HELP... there is this guy at the gym

wannbAhottie

Okay, so I joined the gym a couple weeks ago. I have been going three to four times a week; I go later in the evening because there are not very many people there and by the time I get off of work and kids set for the evening its the only time that works. I am about 100 lbs over weight and I am pretty short. It took me a lot of determination and desire to get myself to join and have found it very helpful. Here is my issue. Like I said I am very over wieght and my self asteem is not the greatest.(I'm working on it) Every time I go, there is a guy in there who lets me know he don't want me any where near him. If I am on the treadmill and the one next to me is the only one open he will actually sit there and wait until a differant one opens. Two differant times now he was already on the treadmill when I got there and the only one open was the one next to him and guess what.....? as soon as I get on, he get's off. I don't want to be a whiner but it really makes me feel low. It's getting harder to get myself to want to go! Just cuz I'm fat don't mean I'm not a person... Just frustrated and feeling bad.

HealthyChanges2010

You're a wonderful person, he's the one with the issues Hon! You keep doing what you're doing and use an ipod and just jam to your tunes and blow him off.

Don't let HIM be the reason you stop going, he would be the winner then. You just keep on going and you'll meet your goals and actually ppl like that I feel great empathy for since they limit themselves in the world in who they chose to associate with, they are the actual losers.

Hang in there, you pick the machine YOU WANT and do your best to focus in another direction and do whatever you can to not let it bug you.:flowerforyou:

Becca:flowerforyou:

oAngieMaeo

He sounds like an *kitten*... LOL!! Its hard, because I too would totally be down because of that...But after a few times I think I'd say something!!! Because you're their working on yourself. thats what Gyms are for. and if he has an issue with overweight people he probably shouldnt leave his house! Cheer up dear. You're doing great.

beccasetsfire

Wow what a pr*ck seriously screw him. I'm about 100lbs overweight too and I'd seriously call him out on it. There's no reason to behave like a middle schooler when he is clearly a full grown adult.

aliensheep0

There is only one person that matters at the gym. The only person who can make you feel bad, and make you feel good. That person determines how long you workout for, what you workout, and how hard you workout. That person is YOU. You are all that matters, not some ignorant low-life, rather than discouraging you for past mistakes, he should be accepting and encouraging you for coming through the door and taking that first step to improving yourself. Look for the courage on the inside and hold on to that. If thats hard, you can always mentally bad mouth him, plan on how you are going to reject him when you come in with your new body and how he tries to hit on you.

tavander

Well, you can either stand up for yourself and just say something to him to let him know how rude he is being. Or two, you can just completely ignore him. You are there for YOU and not for him. So if decides to interrupt or delay his own workout then fine, no harm to you. Keep your head up and pump yourself up about the fact that you ARE at the gym making a change for yourself. Don't let him bother you. Sometimes if helps if you do "self talk". Have a little saying or chant that keeps you going when that idiot is making you feel weird.

whyflysouth

I was thinking he was harassing you, but if he's the one walking away, don't feel bad or sorry or low about yourself - he's the one with the problem - not you! Seriously, I mean it's not like you're the first 100 lb overweight person in a gym in Oregon, and you've got a goal, a plan and a destination to reach so what some guy does shouldn't matter.

Here's what you know, you've got 100 lbs of fat to lose, a healthy diet and good exercise is proven to cause weight-loss. If you take this seriously you'll probably be rid of much (maybe all) of that weight in 1 year. 1 year isn't much, seriously, what did you do last year, that could've been the year you lost the 100 lbs, or it could've been the year before last. Allow this year to be THAT year and keep focussed.

Also, don't think of yourself as some deterrant or social leper. I've met charismatic, confident, and quite frankly magnetic women who were obese and they were beautiful people that I wanted to be around. Seriously confidence and self-respect influences appearance soo much so regardless of your height or your weight you need to love yourself.

Lastly, think differently of that guy - make up excuses for him, perhaps he's got mental problems and can't hold a steady job, maybe he's got some kind of strict religious upbringing where he feels uncomfortable to be next to woman. I mean play around with it in your head and don't make it personal. You, existing, going to the gym, you being who you are is not an insult or an act of oppression on anyone else so it obviously cannot be you that's giving him problems, so don't think it is...(I mean you don't know what's going on that guy's head, maybe he's head-over-heels in love with you and too shy to show it, I'm serious-there's no need to put negative thoughts about yourself into other people's heads).

