New to the forums, not to MFP :)

vegaslounge

Hello all,

I've been a member of MFP for almost a year, and I love it. I've logged 95 out of 100 days since joining and it truly has kept me accountable. I love to visit the forums– I have gained so much practical knowledge from people who have "been there before me".

My name (at least on the Internet) is Zelda (from Fitzgerald, not Triforce, :P). I'm a 27-year-old Scots/Irish/German girl (woman? Lol, not sure I consider myself a "woman" quite yet) who lives and works in NYC. This is my story:

My previous "journey" into obesity was probably a little stranger than most: I was a chubby kid who grew into a bigger adolescent who became a fat young adult. Now, the funny part of that usually-depressing narrative was that while I was bullied for a couple of years about my glasses, haircut, clothes and general nerdiness, I was never ONCE put down, in my entire life, about my weight. Considering I spent my tweenage years in LA, I must be a statistical anomaly.

So, I kept getting fat, because nobody told me I WAS. Most everyone in my family aside from my naturally skinny cousin and anorexic grandmother were "big", so it wasn't seen as being something weird. My family is Southern and from Old Country farm stock– we like to eat. I never saw anything wrong with being larger. I never lacked for friends, and in fact some of my best friends were the stereotypically skinny blonde LA cheerleader types. I look upon my high school days with great fondness.

So why am I here?

I knew I was getting big– like, "big-big". I'd been aware of my weight since I was in 3rd grade, but I never did anything about it because no one ever brought it up. But, I knew. I saw it. I started a series of private diets when I was in 6th grade, even going so far as to draw pictures of skinny women with "Think THIN!" scrawled on them. I tried anorexia for two weeks, but gave up because– this sounds so awful– I had no idea how to go about it. I literally thought you were only supposed to eat Saltines and water. My parents thought I had the stomach flu.

By 8th grade I became so self-conscious that I stopped wearing pants or shorts, which was all I owned until then. Skirts all the way, because I didn't want anyone to be able to see the outlines of my legs (I carry in my hips, and am lopsided at that). I still, 15 years later, don't own a pair of pants. At 15 I became a vegetarian, and while it was mostly because I thought eating meat was a weird concept ("Dude, I'm eating a CORPSE") I also thought, "Ooh, now I'll get skinny!" Yeah, replacing your meat with bread and cheese might be vegetarian– doesn't make it healthy.

College: don't ask. I went to art school, part of it in France. Legal drinking age is 18. That's probably all you need to know.

Post-college: One night I fainted– just flat-out passed out– as I was putting the keys in the door of my building. My neighbors called an ambulance and I was taken to the hospital. There really wasn't a cause anyone could find for why I just suddenly dropped (apparently sometimes that just happens) but what I remember was the scale: 202 pounds.

I know in the annals of MFP that isn't much, but to me, yeah, it was. I'm 5'6'' and I had always told myself, "As long as I'm under 200, I'm okay."

I was over 200. And that STILL didn't cause me to change. Nope, kept on eating, drinking, and being merry. While I didn't measure, I know I went up to at least 210. I just didn't care.

Then came my 27th birthday, last May.

My best friend (we, and my parents, consider us sisters) was visiting my parents around the time of my birthday. My folks called me and said how much they enjoyed having her there, and that they'd all discussed what I might like as a birthday present, and that they'd all agreed on a gym membership (to be fair, I'd expressed interest in this before.)

That is when it hit me. Someone– specifically my parents and my sister– had finally NOTICED. They NOTICED I was fat. They NOTICED I was having trouble climbing up subway stairs. They NOTICED there had been maybe 3 photos of me taken last year. They NOTICED.

I am so thankful for them, for SOMEONE, just...looking. I know that we should love who we love, despite what they look like, and that 'fat-shaming' is wrong...but being politely ignorant can sometimes be just as harmful as shaming. If my family hadn't done what they did– brought it to my attention that other people saw how unhealthy I was– I'd be on my *kitten* getting even fatter.

As it is, I lost 35lb from May 2012 to Dec 2012, currently have a 32-inch waist from a 40-inch, and my XL leggings are baggy on me. Maybe I'm not Heidi Klum, but I'm a Helluva lot better than I used to be

I'm so happy to have this community, and am looking forward to sharing my journey with you,

Zelda