disturbing to me, but I don't feel like its my place to say something because while the problems seem so obvious, I see comments of encouragement for the day. As for the private diaries, I don't know what I'd be encouraging by commenting, so I don't comment and thus have nothing to offer other than access to see what I'm doing.

Overall, you (MFP community) are awesome and have really boosted my enthusiasm and committment, and helped me make some adjustments to my plan that have simplified it and helped a lot. I don't want to get derailed over details, so input on how to handle the troubles I'm having would be a huge help.

Thanks in advance!

stumblinthrulife

The answer is pretty simple. Remove anyone that stands between you and your goals. If seeing their diary is causing you any form of distress, remove them without guilt.

It's good to be there for people, and help them, but if you just aren't the person that can help, there is no shame in backing away. Especially from someone you barely know on the internet.

ron2e

I'm quite happy to have my diary open to friends, if they want to comment adversely I would take it in the spirit it was given and make up my own mind to either agree or disagree. I know I'm not perfect (that's a lie!) and even I could be making mistakes (not a chance) so I have nothing to fear from a bit of (misguided maybe) advice. There is so much bullsh*t written on this forum as it is! To be serious, I am trying for a healthy diet, I don't always achieve that, but I think my diet's not bad and certainly not as bad as continually splurging and going over my calorie limit, and way better than pre MFP, and if someone comments, fine. However I can understand if you have suffered from eating disorders how it might be upsetting to see others looking like they are going the same way. I see no harm in saying something in that case, your advice may not be taken, you may lose a 'friend' but that's the rich tapestry of life.

debbiewillersveik

I have to agree with Doug.... I'm finding complete and total "Good Health" consists of the quality of life on all levels.... Mind, body, spirit! I'm 43 and finally having that Aha moment!! Balance is key... So if someone or thing k
Is causing ripples???? Remove! It's your duty to yourself in all honesty Now if I can remember this at all times ill be in BUSINESS

ncl1313

In regards to closed diaries, keep in mind that everyone is here and uses the resources for different reasons. I keep my diary closed because I know how my brain works and I think I would probably fudge my diary numbers to make them look better if it was open (fear of judgement is largely at play). A closed diary, for me, makes me more honest. And I don't really get why someone else needs to know what I'm eating. My eating plan may work for me, but there's no guarantee it'll work for someone else. But, then again, I don't ask questions like "am I eating enough calories" or "why aren't I losing weight", etc.

And I agree with douglanglois...if you see diaries that make you concerned about a person's welfare, perhaps the best thing to do is walk away.

smilingirisheyes

I have to agree with Doug.... I'm finding complete and total "Good Health" consists of the quality of life on all levels.... Mind, body, spirit! I'm 43 and finally having that Aha moment!! Balance is key... So if someone or thing k
Is causing ripples???? Remove! It's your duty to yourself in all honesty Now if I can remember this at all times ill be in BUSINESS

Thanks! I'm 41 and I think I'm circling the Aha moment!

TheSwoleMinister_deleted

I'm an open book.

smilingirisheyes

Thanks for the replies. They helped. I make myslef mad being a people-pleaser, and it looks like that's what I'm doing here...