Now if he's harassing you or preventing you from doing something, that's another story...

Good Luck!

HealthyChanges2010

:drinker:

There is only one person that matters at the gym. The only person who can make you feel bad, and make you feel good. That person determines how long you workout for, what you workout, and how hard you workout. That person is YOU. You are all that matters, not some ignorant low-life, rather than discouraging you for past mistakes, he should be accepting and encouraging you for coming through the door and taking that first step to improving yourself. Look for the courage on the inside and hold on to that. If thats hard, you can always mentally bad mouth him, plan on how you are going to reject him when you come in with your new body and how he tries to hit on you.

Ok, I soooo like this response aliensheep!! I think I'll tuck it inside my own head for those tough days I need that extra push for things in life:glasses:

Becca:flowerforyou:

tavander

If I were at the same gym as you, I'd come with you and tell him off. Or we could surround him!!! Haha!

ainslieglen

This jerk sounds like a total waste of skin and bones! I can imagine how he must make you feel.....but if he succeeds in making you quit, then HE thinks he's won! Turn up your ipod and tune the creep out. HANG IN THERE!!!!!

aliensheep0

:drinker:

There is only one person that matters at the gym. The only person who can make you feel bad, and make you feel good. That person determines how long you workout for, what you workout, and how hard you workout. That person is YOU. You are all that matters, not some ignorant low-life, rather than discouraging you for past mistakes, he should be accepting and encouraging you for coming through the door and taking that first step to improving yourself. Look for the courage on the inside and hold on to that. If thats hard, you can always mentally bad mouth him, plan on how you are going to reject him when you come in with your new body and how he tries to hit on you.

Ok, I soooo like this response aliensheep!! I think I'll tuck it inside my own head for those tough days I need that extra push for things in life:glasses:

Becca:flowerforyou:

Thanks, people tell me I have a knack for encouraging words.

FabiolaEnvy♥

I AGREE WITH EVERYONE ABOVE

also, if you keep going, it might bother him so much he might just change the hours he gets there. beside you dont need a jerk person just to make you stop doing what you gotta do. YOU are doing this FOR yourSELF not for ANYONE else. just be bold and strong and never give up. yes it is better said then done. BUT do you WANT this or NOT? Do you NEED it or NOT? Think about it, if you stop going. HE will think he won, and you lost and doom to be big... and I dont THINK you would WANT that, now dont we? Forget him, forget that he even exist, GOD knows his place and He also knows where you will stand. Dont let this low life scummy person get you down. for reaching your goal and your health and benefit. KEEP STRONG and KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK

mallieh

People like that are definitely hard to deal with, I'm sorry he's making you feel bad As much as we don't want things like that to affect us, they do anyway. Just keep your head up and remember that he's shallow, and therefore his life is most likely shallow too. You on the other hand, have kids and a body that you care about so much that you would join a gym to keep it healthy, even though it makes you feel uncomfortable. 100 lbs from now you can strut into that gym and show that disgusting man what you're made of

mzmoonlight

I would report him to the gym. I dont know if he is breaking any rules per sae but any member who is making another member feel ill at ease in the gym and victimised them they need to be reported. Its bullying is what it is and any gym worth its money is not going to put up with that.

Otherwise, just go at different times. He doesnt spend all day at the gym so just go when he is not there. But ultimately you shouldnt have to. I agree with the others, this man has some real dark issues. I doubt you'll be the only overweight person he has come across so hes got a great way of conducting his life. The shame is on him, not you.

Next time he waits out getting on the treadmill, or gets off when you get on, I would just say something to him. Don't let your insecurities come across as he will use that against you, just ask if there is a problem with his machine.

Hughesy

I used to manage a gym (a long time ago) and my experience is that a lot of people who come in either very early in the morning or late at night do so in order to avoid those people who they think have "got it together" .

They tend to do this because they have some of their own personal issues, either with self confidence, such as yourself, or other things that makes them feel uncomfortable training in front of others.

Now, this guy may just be a jerk in which case I would agree with a lot of what has already been said about him, but he may also have issues which prompts him to train later in the day, they may not be solely focused on you and he could react this way with everyone at the gym...I don't know because I haven't observed his behaviour, but it may be that your own low self esteem has focused on his actions, perceiving them to be directed at you...it might be directed at everybody.

I'm not sure if you've already tried to engage this chap in conversation, but if you haven't possibly try a cheery "Hi, how'ya doing this evening", if he blanks you, then that's his loss, but if he responds positively that's a big bonus for both of you.

Focus on you, you're the one that matters and you're the one that's going to be fabulous at the end of the journey...but if you ever feel intimidated by anyone at the gym please speak to an instructor, ask them to run you through an exercise and whilst you are doing this explain your fears...this will give you focus, take your mind away from the problem and any instructor worth his or her salt will give you the guidance and encouragement you need to carry on without the fear.

All gyms try to encourage a safe and welcoming environment in order to retain you as a customer and should always deal swiftly with anyone who makes others feel unwelcome.

Unfortunately all Gyms will have people who are idiots, mainly blokes, but mercifully they are few.

lulabellewoowoo

When I come across people that look down on me, I use them as my inspiration to succeed even more. You are obviously a beautiful person. So keep going and let it shine through. Because I guarantee you that for this guys who is "put off" by you exercising near him...there are 10 people to whom you are motivating and are their inspiration for continuing to go to the gym. By the way, you are more than likely not the only person noticing this guys reaction. What a lonely life he must live if he can truly be that picky about who he lets near him. Think of it this way. At least you can change your problem. You will lose the weight and be healthier and more energetic. His problem? Well, many years of therapy might not even touch it.

Keep up the great work. Congrats to you for persevering!

katzpawz

I understand that it's difficult not to take his behavior personally, but the issue is his, not yours. Just keep on going to the gym and doing your workouts WITH PRIDE! You are doing what you need to do to take care of you. Sadly, there will always be jerks in this world, we all just have to learn to not take them seriously.


Hopefully, as you continue living a healthy lifestyle, your self esteem will rise. Tell yourself everyday that you are doing the right things to take care of you!

Keep up the good work!

electricgypsy

you can fix being overwieght, its harder for him to fix being an a**hole!! don't let a jerk like that ruin your good work. its sad that there are people like.

bambam32

Remember this, "What goes around, Comes around". When you reach your goal, if he changes his tune about being around you, be sure to remind him of the way he made you feel. In the end, one way or another, he'll get what is coming to him for being the way he is. BamBam

wannbAhottie

I seriously never would have imagined the great respect and support you all have shown. There is a lot of great advice from all of you and I must say, my head is held high. I refuse to give up my life for some guy who happens to go to the same gym as I do. (last night I wasn't so sure) I am not going to waste my time or my breath on someone who isn't worth it. I will continue on with the anger of knowing that there are people like that in this world and the only way to get back at them is to WIN my battle, after all it is my battle to fight therefore my fight to win. Once again thank you all for getting my head off of 'some guy' and back in the game of losing weight and finding the healthy me.
I can't change the jerks of the world I can only change me!

godblessourhome

i think you need to give him the benefit of the doubt if you can. i have a sister-in-law that can't stand to work out next to someone. ever. if someone hops on the treadmill next to her, she will get off. if there is not a machine that is 'free' on both sides, she will wait. it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with her. it is very probable that ithas nothing to do with you either.

HealthyChanges2010

I seriously never would have imagined the great respect and support you all have shown. There is a lot of great advice from all of you and I must say, my head is held high. I refuse to give up my life for some guy who happens to go to the same gym as I do. (last night I wasn't so sure) I am not going to waste my time or my breath on someone who isn't worth it. I will continue on with the anger of knowing that there are people like that in this world and the only way to get back at them is to WIN my battle, after all it is my battle to fight therefore my fight to win. Once again thank you all for getting my head off of 'some guy' and back in the game of losing weight and finding the healthy me.
I can't change the jerks of the world I can only change me!

I applaud you for sticking to it Girl! An MFP member has some awesome saying on her sigline here on MFP. Use Haters as motivators, some version of that. lol I probably butchered that.

I used to be quite overweight and if that had happened to me, it would be very very difficult for me NOT to have taken it personally. Keep at it you're doing great, you both pay membership if he wants to sit on his butt (heck maybe he's resting? lol) and pout while you do your thing, so be it.

You keep your mind on the prize of health and fitness and peace of mind, you're on the right path Hottie!!!:flowerforyou:


Becca